pregnant!!!!!! with RA at 40

tamnwill

I had resigned myself to never having more children (Will is 6) The RA came about during pregnancy and since then has very quickly over the last 2 years got quite aggressive. I found out today I'm pregnant. I've felt unwell for the past 4 days with cold sweats but thought it was PMT.....and now I am plagued by panic attacks. I keep worrying that I won't cope as I will have to come off all my drugs.

I spent so long after my first husband died suddenly at 36 years old (4 years ago) thinking it was never going to happen again for me...........every time a cousin of mine got pregnant I felt such joy for them but such sadness inside. Then a little under a year ago, I was blessed to meet a wonderful man who loves me totally and accepted my condition and it's limitations etc .......... I've just had a synovectomy and other stuff done on my knee and he was super support but the knee is still in agony and wakes me at night constantly..........

I know I have hormones running around my body to potentially explain this reaction but my head is like jelly and I am unable to sleep for worry for the pending 8 months of cronic pain I am about to endure............it doesn't help that my DH (to be) is in Iraq..........can anyone help please? I can't stop crying..........

For all those trying to conceive forgive me, It's not that I don't want a child, it's that I don't know if my body is going to cope. And I need a method to stop these attacks.

.......I came off Sulphasalazine 1 month ago as they didn't work and 'was' due to start Anti TNF drugs on the 28th (I have waited 2 years for this drug) Sooooooo I've conceived on Prednisolone (5mg) / Arcoxia 90mg / Folic acid 5mg / Citalapram 10mg / and sometimes, dyhydracodine/ codydramol and paracecemol..............
(wobbly all over the place rant over.............but panic still here!) x

frogmorton

Hi!
Do you know I think this was surely meant to be.
With all you have got going against you - you and your hubby to be are going to have a BABY! I am so pleased for you.
However I do understand your worries.
Yes you have a very hard time ahaead of you maybe ( I hope not), but some meds are ok - usually let you stay on the pred anyway and folic acid is GOOD for babies.
Once you know what you can take and have had a scan maybe to reasuure you - you can start to relax about this pregnancy.
Hopefully they will agree to put the anti tnf on 'hold' till you have had the baby?
Don't feel guilty for your misgivings - my goodnes you are bound to have some and don't apologise for being pregnant. This is wonderful, scary,eciting and terrifying news.
I hope your hubby to be is home very soon and keeps safe.
Don't forget us lot will be with you to support you right through (probably except the labour! )
You take care
Toni x

skezier

Hi Tamnwill,

I think like Toni said this one was really meant to be. I also think its fairly normal for people to be a bit panicky when they find they are pregnant without the worry of pain and such and I'm sure you are going to cope really well.

Maybe you wont have 8 months of pain etc, sometimes people find the symptoms decrease and I really hope you will find that. Is your feller coming home soon?

I can't really say much else but I do know there are people here who can and they will be along and I can send you my very best wishes and a real hope that you will soon find your fears are not happening. A ((( ))) for you and I really do hope it all goes well for you. Also assure you that what your feeling really is ok. Take care and I hope you have some good support round you? Cris x

eckstardeluxe

Wow! Congratulations, I am so happy for you. As the others have said this was surely meant to be. My arthur symptoms were pretty much dormant during pregnancy even though I was in the advanced deterioration stages and apparently that's normal. In fact that's why I took so late to realise I had it, the pregnancy hid it.

This will change your life forever for the better. The love you have for your children cannot be put into words, it's so strong there just isn't enough words to describe it. You see a side to yourself and your partner that makes you love them more than you ever thought was possible.

I have two young children and it's hard work. My illness because it was caused by trauma so long ago was affected by having my children, but I would never ever swap them to be healthy again. They are the thing in my life I am most proud of, the best thing I ever did. You will be the same. It's hard when they see you ill, but the cuddles and joy they bring and when they start telling you how much they love you or after I had a fall my three year old saying "Mummy you were so brave today, I am going to be brave just like you" melts your heart.

I hope everything progresses well, please keep us updated. Lovely, lovely news!!!

xxxxx Eck xxxx

angel1

First, and foremost, I wish you all the joy in the world with your new baby.

That said, I feel that you desperately need some immediate help and support. You have so much to deal with, and it is unwise to try to do it alone. It really isn`t so long since you lost your husband. You are living with a hideous disease which affects every moment of your life, especially now. Your partner is serving in Iraq, with all the worry that that entails. Is it any wonder you are all over the place? My heart goes out to you.

