Real insurance claims

stickywicket
stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
edited 19. Oct 2014, 10:41 in Community Chit-chat archive
"I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

"I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo.

"I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

"First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

"The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

"I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

"A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face"

"A pedestrian hit me and went under my car"

"In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

"I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident."

"I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it."

"The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end."

"The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. "

"The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal."

"The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week."
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Steven Wright

Comments

  • theresak
    theresak Member Posts: 1,998
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Ha ha!! I like no.3 - we've often met Highland cattle on the roads in the north of Scotland.I shall think of no.3 whenever it happens in future!
  • Slosh
    Slosh Member Posts: 3,194
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Love them
    He did not say you will not be storm tossed, you will not be sore distressed, you will not be work weary. He said you will not be overcome.
    Julian of Norwich
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    :lol:

    What's even funnier is how many are just just mistakes punctuation errors!!!

    :D
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,697
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    And a couple more:

    I bumped into a shop window and sustained injuries to my wife.

    Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I like them! One of my favourites was written when in-car telephones were a novelty: I was changing the CD when the 'phone rang.' DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben