The Black Hole is Trying to Drag Me In

annebr

Hello everyone,

Sorry for another 'down' post. But I now I can share my feelings on here. That black hole of depression/doom is trying to drag me down.

I can't pin down why I feel like this, just woke up on Monday morning feeling down. Then the guilt starts that i'm not working at the moment and maybe I should be, I am 6 weeks post surgery and have a long haul in front of me so I know I can't work at the moment.

Sometimes I tend to think and worry too much about things especially at night. My huband is great and he knows the signs and has been fantastic. Then I feel guilty about causing him extra worry.

I have my 6 week check up with the consultant next week and should go onto half load on the crutches so maybe I will be able to get out and about a bit, which will help. Although I am a bit worried about my left hip starting to get worse now.

Sorry for the long moan and thanks for listening.

Anne xx

dachshund

Hi Anne.
Why dont you spent the time till your check up writing down the things you will ask the dr
because it can be very frustrating to be home and wish you'd asked some thing.
joan xx

valval

hi anne i would be suprised if u had not been down from time to time it quite normal u will feel much better as things improve for u. i know it seems a long way a way but time will go fast have u got any xmas cards u can write and get out the way look for small jobs u can get out the way now so when u fit u can get out and about

frogmorton

Hi Anne
That black hole is calling you eh? Cling onto the sides as best you can :!:
Only joking - I do that too sometimes and sometimes it's really for no obvious reason - really I am very lucky. I have a lovely husband 3 great kids....but sometimes much as I count my blessings it does not lift my spirits.
I reckon the best thing you can do is not add guilt for feeling like it, don't worry too much about hubby (he loves you) and be gentle on yourself. Take care of you.
It will pass.
Take care
toni x

jaspercat

Hi Anne, sorry that you are feeling down, I can truthfully say that I know how you feel, I have felt the same this week, someone on here said not to worry about having a little cry, it makes you feel a bit better, hope you soon feel brighter love Jaspercatxx

lindah

We've all been there so don't think you are alone.
The weather hasn't helped either,I was at the bus stop this morning in the rain and I felt really down,looking out at the night setting in already, brings it home too that our barbeque summer was a fiction of someones imagination.(not Rehab I hasten to add).
Try not to feel guilty,easier said than done.
Pop into the Cane and Able on the chit chat forum and join us for a cheering drink.
Linda H 8)

annebr

Thanks everyone. I have my questions for doc written down. Even made a headway on my Christmas shoping thanks to the internet.

Even the smallest stupid things are upsetting me at the moment and I feel as if I could cry at the andrex puppy adverts.

Hopefully I will wake up tomorrow and be fine but I think I have a bit of climbing to do before I get out of the black hole.

Thanks again, I know I can post on here and people will know exactly how i am feeling when it may not seem rational to others.

Anne x

psyart

Hi

why do we find it so hard to allow ourselves to feel down just for a while?? we are all going through a horrid thing - every day there is normally something that gets us down, pain, stiffness, nausa, just complete c@ap!!! so we are allowed to have days when we feel down!! i think that being able to write what we feel on this forum is a good thing and we all know that we can write as much as we want to on here without feeling guilty????

cyber hugs to you though, just to try and make you feel better??!!!

Louise x

skezier

Hi Anne,

Sorry you are feeling like this, I am like you and find I am bursting into tears over the stupidest things......... I mean really stupid things! :roll: I think its all part of the inactivity and recovery process and it will get better for you the further along the recovery road you go. I agree its good to be able to come to the site and say how your feeling as we do need some kind of outlet for whats going on inside. I rant at the sky quite a lot now a days, and well I hope it will soon get better for you. A ((( ))) and you take care. Cris x

skezier

Oh Jan,

My new hobby....... Sky ranting...... I really can recommend it, I hope the sky doesn't mind. Better days will come, it told me xx

annebr

Thanks for all your kind words and hugs. It is good to know that there are people who know exactly what you are going through. My husband is great and knows that the hole can start to open at any time but sometimes I can't help taking it out on him, which he understands but makes me feel bad.

Thanks for holding on and helping pull me out.

A rant to the sky does sound good, I find myself telling my little cat everything.

Love & hugs

Anne

elnafinn

Hi Anne

I hope you are feeling a little better today. It is good that you talk to your little cat. He/she will be of great comfort to you and pets do not answer back. I hope your check up next week goes well and you will be able to chat to your consultant about your worries. I hope he is of sympathetic nature because sometimes, although consultants are extremely good at their work, they do not always have a good bedside manner.

You will begin to feel better and you are lucky to have a caring husband. That does help greatly. Do keep in touch, we are here to help you as much as we can.

Luv
Elna x

annebr

Not so good. Had an arguement with OH over nothing last night and this morning can't stop crying. He is doing everything possible for me but I find it frustrating that I can't help so I snipe at him. He is great but I know it must grind him down.

This morning I can't stop crying as I know it's me and I can't help it

Sorry another moan.