Maybe your GP can arrange some counselling for you. If not, look at the BACP website for therapists near you. I do Pro Bono work with Womens Aid, and they now take people with other issues besides Domestic Violence. Your local branch may do the same. Please, please don`t suffer alone.

I hope you find some peace of mind.....Ange.

eckstardeluxe

I agree with what Angel has written, get some extra support to help whilst your partner is away. Angel makes some good suggestions but coming here too will really help.

xxx

suncatcher

CONGRATULATIONS. I know its a shock but in time you will see this was ment to be and is just what you need. The child will give you something to focus on and keep you going i dont know what id have done if it was not for my son.
My ra started when he was six months old it was hard going but he kept me busy and i had him to focus on and my other child also.
You do need support tho you have been through a lot and counselling would help you. :idea: and is there an anxiety management course you could go on. it will help you control the panic attacks. and confidance building courses are good check out your local collage for details anything can be over come. best wishes to you and family from joanne

elnafinn

Hi Tam

First of all congratulations, but I can well imagine what sort of a turmoil you are in at this time with all that has happened in your life. Ange has said it all really. You are going to need a lot of help and guidance with all this. You may well find that you do feel well during your pregnancy which will be wonderful if you do, because that is one thing less to worry yourself about. Your emotions must be all over the place and if you get help I am sure all will be well.

You have not had a rant at all, you have poured your heart out to us and this is what you must do to the right people that are out there to help in these situations, who will take you under their wing and guide you through this.

I am not sure where you start in order to obtain the help you need, perhaps your gp? The helpline here may have some useful information too, if you wish to telephone, email or send them a message on the helpline zone.

I am so happy to hear your news but also worried and concerned about you at the moment. Will you please keep in touch and let us know what help you are getting and how you are going on?

Love
Elna x

woodbon

I feel so HAPPY for you. I can understand your worries, especially being on your own at the moment, but having a baby....wow thats so very special. You are bound to feel strange, firstly the shock, as it was 'out of the blue' , secondly the hormonds rageing around, and thirdly not having your partner to share it with. I would love to have had children but I had to have a hystorectomy at 30, although at 54, its being a Granny that appeals most....I'm sure as the girls say, I've read that RA symptoms usually get better during pregnecy, so thats something to look forward to.

As has been mentioned though, you may well need help, councelling, or something, just to talk things through with confidentially, as your alone at the moment.

Good luck, Love Sue

josiec

Hi,
I can't really add anything to what others have already said, but wanted to add my congratulations and best wishes and reiterate that you need support, be it from friends, family or through your GP, as you have so much going on in your life and it is natural to feel like you do. Please let us know how you get on, very best wishes, Josie

lindalegs

Hi Tamnwill,

Congratulations

I think you may not have to face 8 months of pain as RA more usually, than not, quietens down naturally during pregnancy and your Rheumy and GP are there to help you if this turns out not to be the case.

You possibly wouldn't be panicking as much if your O/H was here to talk things over with but in his stead you must talk to someone - just to help put your mind at rest.

Take each day as it comes and I'm sure you'll start to enjoy your pregnancy - and little Will shall have a brother or sister - won't he be excited when you tell him.

Take care of yourself and please keep talking to us - you know we'll help if we can.

Luv Legs

tkachev

Hello
I just needed to tell you that I was pregnant at 40 and I had had R.A for the five years previously plus my two previous children were diagnosed with autism( one is quite severe).
I was on my second relationship,having been through a nasty divorce.I am very sorry to hear about your husbands death.
I spent the entire pregnancy worrying about the effects of the medication and possibilities of autism,not to mention the worry about how I would cope.I know how you feel.I was convinced something horrible would be discovered at the 20 week check.Instead I had a beautiful baby girl and I just couldnt imagine life without her.
As long as you have support,love,caring and understanding from your partner you will cope just fine.Without the children I might have retired to my bed instead I have to hobble around doing everything and they keep me going.
I was angry at first but I am now proud of the beautiful children OH and I have created
Much love Tkachev

joanlawson

Hi Tamnwill

What a whirlwind of emotions you are experiencing! I really feel for you, as life can take some unpredictable turns sometimes, and we never seem prepared for them. You have had the sadness of your husband's death at such a young age, followed by the joy of meeting your new partner, and now the wonderful discovery that you are pregnant. Add to that the worries you have about your RA, and no wonder you are feeling panicky. Wouldn't anyone feel the same ?

