Worried and fed up

vonski

Hi

Sorry it's a moan I'm afraid, I hope it's not too long too. Almost 25yrs ago I was told I had the bones of a 90yr old and severe OA I managed quite well using a stick then the trouble started. My feet and ankles swelled, they were huge both feet just over 14ins circumference and very painful, hot and red too. I bought crutches but it wasn't long before I was in a wheelchair. Ortho consultant told me it was oa but there wasn't anything left for him to operate on. Scans showed I had osteopenia too, the pain clinic wasn't happy giving me injections any longer because I was too high a risk. Still only had the odd day when I was really fed up as I was told I would probably lose me feet 25yrs ago and if they were saved I wouldn't walk again. I made myself and the Consultant told me it was my shear determination and bloody mindedness that got me where I was. Saw a Rheumy through pain clinic and she told me it's RSD a very painful condition but at least I'm getting some help. On top of this I began feeling ill about 2yrs ago, I lost my gran in Jan. 08 which didn't help and ended up very depressed. Thought the stress was causing stomach pains but eventually went to Dr. who sent me for camera down throat and the other end lovely :oops: Showed polyps which turned out to be cancerous so last July I was in for surgery. Hadn't been home long when I was ill again back in hospital with sepsis, another op and ICU for a while eventually got let out for good behaviour. Earlier this year began to be ill again sent back to hospital and this time it was gallstone ileus so another op and stay in hospital, I still have to have gall bladder removed but I'm not fit enough for another op yet. On one of the scans I had, I've had a lot in a year they found I had an ovarian cyst, last time I was checked it has grown a lot so have gynae appointment next week. As if this isn't enough my parents and brother never visted me in hospital not even in ICU because I wouldn't sign my share of my gran's will over to my brother. They no longer speak to me except through a solicitor I told them that the stress is bad for my health but they don't care. My hubby is at a loss what to do and looks ill himself with all the worry, he told me today that I'm all skin and bone I've lost so much weight. My son is worried too and I don't like them to be so upset. Now don't feel well again so back to various consultants over the next few weeks. Hubby and me have worked out I've been very close to death 6 times over the last 25 yrs, feel like I'm going for 7.

I know Sounds very odd but I wish I could go back to the days when I just had the oa at least I could cope with that.

Thanks to anyone that reads this even if you don't reply I've got it off my chest.

Love Vonski x

lindalegs

Oh Vonski you've been through so much.

It's strange how we build up a picture of people on the forum and really we don't know half of what's going on.

You always seem to be a coper and are there very often with a cheery word and support for others - I don't know how you do it.

I sincerely hope that matters improve for you and your hubby too, very, very soon.

Luv Legs XX

angel1

Oh Vonski, it`s all so much for you to be coping with isn`t it? Not bloody fair sweetie. I wish I could do something for you. I was going to come and see you when I was up there, but I sensed that things were not good for you. Also, it didn`t turn out too well for me either, and I didn`t want to burden you.

You seem to be living in fear of the next health scare, terrified of what`s coming next, and it`s no wonder that you`re losing weight.

Would a letter to your mum, pouring your heart out to her, help the situation? You know what I do, so obviously I`m going to suggest some counselling. I know that you have experience of it, and it may help, especially to take the pressure of your lovely husband and son.

Let me know if I can do anything..........Much, much love.......Ange.

josiec

Oh Vonski, I am so sorry to hear of everything that is going on with you and how very unsupportive your family (or some of it I should say) is. You are obviously an incredibly strong person in both mind and body and this will surely stand you in good stead. I do hope the current health issue are soon sorted and you begin to feel better again very soon. Sending all good wishes, Josie x

debbierose

hi Vonski
I know its hard but try not too worry about your cysts I had them back in 91 and they were removed so no more bother, let the drs do their job they will keep you well, speak to your gp about feeling down maybe he/she can get you some help coping etc.,


as for your family tell them to go and take a look in the mirror and shout out how they see themselves. they'll be ashamed I should think. :x
you have your own family in your hubby and son they sound very precious.

suzster

huge hugs coming your way.
it seems so wrong that you have had to go through so mych.
take care!
sue

elnafinn

Dear Vonski

I have answered your pm this afternoon, but had not read this forum post of yours until just now.

I agree that you should talk and talk about everything and that counselling would help you greatly. I hope writing your message today on here has helped you.

As I have said many, times before, you know where I am and I am here for you, should you need me. We have been corresponding a long time now.

You have a great hubby and super son.

Lots of love and hugs
Elna x

ironic

So sorry to read about your troubles, it's awful when family let you down. Sometimes I think they look for an excuse to justify their own lack of self worth.You sound like a real fighter and your own family are with you. Take one day at a time and you will overcome this.

Chin up, lots of people arethinking of you.

Irene

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woodbon

Hello, I'm so sorry that every thing is such so hard for you and your family at the moment. Its compleatly understandable that you want to go back to the days when you just had one illness to cope with, who would choose to have such a difficult time?

