I am soooooo angry!!!

sharmaine
sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
edited 6. Oct 2009, 15:19 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi all

I'm going to apologise for my rant before I start! My ignorant next door neighbour had another dig at me in the midst of a conversation about gardening. I was saying how much I had missed doing it - he said it's better to do some exercise than sitting around watching television all day!!! He has absolutely no idea what I do with my time! How dare he make assumptions. I had to put up with him suggesting I go for a run!!

He's obviously ignorant to the fact that I have to walk with a stick and am waiting to have 2 knee replacements. Let him try and run and garden with this disease. I know I'm sensitive because I long to do the things I can no longer do and when I have to listen to such rudeness it makes my blood boil!!!!

I'm quite proud that I can just about manage to keep my house clean and believe me it is. Alright I can't bend to do some things but I've found ways to manage my housework (I can't hoover the stairs!!!). I don't spend my time in front of the tv (and if I did it is no business of his) - I read; I'm teaching myself how to play the piano; I write short stories etc. I'm not idle and never have been.

I am NEVER going to speak to him again. I shall be ignoring him.

Sharmaine

Comments

  • skezier
    skezier Member Posts: 11,333
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Sharmaine,

    I understand your anger but he ain't worth being wound up over. I have a lot of people who say simular to me and one I gave a leaflet on oa and pa to....... So far its worked...... I am sorry though cus its so unnecessary! Don't let him bug you and keep on doing what your doing. A ((( ))) and take care, Cris
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Chris

    I'm much calmer now thanks! My husband was dumb struck when I told him. My husband is a pure angel (I love him) and I expect when I'm out of shot he'll have a kindly word to fill our neighbour in on my disabilities. I don't want him to say anything but my husband hates any bad feeling - he's a gentle soul!

    I have decided that I will say hello but I will never stop to engage in idle chit chat. He is well aware of what I have but is to ignorant to grasp the fundamentals! I'm generally very willing to shrug some stuff off but he has seen me go downhill in just 3 years and to say such a thing is just not on.

    It is a real shame that we have to put up with this kind of thing...such is life. Don't worry I won't let him get me down.

    Thanks for your kind words.

    Sharmaine
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 9,218
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Sharmaine.
    I know how you feel i used to cut the grass but i cannot do it any more because my legs ache to much,
    why dont you say to your neighbour you would like the time to watch tv. joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi

    I wish I was quick off the mark with comments - I only think of them later. I wish I could have said something like "let me bash your knee joints with a shovel and then smash it across your knuckles" that's how I feel on a daily basis......now let's see you run ... and do the garden with swollen and painful joints".

    I'll laugh at this later....but to suggest I run and dig over a garden in my condition is ludicrous!!

    If he says anything again I'll rehearse some terse remarks!!! :D

    Sharmaine
  • joyful164
    joyful164 Member Posts: 2,401
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hello Sharmaine
    It's a shame that your neighbour is showing a degree of ignorance, perhaps he was trying to be funny :lol::lol:
    One of the comments made by my illustrious neighbour during WWIII over the last 3 months, and he put it down in an email. that he wouldn't have the gall to live on benefits like us.

    After January 1st 2010 it will only be our pension. Not much. The DLA mobility stops.
    These days, you can't trust neighbours like you use to. I can remember when we would all collect round each others houses for coffee and look out for one another.
    I can't do as much gardening as I did if any now and all the things you yourself can't do. I wish I could afford a gardener for an hour or two each week.
    Perhaps he is just being insensitive. Ignore him A big {{{{{{}}}}} and cup of coffee from me or we could pop down the cafe

    Joy
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    hi sharmine just remember when u see him he is just a misinformed nobody who has no brains, so treat him as u would any other thicko take all he says with a pinch of salt . u will catch up with garden when knees sorted so do not let him get to u .i could not run even if did not have this lol
    val
  • lindalegs
    lindalegs Member Posts: 5,398
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    I know just how you feel Sharmaine. Careless comments from friends that can get to me if I'm feeing low is

    'Race ya' :shock:
    or
    'I'm nearly walking as badly as you' :shock: :shock:

    ...alot of people don't think of the hurt they can inflict by thoughtless comments. Most times I can laugh it off and know they're just being 'funny' at my expense but some days .... :cry:

    I'm sure we all know how you feel.

    Luv Legs :|
    Love, Legs x
    'Make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing'
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi, Sorry you had such an upset. It does make you feel awful a sort of knot in my tummy when I get upset like that! I'ts not worth the trouble and agro to bother about that type of remark. Hope you feel better, love Sue
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Joy

    I think it is jealousy - and it's misguided. I would love to be at work but I can't. How very foolish some people are. Instead of minding their own business they have to stick their noses in other people's.
    Even my son said to me "Mum you have lots of time now" and I think of all the years I've looked after the house, garden, being a mother; charitable work; food shopping; paid the bills and worked full time and now to have arthur permanently resident in my knees, hands and shoulder - well aren't I the lucky one!!! I explained to my son about the pitfalls about being arthritic and how disabled I am by it. He's married. I honestly think his wife thought that I would be there to clean their house and do their ironing. While they worked full time and had a fabulous social life. Apparently when they have children I'll be expected to care for them all day and everyday whilst they work. While I don't mind helping out - I think it's wrong for them to make such assumptions. Well she is very much mistaken - I have enough trouble managing my own home and I raised my son without any help from family. He said he didn't mean it and said sorry. But if he's thinking it - then so are others. I'm not going to feel guilty about being disabled!!!

