'But you dont look ill!!!'

bionic

Grrrrrr......how many of you get fed up with people telling you how well you look when you feel awful ? It really is driving me crazy even the doctor after I have sat and told him how awful I am feeling turned round and said ' But you look so well' I could have hit him ( if I had the strength that is ) it gets me so stressed out .
Take care
Rosie X

evabuk

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!

yes, I know exactly what you mean.
Ok, some days people do tell me I don't look very well - but some days they say the same sort of thing..you're looking very well, your skin colour is good, your hair looks nice....

yes, but I'm in PAIN.

so frustrating, I sympathise
xxx

woodbon

Hi,
I know what you mean. When I was at work, I hated going out in case someone saw me and said that. Perhaps we should wear a badge......although people would think we'd lied to get it... :?
Love Sue

elnafinn

Totally agree, Rosie!

A lady I go and visit aged 85 is going blind and has balance and mobility problems, has had urinary infections for years and the continual use of antibiotics drags her down, and has panic attacks. She does look wonderful for her age and has lovely skin and she too gets sick of everyone telling her how well she looks. She says she would give anything for a face full of wrinkles to have her eyesight back and to feel well or better than she does most days.

There just does not seem to be any answer to this problem. When one feels unwell, it is of no help to be told, but you look fine, but others do not understand. I have even heard myself say it to people, so it is really easy to do. :oops: :oops: I suppose we feel we are saying something positive but deep down know it does not help one iota.

I do feel I help her, by going to see her at least once a week and taking an interest in her life and we always end up having a laugh and a joke.

Love
Elna x

lindah

Being blessed witha rosy complexion I never look ill even with anaemia
I look the picture of health.
My husband always responds to " are you alright "with a cheeky "no actually I'm not".it's amazing how many people don't even realise that he said it,they just say something and expect a certain answer so that's what they hear.
Linda H 8)

We hear you on here

lindalegs

Hi Rosie,

I understand what you mean but on the other hand I think we'd hate it if people said 'You don't look very well, are you alright?'

When we've brushed our hair, washed our faces, made an effort with our clothes so that we feel presentable and put a smile on our face - that's when people comment that we look well.

If you visited your GP with bedraggled, unwashed hair, in crumpled clothes, sad and smelly then they wouldn't tell you you looked well.

I just take it as a compliment and realise people were acknowledging that I'd made an effort with my appearance for my own sake as well as theirs.

Luv Legs who looks well today

angel1

I`m with Legs on this one. I actually feel as if I`m winning when people tell me I look good.

I recently went for the first session of a six week course of physio. When I walked in, he looked quickly at his notes, and said "Mrs...? You`re Mrs...., it says here that you`re 67. You look marvellous, not a day over 57 - he`d already been paid, so he didn`t have to say it!

OMG, I didn`t need any help, I jumped on that bloody table!....Ange

eckstardeluxe

I really feel for you, it happens to me all the time.

I'm 33 but everyone says I look mid twenties. It's always that and if I bump into someone I haven't seen for a while it's "what have you done to yourself then?" or "but you're so young"

If you saw my posts about the abuse I've received over disabled parking spaces you'd know how much stick I get for that and always from old people.

Just try and think of some witty retorts. I use mine now with glee.

annebr

I know exactly how you feel. If people can't see an illness they think it doesn't exist. I have also been challenged about disabled parking and once had a traffic warden ask what was wrong with me, I told him it was none of his business.

Although I have been told recently that prior to my op I was looking dreadful but people were too polite to say!

Anne

valval

hi not suprised u look well as we all take extra care with diet so we must all have nice skin. if i take my glasses off can not see wrinkles so look great . some times people see what they want not what is in front of them and to be honest do not let others see when in pain it is a very personal thing and they would never understand

livinglegend

It goes like this:

Person, "But you don't look ill".

Me, "Well I am".

Person, "It doesn't show at all".

Me, gently, "How much does it hurt you to walk?".

Person, "It doesn't hurt at all".

Can you see it coming yet?

Me, sharply, " Well, it $%^*&$! well hurts me to do anything".

Person, "Oh, now I understand".


Works for me.

Joseph 8)

eckstardeluxe

I see what you mean when you say it is nice when someone compliments you.

I suppose the same goes for some people at work who know the full story with my illness say "you'd never know you are in that pain, you are so cheery, that must be hard to maintain"

I do like when they say that, it means I'm not going about looking glum or for sympathy.

But in support of Joseph's post. If you'd have heard some of the abuse I've been subjected to in front of my very young impressionable daughter, and on a day when I've been so sore going round the shopping market almost in tears with the frustration and pain by the time I get to the checkout. I'm sure you wouldn't begrudge me a little swear word when I've went back to my car, once hitting the car with the trolley I was struggling so much to have abuse thrown at me. As soon as my daughter was safely in the car I let rip. :oops: I felt awful when I came home, but my hubby said he'd have said alot worse as it's none of their business.

lesleygraham

Hi folks
I never leave th house without make-up or hair done, (never have), even when I'm really struggling I've got my hubby to help do my hair. I look dreadful without make-up, even ill. However, when people tell me I look great I sometimes want to scream at them if I'm having a bad day, I suppose they are trying to be nice. I never thought I was bitter for feeling like this!! My pain is invisible, if I had a gaping wound in my hand would I get the same reaction!!! With arthur there is usually nothing to see but I have been told at work the pain shows in my face. I have visions of sitting with a
twisted contorted face looking like something out of a horror movie!
No the wonder I always wear make-up!!!
Take care
Les

eckstardeluxe

lesleygraham wrote:

