Feeling low

maud48

Feeling very low and bad, dizzy, nausea (problems waiting to see ENT specialist), not slept for pain.
Have to take grandson to school and not sure how I'm going to, as feeling too ill to walk and too dizzy to drive.
Just had a big argument with my husband as he was leaving for an all day meeting and told him I wasn't sure if I can manage with grandson. He feels I'm messing up his life and job.
Can't help feeling this is all my fault, if only I wasn't so self pitying and pulled myself together I'd feel OK. Big guilt again I know but it keeps creeping back, it's very hard to be so useless.
Thanks for letting me moan, I'm finding it hard to be positive right now,
Maudxx

skezier

Hi Maud,

Sorry your having a bad time of it now, I really hope things get easier bone wise and life wise. I'm sorry I can't remember what pain relief you take but maybe if you see your gp again they can come up with a better combination that will provide better help. I wish I could be more helpful and I really hope you day gets better. Take care Cris

robertls

So sorry you're feeling low Maud.

Don't know what to say, other than 'We're all here for you'.

Rob x

maud48

Hi Cris
Hope you're OK today and not feeling bad as you're posting so early.
I'm sitting here drinking gallons of coffee to try to feel better before my hyperactive granson wakes up.
I'm taking co-codamol at present but seeing GP again soon to try to get meds sorted out. I've also got dizziness, nausea, ringing in ears which I thought might be connected with OA in neck but GP things is Menieres disease so it's hard to know if the co-codamol is making me feel so ill or if it's the ear problem. I'm waing for an ENT appointment for that.
Maud

skezier

Hi Maud,

I found the co-codamol wasn't too good so it might well be worth asking when you see the gp. Hey I get the dizziness without the ear ringing and for me stemiltel works well, so if your gp hasn't given you anything ask him if that might help you. Its meant to be good for menieres. Mine does come from the neck but its quite well controlled with that. If he already has you on it see if upping the dose may help?

I really do hope your day gets better. Mine will but not till round 4 pm :? I know in advance this week Take care, Cris

maud48

Hi Cris
What are you taking instead of co=codamol? I'm taking Serc for the other problems which helps, it doesn't take it away but makes me feel less knocked out - nothing takes away the army of crickets in my head except lour music on my ipod!!!
God I feel like a sad old git, sitting here posting messages about m aches and pains at this hour of the morning
xx

skezier

Hi Maud,

That was a long time ago I was on them but I think I took them 3 or 4 x a day? I know they didn't do much for me and it may well be a good idea to talk to your gp about a different combination. Oh the sad gits club, I think we all have days when we feel were enrolled in that one There may be a reason why they haven't got you on stemiltel but they work really well for me so again there's nothing to lose by asking. I know I said before I really think your gp could be doing more for you here. A ((( ))) and a hope tings get easier for you. Cris x

skezier

Sorry Maud, just read your question again..... :oops: I don't always see things too well in the mornings. The rest of the day I just don't compute them right I take s/r diclo's, tramadol and pregabalin with the stemetil and a few other bits for other troubles. They also gave me paracetamol to take as bit of back up. Hope things get better for you. xx

elnafinn

Dear Maud

I am so sorry to hear how life is with you at this time. None of this is your fault, how can it be? We do not ask for illness and family issues. All we can do is our best, which I am sure you do and if you are in pain nearly all the time and feeling dizzy when on your feet, that is awful especially in charge of a hyper active child and driving. I can understand your husband's frustrations in a way too, but this does not help you and you understandably feel totally alone at times which is frightening and depressing.

I know it may be expensive but can you go by taxi to the school with him, if it is not too far, at least you would not have to drive.

Not sleeping makes everything trebly bad in all ways. We do need a certain amount of sleep.

I know we say go back to your doctor etc but I really think you must and tell him exactly how it is. I wonder, do you tell him the real truth, that is if he is a sympathetic doc? I cannot remember if you said he was or not, but I have a niggling suspicion he is not. In that case you must see another doctor, one that is. Can you call and try to get an cancellation to the ENT specialist whom you desperately need to see.

I am so sorry all seems very black for you at the moment, I wish I could help you more. We are here for you as you know and I hope that helps a wee bit.

