Feeling worthless and sick of pain

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theresa4
theresa4 Non-active member Posts: 696
edited 18. Jan 2010, 09:35 in Living with Arthritis archive
Ive been diagnosed with RA for 4 years now and still waiting for a treatment to start working. Despite my rheumy trying several treatments including 3 biologics (im on the 3rd at the moment) +methotrexate I am still unable to do anything. I start to feel a bit better and in a little less pain so I do some houseowrk or shopping only to find when I sit down I stiffen up and end up in agony for days. Last week I felt really good and went to do my househiold shopping for the first time in months I drove there 4 miles and went round but the pain started creeping in whilst finishing round the shop so I went to the car asap and then drove home in agony. By the time I had sat down for 30 minutes I couldnt even stand up to go to the loo and had to crawl there with tears streaming down my face. It took 4 days for my body to forgive me! and many pain killers.Because of this, my husband wont let me go shopping on my own this week and although he is flat out running his own business he keeps telling me to wait so he can take me. I know I will have to start shopping online which I hate cos the stuff is never right but also because I dont get out. Because my husband is running around doing the jobs I used to do (ferrying the kids here and there and shopping and my work when I used to work for him) we dont get much time together to relax and he is exhausted. I used to complain about all the stuff I used to do and do a full time job with 4 kids but now I sit on my ever expanding backside . Wish I had never complained!! Its not much of a life when you have to pick one actviity as thats all I can manage I do walk my dog once or twice a day with my husband (cant go on own) but somedays I can barely make it round the park.
On top of all this I am having several side effects to the new drugs but the rheumy nurse specialist said they may have trouble getting me on another.
Sorry to be so miserable just needed to get some of this off my chest. :cry::cry::cry:
There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



Theresa xxx
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Comments

  • skezier
    skezier Non-active member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Theresa,

    I am so sorry your feeling like this and though I can't really help I can promise you your not worthless and its actually a horrible thing to come to terms with for all of us at some stage.

    I really hope you start to feel some benefit from the treatments soon and wish I could say more to help. Hang in there and I really hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. (((( )))) Cris x
  • tkachev
    tkachev Non-active member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Sorry to read how much you are suffering and the associated stress.Some medication can take 12 weeks to start working but you are being well monitored and it seems nothing has yet been effective.
    You could put up with online shopping for the time being....one less worry.Any other jobs you could delegate....ironing service,dishwasher.
    I do sympathise cos I have been in a similar position.OH gave up his job to care for me as have 2 children with special needs and a newborn baby and I just couldnt cope alone but it made me feel bad for him and useless and a BURDEN.
    I really hope something works for you soon and really feel for you.
    Best wishes
    Elizabeth X
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Non-active member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Thankyou CHris and Elizabeth for your kind words.
    Theresa xx
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,425
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Oh Theresa :(
    I do feel for you.
    I feel very lucky as all is under control for me and was fairly quickly.
    You sound as though you have a great hubby and I am so glad for you that you have each other. I hope he knows just how much you appreciate him
    However I do know that you must feel such a loss of your independance and freedom and control over your life.
    I would do that onlibne shopping and then your remaining energy might be used for more fun stuff for you and your family/husband.
    I really really hope that the drugs do kick in soon for you.
    I hope you keep posting and we can try to keep your spirits up for now.
    You take care
    Love
    Toni xx
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Theresa!

    so sorry you are having such a bad time!! I really hope and pray you will get some relief from the pain you are suffering and that your biologics start to kick in.

    just wanted to let you know we are here for you so keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. Iris x
  • Wonkylegs
    Wonkylegs Non-active member Posts: 3,504
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    HI Theresa,
    so sorry to hear that you are feeling so low.
    It is such a hard thing to come to toerms with and then to live with isn't it?

    I too have a hubby who I have to rely on at times, and that isn't easy.

    Have you thought of ringing the Arthritis Care helplines people? they are ever so helpful and knowledgable, and they all have arthritis, so they know what it is like living with this uninvited guest :roll: :roll:

    the number is at the top of this page and they are there between 10am & 4pm.

    hugs to you ((((()))))
    Wonky
  • margaretschild
    margaretschild Non-active member Posts: 197
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I am so sorry to hear you are in such pain, but please do not feel worthless, you have a wonderful husband by the sound of it and as said before he must hate seeing you like this - I know mine did.


    Everybody on this site is with you, I only had a cold last week but I had the most lovely posts.

    Take care, rest often, but most of all when doing anything in the house do it slowly and rest in the middle - takes me half an hour to vacuum cos it hurts my wrists, it really dosent matter.

