Selfish Parents

ninakang

Normally I adore my parents, they are both retired and love their grandkids to bits, to the extent that if they're going out anywhere, they will ring me and my brother to tell us and make sure we didn't need childcare that day :-)

But just recently, I've had several complaints:

- For my neice's 8th birthday, Dad didn't make any pakoras!
- For Diwali, they didn't cook AT ALL! No pakoras, samosas or rice pudding (mum makes that really well)! They BOUGHT spring rolls, which I don't even like
- They are going to India on Sunday for 2 weeks - it's half term next week! Who will look after their grandchildren?!
- They will miss Jassie's 6th birthday as they don't get back till 8th Nov

I've told them, it's just not on and I expect lots of presents from India to make up for having to take time off work during a school holiday (I HATE taking my girls anywhere during school holidays). In fact, I've told them that if they keep this up, I'll have to seriously reconsider giving them the privilege of looking after my daughters.

Nx :-)

PS - I know how lucky I am, honestly, I do.

PPS - Ellen (10) asked me once "When we grow up and have children, will you look after them like Nanny and Nanna look after us?" To which I replied "Don't be ridiculous, Nanny and Nanna will be bored on their own all day, they'll look after them".

tkachev

Well Nina I suggest you go to the airport,with your children,and hang onto your parents legs(even if they are walking at the time)and cry loudly, begging them to stay.
Best wishes Tkachev

skezier

Hi Nina,

Can't beat TK's suggestion (Thts brilliant TK ) and it should work x

joanlawson

Hi Nina

Glad to hear that your parents have joined the Grandparents' Liberation Movement :!: :!: I've been a member for a while now. It doesn't mean we don't love you any more, but we do need a life of our own too. Because we're worth it :!:

Joan

lindalegs

..... and precisely how old are your parents Nina :?

Luv Legs who's slapping your wrist for your non-serious rant

ninakang

:-) My parents are both in their mid-60s but they never learnt to drive, hence walk lots and are probably fitter than your average 40 something person.

Grandparents Liberation Movement? Joan, you are FORBIDDEN to tell my parents about this if you ever meet them - I've never heard such a load of rubbish!

But yes, I like the idea of hanging onto their legs and crying. They'll have a job getting me AND my girls off them, won't they? My girls generally prefer to be with them because they're softies (they were strict bringing their own children up but spoil their grandchildren, huh).

Nx

joyful164

I think back to when I had my two children and feel extremely guilty now because I put on my parents too much without realising it. Every other weekend I would be asking for help, because I use to have to go to so many functions with my then husband, who left me for another woman. I was then left with children 11 and 13. His parents never looked after them and carried on with their busy social life. I do feel guilty about intruding on their lives so much even though I know they enjoyed it. It was hard work for them. Youngsters are not easy when you get older.

Now, I am a grandparent, and I do things differently. I have my life to live, my interests, places I want to see first and I refuse to be put upon all the time. I've done my bit of babysitting and do so if I am free.

So, do not resent the time your parents have left doing the things they want to do. Life is too short.
joy

joanlawson

Hi

My sister and her husband have always had all her family for Christmas( two daughters, plus husbands, plus 7 grandchildren) and they have done all the cooking and work involved.

But this year, it is their golden wedding anniversary, so they are off on a cruise for a whole month over Christmas and New Year. Their daughters are so worried about how they will cope with the cooking etc. I think it will do them good, and make them appreciate their parents all the more.

Joan

pheebs

Hi,

When my my first son was born I gave up work as there was no option, at that time, to go back part-time, and even if there was my parents wouldn't have offered to do child minding. And why should they?? They did help out on odd occasions but I didn't want them to have the responsilbility and worry.

I know sometimes both parents have to work for financial reasons, but we managed to survive with one wage. No fancy holidays or the latest gadgets, but I enjoyed being at home with the little monsters!!

I also think my boys grew up appreciating their grandparents more because they didn't see them on a dailly basis.

But I was fortunate in some ways because my now ex-husband (I was also traded in for another model!) worked shifts so that was useful when I went back to work part-time when they were 6 and 9 years.

Pheebs

lindalegs

Hi Pheebs,

I, too, was fortunate enough to stay at home to bring up our boys and I won't ever regret it as it's the most important job I've ever done in my life. We had to manage on one wage and did without lots of things but, by gum, they were worth it.

I feel sorry for those who have to work and definitely for those who choose to work.

Luv Legs

kathbee

Think I have done my bit, as
after my son's wife walked out and left him with
a big mortgage and our 5 yr old grand-daughter to look after,
we took her full time for around 8 months as my son lives in Canada and had no one else to turn to to help him out, he couldnt afford child care at that time and school doesnt start over there until the age of 6. Then when she was
7 we had her to live with us again for another few months.

I would dearly love to be asked to babysit but them being 3,000 miles away, it wont happen.

But I do agree that grandparents should have a choice of how many hours they are prepared to give towards looking after the children, and their grown up kids should happily accept that.

Three cheers for grandmas and grandpas.

Kath