Love
Elna x

woodbon

I'm so sorry that your going through a rough patch with things. Its so hard when you haven't had any sleep too. You do need to see your GP. Mornings are never the best time to discuss things with your husband, you need to be able to relax a bit and sit down and talk properly. Once in a while, when you feel unwell a taxi is the best and safest thing to use and shouldn't cost the earth, if you wake up feeling bad again, could you book a taxi for the school run? Grannys have hard time of it these days, they have just finished having to look after there kids, when their kids turn up and ask them to look after the grandchildren! Which I'm sure you love, but it must be a handful. Take care. Love Sue.

frogmorton

Oh Maud
You really need to get some help with your Grandson Social services have to help if you tell them you can't cope. I know it's hard, but maybe there could be some help you could get for him. Does he get any DLA? if so maybe you could pay for a taxi sometimes so you can not have to drive?
Stemetil helps me with dizziness and vertigo - maybe GP can prescribe it if it's ok for you to take. IT gives me no other side effects at all.
You mustn't feel guilty - hubby probably feels bad now too - NONE of this is your doing NONE of it
Take care
Toni x

maud48

Thanks everyone for all the kind words, it really helps.
Well I drove to school, rather scary but survived, tried for a taxi but all were booked up - this is a small town!
Will see GP asap but can't tell him about the driving as he told me not to.
Social Services have absolutely refused to help and I'm quite worried about asking them again as their last words to me were if I couldn't cope they would have to take my grandson into care, he lives with us fulltime.
I'm still waiting for the ENT apppointment, I had an appointment in June which I had to change as I was on holiday, then had to cancel the next one as my grandson was ill and had no-one to look after him. They then told me I would have to go back to my GP and get re-referred as I had cancelled 2 appointments, I did explain I was a carer and that made things difficult but they weren't sympathetic - just had to meet targets. I've been referred again but as the ENT consultant is only here one day a week it's a long wait.
My husband is one of those people who lives for his work and sees his whole identity in it. I tend to live in fear of what he's going to expect me to do next; he was away all last week but fortunately my younger son was able to take time off work and come to stay to help with grandson. It's hard to feel worried about doing little things which I feel I should be able to do without even having to think about them, and was able to until recently. Not so long ago I was in Africa driving old land rovers on very bad roads and playing polocrosse (like lacrosse but on horseback).
Positive thinking - that's what I need!
Getting addicted to researching family tree on Ancestry website. Sat down to look at it for a few minutes 2 hours ago! One of my daughters started it and put me on as an editor. Have managed to get back to the sixteenth century with some of the family, has anyone here tried it?
maud

elnafinn

Dear Maud

Eeek, you are taking a risk driving against the doctors orders. That must be a terrible worry for you along with everything else as you will appreciate it could be very dangerous and not only for you and your grandson.

I really do not know what the answer is to all this but I wonder what would happen if you were laid up for 4 - 6 weeks and totally unable to carry on with your daily routine. This really is a desperate story and I find it hard to believe that you are not eligible for any help with your grandson and minimal help with your own health issues. Surely there is someone who can pull some strings for you to get some positive action started on both problems.

Quite honestly however positive you try to be, that is not going to solve the underlying problems you are going through but it will help. What you need is action and how I wish I could make that happen for you.

Hugs to you,
Elna x

frogmorton

Hi Maud
I am so with Elna on this one.
After all you are saving the state quite a bit of money if they did have to take him into care (heaven forbid), but I would get onto my MP or someone else with clout if you can. A little bit of help for you now could save a lot in the future.
Maybe your Grandsons needs qualify you for an assessment under the community care act as a carer? See what the MP thinks. Honestly Maud this is terrible and as Elna says.
This is also putting pressure on yours and Hubby's rekationship and I think you should act sooner rather than later.
That ancestry thing sounds brilliant - also addictive!
Also your 'healthy' life sounds wonderful and very full too - you must miss that yourself.
maud you take care
I really feel for you
Toni xx

woodbon

Could you claim any allowance, so that your gradson could have a childminder to look after him after in the afternoons. I've no ideas what help their is for children but their miust be something in special circumstances. Would CAB be able to help you, or have you got a social worker? It all seems to be so unfair.
Don't know what to suggest. I don't suppose theirs a school bus? We have them here but the school is several miles away across country. Take care, Love Sue

maud48

Hi
Thanks everyone.
I have actually seen our MP and he's written to social services, so has our grandson's GP, my GP and paediatrician (he has health and developmental issues).
I can only get a carer's assessment if I have parental responsibility so am going through the process of getting a residence order (court date 1st october).
I agree it's an unbelievable situation but don't know what else I can do. I've written and spoken to social services so many times and also tried lots of different organisations but nobody seems able to help.
I will keep plodding on as long as I can, hgudsband retires in 4 years so am counting off the time and hoping I can keep going until then,
maud

frogmorton

Hi Maud
you have done well then to get that far. Good luck with the residence order - without doubt you will get it. Your Grandson is lucky to have you
You look after yourself
Toni x

tkachev

Hi Maud

My son was diagnosed with autism in 2002.In my area we get direct payments,a cash amount to use to help get a carer or pay for a playscheme for special needs.I employ a carer every Tuesday to take him from school so I can take my MTX and cope.And he goes to special playschemes.
There have been times when I didnt want to wake up knowing that I would be expected to supervise him even though I could barely walk.It was a source of major arguements with my partner.I had to keep going up and down the stairs to check what he was doing.I couldnt bare for my partnerto go out unless I had a babysitter to help me as I couldnt get up once I was in bed.My partner was always wanting to go out and his friends were forever texting him even though I asked them to give us plenty of time to arrange a carer and even then nothing was guaranteed
It upsets me to think about how awful everything was but I never once blamed myself.As Elna says it is not our fault.
Since my THR and new medication I am able to deal with things thankfully, but I understand and remember the past frustrations.
Try to contact some local carer organisations for advice at this point in time,just to get an idea about what help is about.From my experience the more you demand the more you get.
Take care Tkachev

