Empty nest syndrome :(

gilly1957
gilly1957 Member Posts: 212
edited 5. Jul 2013, 19:35 in Community Chit-chat archive
Well my son left home last Tuesday, came home at the weekend and left again yesterday.
Today he had his first day at his new Job, he now lives in Sheffield,I'm in Blackpool.....
I feel absolutely bloody awful, I am ok during the day,try and keep busy,but when it comes to cooking just for me and no one to share the tears come.

I don't know what to do.....I feel washed up,useless, unwanted and so lonely.

Has anyone else here been through this, when your youngest child leaves home, does it get any better, I feel so lonely.
Sorry :cry:

Comments

  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,764
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Not really, but I only had two sons plus I still had Mr SW at home. You've been through a lot recently, Gill, and maybe this is just your head saying enough is enough. Try not to think about the negatives. I know it's not easy but maybe if you could use your spare time to indulge in some new hobby you've always fancied?
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • Numptydumpty
    Numptydumpty Member Posts: 6,417
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    My youngest hasn't left yet, it will be hard, but I know it's coming, probably next year.
    ((((()))))
    Numpty
  • barbara12
    barbara12 Member Posts: 21,281
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Gilly I know how you feel,apart from I wasn't alone hubby was there but I was devastated...when both my sons ...but it does get easier...honest...you must busy yourself like you say..you will get there but if he is anything like my youngest he went came back ...and so on..but now he is settled and they have a little girl....dont forget you have us lot to talk to whenever ...((((())))xx
    Love
    Barbara
  • roses1
    roses1 Member Posts: 1,850
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Awwww Gilly (((((hugs)))) it is an awful feeling isn't it, so heart-wrenching.
    My youngest went off to uni, i have got OH at home but i do know what you must be feeling. It will get easier, just pop in here and talk to us lot anytime. :)

    Don't forget you are useful your son loves you! You have an unconditional love for him! He will know he can turn to his mom and you will be there :D and he will visit when he can.

    We have to look on the bright side and be so proud that our children are able to go forward into the world and do all they can to enjoy their life and we can take enjoyment from knowing they are doing just that.

    take care
    Rose x
  • MrOptimist
    MrOptimist Member Posts: 175
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Gill, as the father of four sons, I've always felt that the greatest gift we can give them is their 'independence'. Your son has taken his place in the world and because you have enabled and 'allowed' him to do so - he will be back :). Meanwhile, all the feelings which you are experiencing are so very 'normal'. Please don't feel you are alone, because you are not. Sadly, there's no magic solution which will take away your pain. Time is needed. Time to grieve and time to re-adjust. However, there are ways in which you can help yourself during this time :). Perhaps you could consider:

    Things you used to enjoy in the past

    Things which you might enjoy now

    Places which would enable you to form new relationships

    Sources of support, such as music, books, dvd's etc

    The departure of each one of our sons has caused my wife enormous pain, but with time she has been able to move forward. It wasn't easy, but she got there in the end - and so will you :). My thoughts are with you and my very best wishes for the future :)
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It can be a difficult and upsetting time but yes it does get better Gill.I knew I would find it hard when my son went to university because we are very close, but also with his history of OCD, anorexia and various other problems I had added cause to fret. My OH didn't help by deciding a few weeks later to move out and live with someone else......My daughter had been living away from home for several years by this time so it was empty nest with a vengeance. I found the best way to cope was just to go with the rollercoaster of emotions and avoid too much analysing until things calmed down a bit. Increasingly I was able to focus on the fact my son was doing OK, but that I still had an important part to play in his new life and was still needed and valued.The other bit took rather longer.....
    Just try to hang onto the positives for now and let the rest go - you have obviously done a good job raising your son and enabling him to find his place in the world, he is not as far away as work could have taken him, he has visited and doubtless will do so again, you still have a place in his life.The sadness is a form of mourning for a part of your life that was important to you but has now gone: a new part is now beginning and in due course it will also bring you pleasure, but it will take time.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It must be so difficult when you are used to having a house full of noise and laughter Gilly. I have 5(9-29) and the 2 oldest have left home and I miss them but take delight in their blossoming careers and lifestyle but to have all your beloved children living away must be difficult.

    It does get easier but at the moment it is early days.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,880
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Oh Gilly

    The biggest hugs to you from me. I am slightly dreading this myself. First off to University this year, then the second and the youngest at 15 doesn't want to go to University. Neither does she need to for her chosen career.

    My Sis only had my nephew and bless her she was fine for the university bit, but the leaving to work in England (from Scotland) really upset her. Luckily for her he is near to me now so I can keep an eye. It's 3 years on now and she is fine with it.

    So long as he visits for Chrsitmas or she goes to hi she seems fine.

    Love and ((()))

    Toni xxx
  • gilly1957
    gilly1957 Member Posts: 212
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you lovely people for the lovely replies.

    Not been able to reply, have had no internet as I have changed provider and had to wait for it to be connected etc.

    My son used to pay for land line/internet, from Virgin media, I'm afraid I told them to stuff it when they wanted £20 to change the name from my sons to mine!!! :roll:

    I am feeling a little better, have been keeping myself busy, doing nothing much :lol:
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,880
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well done Gilly you are doing well.....keeping busy

    Hope your internet is sorted and at a reasonable price???

    How stupid charging you to change NAME of all things :roll:

    Take care now

    Love

    Toni xxx
  • applerose
    applerose Member Posts: 3,621
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    When I left my husband, my 16 yr old daughter stayed with her dad and my 14 yr old son came with me. I felt gutted that she didn't come with me. My ex moved to almost 300 miles away and offered my son a car and the promise of the best college and a well paid job to move down to him. I was so lonely for a while but they eventually did very well with their lives and that made me happy again. You will get used to it. You are doing the right thing by keeping busy. And you never know, your son might come back again just as mine did. Twice.
    Christine

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