    But you and your health do matter! :)


    Linda
  • valval
    valval Non-active member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    1. you do matter
    2. i bet u get people up
    3. make sure got p.e. kits ect
    4. decide what to have for tea
    5. listen to oh when he had bad day
    6.nag the kids
    7. remember birthdays
    there r lots of things u can do and the people around u would be lost with out u do they know where check book is pasports that lost sock ect every one has there part to play your might have changed but it just as important just ask the kids bet they love telling u about there day (unless they teenangers ) so look what u can do and be glad it not easy and u will get down but they will find meds to help stick with it good luck
    val
  • skezier
    skezier Non-active member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Thersa,

    Just dropped in to leave you another ((( ))) Cris x
  • annebr
    annebr Non-active member Posts: 730
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Just want to echo what the others are saying you are not worthless! I do know how you feel it isn't easy having to concede defeat and ask for help.

    I do hope you feel a bit better soon.

    Anne
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Non-active member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Agree with all the others, learning to ask for help was my biggest stumbling-block - and I'm still backwards in coming forwards!

    No-one, but no-one is worthless!

    Annie
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Non-active member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Thankyou all for being so supportive of my self indulgent whining sometimes its good to let it out as I havent really got anyone I feel I can say all this to. I dont want my home life, fiends and family to only see me as an ill person so I try not to say anything to them.

    I am seeing my rheumy today so fingers crossed for a good outcome although not sure what a good outcome is!! I will either be staying on the treatment to see how it goes or taken off because of the side effects.

    Love to all
    Theresa x :)
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • margaretschild
    margaretschild Non-active member Posts: 197
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    theresa4 wrote:
    Thankyou all for being so supportive of my self indulgent whining sometimes its good to let it out as I havent really got anyone I feel I can say all this to. I dont want my home life, fiends and family to only see me as an ill person so I try not to say anything to them.

    I am seeing my rheumy today so fingers crossed for a good outcome although not sure what a good outcome is!! I will either be staying on the treatment to see how it goes or taken off because of the side effects.

    Love to all
    Theresa x :)

    I have the same problem, no one around to discuss things with, moan at etc. I have always been independent and a big problem for me was admitting that something was wrong and I could'nt do things.
    There are many people who love you and need you, try to keep your chin up, and loads of luck for today.

    Linda
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,425
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Theresa
    Good luck at the rheumy's will be thinking of you
    LOve
    Toni xx
    PS not self-indulgent - the pain is truly awful :(
  • skezier
    skezier Non-active member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Theresa,

    Its not self indulgent its really painful and confusing with a hole chunk of fear thrown in. Like you I tend to not mention it in the 3d world, partly cus everyone 'has' arthritis and they aren't ill........ :? But these folk here well they are amazingly patient and supportive.

    Good luck with your appointment and we are all coming with you but will try not to make too much noise :wink: ((( ))) Cris x
  • woodbon
    woodbon Non-active member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hello, What the others have said is right, of course you're worth so much to your family. Mum is't just the domestic servant, shes the one you go to for love, when you need it. I lost my Mum nearly 20 years ago, before that she had been unable to do things for herself for several years, but I miss her so much, even now after all this time, and its not for the ironing or cooking, its because she was the person who loved me no matter how awful I had been. I'm sure your husband and kids love you very much, and WANT to help you. I know my husband helps me a lot and yes, I fee I should do more, but if I do, and it makes me feel bad, I'm in deep trouble!!! :shock:

    I hope this horrible depression you are feeling soon goes, the spring is comming soon and I think we will all feel better then. Lots of love Sue xxxxx
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Non-active member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    THankyou everyone for your kind words and support.

    Saw my rheumy yesterday had a 4 1/2 hr wait but he was very nice. I am on yet more drugs to counteract the side effects of the biologics but am staying on them for a few more months to see if they start working. Fingers crossed xx


    LOve Theresa x :)
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • stiffneck
    stiffneck Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Therese, Please try not to get depressed as this will make symptoms feel worse. I know how you feel as I was diagnosed with RA when my 2nd son was only a year old. I couldnt do housework, and though my husband tried, the house was not how I would have liked it. My eldest son had to help me change nappies as my fingers were so painful. I had to use my teeth to take nappies off sometimes I felt like a rubbish mother and wife. I really hope that you get some relief soon. Try to remember that this bad time is only temporary and things will get better. Dont be afraid to ask your children for help if they are old enough. Good luck.
    theresa4 wrote:
    Ive been diagnosed with RA for 4 years now and still waiting for a treatment to start working. Despite my rheumy trying several treatments including 3 biologics (im on the 3rd at the moment) +methotrexate I am still unable to do anything. I start to feel a bit better and in a little less pain so I do some houseowrk or shopping only to find when I sit down I stiffen up and end up in agony for days. Last week I felt really good and went to do my househiold shopping for the first time in months I drove there 4 miles and went round but the pain started creeping in whilst finishing round the shop so I went to the car asap and then drove home in agony. By the time I had sat down for 30 minutes I couldnt even stand up to go to the loo and had to crawl there with tears streaming down my face. It took 4 days for my body to forgive me! and many pain killers.Because of this, my husband wont let me go shopping on my own this week and although he is flat out running his own business he keeps telling me to wait so he can take me. I know I will have to start shopping online which I hate cos the stuff is never right but also because I dont get out. Because my husband is running around doing the jobs I used to do (ferrying the kids here and there and shopping and my work when I used to work for him) we dont get much time together to relax and he is exhausted. I used to complain about all the stuff I used to do and do a full time job with 4 kids but now I sit on my ever expanding backside . Wish I had never complained!! Its not much of a life when you have to pick one actviity as thats all I can manage I do walk my dog once or twice a day with my husband (cant go on own) but somedays I can barely make it round the park.
    On top of all this I am having several side effects to the new drugs but the rheumy nurse specialist said they may have trouble getting me on another.
    Sorry to be so miserable just needed to get some of this off my chest. :cry::cry::cry:
  • dean76
    dean76 Non-active member Posts: 112
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Last week I went to a funeral and the priest said something that really made me think. Just take a moment to think of all the people you have helped, the kind words of encouragement you give daily, the talents you share. The things you teach/show people. All those people you make feel special.

