Help me please

vetgal88

I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He only told me he had rhuematoid arthritis after 6 months of us being together. He was diagnosed at 9 years old, and I don't think he has ever really received the help and support he needs. He says he has never spoken about it to anyone properly apart from me. He takes weekly injections of Enbrel, Diclofenac anti-inflammatories morning and night, and is also taking methotrexate weekly.

He often forgets to take his meds, and i spend a lot of time trying to remind him. Whenever he doesn't take his injection or anti-inflammatories, he can hardly walk with the pain (his hips and right knee are badly affected).

He gets really down about his arthritis, which I can completely understand because he doesn't know what is going to happen next, he is in a lot of pain, and he is only 21. He has got so down about it, that since january he stopped attending class, and didn't turn up for most of his exams. I fear he is going to kicked out of uni.

I don't really know how to help him. I am a vet student, and so I could probably understand a little bit more than most, but I am really struggling. I want to help get him to think more positive - how do I do this? It is really hard for me to say "look on the bright side" when i don't have the disease. Whenever I say "If you just try to take your meds, maybe it will go into remission, maybe you can get it more manageable" he just replies "it's not going to get better". Is there any counselling available?

Also, he gets really down because he used to be really fit, and not he can barely walk, let alone exercise - are there any specific exercises which could help hips/knee?

I have got him to agree to do the Joint Potential programme, and I arranged for him to see his consultant on 1st July (he missed his last 2 appointments)... I also suggested we go swimming after our exams are over.

If anyone has any advice, i would be REALLY grateful. We are moving in together on the 1st of july. If there are any boys, at uni, and 21 who have similar problems, i'd really like to hear from you!

Claire :P

suziev

vetgal88 wrote:

I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He only told me he had rhuematoid arthritis after 6 months of us being together. He was diagnosed at 9 years old, and I don't think he has ever really received the help and support he needs. He says he has never spoken about it to anyone properly apart from me. He takes weekly injections of Enbrel, Diclofenac anti-inflammatories morning and night, and is also taking methotrexate weekly.

He often forgets to take his meds, and i spend a lot of time trying to remind him. Whenever he doesn't take his injection or anti-inflammatories, he can hardly walk with the pain (his hips and right knee are badly affected).

He gets really down about his arthritis, which I can completely understand because he doesn't know what is going to happen next, he is in a lot of pain, and he is only 21. He has got so down about it, that since january he stopped attending class, and didn't turn up for most of his exams. I fear he is going to kicked out of uni.

I don't really know how to help him. I am a vet student, and so I could probably understand a little bit more than most, but I am really struggling. I want to help get him to think more positive - how do I do this? It is really hard for me to say "look on the bright side" when i don't have the disease. Whenever I say "If you just try to take your meds, maybe it will go into remission, maybe you can get it more manageable" he just replies "it's not going to get better". Is there any counselling available?

Also, he gets really down because he used to be really fit, and not he can barely walk, let alone exercise - are there any specific exercises which could help hips/knee?

I have got him to agree to do the Joint Potential programme, and I arranged for him to see his consultant on 1st July (he missed his last 2 appointments)... I also suggested we go swimming after our exams are over.

If anyone has any advice, i would be REALLY grateful. We are moving in together on the 1st of july. If there are any boys, at uni, and 21 who have similar problems, i'd really like to hear from you!

Claire :P

firstly just want to say that your the best girlfriend ever
you sound like a loving and supportive partner and that is what you boyfriend needs.

sounds like your on the right track with going with him to see consultant and getting him to go on the course.

he will feel up and mostly down if he's not taking the meds properly however i often forget to take mine, in fact i bet most people on this forum do at some point. how about setting the mobile phone to remind him to take it or i find just having the meds out on the kitchen work top reminds me.

depression and RA can come hand in hand and like your boyfriend i've had my dark days too, not sure if he would be willing to take some drugs for that too.

also after living with my husband i know all too well how men can be once there down it's very hard to get them back up and thats the struggle.

i focus would be good for him, holiday or something to look forward to, it works with me anyway. your more then likely right he's not had the support he needs, if he kept it quiet then he may have issue with his illness.

post on the helpline part too am sure they can get you in the right direction for counselling and help, it's where i would turn too.

as for exercises, if he has the energy then i've been told swimming is good but RA can leave you very worn out even when you haven't done much, i do try and walk everday that does help my stiffness but then everyone is different.

