You look alright to me!!!

debatat

Hi , need to share this experience, I have been unwell with infections then flares, then infections for several months now. So, I haven't been out and about much. Pain is pretty much keeping me confined to home at the moment.

Anyway, I haven't been involved in school life at all. I turned up to my youngest sons school play and was asked where had I been. Or in other words why had I not been helping at school as I have always done. I just said I had been extremely unwell and was met with 'well you look okay to me'

I felt like saying thanks doctor. Or another equally sarcastic comment. I just left her to it as I did not feel the need to justify myself. It is annoying though. Does anyone else get this?

Deb x

ninakang

Hi Deb

I always get "But you're so young!" - I wish someone had told me before that I shouldn't get arthritis before I turned 50! I'm sure others will be on to share their experiences soon.

You're doing the best thing by not reacting to these kinds of comments, they're not very helpful at all and people should think twice before making them. My sister has cerebral palsy and is wheelchair bound and you wouldn't believe the amount of people who have asked her "Can't you walk?" Either myself or her usually retort "Yes, but I'm too lazy".

Nx

bailey27

Yes, I get some comments like that.
I am 29 and when I tell people tey always say somehting like 'well my gran has that if she can put up with it then you can' Or sometimes I get 'yes I have that now and then too'. When obviously they probably and ache now and then but certainly isn't arthritis.
It is quite surprising the amount of self diagnosed arthritis sufferers out there who only have aches and pains now and then.

c4thyg

I hear it a lot and it really upsets me as I'm 32, have lost a promising career and can't keep up with my 2 year old. I don't want to be this way. On my good days I ask where they got their medical degree from but unfortunately on my bad days I usually walk away blinking back tears. I often wonder if the physical affects or the emotional affects are worse. It's no wonder I've become a recluse these days. Unfortunately I think most Brits have apathy instead of empathy. I didn't get this type of discrimination when I lived abroad.

slummymummy

Yes, I have had this too. One mother at my son's school came up to me on a village walk, when I was commenting that I couldn't go on any further and needed to go home and sit down. She said, I've got arthritis in my knees like you. This woman was about 35, like me, and obviously very fit. I've never discussed my arthritis with her, so she must have heard about it from someone else. I answered, "Really? I really hope you haven't got autoimmune rheumatoid arthritis like me, because the chemotherapy that you have to take is terrible!" She looked a bit taken-aback and said, "Of course mines not as bad as yours." But then I felt a bit bad, we just laughed and I made my excuses and left. :-(

frogmorton

Funny how you feel guilty when you retaliate isn't it?!
Even when they deserve it!
Well done slummy!
Toni x

dachshund

yes my sister has had that said to her we have cerebral palsy and my sister is in a wheelchair but we have mobility scoota's and when we are out people have said there are a lot of lazy people about also a lady said to my sister what is wrong with you when my sis said the lady said i thought people with that were dolally but you are not.
i can walk and we both go to the gym people just dont think.
joan

eileenc

It is so annoying when people make stupid comments where you feel you have to justify yourself - why should I have to justify feeling bad/in pain/tired/aching or just plain teary and down. :x
Obviously they have no understanding of the ups and downs of arthritis - the good days when you can do some things (but suffer for it later ) and the flare days when you just feel so so bad .
I will have to think up some good stock replies to suit the occasion - whether it's somebody being nasty or just plain ignorant. Hmm - thinking cap on.
stay positive - love Eileen x

alicea

Yes I have had the advise ,my husband had someone ask how i was because they had'nt seen me for a while she told him to tell me " my mum had that she should take some honey and vinigar , she will be right in no time. " you could scream could'nt you . the trouble is everyone thinks we have aches and pains , if we got ourselves going we would feel so much better. If only ..........alicea x

smillajasperson

Hi.
Quite understand how you feel! I have OA in my back and knees and between flare ups I get around OK but am completely bent over and have to walk with a stick when I'm not feeling so good. I can literally be fine one day and wake up hardly able to move the next and be in excrutiating pain so I think other people must believe I'm exaggerating my ailments or worse putting them on! Even my best friend says well she suffers from 'a little stiffness in her shoulder' now and then if she does too much so she presumes she knows all about it! Oh if it was only the odd ache that I suffered from like her!!
My son whos 28 now is mildly Autistic and people could never understand him because he looked 'normal' to them but as a child his behaviour could be 'challenging' and did not match his appearance in their eyes!
Anyway keep your chin up - and come onto the forum and have a good moan when you need to - theres good people on this site - and they do understand your gripes!!
Smillajasperson

debatat

Seems as though I struck a chord!!!! Interesting how people seem to like to comment on our health!! :shock:

Deb

sharmaine

Hi

Some people have no idea!!!! My mother-in-law, keeps telling me to 'demand' an operation. She's driving me insane! I don't tell her when I'm suffering because she wants every little morsel of information which she then broadcasts to all the family!!!!

