feeling better and thank you

maud48
maud48 Member Posts: 170
edited 13. Oct 2009, 08:32 in Living with Arthritis archive
Thank you everyone who replied with such support and got me through yesterday.
Today I am feeling so much better mentally if still rather rubbish physically.
Another sleepless night but I had some amazing revelations (I’m not manic honestly – at least I don’t think so!).
The revelations were that during the last three years I had lost 3 things which were incredibly important to me and that I haven’t come to terms with it.

Firstly my job. I won’t go into the reasons I lost it except to say that I know it was through no fault of my own although it’s hard to feel that emotionally. It was so important to me as after spending most of my life bringing up children and moving around with my husband - I actually had a job which I enjoyed, was good at and made me feel like a fully functioning human being with something important to contribute.
Next my freedom. The kids were all grown up, I was earning money and my OH and could spend time together, travel and do things on the spur of the moment just because we felt like it. Suddenly I had a small child to look after, and furthermore one with a great many problems which made it difficult to do anything.
Lastly my health, and I won’t go into coming to terms with arthur as we all know about that and the many other emotional problems it brings as well.

So that’s me sorted!!!
Seriously though, I feel so much better for just having admitted all this to myself. Just have to work out how to deal with all this (answers on a plain postcard please).
maudxxxxxxxxxx

Comments

  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Maud its not easy is it?But be proud of yourself and all you have and are achieving.
    Of course Id rather not have to suffer the pain but I appreciate life more and am more caring towards others.In fact I am happier than I have ever been in my life.It has made me a better person.
    Take care Tkachev
    XXXXXXXXXXXXX
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • maud48
    maud48 Member Posts: 170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tkachev you have so much to deal with, you are amazing. Hope I can say like you one day that it has made me a better person.
    maudxx
  • kathbee
    kathbee Member Posts: 934
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Well done Maud

    After the day you had yesterday it just had to be better for you.

    Hope you have more good days to come, you deserve it
    after the lifestyle changes you have had to come to terms with.

    Take care and I hope you do get 'sorted' as you say. :)

    Kath
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 13. Oct 2009, 08:10
    Dear Maud

    It is good to see that you are feeling a little more "human" today. Sometimes this happens after a really awful period. You may have lost your freedom but you are helping your grandson have a good life. I am humbled by your total dedication to him at your time in life, I really am. I know in my heart I would have made the same decision as you,however difficult.

    Your husband also needs a mention here because it is very difficult for him too especially as you say you both had other plans at your time in life and looking after a young child, full time, would never have been one of them.

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 30,089
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Maud
    You made it! :)
    I am so releived to hear from you.
    Very insightfyul observations you have made about your losses. any one of them alone could have brought others to their knees so that shows how strong you are.
    You take care
    Toni x
  • maud48
    maud48 Member Posts: 170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you everyone for the kind words, I will try to deserve them.
    Elna I haven't forgotten about my husband but he's a typical male and really hard to get through to. His attitude to problems is to ignore them. If I try to talk about any problems having our grandson has caused he says things like 'He's a joy and we're really lucky to have him'. Which is true of course but doesn't mean it also creates difficulties which we need to address. We're in a really difficult situation and need to work together to get through it.
    His mother was a very selffish, manipulative woman who caused countless difficulties in our relationship but he wouldn't hear a word against her and talked of her as if she was a saint. It wasn't until after she died, and he found out about something she'd done which affected him, that he admiited how he really felt about her. Basically the same as I felt but it took us nearly 20 years to get to that point. She had arthur and really used it as a bargaining tool which I think makes it hard for him to accept mine.
    I will keep trying to get through to him, a little bit at time is best I find,
    maudxx

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