    Very often most of the above are done without us realising. The conversation in the doctors waiting room with the person who lives alone and hasnt spoken to another person all day. Saying 'bless you' to someone who sneezes at the bus stop. The friend you make laugh unknowingly with a kind word which you dont even realise youve said.

    You are a truly wonderful and unique person. There is and will never, ever be somebody who is the same as you. You have so much to offer other people by making their lives that bit happier despite your arthritis.


    Dean xx
  • woodbon
    woodbon Non-active member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hello, I am sorry that you had such a long wait, it always makes me wonder if I've been forgotten and I want to go and check that I'm on the list! You must feel very stiff and tired tonight.

    I hope that you manage to get a good result from your medication, then you will really start to feel its all worth it.

    I'm glad you've found this site, its a good place to let your feeling out!!!

    Good luck with the meds, love Sue.
  • joyful164
    joyful164 Non-active member Posts: 2,401
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hello Theresa

    I think everyone has said everything there is to say. All I can do it reiterate that and say that Spring is round the corner like Sue and hope you can hang on in there and be patient. The medication will work. Just give it time. During the cold weather though, I tend to use the occasional hot wheaty bag on a painful joint and then a cold compress can help on sore muscles,

    Helpline should have some useful factsheets on these and plenty of advice too.

    It's awful when you can't go dashing around doing jobs like you use to and the despair when you feel people don't understand what you are going through. Your hubby sounds like he is doing this so don't be hard on yourself. Your worth a lot to your family and they want to see you well too.
    Good luck with the meds. Joy
  • woodbon
    woodbon Non-active member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hello, I find that I get very lonely sometimes, when everyone has gone to work and I am at home alone. I live in a small village in the middle of the country side and we don't even have a shop :? Sometimes I go to the nearest little town, just to see people and walk around a shop, but I have to be in the right condition to enjoy it! :? I find listening to the radio helps a lot, it makes me feel that I'm not alone in the world! I can also shout at the opinions raised on it, and it doesn't argue. :shock: :wink:

    Some days, though, I must admit to enjoying the peace of being alone. :) Love Sue
  • woodbon
    woodbon Non-active member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hello, Its not nice for you to be so upset and not be able to talk about it. I think we all do this to some extent, well, I know I do. This is a good place to talk about it as you can say what you really feel without involving your loved ones. If you can't find you own way of feeling a bit better, it might be a good idea to talk to you gP, he may well have some good advice for you or even medication, if you really need it. Before I was married, about 25 years ago, I had problems going out. I still sometimes, have to make myself go to some things, but in the main, I'm able to cope. It was the love of my husband and fimily that got me though, but it was hard work and I had a lot of set backs, which I just had to put behind me and and carry on.

    If you really want to get better, you will find that a great help. I know it sounds daft to say that, but its not always the right time for makeing such a huge commitment.
    Good Luck, Love Sue xxxx
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Non-active member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    HI all
    Rheumy is fairly positive that the meds might work this time and as my options for further treatment are limited we may as well carry on to see if they work within the next few months.
    THe downside is that I am in yet another very bad flare and at the minute cannot walk. the other problem is that the diclofenac I have been taking for quite sometime is now upsetting my stomach so I cant take that either.
    My husband encourages me to see the funny side and wants to know if he can video me crawling around the floor!! I told him a resounding NO but appreciate the joke I must look funny.

    Will keep all updated thank you all for your support

    Theresa x :)
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • tkachev
    tkachev Non-active member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Diclofenic can have that problem.I was only on it for a few months but it worked a treat.But then got swapped to ibuprofen(which is bad for the stomach too).
    Is it your feet stopping you from walking or all over joint pain?
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein

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