Minding their own business

dean76
dean76 Member Posts: 112
There is a group of staff at my place of work who are really bitchy and like to know everybodys business. I keep myself to myself and dont tell them anything.

One of them yesterday was coming down the stairs behind me and said 'oh! your doing fantastically well for someone with Arthur'. I turned and took her head off and told her some days Im ok and that this was one of them; though few and far between ...it wasnt paranoia but by her voice and the face she pulled at me she was clearly implying that there isnt anything wrong with me. Her colleague then asked how I was and she said she had heard me talking to a close friend about OT and how theyd given me a device to use and this woman told me NOT to use it because else Id become reliant on such aids and that at my age it wasnt necessary anyway.

I then had someone else ask me what was the matter because I walk really slow and when I tell them its Arthur I realised they dont want to know but where just being nosey as apposed to concerned for me. I feel so stupid. Why are people so intent on telling us what we need and how we should feel when they should mind there own if they arent genuinely interested...

Sorry for the rant but feel heaps better xxxxxxxx

Comments

  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello, The atmosphere must be difficult to cope with, as well as the artheritis. People seem to have very old fashioned views about it, they think 'Oh just a bit of arthritis, be better soon' . We know that it isn't like that and that although you may look fine you're feeling awful but putting on a show.

    Maybe we need to put out more about arthritis and its effects, you never see a documentry on telivision about it, its too boring. I don't know how to give arthritis in all its forms, more of a profile. GPs I think have a few leaflets, but thats about all.

    So your colleage is ignorant and hasn't bothered to find out about ra ect. I know its hurtful, I've had it. People think they've had it if they pull a muscle. Thats what I thought I'd done orginally, but x-rays proved otherwise. I'm not sure what to suggest, you could try explaining a bit, or chat to your line manager. What they are doing is discrimination. You would'nt go up to a person and comment on the colour of their skin. Well, you're experiencing the same sort of thing. Gosh, I've gone on a bit. :shock: Hope things improve.
    Love Sue :):wink:
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 15,897
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    people can b horrid some times they just dont understand :( others its the type of people they r . some days my writting looks like spider crawled over page just depends how hands r that day took anti inflam couple of weeks back wearing off now hands getting stiffer think its using tills that has done my hands no good at all :cry: but always try to forgive them 4 not knowing any better there parents should have bought them up better :)
    val
  • denpen
    denpen Member Posts: 389
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi
    People are so horrible arnt they, The only people I have told at my place of work is the 1 person that I work closely with and my Manager and through experience I only tell them on a need to know basis, as for the rest of the staff there I wouldnt trust them as far as I could throw them so I havent told them anything, although they have noticed that I do have problems walking. And although I havent told them what my problem is I can more or less guarantee that my collegue has. I have had the experience of the nasty comments between the staff regarding my feeling unwell so now I dont tell them anything. Its sad when you cant trust your work collegues, but you learn by experience.
    Keep your chin up and ignore them, then come and post on here and talk to all of us.
    take care
    Denise
  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 2,056
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Yes, I would ignore it all too. It does smack a little of discrimination but also that there is an atmosphere in your office anyway? Like Denise said, come on here and talk to us about it, we know how you feel.

    I'm lucky that the people I work with are very understanding. In fact, I had to tell the blokes not to be too sympathetic and take the mickey out of me as normal because I couldn't handle the sympathy and niceness!

    Nx
  • dean76
    dean76 Member Posts: 112
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there thanks for all the replies. Ive told Senior Management that I find it really difficult to move around the staffroom with a crutch because people are naturally so ignorant that they keep slamming doors in faces (as they do) and pulling chairs out from the table and leaving them there. Other times they push in front of me. I mean literally push me sideways against the walls. On the whole with a few exceptions the males are so horrid and insensitive.

    Nothing has been said despite the promise. So Ive come ammune now to banging my shins into chairs and having people lean back on chairs and knock me sideways .....else make me stand while they chat on the phone because they wont move out the way and make me wait till they decide to move despite me asking them nicely.
  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 2,056
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    This doesn't sound like a very nice situation for you to be in at all. Have you spoken to your HR department?

    I know it's hard to complain and draw attention to yourself, but you don't have to put up with this kind of thing from anyone, least of all work.

    Nx
  • dean76
    dean76 Member Posts: 112
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I mentioned it to my Line Manager today and he said that he has tried getting them to wash there own dishes and be considerate for such a long time that it will probably fall on deaf ears to those who are the 'ignorant sort'.

    He said I am being allocated a room along with other support staff in my school so in future I wont have to come into the staffroom at all. Hence he doesnt see a problem. But all my friends are teachers and I wont get too talk to them at all. Dont speak to the other support staff because they only want to know my business about my Arthur and then gossip about me behind my back. Do it too other people aswell.

    He said theres no point in saying anything about being considerate with chairs and doors; but Im not going to be shut away in a room with people I dont like for 2 hours a day. No its not a nice place I work in. Hope to find a job elsewhere ASAP.

    Dean xxx
  • oneday
    oneday Member Posts: 1,650
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there
    you get idiots like this in all work places........ignore them.....you cant educate them, they think they know better...........
    Like other posts have said what theyre doing is illegal as its classed as disability discrimination...point this fact out to your boss who should deal with it as they have a duty of care for your health in work!!! (I have been there .... and rip heads off when moment requires it!!!!!!!!)
  • dean76
    dean76 Member Posts: 112
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks for your reply. Your right. I spoke to my line manager yet again about there behaviour and he said to them all in a meeting that there was a member of staff who had problems getting around and they needed to be more careful. They all looked at me but I didnt care. He also asked them not to leave handbags and briefcases sticking out and put them under desks which was something I hadnt thought of but has made such a difference.

    I still have people saying too me do you really need that crutch because my mum/dad has arthur and they dont need one. At which point I smile like a cheshire cat and say in a patronising overly concerned voice 'oh! thankfully they must not have it as bad as me then' and hobble away. Ive found this shuts them up there and then. Me being a really quiet natured person takes them aback.

    xxx