maud48

Hi
I will keep on trying but have contacted everyone I can think of. Quite a few organisations have said they could help but there's nothing in our area.
Forgot to say Social Services one input was to send someone to give me parenting classes. Quite insulting as we're both qualified teachers, have been foster parents in the past and also adopted children, but I accepted it. The girl who came was very nice and we had some good chats.
I think they're judging us as a disfunctional family because of our daughter's problems. I really think she has mental health problems but as she's drinking so much nothing can be done and she totally refuses any help. When we've managed to get her into any programmes she just gets angry and leaves. She's in a really bad way and has started having seizures when drunk so every time the phone rings at night we expect the worse.
We've got 7 children (some adopted) and all the others are doing really well in their lives. Our daughter's twin brother, who we adopted at the same time when they were both 6 weeks old, is a social worker (not in this area) who works with asylum seekers. He tries hard to help her but like the rest of the family gets nowhere.
Our grandson has fetal alcohol syndrome which causes ADHD and developmental delays. His mother didn't admit she was pregnant until 36 weeks and no-one knew as it didn't show. He's hard to manage, especailly as he's really big for his age of just 4 (wears 6-7 clothes).
Thanks for all your interest,
Maud

tkachev

I bet you felt insulted with the parenting advice.It is the constant struggle with pain that I found so difficult and being expected to carry on as normal.My partner has had a drug problem(not told anyone about that before)and sometimes he just flakes aout...all day and he gets terribly moody and sensitive(paranoid).
My defence system kicks in then and I run on adrenaline but it has been very hard to cope at times.
There is nothing wrong with our brains just our bodies.
I really feel for you
Take care Tkachev

frogmorton

Maud
I think you are a star
and TK too children with these kinds of needs are a real challenge. TK I am glad you are getting your direct payments through. I think Maud should get it too when she has the residence order.
Both of you have my admiration.
Take care
Toni x

hazelsmum

woodbon wrote:

Could you claim any allowance, so that your gradson could have a childminder to look after him after in the afternoons. I've no ideas what help their is for children but their miust be something in special circumstances. Would CAB be able to help you, or have you got a social worker? It all seems to be so unfair.
Don't know what to suggest. I don't suppose theirs a school bus? We have them here but the school is several miles away across country. Take care, Love Sue

Hi Maud
I would start with the CAB, they're on the net and as far as I am aware you can email them with questions. You've got nothing to loose and last time I contacted them they were fantastic and pulled some strings for me to sort things out (mind you that was over 20yrs ago.) Worth a go though.
Kaye

woodbon

Hi Maud, I hope now you'v written to your MP, if he does what he promised to do, and writes to Social Services, they may well suddenly find that they can offer you some real help. I do hope so anyway, I think that you'r wonderful to look after your Grandson, especially with arthritis to contend, ear problems etc with as well. Its not surprising that it puts a strain on your relationship with your husband, especially as he will have his own stresses at work. Oh, I wish I could suggest something really useful, but all I can say is Good Luck with all the problems you have and I hope the they can sort out your ear for you. Take care, Love Sue

maud48

Thank you everyone for all the helpful replies.
TK I'm really glad things are better for you than they were and thank you so much for replying to me.
We've got a court hearing for 1st october for the residence order so will get that over before thinking about what else to do.
I've got a GP appointment for next Monday and intend to be very forceful in getting my meds sorted out - all the information I've got from others in this forum is invaluable in that,
Maudxx

jordan7j

Hi Maud, Social services cannot take your grandson into care just because you are unwell, it is their duty to help you. Does your grandson have any special needs? I only ask, as if he does they are obliged to provide a care package for him, this includes help to get ready for school, to get there and back,and to get ready for bed. If not you are still entitled to help, you could try asking for help via his school, and definitey through your gp. I hope things improve for you, and your health problems will be solved. I worked in a special school, so was involved with social services and community nurses, physios, speech therapists etc. these people are there to help, not to put barriers in your way. Good luck Jay :?

maud48

Thank you Jay. My grandson has special needs due to his fetal alcohol syndrome and is getting help at school and also speech therapy, unfortunately what I also need is practical help with him and social services are unwilling to give any help or support.
I do get carer's allowance for him and can ask social services for a carer's assessment as soon as we have parental responsibility (apparently they don't have to help if we haven't got that but didn't tell me, I only found out from searching the internet).
We've got a court date for a residence order which gives parental responsibility on 1st october so hoping things will go smoothly. I'll let you know what happens,
Thank you for getting back to me,
maud