My Morning routine from a Newbie

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Moodymama82
Moodymama82 Member Posts: 3
edited 13. May 2020, 10:43 in Living with arthritis
The calm before the storm.
Morning. I wake from what feels like a 15 minute nights sleep. I look around and allow my eyes to focus on the new day. I grab my phone from the side of my bed to check the time and see what I have planned for the day ahead... Lie I check to see if I need to get up now... I do! I lie listening to what’s installed for me.. My kids, running around like loonies, no care in the world, laughing and screaming at each other, arguing about what to watch on TV. My world! They come into the room one by one, “morning mam”, “morning mamma”, “I’m starving, can I have breakfast, plleeeaaasseee”, “are you getting up now mam”?... Ah yes, am I getting up? Yes?!.....
I put my glasses onto a barely lifted head on pillow and breathe. And the briefest of moments, as I’m lying there face down on my bed, lying still, I feel a sense of calm and relief. No Pain!
Time to get up.
I lift my chest up, arms shaking as they take the full weight of me, lower body feeling so heavy like I have been filled with sand, then there it is, with a wonderful sounding crack that makes my hubby squirm each time he hears it, ah my friend, my daily companion, my pain. My pain, surrounding me like a needle filled hug jabbing two hot pokers into the side of my hips. How I have missed you. Another crunch from my pelvis as I try to role onto my back, looking like a turtle stuck on his shell. I rock back an forth relying on my weight to tip me over. I look hilarious!
OK great, part 1 is over.
Next stage, let’s get this sexy body moving! The exercises begin. Bend one knee, bend the other knee, stretch, tense, release blah blah blah blah blah but don’t forget YOUR PELVIC FLOOR WOMAN!!! Otherwise you will never be able to move properly and your sex life will be over!! Squeeze God damn you SQUEEZE! Each movement taking every bit of energy you have not to cry, gasping for breath when your old friend ‘cuddles’you.. And Relax. Phew! Knackered.
Final stage, get out of bed. Hilarious.
I sit up, well I should say, I push myself up into a seated positions, cos let’s face is my core has disappeared after having 3 kids and cake. I help my legs move on to the edge of the bed and drop. Wooohooo I’m half way there. Let’s go, I can do this! I grip the bed and try to stand. Wow shaking like a dog as my husband would say. I try to line up my hips and legs while they take my weight, fall back onto bed.
Take 2, not bad, not bad I manage to stand for a few moments before falling back again into the seated position.
Take 3, you can do this! Great I am standing up. Let’s get this body moving. Swivel the hips(ignore the pain, ignore the pain), line them up straight then put your right foot in, your right foot out, in out, in out and I fell back again. HUBBY!!!!
Yes, the best part, looking completly useless in front of your husband as you try to get out of bed, wedded bliss. He takes my arms and wraps them around his neck and let’s me lift myself again, I stand holding onto him and him supporting me like he does everyday. We just stand like this for a few moments, quiet and still just to allow my body to get stable. He walks backwards as I walk forwards, like a little 2 step dance as I try and get this body of mine to move. The sense of uselessness and feeling like a massive burden try’s to overwhelm me again, but not today, I won’t let it. I need to look strong even when every part of me isn’t.
Then my nine year old walks in. Great. The words you dread everyday, “you OK mammy”? I will tell you now, I have never felt so ashamed and a failure as a mum when you see the look of worry and concern in the face of your daughter watching her daddy helping mammy to get out of bed and walk in the morning.
“Of course baby, I am fine, just a having a cuddle with Dad” ‘yeah yeah mam’ is the look she gives me at that point. "OK ok, I’m just a bit sore today but will be fine in a minute."
In a minute, in a minute. Yeah. The thing is, that minute will never come (well not soon anyway) . I have arthritis. I am a 37 year old with chronic pain caused osteoarthritis in both hips which will need replacing.
This is my morning routine, my current life, my reality.

Comments

  • YvonneH
    YvonneH Member Posts: 1,076
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    Hi @Moodymama82

    I'm glad you joined our online community, Well it's yours now too, and we will all be better for it. You will see that I have done some judicial editing - but it hasn't affected the power of your story.

