bad a again

juejue

i have started pregab i have been on it a week now it is helping but today all my arms are very painfull my elbows wont bend my hose is a mess i do try my family are not very supportive they just think i am lazy sometimes i feel like leaving home but i have nowhere to go

sharmaine

Hi Juejue

If you've always done things your family will expect it from you. Get yourself into bed and stay there. They'll soon get the message that you're unwell. The more you do the more they expect of you. Don't go on and on about it. Just state the facts - you're not feeling well and can't do anything.

You are not lazy. How many years have you given to your family? I try not to overdo things these days. The lawn is about 4 inches at the moment and before I had OA it would have been done my me. My husband had a great life because I also used to do all the decorating; shopping; work full time; ironing; gardening etc. Now I leave these manual jobs to my husband - if he doesn't do it then I'll leave it a couple of months and get someone in to do it.. He's only mowed the law about 8 times in 15 years of marriage. I also used to clean the car - I don't do that either.

Do what you can but no more. Keep your area clean; say nothing and they'll soon be appreciating you. I would teach them a lesson and not do anything for one month. Whatever you do don't tell them you're fighting back!

Another thing I learned was to always start my sentences with "I"..eg "I would like you to make the tea tonight as I am in some pain and can't do it". Never ask them "Why" or you'll get a million reasons and it's not what you need. Be calm, cool and confident and REST. Don't scold them either. Just close the door and take a book to bed. Try and look pathetic. You need to do a bit of acting.

A good friend of mine put me right one day. She was the backbone of the family and when she had a really bad cough and cold and they never even made her a cup of tea. So she decided to act up and stayed in bed when they were home and made sure she was groaning and coughing when they got in! They soon learnt how to tidy the house; wash etc. She did this for two weeks and kept a supply of reading material under the bed.

I want you to rest and think about yourself for a change. Let them get on with it. They won't starve. You look after yourself.

Let me know if it works!

Sharmaine

juejue wrote:

i have started pregab i have been on it a week now it is helping but today all my arms are very painfull my elbows wont bend my hose is a mess i do try my family are not very supportive they just think i am lazy sometimes i feel like leaving home but i have nowhere to go

skezier

Hi Julie,

I am sorry you are having a bad day, but don't forget the pregabalin takes a while to work and as you increase the does the more effective they become.

Its hard to have a family who don't seem to care, I think it may be they are having trouble coping so they won't see it. Give it a bit of time and have you tried talking to them? I know its hard to be on your own so don't do anything too hasty. I am sending you a ((())) and well, I hope tomorrow will be better for you.

Take care

Cris x

sharmaine

Hi Juejue
I forgot to send you hugs ((())) so here they are and I hope you feel brighter soon.
Sharmaine

sharmaine wrote:

Hi Juejue

If you've always done things your family will expect it from you. Get yourself into bed and stay there. They'll soon get the message that you're unwell. The more you do the more they expect of you. Don't go on and on about it. Just state the facts - you're not feeling well and can't do anything.

You are not lazy. How many years have you given to your family? I try not to overdo things these days. The lawn is about 4 inches at the moment and before I had OA it would have been done my me. My husband had a great life because I also used to do all the decorating; shopping; work full time; ironing; gardening etc. Now I leave these manual jobs to my husband - if he doesn't do it then I'll leave it a couple of months and get someone in to do it.. He's only mowed the law about 8 times in 15 years of marriage. I also used to clean the car - I don't do that either.

Do what you can but no more. Keep your area clean; say nothing and they'll soon be appreciating you. I would teach them a lesson and not do anything for one month. Whatever you do don't tell them you're fighting back!

Another thing I learned was to always start my sentences with "I"..eg "I would like you to make the tea tonight as I am in some pain and can't do it". Never ask them "Why" or you'll get a million reasons and it's not what you need. Be calm, cool and confident and REST. Don't scold them either. Just close the door and take a book to bed. Try and look pathetic. You need to do a bit of acting.

A good friend of mine put me right one day. She was the backbone of the family and when she had a really bad cough and cold and they never even made her a cup of tea. So she decided to act up and stayed in bed when they were home and made sure she was groaning and coughing when they got in! They soon learnt how to tidy the house; wash etc. She did this for two weeks and kept a supply of reading material under the bed.

I want you to rest and think about yourself for a change. Let them get on with it. They won't starve. You look after yourself.

Let me know if it works!

Sharmaine

juejue wrote:

i have started pregab i have been on it a week now it is helping but today all my arms are very painfull my elbows wont bend my hose is a mess i do try my family are not very supportive they just think i am lazy sometimes i feel like leaving home but i have nowhere to go

mistywillow

pixyandfaries wrote:

[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]] from me as well .

Hi
Its must be hard for you being in pain and not getting the support that you need. Have you actually tried to explain to your family what things are like for you? Not in a moment of anger or frustration, but just sit them down and tell it like it is. I do hope that the meds kick in soon and you begin to feel better.
Gillx

janie68

I know how you feel with family!

My family when I was growing up couldn't have cared less about me, My Mum is still the same, I went to see her last week with my hubby. I hobbled in on my stick (having a flare up) and all she said was, is that a new top?? Made no reference to me at all and never does. But I know I can walk away from it now.

Do what was suggested, cant remember name of who wrote it, act and go to bed!! We are here for you if they are not. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Make sure you have clean underwear for yourself though and phone nearby for your food deliveries.

Do you have any friends that could help?

Janie

debatat

Hi, I hope you have managed to rest up and are feeling a little better today. It must be very hard if you haven't any support. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

Take care

Deb

joyful164

Hi juejue
Sorry you are feeling so down. When you have always done so much for your family, they just take you for granted. They expect more and more of you, and then, you just burn yourself out like you have now and when you have so much pain.

I have read all the advise others have given you and would add, just go, do it and leave them to their own devices. Get your two sticks out whatever, shuffle around on them and give them a good performance and start asking them or demand of them to bring you that cup of tea, a snack etc.

Hope it all goes well for you.

joyful

dachshund

Hello Juejue.
I Hope your family can now see how much you do for them they would miss you so much if you was not there.
if anyone brings you a cup of tea or anything be pleased but not overjoyed.
i hope you feel better soon.
joan xx

woodbon

Hi, I'm sorry you'r not too well at the moment. Family probs are very hard, but I think we all have them at some point, and when you're feeling ill its the last thing you need. Love Sue

juejue

thank you everyone for your advice, feeling a bit better today julie x

elnafinn

juejue wrote:

thank you everyone for your advice, feeling a bit better today julie x

Hope you feel a bit better ALL day

Luv
Elna x

sharmaine

Hi glad to hear you're feeling better.

Have a great weekend.

Sharmaine

eileenc

Hi Julie - glad you're feeling a bit better
I know what you mean about families though - mine think that if I feel bad all I need to do is get myself moving about and I'll feel better - and when I try and explain to them I think I sound like a pathetic wimp so end up struggling on - flaring badly and feeling even worst!
On my better days I am so much better at telling them how I feel and what they have to do for me and explaining my symptoms and pain to them.
I think that it is because I need a bit more love, sympathy, understanding and help on my bad days it makes me a bit more vulnerable and easily hurt by the people who are most important to me - of course on my good days I just feel as if I was being too 'touchy' and blowing things out of proportion.
I think we all go through this in some way or other.
It's never easy is it? I try to think that the bad days will pass and I just try and get through the best way I can until then - hopefully without stressing myself too much in the process.
Thinking of you (((hugs)))
Eileen x