    Some people are simply ignorant.

    Sharmaine
  • joyful164
    joyful164 Member Posts: 2,401
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Sharmaine

    Do hope your DIL is not thinking you are making excuses so that you are not there 24/7 . I would be most upset to think that any child of mine was that insensitive.

    I'm ashamed of myself though, because I did take my mum and dad for granted a bit more often than I should have done, especially when they were probably not feeling very well. It's not until you are older that you realise and then it is too late. No at the moment, you are number one at times and don't let anyone forget that. My main regret is that now I am retired and all the things I was going to do when I retired, are not happening now, apart from my painting, and that is an effort sometimes.
    Anyway, big hugs and goodnight,
    I am having an early night tonight.
    joy
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    HI
    Sorry, but I think you would be silly to start doing housework for your son. If hes married, he and his wife should look after themselves. How you spend your time is your own business! Even if you where fit as a flea and had nothing to do but lie around all day!

    As you are disabled they should help you! I suppose he just didn't think, like a lot of people. Just a bit of arthritis! We often say that when we pull a muscle. Perhaps we should give it a more immpressive name, something long and impossible to say or remember! :wink:
    Love Sue
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi

    I love my son to bits but often I am shocked at their lack of sensitivity - I just put it down to their youth! They both came in after shopping, starving and asked if they could heat up their pizza - I said sure go ahead. Now if it was me I would have offered any one present a bit but they didn't.

    I thought I raised my son better than that. I think his wife is a bit selfish and maybe some of it has rubbed off onto him.
    Sharmaine
  • mike77
    mike77 Member Posts: 879
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    sharmaine wrote:
    Hi

    I wish I was quick off the mark with comments - I only think of them later. I wish I could have said something like "let me bash your knee joints with a shovel and then smash it across your knuckles" that's how I feel on a daily basis......now let's see you run ... and do the garden with swollen and painful joints".

    I'll laugh at this later....but to suggest I run and dig over a garden in my condition is ludicrous!!

    If he says anything again I'll rehearse some terse remarks!!! :D

    Sharmaine
    Hi sharmaine :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I just can picture you hitting neibour with shovel :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I would just ignore what he says , I was in tescos the other day , an old lady stopped me on my mobility scooter and said tut tut tut son I have arthritis in my knees and spine and can walk around this store ok I said thats good but I have osterarthritis all over if I try to walk I have to use all my strenth to move and I get out of breath, here do you want to sit down . cause when I stand its sore . she went red in the face and walked away , I shouted take care , everybody looked at her , told hazel when I got home we both laughed at the cheek of her .

    dont let people get to you ( I know its hard )Take care
    MIKE R & Hazel & MIKE JR :):):):):):)
    Mike R & Hazel & MikeJR
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Mike and Hazel

    Thanks for your note! Imagine someone coming up to you whilst you're on your mobility scooter and saying such a thing!!! Good on you for standing your ground and saying something. I think I'm going to toughen up and start sticking up for myself. I would never dream of being so rude.

    I just don't think arthritis has a high enough profile with the general public. Those that have good joints/bones are lucky. Losing one's mobility is tough and we shouldn't have to defend ourselves. My neighbour is going to get a real mouthful from me if he utters one rude remark again. I'm ready for him and he's going to get an encylopediac knowledge of arthritis!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

    Take care.
    Sharmaine
    mike77 wrote:
    sharmaine wrote:
    Hi

    I wish I was quick off the mark with comments - I only think of them later. I wish I could have said something like "let me bash your knee joints with a shovel and then smash it across your knuckles" that's how I feel on a daily basis......now let's see you run ... and do the garden with swollen and painful joints".

    I'll laugh at this later....but to suggest I run and dig over a garden in my condition is ludicrous!!

    If he says anything again I'll rehearse some terse remarks!!! :D

    Sharmaine
    Hi sharmaine :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I just can picture you hitting neibour with shovel :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I would just ignore what he says , I was in tescos the other day , an old lady stopped me on my mobility scooter and said tut tut tut son I have arthritis in my knees and spine and can walk around this store ok I said thats good but I have osterarthritis all over if I try to walk I have to use all my strenth to move and I get out of breath, here do you want to sit down . cause when I stand its sore . she went red in the face and walked away , I shouted take care , everybody looked at her , told hazel when I got home we both laughed at the cheek of her .

    dont let people get to you ( I know its hard )Take care
    MIKE R & Hazel & MIKE JR :):):):):):)
  • mike77
    mike77 Member Posts: 879
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    sharmaine wrote:
    Hi Mike and Hazel

    Thanks for your note! Imagine someone coming up to you whilst you're on your mobility scooter and saying such a thing!!! Good on you for standing your ground and saying something. I think I'm going to toughen up and start sticking up for myself. I would never dream of being so rude.

