3 months of arthritis and my life is in tatters

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Rach101
Rach101 Member Posts: 165
edited 25. Aug 2016, 07:22 in Living with Arthritis archive
Well it may only be post-viral arthritis but it's ruined my life. I've lost my job and my position on the board of a charity that I love. Although I'll definitely get better neither were prepared to wait for me to do so. I can't run or drive and some days I feel too ill to leave the house. I can't believe that a temporary illness can have such serious and long-term consequences.

It's only Monday but it's been a terrible week. I can't stop crying and feel like everything is hopeless. I have rebuilt my life before after a serious illness so I guess I know I can do it again but I've lost the will to fight at the moment. Maybe it'll come back to me in time. I don't know how to be kind to myself at the moment, I don't know what to do or how to cheer up. I know I've still got a lot to be thankful for and I know that many of you are suffering far more than me but at the moment I just can't make myself feel it.

Sorry for being so miserable, I just know that people on here can relate when nobody else can xx

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  • Popsmith1874
    Popsmith1874 Member Posts: 29
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Rach101 wrote:
    Well it may only be post-viral arthritis but it's ruined my life. I've lost my job and my position on the board of a charity that I love. Although I'll definitely get better neither were prepared to wait for me to do so. I can't run or drive and some days I feel too ill to leave the house. I can't believe that a temporary illness can have such serious and long-term consequences.

    It's only Monday but it's been a terrible week. I can't stop crying and feel like everything is hopeless. I have rebuilt my life before after a serious illness so I guess I know I can do it again but I've lost the will to fight at the moment. Maybe it'll come back to me in time. I don't know how to be kind to myself at the moment, I don't know what to do or how to cheer up. I know I've still got a lot to be thankful for and I know that many of you are suffering far more than me but at the moment I just can't make myself feel it.

    Sorry for being so miserable, I just know that people on here can relate when nobody else can xx
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    So sorry to hear you are at such a low ebb. It's not really surprising given all you've got to cope with.May I suggest that you try contacting the Helpline for a chat(look on the main AC site), as being able to voice your frustration and unhappiness can be very helpful, and if things get really bad, or if out of hours, remember the Samaritans can provide a listening ear.
    Keep posting, we'll listen and do our best to try and help you through this dark place.
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi, yes we can relate. Sadly we all know only too well what a struggle everyday life can be and that's without being encumbered by people around you who have no idea what it's like to live with arthritis.

    In 2013 I was took a job that, when I accepted the role, my then line manager accepted my disability, and the reasonable adjustments I had in place. Within weeks of starting the job I was struggling as I no longer had the day to day support I needed and most of the time it was understanding and tolerance I needed. They stopped just short of disability discrimination.

    I was lucky in that Personnel got involved and I was placed into another role. I'm still in that role today, although I'm now only able to work part-time.

    Work is a huge part of your life if you are able to work and of a working age.

    Take some time to draw breath. Get some advice. Were you in a Union? If not, what about speaking to ACAS or the Citizens Advice Bureau? Your employer would have had to confirm to you in writing why you lost your job. See your GP, get it recorded on your notes what's happened.

    Please ring the Helplines on here. And keep posting. This Forum has kept me going the last few months. We'll all keep you going as well.

    Take care,
    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,716
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Some excellent advice there from both daffy on the emotional front and GraceB on the practical, working side of things.

    I'm sorry. I did see your post yesterday but, as I wasn't in a good place myself, I couldn't find the words to reply.

    The arthritis is one thing but, coming as it has done after your previous debilitating illness, I think it has triggered lots of emotional baggage from that. You know that you coped and re-built once but are worried that doing so a second time might be too much. It won't be. And we'll be here to help. Arthritis may win the minor battles but you will win the war.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • GraceB
    GraceB Member Posts: 1,595
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    How are things today? Still thinking of you.
    GraceB
    Turn a negative into a positive!
  • Rach101
    Rach101 Member Posts: 165
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hello again and thanks so much for your replies. I am doing a little better now and feeling a bit happier at times.