We understand Deb! Only an arthritis sufferer knows how the pain takes it out of you and having something else on top of a flare means you can take weeks to recover.

Glad you're getting out and about!

Regards
Sharmaine

debatat wrote:

Hi , need to share this experience, I have been unwell with infections then flares, then infections for several months now. So, I haven't been out and about much. Pain is pretty much keeping me confined to home at the moment.

Anyway, I haven't been involved in school life at all. I turned up to my youngest sons school play and was asked where had I been. Or in other words why had I not been helping at school as I have always done. I just said I had been extremely unwell and was met with 'well you look okay to me'

I felt like saying thanks doctor. Or another equally sarcastic comment. I just left her to it as I did not feel the need to justify myself. It is annoying though. Does anyone else get this?

Deb x

mistywillow

sarahh wrote:

I usually ignore anything people try to tell me and just walk off, or reply with something really sarcastic if they get my back up enough

I have noticed people don't ask me anymore how I am and ask my dad instead, or are quick to comment on your health but are not so to help you when they see you struggle... or is that just the people I know lol.

I don't mention anything, or say as little as possible to friends now as the impression even my dad gets when he talks to anyone about it is, that they don't seem bothered by any of it and probably have the thinking of other people have mentioned, that they think everyone gets the same aches and pains and that's all it is, so why doesn't he just get on with it like everyone else does. If only they knew the difference

Hi
I so rarely ever talk to people about my RA because on the odd occasion I have, I either get well meaning people trying to persuade me to take the latest pill/ointment/supplement etc or as you guys have experienced people thinking that it is the same as everyone gets as they age.
I think that maybe those people that say they have that too are wanting some sympathy for themselves rather than 'having a go'
What do you think?
Gillx 8)

skezier

Hi Deb,

Sorry your having that kind of treatment from people. I get it all the time, even though i walk like a drunken gorilla and am slow moving they still don't see anything wrong with me. I had someone reduce me to tears recently, not in front of them! I'd never give them the satisfaction! But its silly cus at the end of the day its their problem and we shouldn't let it become ours! x

jordan7j

mistywillow wrote:

sarahh wrote:

I usually ignore anything people try to tell me and just walk off, or reply with something really sarcastic if they get my back up enough

I have noticed people don't ask me anymore how I am and ask my dad instead, or are quick to comment on your health but are not so to help you when they see you struggle... or is that just the people I know lol.

I don't mention anything, or say as little as possible to friends now as the impression even my dad gets when he talks to anyone about it is, that they don't seem bothered by any of it and probably have the thinking of other people have mentioned, that they think everyone gets the same aches and pains and that's all it is, so why doesn't he just get on with it like everyone else does. If only they knew the difference

Hi
I so rarely ever talk to people about my RA because on the odd occasion I have, I either get well meaning people trying to persuade me to take the latest pill/ointment/supplement etc or as you guys have experienced people thinking that it is the same as everyone gets as they age.
I think that maybe those people that say they have that too are wanting some sympathy for themselves rather than 'having a go'
What do you think?
Gillx 8)

Hi everyone, Am new to this, only diagnosed with RA in June, recently started on methotrexate. Also had OA got 10 years. I find it difficulot when travelling on public transport, especially having to stand, holding on really hurts my hands. People dont understand the amount of pain we get, even my gp refused to believe there was anything wrong for 7 monmths, i just kept going back. I just want to get on with things as best i can, i dont ask anyone to sympathise, just to realise that there are problems. Comments like "oh yes, my mother gets stiff sometimes too" are not helpful!!!! ok, finished moaning now!!! keep your chin up everyone love Barbara x

elnafinn

I have come to the conclusion that no one understands a person's pain, discomfort, anguish and all that goes with it, unless they have experienced/are experiencing the same or very similar. This goes for everything really, including losing a loved one.