Hi folks
I never leave th house without make-up or hair done, (never have), even when I'm really struggling I've got my hubby to help do my hair. I look dreadful without make-up, even ill. However, when people tell me I look great I sometimes want to scream at them if I'm having a bad day, I suppose they are trying to be nice. I never thought I was bitter for feeling like this!! My pain is invisible, if I had a gaping wound in my hand would I get the same reaction!!! With arthur there is usually nothing to see but I have been told at work the pain shows in my face. I have visions of sitting with a
twisted contorted face looking like something out of a horror movie!
No the wonder I always wear make-up!!!
Take care
Les

I discovered on the plane home from Rhodes in the flight booklet a Cosmetics line I'd never heard of. Since we came back I've been buying all their stuff, but off ebay at a third the price. Everything is like pro stuff. They have what they call "an industrial strength concealer" lol and it really does what it says on the tin. Since I've been wearing their stuff people have been saying "you look lovely and fresh today" and I'm sure it's their stuff. Nice to treat yourself, I always spend my money on our kids and decided it was time for me to have a treat. Feel really confident with this stuff on.

tkachev

I am with Joseph on this one.If somebody is accussing you of faking or overdoing your illness then they will get short shrift from me (with a smile to lessen the blow).
Since using sticks I get loads of people giving me sympathetic looks,holding open doors and people stand up to let me sit down.On the few occassions I visit the children at school I get short cuts and soft chairs!

Regards Tkachev

woodbon

I thinkits because when people tell you how well you look it feels as if they are saying 'There can't be much wrong with you!'. Thats how I feel, as the person thinks I'm lying! :? When I was at work, before, arthritis, if I didn't have time to but my makeup on I look pale, people used to say I look ill. I hated that, because then I started to feel ill and worry! I wish saying 'You look well' makes me feel well, but it dosn't seem to work that way round!
Love Sue

bertyboy

i had a boss that used to think that if you wernt at work and was seen out you wernt ill at all to which i replyed well can you come and do my shopping can you take my gob to the dentist can you tell me dr and consultant that i cant keep my appointment because i am ill :roll: and if depression was mentioned that was a really dirty word x so i know what you mean unless the illness has got a plaster for all to see it doesnt exist in some peoples eyes xx i still get it now from a few as i hobble around with crutches and get the question what have you got them for , :roll: :roll: TO STOP MY **** DRAGGING ALONG THE GROUND

bionic

lesleygraham wrote:

Hi folks
I never leave th house without make-up or hair done, (never have), even when I'm really struggling I've got my hubby to help do my hair. I look dreadful without make-up, even ill. However, when people tell me I look great I sometimes want to scream at them if I'm having a bad day, I suppose they are trying to be nice. I never thought I was bitter for feeling like this!! My pain is invisible, if I had a gaping wound in my hand would I get the same reaction!!! With arthur there is usually nothing to see but I have been told at work the pain shows in my face. I have visions of sitting with a
twisted contorted face looking like something out of a horror movie!
No the wonder I always wear make-up!!!
Take care
Les

:P Thanks for your support everyone, glad others know how it feels , although it's nice of people to say you look good when you are feeling real c... I suffer from depression (like a lot of you) and then start to think people are thinking I am putting things on etc etc and everything just escalates hope you understand everyone. x
Take care

lindalegs

collywobble wrote:

I'm sorry, but there was no mention in Rosie's post about people disputing the fact you're ill - just simply commenting that you LOOK well. And in my reply I said I could fully understand someone's anger if they WERE disputing your illness! I don't however see the point in getting upset if someone is simply trying to be kind, or maybe just doesn't know exactly what to say (like Elna said, we've all done it). Why be rude about it? It's not the other person's fault that you feel like this. Would it make you feel any better if they said you looked dreadful and in pain. I suspect not.

Anyway, Signing off now. There are some truly kind, warm hearted people on here, who despite their illness would never dream of taking it out on other people, and always manage to keep their good humour. I shall miss that.

Quote:
.how many of you get fed up with people telling you how well you look when you feel awful ? It really is driving me crazy even the doctor after I have sat and told him how awful I am feeling turned round and said ' But you look so well' I could have hit him ( if I had the strength that is ) it gets me so stressed out .
Take care
Rosie X

[/quote]

Hi Lyn,

Don't leave us - I don't think anyone is getting at you, I just think people have different opinions, that's all.

Don't go, we'll miss you

Luv Legs

skezier

Hi Lynn,

I'm with Legs on that one and have to say don't go now cus we have only just got to know you. I would miss you too and well come back. Luv Cris x

eckstardeluxe

I agree with the others Lynn.

Don't be offended. Some people just have very varying degrees of opinions. Sometimes when you've been on here a while and get to know people and their down days and symptoms you understand sometimes why they need to vent.

I'm sorry I can't say it will be the last time someone upsets you but honestly, I've said it loads of times, this forum has helped me through the worst of times.

Hope you change your mind

Eck x