    You have osteoarthritis in both hips which need replacing, are you on a list and waiting? I know COVID 19 has knocked everything back but there could be a light at the end of the tunnel. My brother who is in England also needed new hips, and he only waited 12 weeks for hip one and a further 12 weeks in between before hip 2 was done, both at a private hospital contracted by the NHS. I know you are young but hopefully the consultant willl be able to ook at the severity rather than the age. I'm attaching the booklet we have on hip surgery, because a way to help yourself to a speedy recovery is to start the exercises you will need to do post op now. I had a new knee and getting those muscles strong enough to keep everything in place post op made such a difference.

    https://www.versusarthritis.org/about-arthritis/treatments/surgery/hip-replacement-surgery/

    You know, your 9 yr old wants you to tell her what's wrong, that's why she has asked, please think about how to share your story with her, it will make her stronger and more able to cope, and it will also mean she can ask you questions about it. If you don't share she might think you have something worse maybe.

    Do take a look around the rest of the categories and post where you feel you can offer understanding, support and advice.

    Take care

    Yvonne x

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,712
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    Moodymama89, I have, briefly, stepped out of temporary retirement on here because I know where you're coming from. I got RA at 15 and, by the time I had two sons, it was virtually everywhere, some joints in the process of fusing themselves and others, knees first, then hips, heading for replacement surgery.

    You have a great sense of humour which enables you to write about it all with a light touch. But the pain is not light and there are bits of your post which pull me up short.

    1. You can't shoulder all this alone. You don't have to be a pain in the posterior but, equally, you can't pretend to all and sundry that it's not happening. Especially not to your family.
    2. You need help and there is help to be had. There are aids for virtually everything but definitely for help with getting out of bed and, dare I say it, they can be more reliable than sleeping husbands. Have a look at any online store (I quite like www.abilitysuperstore.com but lots of others are available). Don't like the idea of 'looking disabled'? I think you're a strong lady so I'll be blunt. Get over it. Deal with it.
    3. Your kids want you to get their breakfast but you have a husband and a nine year old. You could put out cereals the night before, the 9 year old could safely get milk and juice out of the fridge and the rest can wait. And your husband could do the lot. Maybe not every morning but some. When I came home from having my first new knee put in I found a rota of jobs up on the kitchen wall which my husband, 11yr old and 8yr old had been dealing with perfectly adequately while I'd been away.
    4. Exercises. You really need exercises. Without them I wouldn't still be walking albeit not much and pretty badly. I mean hip exercises. Your muscles need strengthening. Ask about physio. If it's not currently available then try here and go very gently at first.https://www.versusarthritis.org/media/12821/hip-pain-exercise-section.pdf Build very slowly. And, if you need to, lose weight. Your core muscles don't need to be lost. I did riding for the disabled to maintain mine. Find yours again. Where there's a will......
    5. 'Looking completely useless in front of my husband' is so routine in our house he hasn't noticed it for years. Does it matter? Mine has seen me on the floor unable to get up (What are you doing down there? That one could only be met with a few choice expletives from me) He has his completely useless side too. He and technology are like magnets with reversed polarity.
    6. There's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of in having arthritis. Of course your children will worry. You must be gently honest and tell them as much as they need to know at the time but don't shut them out. Arthritis affects a whole family albeit in different ways and each has to deal with it in different ways. Please, please keep that wonderful sense of humour but don't use it as a shield with which to hide away from your loved ones. You can have great times together sometimes despite the arthritis and sometimes because of it. I have, pushed in my wheelchair by my adult sons who both have wicked senses of humour, done wheelies over rickety, sideless bridges and been hurtled to the edge of steep cliffs and only stopped at the last minute. I've had some scary/hilarious times with my husband in hotel disabled showers. I could write the definitive book on weird loo experiences.

    Believe me, moodymama89, life can be both arthritic and very good. Get help. You deserve it.

    (I apologise in advance as I probably won't be back. Life is pretty hectic for me right now. But, I just had to answer your post because I can see that life could be so much better for you and your family. Good luck.

    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Moodymama82
    Moodymama82 Member Posts: 3
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    Awe thank you so much stickywicket, I will certainly take your advice on board xx keep well and safe xxx
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