You've been so kind to me, with all my family worries, when all the time you have had so much more to cope with than me. I wish I could just have a magic wand and wave it to make you better. I can't believe that your family are so horrible to you, money does seem to bring out the worst in people, but please don't thinkyou should have given your brother something that wasn't his. Wills are how we choose to help the people we love and leave behind. I'm sure your glad would be upset to see the way they are treating you.

I hope that you manage to sort out some of your health problems and then you will see things from a different angle. Your husband must love you very much and your son, to. They are the really important people in your life. Try to forget about the people that are trying to bully you. Thats not an easy thing to do, but if you can let go of the feelings you have for them, you will have more energy to give to your body and help it to cope with the illnessess. If your Mum and brother really want to see you, let them come to you, and not the other way round. Given time, they may come to see that they are being unreasonable about things and if and when that happens, you will be the one to decide what to do. Try and move on and give all your attention to yourself and getting better. I'm sure that is what your husband and son would like more than anything. I'm sorry, I've written such a lot, I just want you to know that I do care and wish I could give you some practical help. All I can do is say that my thoughts are with you, and take as much care of yourself as you can. Lots of love Sue xxxx

jordan7j

Ho vonski, so sorry you are going through so much, you are always there for others, and in your posts always seem so in control and organised. It must be so stressful with all the health problems, you dont need family problems too. How sad that your own parents and brother dont speak to you, but as they say "what goes aroound comes around". Your husband sounds wonderful, a great support, I hope you can get through this despite all the problems, you are a fighter!!! good luck Jay

chris7

Vonski

I knew there was a reason I needed to get on this forum and having helped me do that I find you again. I am so sorry to read this. You have been through and are still struggling with so much, and yet have taken the trouble to help me with a minor blip on my day. I am truely humbled. I wish you, strength, courage and better health and hope the messages above give you some comfort.
God bless
Chris xx

page35

Hi Vonski
dont know what to say but am thinking of you
and wish you happier healthier times
page

ritwren

I can only echo what folk here are saying and add that I too am rooting for you. You have had so very much to cope with and are such a supporting and courageous person. Do you have a counsellor or someone you can unburden to who could perhaps help you deal with these many health problems you have. I realise you say your Husband has been a great help but sometimes it's good to have someone who is'nt family to off load to as well.
Thank you for sharing so much of yourself with us all. I sincerly hope you find peace and relief from all your pain and worries. I see by the number of posts you have that you must come here a lot, this is a good forum with some smashing people in it, you are one of them. Hang in there and take care.
big gentle hugs rita

Wonkylegs

HI Vonski,

so sorry that you feel abandoned by your family. I have my own family 'issues' and know just how hard it is to deal with. Perhaps you need to concentrate on yourself and your hubby, and try to put them to the back of your mind for now?

As for all your worries - could you try to concentrate on each day as it comes? I find I spend so much wasted energy on the 'what if's' of life that I have little energy left for the real things that happen.

whatever you do I am thinking of you and sending lot sof hugs your way. You are such a support to us on here, we are so lucky, and we will be there for you I am sure.

lvoe and hugs,
Wonky

noeltone

Hi vonski my thoughts are with you and you have been a rock for me on here its such a pity we cant all support each other personally we would show these medical experts and families what for

skezier

Hi Vonski,

I am sorry you are feeling so bad at the moment. I also apologize for being late but I wholeheartedly echo what the others have said to you. You have had a very rough time and its bound to have taken a toll. I really hope the consultants will see you soon and not keep you hanging around and that they come up with some ideas to help you soon, in your feet's case it seems so long over due. I wish I could think of some advise not already offered but do think counselling could be a good idea. Love and a hug, Cris x

woodbon

Hi Vronski,
How are you feeling today? I hope it gave you some relief to write everything down and tell us how you feel. I like the suggestion someone made about writting to your Mum, if you feel you can. It might help both of you to see things from a different prespective. Grief does funny things to you and sometimes you need a bit of time to pass.

Have you thought of seeing someone from the Cruise, the berivment (spelling???) councilling organisation. I nearly did when I lost my brother, and in some ways I wish I had. Talking to my husband is good but he was also very close to my brother and his death upset him a lot, so I try not to go on too much, but we do talk about it. It was sudden and unexpected, so their was shock, any way thats enough about my problems.

You are being very brave, telling us all this and I really hope that you find it helps a bit. If I were closer I'd love to give you a big hug!
As I'm not, I'll send you lots of love,, Sue xxxxxx Take Care

tkachev

Dear Vonski,
What a lot to deal with.You have your immediate,lovely family and they care for you.It would be nice if you could ignore the others but I know from experience how awful solicitors letters can be.Even the memory of them makes me shake with fear.Keep strong.
I can only wish you well and hope that you are not in pain.Keep your lovely family and good memories(like dancing to needle in a haystack in your younger days.Thats the image I have of you)close to your heart.
Tkachev

kathbee

HI Vonski

I am so very sorry to hear about everything that is going on with you and your health.

