Prize for best excuse!

debatat

Hi, I am going to a party tonight. There will be people there I haven't seen for ages. I am dreading it. Most people don't know I am ill or if I told them wouldn't understand what lupus/Ra or aps was. Yet I have to face them on crutches, with a steroid bloated body and face, with frumpy flat shoes. No high heels or little dresses for me.

Its horrible the way this illness changes you, I am only 37 yet I feel 100. My appearance has altered so much with this illness and I just want to hide, those who see me all the time have accepted it. Sometimes my speech goes as well or I get brain fog and it makes me feel so thick. To those who haven't seen me for a while it is a shock and I hate it.

To go from able bodied to disabled is so hard, whose got the best excuse for me to get out of tonight so I can hide safely at home and watch X factor?
Deb x

sharmaine

Hi
Try and be brave and go. You'll probably have fun. I had to go to my husband's work's do. I didn't want to go either as I have changed ..my left let is totally bent out of shape and I hobble along with my walking stick; I've put on about 20 pounds because I can't exercise the way I used too. My husband wanted me there so I bit the bullet and went. It wasn't so bad and people were very courteous and helpful.

In June I had a party for our son and some of the people who came hadn't seen me for 2 years. I know they were shocked at the changes in me. I hadn't seen my nieces or nephews for 10 months and sent an email to my sister-in-law asking her to explain the changes. The children were better than the adults - they just accepted it and wanted to help me all the time.

We have another big family do coming up in 2 weeks time and there will be family members there who haven't seen me for over a year. I'm determined to go otherwise I'm never going to venture out and life will pass me by.

Do take care and I hope you find the courage to go to the party.

With warm regards
Sharmaine

debatat wrote:

Hi, I am going to a party tonight. There will be people there I haven't seen for ages. I am dreading it. Most people don't know I am ill or if I told them wouldn't understand what lupus/Ra or aps was. Yet I have to face them on crutches, with a steroid bloated body and face, with frumpy flat shoes. No high heels or little dresses for me.

Its horrible the way this illness changes you, I am only 37 yet I feel 100. My appearance has altered so much with this illness and I just want to hide, those who see me all the time have accepted it. Sometimes my speech goes as well or I get brain fog and it makes me feel so thick. To those who haven't seen me for a while it is a shock and I hate it.

To go from able bodied to disabled is so hard, whose got the best excuse for me to get out of tonight so I can hide safely at home and watch X factor?
Deb x

debatat

Thanks Sharmaine, it is hard isn't it? I am glad you went and had a good time. I have been before, but last time I went I dragged myself there, I was so ill I couldn't walk at all and I got stuck in the corner all night with one person who felt compelled to stay with me out of politeness. No one else spoke to me as I was on crutches. :oops: When I needed the loo, I had to ask for help and it was horrid. :oops:

I will see how I feel in a bit, I am shattered with all the pain and the morphine is making me tired, I have suitcases under my eyes, never mind bags!!!

Thanks for your reply.

Deb x

lindalegs

Hi Deb,

I know just how you feel having been to a school and also works reunion meeting people I hadn't met for years and years.

Please go, after the initial walking in the room you'll be fine. Just be yourself and then people won't see your disease they'll see you and will be glad to see you. If you chose not to go the harder meeting people will get - it's best to bite the bullet.

Hope you enjoy yourself.

Luv Legs

maud48

Hi Deb
I'm really new on this site and just coming to terms arthritis myself but just had to reply to you.
I can't imagine how awful it must be for you at the age of 37, hundreds of times worse than for me at the age of 60, and I'm finding that difficult enough.
All I can say is that you sound like a wonderful person, with a great sense of humour and although it isn't easy, I know, I'm sure other people will accept you for what you are not what you look like (and if they don't then they aren't worth knowing anyway!),
Maudxx

dachshund

Hi Deb.
go with your head held high and talk about anything that come's to you.
but dont talk about your self or how you feel unless some one ask's about you.
just be you and enjoy yourself.
joan xx

valval

u do not need an excuse u must do what u want at the moment u can only do so much so choose what u want and enjoy it. if u want to go hold your head up and enjoy do not feel u have to explain your self, if any one askes tell them some might understand but think of your self at this time be nice to your self some times its good to get out and meet people good luck

duskstar

I would say x factor is just better than going out anyday anyway! But then again maybe you should go out and show all those people how to do some awesome dance on crutches.

Good luck, I hope you enjoy your evening whatever you do

debatat

Thank you for all your advice, only a fellow arthur sufferer could understand this, my hubby just gets annoyed with me over this, he is normally quite good.

Thanks maud for your kind words.

I think X factor beats everything as well!!

Have a lovely evening everyone.

Deb x

debatat

I went and had a lovely time!! I took my crutches and despite an embarrassing moment when I couldn't get up out of chair or walk due to stiffening up etc, it was lovely to catch up with everyone.

