2nd Child?????

chocolatey78 Member Posts: 7
edited 6. Aug 2009, 14:36 in Young people's community
I'm 30 years old and had RA for 6 years, last year I had our 1st child, after a long year of trying. We always said we wanted 2 kids but after seeing all the pain i was i trying to concive and then the problems during the pregnancy and more so the problems sice the birth my husband says he's quiet happy with just the one child.

I on the other had change my mind, but along with the usual concerns i have about having a 2nd (ie will i love it like my 1st, will i be able to spend time and bond with it like my 1st) i have to weight up the problems with my RA, it took me a year to concived last time and i don't know if its fair to go thought it again, all the pain and dscomfort when i've got a toddler to take care off. I've spoke to my RA Dr and asked if i was his daughter what would he tell me, and his answer we'll support anything you want but.....(followed by all the reasons i shouldn't) My husband is also in the forces and is currently serving in Afghan and for the last 9 weeks i've had to be a single mum which i've found very difficult, he'll be away every 10 months for 2-3mouths each time most probably until he leaves the RAF so I also have to take this into account.

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me to have a 2nd or not but has anyone else on here had a 2nd with RA, how hard is it?

Please any advise or information would be helpful!


  • suzster
    suzster Member Posts: 1,328
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hi, i'm 35 with RA.
    i had my 1st daughter 10 yrs ago, i didn't have RA then. i had my 2nd daughter in 2007 and that's when RA arrived. i wanted to have another child and so still does my husband but personally i couldn't go through the trying and then being pr without my medications, it may sound wrong but i know my body and the restrictions that uncontrolled RA can be like, so i decided no more.
    but as i said i do have 2 lovely daughters already, so my situation is very different to yours.
    i truly believe that only you can make the decision, but hopefully someone out there has a different side and can give you there advice to.
    i hope my post doesn't come across as to negative? i was just trying to be honest!!!
    good luck in what ever you decide.
  • chocolatey78
    chocolatey78 Member Posts: 7
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Not negative at all! We all need to know our limitation! As i said it wouldn't happen straight away think i should wait til my son maybe about 3ish so he can understand mummy being sore. Hoping i will get pregnant quicker 2nd time round, fingers crossed. Why can't i just be like other women if it happen it happens but no everything needs to be planned out so much due to the drugs. AARRGGHH i hate having RA!!!
  • suziev
    suziev Member Posts: 252
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00

    ok it's hard and for me with a 4 year old and a 1 year old in school holidays my hips have flared up and am in pain all the time and i feel sick, not good. i could not cope without my hubby and if your OH is away then you will find it hard too BUT if you live close to family or friends that can help you then it makes it easier. support is the key factor in all this, if you have it then your life with ra and 2 kids with be much easier in the long run.
    hope that helps!