Who Your Friends Are

annebr

Since being diagnosed with FAI and secondry OA I have really found out who my friends are. The kindness of some people normally the most unexpected has been surprising. Since my surgery the girls in the local deli have called delivered filled rolls for lunch, amazing.

Also, this forum has been great. At first I only read and gained a lot of advice which proved useful when talking to the experts and asking questions.

But, surprisingly those closest to me have been the ones who have surprised me the most. I have a fantastic husband and I wouldn't have coped without him. But my 'closest' friend is so unsymapthetic. When I told her about my diagnosis she told me to 'Get over it'. Any time I tried to talk to her she wasn't interested and she hasn't been in touch at all to find out how my surgery went. This has really upset me. Others, close to me thought as I looked ok there was nothing wrong with me.

To end on a positive note it shows you that sometimes it is the people you don't know well at all who prove to be the better people.

Anne

debatat

I can totally agree with you, when you have a chronic illness you really find out who your friends are. I have had some really unexpected kindnesses from acquaintances, who have become friends and some close friends who have now become acquaintances !!!! It makes you appreciate your friends and be determined to be there for them when they need it!

Deb

elnafinn

Hello Deb and Anne

You are so right - I mentioned this on another thread, only today.

In any crisis, not only health, you find out who really does care about you and it is often those people that you least expect to do so, that rally round, give their utmost and come up trumps.

Hope your day is going ok,

Luv
Elna x

woodbon

Hi, I've just left work after 7 years in the same place. I haven't even had a phone call, card, or letter and I'll admit to feeling p,,,,,,,,d
off. All the times I've gone in and worked extra hours, studied and helped others study. It makes me feel I'd not bother to work like that again! Love Sue PS my employer is the county council.

nick55

I often would love to just have a good gripe, , moan, about osteo, just to say to people how annoying --and often painful-- it is . not self pity, more to get it off the chest. I have no friends as such but am friendly with my neighbour. any time it is mentioned it is like talking to a wall, and thus goes for my father too, who is ninety and in great health.

I have come to the conclusion, I am in a very privileged position being retired, and with sufficient money for a decent lifestyle, though my costs are very small compared to some. I would assume if we looked at the problems others have and their state of mind, maybe life is pulling them down, that their lack of sympathy comes down to this. all they see is what afflicts them. maybe sometime it is we who in spite of having arthritis, are more fortunate or perceived to be that way, even if we would at times wish for someone to have a good moan to. some sympathy???? a friendly ear???

lindalegs

I think we all find out who are true friends are in a crisis.

When I first started with RA and my world had caved in around my ears one of my 'friends' visited. I had lost about a stone in weight because I felt too ill to eat and as I hobbled into the kitchen, hanging on to furniture as I went, to make us both a coffee she said glibly "I could do with a disease like yours, at least you lose weight.":shock:

She may have been joking but the hurt was so deep at the time I've never forgotten it.

Luv Legs :roll:

kathbee

Yes, its truly amazing what people say
and think nothing of it and also
yes, you do find out who your real friends
are.

I told a friend recently that I had been to
a pub/restaurant and they were doing meal
deals and maybe me and her could go.

She didnt comment much and then the next
day told me, 'Oh I am going to that restaurant
with so and so' (another friend of hers)

I though 'CHARMING', well I cant type what I really
thought.

:roll: :roll: :roll:

Kath xx

woodbon

I've worked with people who are disabled and some, sadly, did not have long left to live. None of these people had been born disabled, they all developed conditions in mainly mid life, so a lot of them had married with grown up children as well as perents still alive. Most of them had been ill for a number of years. Very few had visitors although most families lived locally, sometimes they had a birthday card or christmas present, usually sent in the post. Occasionally, they'd have short visits, but not very often. A few people did have families that visited every week and included their relative in as much as they could. I can not think of many though.

Personally I think, for some of the families the loved one in care had become a chore to be done and, because they had plenty of care, they could be forgotten. Its not always that simple, I've seen relatives upset because the person they knew has changed and the pain of watching the decline is too hard.

In truth, I think people sometimes fear things they don't understand. Thats what keeps them away. Also, theirs the fear of 'getting in the way' and feeling embaressed. Also in the busy world we live in, people move on quickly. Sorry I'm rambling again. :oops: I'll stop now. :oops: Love Sue

sharmaine

Hi Anne

It must have been upsetting to hear those words from your friend. Not a very friendly thing to say to someone. With friends like that who needs enemies? That saying: "if you haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything" is so true. Why upset someone close to you? Some people can't 'deal' with illness and for some reason can't empathise/sympathise with people who are suffering. My best friend had cancer (I mentioned this in another post) and her husband left her. She died still loving him and he didn't even send her a card during all the years of treatment and suffering she endured. Her elderly mother and young daughter had to look after her. Those of us who have caring families and partners are the lucky ones. My heart goes out to those people who suffer in silence.


With regards
Sharmaine

annebr wrote:

Since being diagnosed with FAI and secondry OA I have really found out who my friends are. The kindness of some people normally the most unexpected has been surprising. Since my surgery the girls in the local deli have called delivered filled rolls for lunch, amazing.

Also, this forum has been great. At first I only read and gained a lot of advice which proved useful when talking to the experts and asking questions.

But, surprisingly those closest to me have been the ones who have surprised me the most. I have a fantastic husband and I wouldn't have coped without him. But my 'closest' friend is so unsymapthetic. When I told her about my diagnosis she told me to 'Get over it'. Any time I tried to talk to her she wasn't interested and she hasn't been in touch at all to find out how my surgery went. This has really upset me. Others, close to me thought as I looked ok there was nothing wrong with me.

To end on a positive note it shows you that sometimes it is the people you don't know well at all who prove to be the better people.

Anne

valval

hi had a friend who left her fella took the kids and ended up in a hostal i met her every week took her out round shops ect. helped when got new house phoned her wrote and was there when needed. let her know when found out about arther, she has never asked how i am or if i need any thing.they r going away 4 the weekend in sept and asked us to go with them i told them will have to wait till nearer the time to see how am feeling as when bad can not sit or stand just want to sleep or lay in a hot bath. it would have been nice to have a text saying how r u doing here is a big hug if u need one. but n. makes me think why bother

annebr

Thanks everyone.

Some part of me thinks it is the illness that scares her as a few of you have mentioned. But sometimes all you want is a hug from that person and they aren't there. Especially at the low points, many of you know that depresion hits when diagnosed.

But the kindness of aquaintances and the support from my husband has seen me through this far.

Anne