You have received some very supportive posts, with lots of good advice, so I hope that is helping you. All I can add is that I'm sure the doctors will help you all they possibly can with pain relief. They will be able to advise you as to what is safe, and it is good that several people have said that their RA calmed down while they were pregnant. I do hope that you will find the same thing happens.

It is a bit scary to think of the journey ahead of you, but try to keep focused on the thought of that beautiful baby. He or she will bring such joy into your life in the future. I wish you all the luck in the world, and hope your fears will disappear as time goes on.

Joan

karinak

Hello,
Just to say the news is fantastic! and as many have said meant to be,I had my little George at 41 and just been diagnosed at 46 with RA and my mind and body have been up and down days but this little chap keeps me going and i wouldnt change it for the world.
Please keep us all informed please.
Thinking of you Karina x

annebr

Congratulations!

I echo what everyone else is saying. Take one day at a time and know that there will always be someone on the forum who can help.

Anne

Wonkylegs

Congratulations!

I am not the best person to give advice on this topic, but wanted to add my congratulations to those already posted.

You have been given some really excellent advice above - I hope it all helps.

Also, however 'alone' you may feel, you will never be alone as there will always be someone on here for you.

If you need to talk to someone about how your arthritis is affecting you why not ring the helplines?

take care of yourselves!!!

tamnwill

Thank you all for your positive replies and kind words, they made me cry but with hope. I am blessed to have found this site and blessed that there are such thoughtful and caring people on here with words of encouragement. I've felt much more settled since reading your posts and actually getting to speak to my OH. He is totally delighted and said I would be the most cared for mummy ever, He also confirmed that he will be home for good in December as we wanted us to all be a family without the limitations his current job demands. PHEWWWWWW !!!! I saw my GP yesterday, he was supportive & informative. I asked about 'tests' verses 'risks' (as the invasive ones can cause miscarriage)..... then I said "look life's too *****ing short, so I'm going to put you on the spot, if I was wife what would you advise?" .................. he said, "Have all the scans possible and then crap myself until the baby was born"............I had to laugh, it's so fab to get an honest answer from a medical person without them feeling the need to cover their backs, lol. So, I went to the shops and bought a cook book for when your pregnant...........interesting actually, lol, although, I draw the line at spinich soup :?
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING THERE IN MY DARKEST HOURS xxxxxxxx

skezier

Hi Tam,

I am so pleased to read your post . December will soon be here and I really send you every good wish its possible to find. You take care and please keep us posted as well. Luv Cris x

elnafinn

skezier wrote:

Hi Tam,



Hi Tam

So pleased to hear you are much more upbeat now, from when you initially wrote your thread.

I have asked consultants in the past, what would they do if their wife was in exacty the same position as me. It is reassuring and interesting to hear their reply. I have also asked whom they would have operate on their wife too, if in the same position as me!

Luv
Elna x

joanlawson

Hi Tam

Glad to hear that you have got an understanding doctor who speaks plainly to you. You sound much more positive now, and it is great news that you OH will be there for you in December.

The idea of asking the doctor what he would do if it was his wife is OK as long as you know something about the doctor's private life. You could be on dodgy ground otherwise. Think about it :!:

Joan

tkachev

First of all I am glad to read that you are more positive now.It is important to enjoy the pregnancy and to have your man on your side.

I didnt enjoy the pregnancy until right at the end when I got quite excited at the prospect of another little one to love.I was initially angry and felt like a naughty schoolgirl and that I would be judged as irresponsible for getting pregnant with R.A

I hope all goes well and you will keep posting to let us know how you are
REgards Tkachev.

mrsdalloway

Congratulations! I imagine you are feeling a mixture of being terrified and excited all the same time! My cousin's husband had a really aggressive bout of leukaemia a few years back and after strong doses of chemo was told he was infertile. They already had 3 kids so weren't really bothered. However, it was a bit of a shock when Mia arrived 9 months after his treatment had finished! My point is that although she was a 'surprise' she is absolutely beautiful, drives her parents nuts as she is mischief on legs,
enjoy!x

frogmorton

Hi Tam!
Oh I AM pleased it's all working out for you! You now have all the support you need OH, medical and US!!!!
Oh I'll try your spinach soup!!!
Take care
Toni x