Anne

skezier

Hi Anne,

It will get better and well a big ((( ))) for you from another emotional wreck. Cris x

elnafinn

annebr wrote:

Not so good. Had an arguement with OH over nothing last night and this morning can't stop crying. He is doing everything possible for me but I find it frustrating that I can't help so I snipe at him. He is great but I know it must grind him down.

This morning I can't stop crying as I know it's me and I can't help it

Sorry another moan.

Anne

Dear Anne

We all snipe at our nearest and dearest. It is a natural thing to do. Has he gone to work now or is he with you at home? If he is at work, why not call, email him or have a nice meal ready when he returns. If he is there go and give him a hug.

I do hope you feel a little better and calmer soon. I send you a heartfelt hug.

luv
Elnax

Dear Cris, love and heartfelt hugs to you too.

Luv
Elna x

skezier

HI Elna,

One coming back to you. ((( ))) and I just feel the world is closing in on me a bit....... You take care. Love Cris xx

valval

u have a good cry we all need to from time to time i am sure he understands the frustration of having others do the things we want to do is hard to cope with but be kind to your self i am sure u do all u can so stop feeling u r letting oh down u would do the same for him if shoe was on other foot so smile and say thankyou remind oh why they love u

annebr

I know what you mean about the world closing in. I know it's not rational and I am picking on things that aren't important but I can't help it.

OH is at work and he is great and I will be able to talk it over tonight but I feel bad he had to put up with my mood swings. He is good and knows about depression and there is no rational explainations but in my fuzzy mind at the moment I feel guilty.

Hugs to everyone.

Anne

andream

Hello Anne I am so sorry that you are having a 'black hole' time. Its so hard when you feel like that, because you think things are not going to get better. They will.

Coming on to this forum has made me realise that I mustn't feel guilty if I feel down or angry with this awful arthritis. So on my really bad days I am determined to have a 'make a fuss of myself' day. Then on my good days, I can enjoy the results of all that fussing, if you see what I mean. Might be worth a try Anne.

As for your husband - I am the same as you. I am lucky that my husband tries so hard to help me, and yet I feel as though I sometimes take it out on him, and that makes me feel really guilty, I just remember to tell him how special he is on my better days.

Perhaps you could both make some plans of things that you would be able to do a bit later on, so then you would both have plenty to look forward to.

Best wishes.
Andrea

elnafinn

Dear Anne

Would it help to write down a list of positives against a list of negatives in your life at this moment? I have never done this but I hear it does help some people.

Luv
Elna x

tkachev

Hi Anne,

We have been through alot these last few weeks.I think it is the shock of the operation,all that worry beforehand,then rapid relief that it is all over and we have survived and then the realisation that we have been chopped about!We have also been on lots of meds.

I had a brief black hole moment a few weeks ago.I couldnt sleep,I felt sad and had a cry but this is not me at all so I am sure it was just my body/hormones taking over after all i had been through

Take care darling
Tkachev(also 6 weeks post op).

debbierose

Awh sweetie I have to climb out of the bloody hole at least once a week,
when I had 2 breakdowns some one called me selfish i only deserved 1, don't fret we are all in there too just a different time,
if you have had an op, the anethenic? takes a while to get out of your system and that can make you feel down and tearfull.
bet you feel better tomorra have a cuddle off your dearest.
read your fav book and put on your fav pjs and purfume it allways does the trick for me,

lol

frogmorton

Hi Anne
Just a quickie to say I am still thinking of you and hoping you feel a little better very soon.
When I have those days the andrex adverts get me too!
I like some of the ideas people have had like a bath and nice perfume etc. Just remember the OH loves you and will be there for you and try to turn the guilt switch as low as you can
take care
Toni x

penfactor

Oh Anne - I am in exactly the same frame of mind as you at the moment. It is so scary isn't it? I am still due to have my hip replacement in October & have been off work & in agony since January.
I feel like a zombie most of the time even though I am not taking any pain killers as they affect my head badly. I can't take anti-depressants either.
I have forgotten what it's like to feel normal, laugh & be busy. I feel like a broken toy or a wounded bear!
Send you my love & just to let you know you are not alone feeling like this - you are in good company!! Oops made a joke - hope that means light at end of the tunnel!
Pennie XXX

woodbon

Hope your feeling a bit brighter today, its one of those things that comes and its hard to stop it. Maybe we should just except it as a bad day, I don't know. Lots of love and best wishes Sue

annebr

Hi,

Just thought i would let you all know I am feeling a lot better now. Not quite out of the black hole yet but feeling brighter. Had a good chat with my husband. I worry about things that haven't happened yet and he told me not to, i'm not alone we are a team.

Also, the surgical stockings are now off after six weeks. My poor legs now need some tlc as they are in terrible condition.

Finnally, got out today for some lunch the first in a long time which was lovely.

Thank you all for your messages and support, I would be deeper in the hole if it wasn't for the support of my OH and this site.

Anne xx