    I just don't think arthritis has a high enough profile with the general public. Those that have good joints/bones are lucky. Losing one's mobility is tough and we shouldn't have to defend ourselves. My neighbour is going to get a real mouthful from me if he utters one rude remark again. I'm ready for him and he's going to get an encylopediac knowledge of arthritis!!!! :lol::lol::lol:

    Take care.
    Sharmaine
    mike77 wrote:
    sharmaine wrote:
    Hi

    I wish I was quick off the mark with comments - I only think of them later. I wish I could have said something like "let me bash your knee joints with a shovel and then smash it across your knuckles" that's how I feel on a daily basis......now let's see you run ... and do the garden with swollen and painful joints".

    I'll laugh at this later....but to suggest I run and dig over a garden in my condition is ludicrous!!

    If he says anything again I'll rehearse some terse remarks!!! :D

    Sharmaine
    Hi sharmaine :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I just can picture you hitting neibour with shovel :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: I would just ignore what he says , I was in tescos the other day , an old lady stopped me on my mobility scooter and said tut tut tut son I have arthritis in my knees and spine and can walk around this store ok I said thats good but I have osterarthritis all over if I try to walk I have to use all my strenth to move and I get out of breath, here do you want to sit down . cause when I stand its sore . she went red in the face and walked away , I shouted take care , everybody looked at her , told hazel when I got home we both laughed at the cheek of her .

    dont let people get to you ( I know its hard )Take care
    MIKE R & Hazel & MIKE JR :):):):):):)
    Hi sharmaine, Good on you , as they say ( go girl) just tell the neibour how it is for you , hopefully he might listen and the next time he might just think about how you are feelling before speaking
    Take care
    Mike R & Hazel & mike JR
    Mike R & Hazel & MikeJR
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Mike and Hazel

    My husband is worried that I may say more than I should if the occasion arises again. When I'm angry I just let it all out - my neighbour will be running for the hills by the time I'm finished with him. I'm ready for him.............grr......grr......grr :lol::lol::lol::lol:

    Take care.
    Sharmaine
  • mike77
    mike77 Member Posts: 879
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    sharmaine wrote:
    Hi Mike and Hazel

    My husband is worried that I may say more than I should if the occasion arises again. When I'm angry I just let it all out - my neighbour will be running for the hills by the time I'm finished with him. I'm ready for him.............grr......grr......grr :lol::lol::lol::lol:

    Take care.
    Sharmaine
    your hubby is right you might get carried away , so I would just smile at him and say wish I could but the pain is bad all the time . its awful that we have to explain ourselfs.

    Take care
    Mike R & hazel & Mike JR
    Mike R & Hazel & MikeJR
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 9,218
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Sharmaine.
    You could always say to your neighbour would you like to do it for me.
    he might say i cant because of my aches and pains.joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • mike77
    mike77 Member Posts: 879
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    dachshund wrote:
    Hi Sharmaine.
    You could always say to your neighbour would you like to do it for me.
    he might say i cant because of my aches and pains.joan xx
    Hi Joan, never thought of that , ghosh I would love my neibhour to just offer . there is a man across the road who does the garden for 10 pounds , he should offer it free.

    take care

    Mike R & hazel & mike JR
    Mike R & Hazel & MikeJR
  • justinbarrow
    justinbarrow Member Posts: 338
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    try not to let comments from others get to you, they dont have to live with the aches and pains. We have a neighbour who is just like this, thinks because i am fairly young that i should be out of the house all day!

    Its the same in supermarkets people look funny at you thinking you shouldnt have anything wrong with you, I get the same thing when getting in and out of the car it hurts so much that when i sit down i have to wait before having to coach my legs in then shut the door people always look funny at the situation i am in.

    There will always be people like this - when the day comes they get a problem maybe they will welcome the sneidy comments in return.

    chin up
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -0001, 00:00
    Hi Justin

    My mother would tell me to turn the other cheek which I have done a few times. What happened to "love thy neighbour" - warts and all?

    It's amazing how many think that because you're walking with a stick and not as mobile as they are you've brought it upon yourself or it's just in the mind or idleness. How wrong they are!!! Like you I have trouble getting in and out of the car and have to physically lift my legs to get in. I'm getting use to being stared at ... I think I'll pretend I'm a super model or something the next time I limp around. I'll do it with limpid grace!!!! :lol::lol:

    I'm sure you've all had similar experiences - I just got narked!!!

    Sharmaine