as for uni do they know about his illness, would he let you talk to them, better then getting kicked out.


lastly what about his family, is there anyone that you could share this with?

good luck pet and there are lots of people on here that can help am sure.
suzie

vetgal88

suziev wrote:

vetgal88 wrote:

I have been going out with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. He only told me he had rhuematoid arthritis after 6 months of us being together. He was diagnosed at 9 years old, and I don't think he has ever really received the help and support he needs. He says he has never spoken about it to anyone properly apart from me. He takes weekly injections of Enbrel, Diclofenac anti-inflammatories morning and night, and is also taking methotrexate weekly.

He often forgets to take his meds, and i spend a lot of time trying to remind him. Whenever he doesn't take his injection or anti-inflammatories, he can hardly walk with the pain (his hips and right knee are badly affected).

He gets really down about his arthritis, which I can completely understand because he doesn't know what is going to happen next, he is in a lot of pain, and he is only 21. He has got so down about it, that since january he stopped attending class, and didn't turn up for most of his exams. I fear he is going to kicked out of uni.

I don't really know how to help him. I am a vet student, and so I could probably understand a little bit more than most, but I am really struggling. I want to help get him to think more positive - how do I do this? It is really hard for me to say "look on the bright side" when i don't have the disease. Whenever I say "If you just try to take your meds, maybe it will go into remission, maybe you can get it more manageable" he just replies "it's not going to get better". Is there any counselling available?

Also, he gets really down because he used to be really fit, and not he can barely walk, let alone exercise - are there any specific exercises which could help hips/knee?

I have got him to agree to do the Joint Potential programme, and I arranged for him to see his consultant on 1st July (he missed his last 2 appointments)... I also suggested we go swimming after our exams are over.

If anyone has any advice, i would be REALLY grateful. We are moving in together on the 1st of july. If there are any boys, at uni, and 21 who have similar problems, i'd really like to hear from you!

Claire :P

firstly just want to say that your the best girlfriend ever
you sound like a loving and supportive partner and that is what you boyfriend needs.

sounds like your on the right track with going with him to see consultant and getting him to go on the course.

he will feel up and mostly down if he's not taking the meds properly however i often forget to take mine, in fact i bet most people on this forum do at some point. how about setting the mobile phone to remind him to take it or i find just having the meds out on the kitchen work top reminds me.

depression and RA can come hand in hand and like your boyfriend i've had my dark days too, not sure if he would be willing to take some drugs for that too.

also after living with my husband i know all too well how men can be once there down it's very hard to get them back up and thats the struggle.

i focus would be good for him, holiday or something to look forward to, it works with me anyway. your more then likely right he's not had the support he needs, if he kept it quiet then he may have issue with his illness.

post on the helpline part too am sure they can get you in the right direction for counselling and help, it's where i would turn too.

as for exercises, if he has the energy then i've been told swimming is good but RA can leave you very worn out even when you haven't done much, i do try and walk everday that does help my stiffness but then everyone is different.

as for uni do they know about his illness, would he let you talk to them, better then getting kicked out.


lastly what about his family, is there anyone that you could share this with?

good luck pet and there are lots of people on here that can help am sure.
suzie

Thanks! hehe, i do try but sometimes i feel that maybe I am too much. I sometimes push him to talk about it, but then I don't know if I am pushing too much sometimes. I actually did contact his director of studies, and he got a doctors note, so hopefully it will be ok for him to resit his exams in August.

Yeah I think having something to look forward to will be helpful. I can't really swim, so he says he is going to teach me to swim, and hopefully we can both get fitter. Moving into the flat will also be helpful for him I think. His flat at the moment is very damp and cold, so obviously not very good for RA. We are going to Ireland soon to visit his family, and are going to go on a little trip. Hopefully the joint potential programme will help his mind frame a little bit. Maybe after a busy summer, and a little bit of exercise he can get back on track.

I will also post this on the helpline bit, and see if I can arrange some counselling. He did say that if I arranged it he would go. So fingers crossed. I am not sure talking to his family would be of much help. His mum does worry about him, but she tends to go on a rant and isn't really supportive. I tend to use the "we can do this together" approach, rather than "you shouldn't do that, you shouldn't do this" approach... i find it works much better!

Thanks for your advice xx