People who have never had a migraine and never had flu (I have suffered both, the former, many times and flu only once, thank goodness) for example, do not know what they are talking about when they have a cold and it is flu to them and a headache and it is migraine to them. Same with arthritis. I bite my tongue and look at them in pity.

I hope that I have never upset someone by saying something really unhelpful and distressing when they have confided in me about their unhappiness and pain, whatever it may stem from.

Elna x

wobbly1

skezier wrote:

Hi Deb,

Sorry your having that kind of treatment from people. I get it all the time, even though i walk like a drunken gorilla and am slow moving they still don't see anything wrong with me. I had someone reduce me to tears recently, not in front of them! I'd never give them the satisfaction! But its silly cus at the end of the day its their problem and we shouldn't let it become ours! x

I know i have had to bite my tongue in frustration many a time. i take numerous tablets a day, a right cocktail of drugs my dr says, like all of you i take them by the handful and have my weekly injections. Yet after all this i get a constant..."yes but your ok now though arent you, i mean your were ill but your fine now, you are lucky" they dont care that your constantly fighting the pain, cronic fatigue and the horrid side effects of the medication that keeps you so well. I dont know about everyone else but sometimes i feel that i am one step away from sitting in the corner drooling i feel that doped up :shock: my mother in law is just as bad, she sees it as her illness and refuses to even discuss it with me...her pain is far worse apparently.
maybe its me..maybe i expect to much from people. Its human nature i suppose if you cant see it, it cant be happening. take care everyone

kernow

Hi,

I have not managed to come up with a polite reply for this question. How am I supposed to Look ??. People just don't understand this condition, I have RA. I just ignore them have given up trying to explain it.

Ray

ninakang

One of the mums at school is particular awful to me because she has problems with her knee joints but the doctor (and two other doctors and blood tests) have said she doesn't have arthritis. They've recommended she loses weight which I think bugs her the most.

She's made comments in the past such as the usual "You're too young to have arthritis" (again, I wish I KNEW that before I got myself diagnosed!) and "Well, it's alright for those who have government jobs and have their own occupational health unit". When she said this to me, I just said, outright "Are you suggesting that I only got diagnosed because of the work doctor? Because my GP diagnosed me first!" She shut up then but is still given to making snide comments, especially when I'm having a good day and wearing heels - well, I don't know how much longer I'm going to be able to wear them, am I?!

I would try to avoid her but she's also a parent governor and the last meeting of the year is tonight!

Nx

worriedmum

I think it's just a poor part of human nature - it;s the same in all sorts of situations. My 3 year old has arthritis and a mum at her baby gym class last summer asked my mum if she had arthritis because of the T shirt my daughter was wearing (Arthritis care helpline T shirt) When mum said that Yes she did, the lady just said, "Well, how do you know?" and then, "I wouldn't have thought there was anythign worng, she moves ok" - seriously, I was in the loo at the time and Mum was holding the fort and told me what happened when I got back. If only the lady had asked me, I would have been very happy to go throuh her treatment and rheumatology visits to the hospital with her. I felt really mad and sensed such doubt I was really upset. Sufferers shouldn't have to justify their condition to passers by! Mind you family can be just as bad - "Well she looks ok at the moment" and "I've never heard such a thing!" GRRRRR.
Unfortunately, I think people just like to have an opinion. I got the same response after having a miscarriage a couple of months ago with comments like" Oh well, you can try again" and "At least you've already got one child" God,, I know how lucky I am, but allow someone a bit of grieving space and time, please! I think people mean well but find it hard to allow you to be upset!
Anyway, take care all and keep supporting each other!
X

joyful164

I tend to just keep quiet now. If I were to say anything in front of my daughter and son in law, they come out with saying that his mother just gets on with it and she is on mtx also.

I also get fed up with people going on about their fantastic cures etc. etc. It goes on doesn't it.

joy

debatat

I think it one thing to comment to me, but if someone did it to one of my boys I would be livid. How insensitive was that person worriedmum? I would be handing her literature to educate her. Ignorant person! I am incensed on your behalf, how thoughtless.

Grr!!!!

Deb