You always try to be upbeat and help others but I dont know how you do it with your enormous problems.

I am so glad that you wrote on here, got a lot of your chest, and let a lot of it out. You are such a sweet, kind person, always ready to help everyone else, its just not fair.

I am thinking of you as always.

Love Kath xx

mellman01

Hi vonski so sorry to hear all your troubles, life seems to like sticking it's finger in your eye at every turn, I can't offer any advice but I sympathies deeply with you, as the saying goes you can't chose your relatives you inherited them, it does seem though that they don't either understand your reasons or don't appreciate the fact that you have a right to have a different opinion.
I've been down a similar road in 1991 when my dear old brother was killed whilst riding my motor bike things got very strange for a year or two, I nearly walked away from my mum and sister for the hurtful things they said. To me, it was around this time of year so I get a bit down around this time.

frogmorton

Hi Vonski
So sorry to read your sad post
I have missed you lately on the forums and am very glad to see you back.
Life hasn't half chucked a load at you hasn't it?
I wish I could think of a way forward for you but suspect the loss of your family is at the root of some of your sadness.
I am so glad you have good immediate family on your son and husband
Remember we are all always here for you and do hope sincerely that you will get quick and effective answers to your current health worries.
Lots of love
Toni x

joanlawson

Hi Vonski

Sorry I couldn't reply earlier, but I was having trouble logging on. Thank you for your help with that.

What a lot of problems you have had with your health and your family.I can understand why you have been feeling so fed up. There is a limit to how much anyone can bear, and you have been remarkably strong. I'm sorry to hear that you now have an ovarian cyst to contend with on top of everything else. I had one of those many years ago, and they are easily dealt with, but no-one likes having to go to hospital for whatever reason. I hope they will sort it out for you without too much bother.

I feel so sorry for you regarding your family's attitude towards you. Life is too short to have divisions in families, and I hope your parents can come to see that. For your part, I would keep letting them know that you would like to heal the rift between you, and to put the past difficulties behind you. Then the ball is in their court, and there isn't much more you can do. I hope they come round. I can't imagine not speaking to my children, no matter what happened.

Joan

mistywillow

Hi Vonski
Just had a quick look at the forum and saw this post. Wow!! I know life has chucked it at you but seeing it all catalogued like this confirms my thoughts that you are an incredible lady! It must seem like every day brings you something else to cope with. I cannot imagine why your family won't be more supportive but you know that you have tried so hard your end despite your illnesses. Maybe for your own health you have to just think of them as 'dead'. Waiting for them to come and offer support must be soul destroying. How much more do you have to go through before they think they should be there for you??? It appears to me that maybe they are totally unable to cope with anything so it is easier for them to pretend it is not happening! You have more strength in your little finger than all three of them! Thank heavens for your son and OH, but however much it hurts you, maybe you have to put your parents and brother out of your thoughts as you have more than enough to cope with right now.
Lots of hugs to you
Gillx

joyful164

Morning Vonski

Ive just checked on the messages to see if you received my message yesterday. It wasquite a long one too and it looks like you didn't get it. Must have hit the wrong button. as usual.
Basically,it more or less said the same as everyone has said.

I wanted to express how sad I am that you are feeling so depressed again. I'm sorry that your family are still being so horrible to you and it's easy to say, go, let them hang, etc etc, but it's not as easy as that. As far as the will is concerned, you have to consider your own children and if possible, pass that inheritance on to them. Your family can see it as their last chance of ever inheriting too and their behavious is understandable. But at the end of the day, for whatever reason, your nan signed it over to you. Your need outweighs anyone elses. You owe it to yourself.
You earned that inheritance. Life has given you some really bad knocks and that is why you have suffered so many health issues. Don't make them worse by worrying about it anymore.

Lots of love today and a big hug from me
hope you feel abit better today and that you are feeling a little bit more positive today. I really felt for you after reading your post.
try and get some more help, see your gp?


luv
joy

colinone

Hello Vonski
So sorry to hear things are so bad, no words of wisdome i'm sorry just a Hug
Take Care
Colin

sharmaine

Hi Vonski

I'm sorry to hear about your health concerns - it's no wonder you're fed up. You've certainly been through some terrible times. It's good that you've bitten the bullet and poured it out on the forum. Sometimes unburdening yourself puts things into perspective.

I hope that you can get some relief from your pain. Could you book an double appointment with your GP? I wish I could help you but I don't have the expertise.

I have OA and understand how painful and disabling this is but to have other things on top of this would be horrendous. I think OA seems to bring other problems to the surface. I now have to take 3 meds for high blood pressure and I also have a hiatus hernia. You are a brave and courageous woman. You've been a help to us all on the forum.

You are lucky to have a caring son and husband. Forget about the other members of your family and you keep hold of the money left to you in the will. It was left to you for a reason.

I'm sending you cyber hugs and hope that your health problems get sorted soon.

With warmest regards
Sharmaine