Thinking of giving up work

carol71

I'm seriously considering giving up work.
I only do 2 nights a week in a bum smacking supermarket over a weekend. It fits in with childcare but i never get to spend time with the kids and hubby other than an hour every night when hubby gets home before the kids go to bed.
I have only been employed 10 months after taking 7 yrs off when I had the kids.

My boy has Aspergers and I struggle to cope with his violent behaviour towards me.
My mum and sis also suffer with mental health poroblems and i'm their point of call and next of kin. Both have been in hospital this year adding to my stress. My sis has a young son who I had to care for but had to give over to his dad as it was too much for ds to cope with.

I just feel as if i've too much going on and can't face work especially with the pain i'm in on top of everything else.

Just don't know how I go about telling them I don't want to go back.

Do I just write them and say I want to give notice that I won't be comming back or is there a set protacol I need to follow?


Carol xxx

suzster

i'm not sure, but i'm sure someone can help soon.
as for your son, i know how hard aspergers can be to cope with, i know it's very different but i spent a few years working in a children's home, the children all had various 'disabilities' and one young boy had aspergers and it is a very hard thing to deal with and i can imagine 500x worse as i at least could go home and have time off. so i truly understand why working to is hard.
hopefully someone can give you some advie soon.
take care
sue

topgirl

Just think very carefully as why you WANT to stop working...
If its because you are strugglin with your condition then DONT ( yet) there are rules regarding disability at work...( DDA)...work HAVE to help you stay in work....
Ring the jobcentre and ask for an appointment with the diability advisor...they will be very supportive and tell you where you stand legally...they will also tell you about options if you finish work..( esa)
My advisor was really good and even offered to come to work meetings with me....
You may have to wait a couple of weeks to see someone. I would stay of sick till you do just to to give yourself a bit of thinking time( its not easy getting a new job!!!!)...if you are not getting sick pay , again you can claim ESA.....
Once you feel you are getting support...understand more about your treatment etc...you will mentally start to feel a bit better as you feel a bit more in control...( i did anyway)
If , as you are saying your job suits you....keep it and let work make it easier for you...ITS THE LAW!!!!( google DDA)....
You said you work for a supermarket????They will be well aware of DDA ....If you have a meeting with work about your condition, tell them you have spoke to a disability advisor( they will s*i* themselves!!!)
They also have to let you stay of sick to allow medication to work..( I have been of 4 months as im waiting for Sulfasazine to kick in..
Take care and i hope this has helped.
xxx

eckstardeluxe

Hi, only you know what is right.

You have alot on your plate and I'm not surprised you want to give up. It may be your Employer offers career breaks for a set amount of time which might be worth looking into.

Coping with family with mental illness is completely exhausting, I have been there although it was myself putting them through the ringer.

Have a good long think and don't be afraid to ask questions, try ACAS's website, I'm sure they have the guidance on there re returning to work. You'll know whatis right, go with your instincts and whatever you choose to do - don't feel guilty!!!

Good luck with your decision

Eck
xxx

valval

hi can understand u wanting to give up work, but it gives u time to be u not some ones mum, wife ect. do u enjoy it, r u just down at the moment . think it through why u want to give up or do u just feel u can not do this job, can they change things to help u cope better. what ever do not rush into any thing u might regret .if u do wish to finnish u can phone them and ask how to go about it if u do not have a union that could advise. what ever u decide good luck

carol71

Thanks for your replies.

It's a combination of things making me think of giving up work.

Mainly i've enjoyed spending time with my family of a weekend instead of being stuck in bed sleeping all weekend.
I've also noticed a change in ds's behaviour towards me. He's not been lashing out at me as much and i've been able to spend 1 on 1 with both kids while hubby has the other. Not something we got to do when I worked.

I wouldn't get any money if I gave up but as dh is working I wouldn't anyway. I didn't before I went to work. I am only contracted for 14 hrs a week but expected to work 16 minus half hr X2 for meal breaks. Not really sure how it works. We managed before we will again.
Although now ds has been awarded DLA and if i'm not working I could get carers allowance too, however I'd be better working and not getting carers but I have to put myself first.

I feel everything is just getting too much lately. Family being ill and relying on me for everything.

I would still gety me time as I take myself off for a few hrs to cafe nero with a book once a week for a few hrs.

I am due to see Ocopational health again soon. Still waiting for my Physio appointment to come through.

I don't really enjoy my job, I had to put a complaint in against being bullied a few months back, and that weighs on my mind. My boss swept it under the carpet and it only got took seriously after I was off sick due to mum being in hospital that I mentioned it in passing about it worrying me returning to work.

I'm wafflinhg a bit here sorry.

valval

sounds like u would be better leaving u do not need extra agro at moment stress not good just remember that me time very important good luck with what ever u decide

janie68

Hi Carol

are you getting sick pay/ESA at all? I just thought that to keep some money coming in, stay on the sick for the time being and go through the sick policy/dismissal with the company?

But I think you've made your decision to go and I agree with the others, you dont need the hassle,you've got to look after yourself and your health.

Good luck

Janie

eckstardeluxe

carol71 wrote:

Thanks for your replies.

It's a combination of things making me think of giving up work.

Mainly i've enjoyed spending time with my family of a weekend instead of being stuck in bed sleeping all weekend.
I've also noticed a change in ds's behaviour towards me. He's not been lashing out at me as much and i've been able to spend 1 on 1 with both kids while hubby has the other. Not something we got to do when I worked.

I wouldn't get any money if I gave up but as dh is working I wouldn't anyway. I didn't before I went to work. I am only contracted for 14 hrs a week but expected to work 16 minus half hr X2 for meal breaks. Not really sure how it works. We managed before we will again.
Although now ds has been awarded DLA and if i'm not working I could get carers allowance too, however I'd be better working and not getting carers but I have to put myself first.

I feel everything is just getting too much lately. Family being ill and relying on me for everything.

I would still gety me time as I take myself off for a few hrs to cafe nero with a book once a week for a few hrs.

I am due to see Ocopational health again soon. Still waiting for my Physio appointment to come through.

I don't really enjoy my job, I had to put a complaint in against being bullied a few months back, and that weighs on my mind. My boss swept it under the carpet and it only got took seriously after I was off sick due to mum being in hospital that I mentioned it in passing about it worrying me returning to work.

I'm wafflinhg a bit here sorry.

Hi Carol, not sure if this applies, but if you have kids and get carer's allowance, tax credits take it into account as an income, just thought I'd mention it as alot of people don't realise it's taxable and affects their credits.

woodbon

Hi It sounds to me at the moment as if working is a bit much for you. Especally if you don't enjoy your job, but do like being at home and can afford it. I had to give up a job I loved as a care assistant with a bad neck and back and hands is't a lot of use. I have less money of course, but my husband supports my decision and though my last job left me too tired to enjoy anything else.

The thing I miss most are the people, the social contact, but I hope, once I'm sorted (my right had really needs a carpel tunnel op) I will find some volutory work. Its great to have the luxury of time to do what I want as well, houswork can be done slowly, a bit at a time and not in a hurry when I'm still tired. Anyway if you stop work for a while and want to go back to something else in the future, theirs nothing to stop you. In the end though the decision is yours and I'm sure you'll soon decide. I wrote a list with reasons for staying at work and reasons for leaving and looking at it, it was clear what I wanted to do, so I didn't fight the occy health doc.

Good luck with the future, Love Sue