Feeling a Fraud!!

annebr

Hi Everyone,

Not sure if it's the beginning of one of my 'black hole' phases but sometimes I feel such a fraud. I don't know why I but I just feel as if maybe everything is all in my head. I know it isn't as I wouldn't be on strong painkillers or have had surgery. But sometimes I just think that maybe the pain isn't as bad as it is and I should consider myself lucky.

On days which have less pain I feel bad as if I have been making it all up.

I had thought I had come to terms with everything but obviously not, this disease is certainly a rollercoaster.

Thanks for listening.

Anne

valval

hi anne we all feel that way when i go docs always think she will say pull your self together even though i know how much pain i get and how swollen joints get still think no one will belive me lol so u r not on your own most of us go through this so chin up and wishing u a good pain free day

suziev

annebr wrote:

Hi Everyone,

Not sure if it's the beginning of one of my 'black hole' phases but sometimes I feel such a fraud. I don't know why I but I just feel as if maybe everything is all in my head. I know it isn't as I wouldn't be on strong painkillers or have had surgery. But sometimes I just think that maybe the pain isn't as bad as it is and I should consider myself lucky.

On days which have less pain I feel bad as if I have been making it all up.

I had thought I had come to terms with everything but obviously not, this disease is certainly a rollercoaster.

Thanks for listening.

Anne

your not the only one, a couple of months back well april/may i felt really good and like you felt a a total fraud myself. i woke up every morning with a spring in my step and thought i guess i should be looking for a job. it only lasted 3 weeks before i was back down again but still that whole time i thought had i been almost dreaming the pain and stiffness. it's a shock when it comes back. i have now learnt to roll with it and enjoy the good days. i don't think we ever stop being on that rollercoaster!
suzie

jenzie06

Hiya
Totally feel the same as you on many many occasions. I don't have 'traditional' symptoms, I don't tick every box so the docs question the diagnosis repeatedly. I've only had a diagnosis as my blood tests comfrmed RA. But I have very little swelling. My feet get really hot, red and swollen at night but of course the docs never see it.
Its completely frustrating!
Try not to feel like that, I know its really difficult. I've had comments from docs which have made me so upset because it feels like they don't believe me. My consultant believes me but I don't get to see him very often (at my 6monthly check up on monday he was on holiday so I got to see a terriblr registrar - but thats another story!).

I try and be grateful on the days that I feel ok and on the days I feel crappy I think 'I know its not all in my head!!'
Its bloody difficult though!!


Keep your chin up and know that you're not alone.

holmesi

hiya anne,i feel exactly the same as you ,when i have good days few and far between ,i think its all in me head as well and think this is great go ahead do loads ,next day bang ,buggers back again,yep it is a rollercoaster of emotions ,just hang in there ,auntie elna will probaly be along in a mo ,she cheers everybody up,holmesi

Wonkylegs

just remember that just because today happens to be a bad one, tomorrow doesn't have to be the same.

You are bound to have ups and downs - we all do - and it is really difficult to always get the balance right.

BUT you are recognising how you are feeling so you are doing really well!

elnafinn

holmesi wrote:

auntie elna will probaly be along in a mo ,she cheers everybody up,holmesi

Bless you Holmesi, do I really? I do hope you feel a little brighter today and you are taking your meds each day so they have a chance to get into your system and not doing what you were ....... on a good day deciding to dismiss them.

Luv
Elna x()

sharmaine

Hi Anne
We all have good days and bad ones. I experimented and didn't take my medication for 3 days and I was in pain and didn't quite know what to do with myself. My husband said it was obvious I was in pain and I could barely walk - he couldn't take me being so grumpy either! I wanted to test myself and the results of my silly experiment I need to take my meds they help with my mobility and with the pain.

When you have good days embrace them...when you have bad days take the weight off your feet, rest and relax.

You are not a fraud!!!!

Sharmaine

nick55

and see how badly others suffer, and wonder if we are being left out maybe??? It may be having arthritis is like being in a club, of fellow sufferers. one walks about with a walking pole, in the country wondering how much is really necessary, am I making it up, until next day the pain starts, and one stops walking and limps instead!!!!
I think we need convincing sometimes, not self pity, but need the conviction on good days that we are suffering from arthritis. it is often such a funny condition. I did some long long walks recently, as though it has all healed up, now I am staying at home. just doing housework and such. most annoying when the sun is shining. no one is a fraud when the pain starts, but when it goes we wonder if it will stay that way, it never does though. nature always reminds us,

i would love it have a long walk now, but tried yesterday, the aches remind you what you an and cannot do sadly.
Nick

annebr

Thanks everyone.

I know myself that sometimes my feelings are irrational but I can't help it. I will try and go with the flow a bit more and not worry and get upset (easier said than done).

Couldn't get through this without you.

Anne

woodbon

Hello, I think its so easy to think these things; to go from days when you think you'r making it up to days when the pain is so bad, you feel it must be getting much worse and don't know what to do with yourself. Its like a rollercoaster ride. Makes you bl###y sick! :x Love Sue

annebr

Sue/Jan,

Thanks for your support. It certainly is a rollercoaster ride, never a dull moment.

And we have to fight for everything, DLA, blue badges etc. One of my worries is when will I get back to work, I am self employed and although I have paid a fortune in taxes I am not entitled to any help at the moment. Had to fight for blue badge last year as they couldn't understand why I wanted one when I worked?

Never thought I would feel guilty for having days that the pain wasn't too bad but that's what arthur does to you.

I can't thank the people on this forum enough for all the help and support. You feel like old friends and have actually shown more kindness than some of my friends and I laughed and cried with you all reading the posts.

Anne xx

paula39

Sometimes I feel like my friends and workmates think I am making up the fact that I have Arthritis as when I told them they all said that my doctor had got it wrong, but they are not the one that wakes up in the morning stiff and in pain and if it wasn't for that I would think that I was making it up :?

tinyzab

I can really relate to your story Anne. At my initial appt I was given a one off steroid injection to tide me over till the sulfaz started working (which it hasn't yet - coming up to 3 months on full dose so keeping fingers crossed). anyway - the injection made it all seem to go away (in relation to how it was when it was bad) and all the pain seemed to be a distant memory. Had some stiffness in the morning still but nowhere near as bad as before. Felt like a fraud...but recently, last 3 weeks I've been in pain during the night, waking up when I move etc, having pain in my hips at work, finger joints being painful etc etc. Have recently started making a point of talking to people more about how I'm feeling, the pain etc, as I don't think they really comprehend how it is and that its a long term condition that really does impact on your life! Think i'd best stop as I'm going off on a rant! You certainly aren't a fraud - people just need to be guided to what arthur is all about! With you all the way!

annebr

Thanks. I think everyone knows the feelings of guilt when it's bad and you can't do anything and guilt when you feel good as if you are making it up.

I agree that people's understanding is lacking. I have not long had an op and a lot of people seem to think I am 'cured'

Anne

maria09

I started with arthritis when I was 40 & 6 yrs down the line still suffering!
We all know we have this for life & we try to make the best of what we have
Ive just had a nasty flare up & know what you mean when you say people dont understand
I just try & explain how im feeling just tell evryone its like worse toothache ever all the time that usually makes them understand
Dont feel guilty when your feeling better enjoy coz we all know the bad times are just around the corner
take care
M