What the **** happened?

magicdragon

Hi, i'm back sorry its been such a long abscence but thank you so much for your nice comments last time!

I've been in alot of pain recently don't know exactly why I know i'm not in a flare up atm but finding it very hard to walk and have been house bound on a few occassions.

The other day I went down the High st and theres this local shop keeper who just looks down on me so bad... i use to go into his shop but after years of my arthritis getting worse and I studied through college and uni and ive failed things but usually due to illness he asks me what im doing and if il ever get a job! I say I cant do both as im in pain and my mobility is bad and he looks at me discusted and says "why whats wrong with you?" I say I have arthritis and he looks as if im lying and i hate it!

After pretty much 6 years of this cr*p ive had enough! and I don't shope there anymore even though it was cheaper.

And then today I just went to talk to my neighbour and he said" whats with the stick" and I said that it cos of my arthritis and he looked at me weird and said " you should hang it around your neck like the others do"! and basically went on to tell me I won't get any DLA as im ' not that bad' that I shouldn't take my medication or painkillers, that I should take the disolvable painkillers i.e normal co-codamol as that all I need! when i take 30/500 and naproxen and really that doesn't allways work.
Then to top it of he says to me that hes NOT having a dig, well what do you call it then?

I'm fed up of been made to feel that i'm a crimminal and a waste of space because i have to claim! i study so hard even with so much pain and i've done this even though i've been in care,got no GCSEs and i'm dyslexic too! and im studying Zoology and i'm still trying !

But it doesn't seem to be enought for some people i feel so invisible that people litraly try and walk through me!

And I had so much pain but i've passed my year i don't know how and now im a third year. I'm still waiting on my DLA i'm not very hopeful if i'm honest.

And the thing is do people really think i chose this? How the h*ll is it my fault!

sharmaine

Hi Magic Dragon
You will always find people who as you say "look down on you". My advice to you is to ignore people who give you negative feedback. You don't need them in your life. The little shop owner/manager has lost your business due to his ignorance and lack of insight into arthritis. I am ever hopeful that one day they will do a documentary on arthritis and hope that the general public will be better informed and with this knowledge more understanding.

You have the knowledge of your condition and your GP has the history. To hell with everyone else.

Well done for doing so well in your studies and I hope you continue to do well. It is up to YOU to set your own goals not some stranger in a shop. We can only hope that people are understanding and when they are not it is hurtful.

I walk with a stick because I have no other choice and you are probably the same. So take care; live your life; ignore these "negative people". Put downs are not a good thing to listen to and they affect our confidence. Look for more POSITIVE influences in your life and embrace those people who are welcoming and sympathetic for they are few and far between.

Take care.

Sharmaine

magicdragon wrote:

Hi, i'm back sorry its been such a long abscence but thank you so much for your nice comments last time!

I've been in alot of pain recently don't know exactly why I know i'm not in a flare up atm but finding it very hard to walk and have been house bound on a few occassions.

[TEXT DELETED]

[Please avoid quoting long messages unless it's absolutely necessary; it can make the forum difficult to read for some users - Moderator (T)]

lindalegs

Hi Magicdragon,

It's good to see you again.

No-one would choose this and it's not your fault. Try to ignore the cruel comments they have no idea what you're going through. Don't tell them about any benefits you're claiming it's no ones business but yours - they have no right to either know or pass comment.

Well done for getting to your third year and not giving up - let's face it giving up is probably the easy option.

I sincerely hope you have less pain very, very soon.

You take care and keep in touch with us, we understand and we're always here for you.

Luv Legs

woodbon

Hello, I'm sorry that you have been hurt so much by people who, basically, don't know what they'r talking about! I'm sure people will have said things about me, as I look OK, but I have had to be medically retired at 54. Just conentrate on your friends and people who understand and leave the rest, they'r not worth it! Love Sue

mellman01

Hi magicdragon ( I love the handle) sadly your experience is all to common, I don’t know what it is with people who suffer from OA or RA but it seems to be a common thread for some reason god knows why?, it gets to me as well I have had all sorts of remarks thrown at me especially at work, had a good one today got called a junkie for daring to take pain med’s, and like you since I have had this illness I get treated as if I got ill deliberately, I don’t know what drives people these days, but as a chap once said to me you can’t educate pork.
So forget them as these are the ones who would howl like a baby if they had to put up with the pain you/we have to suffer, and hey why not turn the tables on them, next time go into Mr Bast&*@ shop and just by accident trip up or knock a display over without hurting yourself and scream blue bloody murder and threaten to take him to court for not being disabled friendly, threaten him with the local councils health and safety Gestapo that should do it, oh and tell your neighbour the stick isn’t really used as a walking aid but is so you can knock small kids out of the way as you walk on the pavement and make out it was an accident when you do it.

elnafinn

Hi Magicdragon

Good to hear from you but I am really saddened on reading your post like I was when you originally posted a few months back. It is filled with bitterness and unhappiness and I wish I could take some of that away. You have done really well with your exams, so congratulations. I am full of admiration. A huge achievement. Are you still doing the swimming as you really enjoy that - I hope so.

I would continue to shop at the store where the products are cheaper. There is no need to engage in conversation with this shop keeper other than to be civil. You have as much right in his shop as the next person. It is none of his business about anything that goes on in your life. He has not got the right attitude at all - I wonder what is going on in his life, to make him act like he does?