Deb x

frogmorton

Well done you DEb!!!!!!
So very very proud of you!!
Glad it all went so well - you will be less scared next time now.
BUT you did miss a good x factor
Good job!
Toni x

valval

hi well done took some courage. but u did it and getting out is always good, if u r up to it . next time u meet these people they will not be suprised to see crutches (oops) and have good rest to day and warm bath sitting in those chairs always makes me stiff find my self going toilet just for the walk lol

lindalegs

Hi Deb,

So glad you enjoyed it - it would have been easier to give in and not go - so I'm proud of you for making the supreme effort.

Know what you mean about getting out of chairs - I always feel as though I have an audience when I have to get up in a roomful of people :roll:

Well done again.

Luv Legs

ritwren

I was wondering if you went or not. You are very brave and strong well done. I'm glad to hear you had a good time. Pity you missed the x factor it was quite good. It is repeated again today around 1300hrs so you might get to catch up.
rita

funkym

Hi Debetat#ahh glad u had good time,have to say can relate im 38 dress wise not at all way i want at moment and horrible lupus butterfly rash face makes 1 feel quite ugly yukky.

take care on this sunny day lv funkym

tkachev

Hi Deb,

I havent been well enough to go out for years!It is a mixture of embarressment and inability to enjoy myself and guilt at spoiling everyones fun.I just wanted to rest at home with all my familiar comforts.
I am on the mend now,having had Humira since October and then a THR.I made myself go out partying on Fri 5th too.First time for 4 years that the OH and I went out together doing the things we used to do before R.A.It was great but I couldnt have done it without the op as walking,sitting,standing were all too much before.
It was a big step but I needed to have fun again.
I never know when all the pain will return so I am going to have a life again while I can.I hope those still suffering badly will understand and I am not Pssng them off!

Take care Tkachev

lindalegs

That's really good news Tkachev - we have to live for today no one knows what's round the corner.

Well done.

Luv Legs

valval

well done u get out and enjoy your self that what it all about showing others it not all bad there is hope and a light at the end of the tunnel we all need hope

Wonkylegs

HI Deb,

well done on making the effort and so glad that you enjoyed yourself.

I know the feeling .... we had to go to a family wedding this weekend and I really didn't feel up to it. My joints are rebelling, my stomach is upset a lot, and I always feel so frumpy with my flat shoes (not that I ever was a fashion-follower really) and when i watch everyone dancing and having a good time.

It is the driving, staying at my dad's in a different bed etc that really get to me - I have to take so much more than if I was well. I had 4 pillows and a bag full of meds before we started on clothes :oops: :roll:

I did enjoy myself, but had to use my walking stick, which I have often managed not to need on similar such 'family' events in the past. I found that people made the effort to come over and talk to me this time, maybe because they saw the stick and realised that things were tough for me right now.

maybe sticks & critches are there as much to help other people understand Arthritis as they are to help us cope with it.

and well done to us both for going out there and surviving (even if today I have been totally shattered!)

sharmaine

Hi

It's nice to be invited to a party - it means they want you there. We are always the first to leave because going out in the evenings tires me out. I know what you mean about asking for help. I always need a chair nearby and help to get out of the chair! Then I have to walk around for a bit otherwise my joints cease up.
Luckily my husband keeps an eye on me and knows the signs.

This party I'm going to next week has given me something to look forward to. I've bought a new top and trousers; and I'm going to have my hair done. It'll be nice to doll myself up, if only for a few hours! I look forward to a little dance with my husband (a slow one).

It takes real courage to carry on with life when you have this condition but we have to be strong.

Sharmaine

debatat

Sharmaine, I hope you a have a really lovely time at your party. It helps when you buy something new and have your hair done first. I usually do that or have my nails done, it helps me. I didn't have time before this party.

Have a great time and let me know how you got on.

Deb x

sharmaine

Hi Deb

I'm glad you went to the party! I'm sure the person who helped you out of your chair was pleased to do it. If my hubby isn't around I ask for help too.
I hope you're feeling ok.

Sharmaine

valval

people like to help they just do not want to embaris u by offering if u do not want or need help but if u ask u r helping them as then they will not worry about upsetting u and making u feel that they think u can not cope( some people get up set) so i would ask for help if car broke down u would ask for help or if bleeding so why not us

luckybug

You need to go out occassionally, makes you forget about your pain for a while. I'm off to Spain on Monday with my mum, bugger when you cant get dressed without your bloody mum being with you, I'm 45 had RA since age of 2, so know exactly how u feel. But a few bacardi and cokes and a few laughs with the holiday makers, I'll be sound. Even if my feet do balloon with the heat and the plane...I'm gonna enjoy myself, then when I get back I have 2 weeks to recouperate and then my sister and her kids are dragging me off to Benidorm (never been) were all inclusive so should be fun, and I've warned our lass she will have to get me a scooter like that woman on the TV show Benidorm, all part of the fun. Glad you enjoyed yourself xx