    My Union were involved in my situation, the big problem is that my job was very demanding both physically and mentally and because I was meant to be in charge at the weekends there really was no way of making it possible for me to manage it especially as I have periods of time when I feel quite unwell as well as in pain. Also, there are very few office type jobs in my organisation.

    I do have a zero hours contract at work which is something that I have kept, it's for work where I have very little responsibility and is much less demanding. So I have set up a couple of hours work tomorrow and next Thursday through that. I'm really hoping that I'll manage it as the work is enjoyable and not at all stressful and of course as its zero hours I can choose which shifts fit in with me.
    Fortunately at the moment I'm going through a 'well' phase so although for some reason the pain in my joints has actually got worse I find it easier to do things and stay positive than when I'm going through an unwell phase. I just hope it continues but so far the pattern seems to be that I'll have a well week or two and then an ill week or two and I've no idea what causes it :(

    I've been doing the course that I think Stickywicket recommended and I'm finding it really helpful with staying mobile and dealing with the pain.

    Anyway thanks again for your support, I don't suppose my dark days are quite over yet but hopefully I'm making progress.

    Rach xx
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I apologise for not replying before now but I'm going through a good patch which, oddly, makes trying to support someone who isn't
    harder.

    I'm not surprised you are feeling as you do - once again life has kicked you in teeth and that is tough. The fact that you have overcome before is no comfort when you have to overcome again and the fact that others have is of no relevance. Today I read a quote from Kathy Lette which made me smile (and I think it's apposite for all of us): it ran along the lines of 'Love prepares you for marriage in the same way that needlepoint prepares you for round-the-world yachting.'

    Sometimes it is very hard to see (let alone count) our blessings. I remember feeling utterly bereft when my OA was diagnosed but, unlike you, I did not have children and work was under my control because I was self-employed.

    I think all of us need time to occasionally feel angry, bewildered, confused, depressed, enraged, feeble, ghastly, humiliated, ignored (alphabetic lists are my major distraction :wink: ) but you are not alone. ((( ))) DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • daffy2
    daffy2 Member Posts: 1,636
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Good to hear that things are slightly less grim for you Rach. Gaining some measure of control over our predicaments, whether that be sorting out work difficulties, managing pain better or whatever can be a real boost. Recognising that there are ups and downs, even if the cause is not known, is better than feeling that life is unremittingly awful, as knowing there will be light at the end of the tunnel(even if dim and shortlived) makes it easier to keep moving through the tunnel.
  • stickywicket
    stickywicket Member Posts: 27,716
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I heartily agree with daffy. It comes and goes at will. It's will not yours :roll: When it's good, enjoy life. When it's bad, be aware that you are not at fault and it will get better again. There are times when we just have to try to look for the few good bits of where we must be.
    If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
    Steven Wright
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Working with any form of disability is a challenge. My husband is healthy, has witnessed my steady deterioration over the past seventeen years, and is patient with me; not once does he criticise or complain when the house is less than pristine, that his dinner isn't ready on time, that his shirts aren't ironed. He's not too good on the housework front but he will cook, wash up, launder and iron to pick up the 'slack'. He is not, however, my employer and therein lies a big difference.

    There's an old Persian (I think) proverb that says 'Health is the crown on a well man's head but only the sick man can see it.' Healthy people (especially when they are employers) may be pretty good at dealing with the straightforward short-term stuff of broken bones etc., and will probably bend over backwards if cancer is the culprit, but for something as mundane and ordinary as arthritis? Nah. Our conditions are too variable for any plans to be made as you have, very sadly, discovered.

    Life never prepares us for setbacks does it? We struggle, overcome and think 'Yaaay! Never again!' :D and then 'again' happens. :( And then people, when trying to be helpful, tell you that others are worse off but so what? :roll: You're not them and they are not you. I'm a great believer in having a good wallow, it's a necessary stage of starting the rebuilding process.

    From what you have told us about your previous experiences I think you are a woman of courage, determination and resilience but yet again these qualities are being very unfairly tested. Hopefully your character and our encouragement and support will get you through the next few weeks. Please keep in touch. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
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