As to your neighbour, again I would not bother to tell him too much. You can very soon suss out if a person is genuinely interested in what you are saying or not. If you realise people you speak to are totally ignorant about your health issues, I would stop and either terminate the converation or talk about something more general, that they are able to discuss.

You are doing really great along with everything that has been thrown at you healthwise at such a young age, so hold your head up high and get on with your life.

I wish you well.

Luv
Elna x

jenzie06

Hiya
Sorry to hear you've been having a crappy time. I went to uni and fought for an undergraduate degree then went on to do a Masters degree. Was at uni 5yrs in total. Do you have support with your studies? Disabled students allowance provides money for notetakers, ergonomic equipment etc. Sorry if you've already heard this.
I find it totally frustrating to have intelligence and not able to use it to the full extent as I can't work and I'm only 26.
I also appreciate how narrowminded people can be. I recently got married and my OH's senior collegue at work told him not to marry me as I don't bring anything to the relationship. What an ****!
I also get comments when parking in a disabled bay with my blue badge.
Try to ignore the idiots. Focus your energies on something positive.
If you need to chat, you can IM me.

lindah

Hi and well done you for all your achievements so far.
I know it's not always easy but try not to let these mindless morons get you down.You could rehearse some wonderful put downs(there was a post recently offering some choice ones) but why should you have to.
Linda H 8)

valval

hi some people r like that u have a choice u ignor them or u let them get to u :roll: :roll: :roll: . dont let little minded people get to u rise above them what u have achived so far is great u can go on and to h*ll with the idiots what do they know of pain keep going u only get out of this life what u put into it u can do what ever u want to dont let others knock u down good luck keep it up

topcatt

You know what I like to say to all those kind people 'I'd swop my life and pain for yours any day of the week' bet they wouldn't be so disparaging if they had our problems for a day never mind months and years!!

lesleygraham

Hi Magicdragon
I too went to uni at 28 but the stress of it triggered my RA just after my final exams, so take all the help and support you can. I admire your determination and don't give up your studies, you have come a long way. As for the negative comments, as others have said, tell him nothing, there are far more good people in the world who are genuinely concerned (like on here.) My sister once said that I was miserable and sat on the settee all day being lazy, which really hurt. As well as having my own 3 children I was also raising HER daughter and grandchild, and not once did she ever offer support or thank me.
Unless they have the condition themselves these people really have no idea how it can affect your life. Ever heard the saying 'what goes around come around...'
Take care and keep strong
Les

elnafinn

topcatt wrote:

You know what I like to say to all those kind people 'I'd swop my life and pain for yours any day of the week' bet they wouldn't be so disparaging if they had our problems for a day never mind months and years!!

Hi topcatt

One think I would not want from these kind of people, is their shallow personality, narrowmindness and warped outlook on life.

Luv
Elna x

topcatt

I totally agree with you Elna - it's like in times of trouble you find out who your real friends really are.

heather1

I think alot of us on here have come across peole who think there is nothing wrong with us because they carn't see it.

If we could have a plaster or anything to show how much pain we are in i am sure our lives would be easier.

Though it can be very upsetting at the time we have to rise above these ignorant people and carry on the best we can.

People who take advantage of any disability or benefits have alot to do with the way the people who have true pain are seen.

elnafinn

topcatt wrote:

I totally agree with you Elna - it's like in times of trouble you find out who your real friends really are.

Exactly, Topcatt. It can sometimes turn out to be a friend that you least expect to come up trumps and the one that you thought would be a true friend turns out not to be so.

Hope you are doing ok this morning.

Luv
Elna x

annebr

Hi,

Please don't let these people grind you down. I totally understand how you are feeling as I have had the 'but you look ok to me' comment several times. You do not need to justify your self to anyone.

Love Anne

debatat

Sorry you are ahving such a hard time with insensitive people poking their nose into your business. You have done well to keep up with your uni studies and fight arthur. People who busy themselves with other peoples lives usually are dissatisfied with their own. Don't tell them any personal info and keep them at a distance. You know how well you have done, so hold your head high and keep smiling!

Deb

mistywillow

debatat wrote:

Sorry you are ahving such a hard time with insensitive people poking their nose into your business. You have done well to keep up with your uni studies and fight arthur. People who busy themselves with other peoples lives usually are dissatisfied with their own. Don't tell them any personal info and keep them at a distance. You know how well you have done, so hold your head high and keep smiling!

Deb

Dont allow ignorant remarks to get you down, and i agree with Elna, if the shop sells cheaper goods, then use it. Dont take those silly remarks to heart, they are not worth stressing over. You dont have to prove anything to anyone. You know how you feel and what your needs are. You are doing brilliantly to be in your 3rd year of a heavy duty degree which must be particulary difficult for you if you are dyslexic too.
Head up high as Deb said and good luck
Gillx

magicdragon

Thank you so much for all your support, it has really helped me feel better . I know i shouldn't have to explain myself to these people but its hard i think that as long as im doing all i can who has the right to judge?

I'm a confident person but i suppose as my arthritis has worsened my confidence relating to it as fallen and with time il try to be better

I have got DSA they have really been supportive and have got a non medical helper to help me with my practicals and to top it of i rang the DLA and they have changed there decission today and have awarded me dla, i'm so thrilled as its a weight of my mind.

elnafinn

There you go! So pleased to hear you are much more upbeat and you have had some positives come your way. Take no notice of these moronic people and don't tell them anything - it is none of their business. Call in here as and when. We will be here for you,.

Luv
Elna x

lindalegs

Good news Magicdragon - now cock-a-snoop to those nosey parkers.

Luv Legs