total rubbish

maud48

Sorry haven't been around for a while. Ihad grandson at home for half term plus daughter and 2 kids visiting, haven't managed to get near the computer.
Managed to keep going all week but feeling total rubbish today - exhausted and pain everywhere can't get in any position that isn't agony.
Husband is being really angry with me, same subjects - I don't do enough and ruining his life because he can't travel with his job.
Don't know what he wants me to do but if I could I would do it.
I just feel like I shouldn't be here. I would go away if there was anywhere I could go but I would just end up being a nuisance to soemone else.
maudxx

sharmaine

Oh Maud
You have been busy and its no wonder you're in pain and feeling tired. Sounds as if you've overdone things.

With regards to your husband complaining about what you're doing ...having you tried getting him to read some of the postings on this site? Or maybe going to the doctors with you? Whatever happened to "love ...in sickness and in health"? How have you ruined his life - why does he need to travel? You are not useless ..you are a woman who has arthur and is in pain. I feel awkward about commenting about marital stuff and I hope you don't mind me saying these things. It sounds to me that you need someone to talk too - not family - but someone who will be objective.

I once went to see the priest when I felt down once and I hadn't been inside the church for years. I was weeping my heart out in an empty church (couldn't make the decision whether to give up work and felt bad because we had just bought a new home and was really worried how we were going to manage). He was fantastic and by the end of our chat I more or less knew what I had to do. Went home talked to my hubby and handed in my notice the next day.

When was the last time you went to see your GP? Maybe you need some help.

Do you think Arthritis Care have a holiday home that we arthur sufferers could go when we feel low? I'm sure you wouldn't be a nuisance to anyone.

Take care and come back on the site to talk if you still feel down.

With regards

Sharmaine

maud48 wrote:

Sorry haven't been around for a while. Ihad grandson at home for half term plus daughter and 2 kids visiting, haven't managed to get near the computer.
Managed to keep going all week but feeling total rubbish today - exhausted and pain everywhere can't get in any position that isn't agony.
Husband is being really angry with me, same subjects - I don't do enough and ruining his life because he can't travel with his job.
Don't know what he wants me to do but if I could I would do it.
I just feel like I shouldn't be here. I would go away if there was anywhere I could go but I would just end up being a nuisance to soemone else.
maudxx

jackie1955

maud48 wrote:

Husband is being really angry with me, same subjects - I don't do enough and ruining his life because he can't travel with his job. maudxx

:shock: :shock: :shock:

Maude, dear, I think you should seriously consider telling your husband to go travelling with his job...... and NOT to worry himself about hurrying back

Seriously though, maybe you would both be better off if he DID go travelling. Then he might not feel so resentful and he might show you more patience and compassion when he's home.
You could arrange some home-help (get him to pay); invite family/friends round to keep you company; and it would give you a break from listening to his moaning too, right?

Maud, don't let him get you down honey!

Jackie x

maud48

Thank you Jackie and Sharmaine
You know I really can't find any answers. We don't have any family and friends nearby who can help or anyone I can take my grandson to stay with. I asked at his nursery if anyone could give extra paid help or if they knew of anyone who could but they told me no one would bcause his behaviour was so difficult. Have asked social services countless times and also approached carers organisations but can't get any help.
I don't think my husband would agree to pay for anything even if I could find it.
I feel like this whole situation is going to explode
Can't talk to him as he's totally stressed, just blames me for everything and plays mind games with me and I feel so unwell I can't deal with any of it.
I know he's not a bad person but he's very insecure and his job means everything to him. I think he could arrange things so he didn't have to travel but that would make him feel bad about himself as he would have to delegate and see other people doing what he thinks he ought to be doing.
I don't know what he thinks about my health. When I can talk to him he seems sympathetic but I feel he thinks I am just making a fuss about nothing. He tells me to get something from the doctor to cure me. I think if I got him to read the forum he would just say it was a lot of self centred people with nothing better to do moaning at each other and they ought to pull themselves together,
I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow so will try to talk to her,
Just trying to survive until bedtime,
maud xxx

elnafinn

Dear Maud,

If you are able, I think the best place would be bed for you now. As your husband is there perhaps he can look after your grand child for the rest of the day or at least a few hours so you can go and rest/sleep/time for yourself. You have had an incredibly full schedule over the past week or so and anyway, everyday is busy for you and fretful at times looking after your hyperactive grandson, 24/7. I really do not know how you manage/cope. I am your age but I know from reading your posts, that my arthritis is no where as bad as yours. I was happy but quite tired after looking after my grand daughter most of the day yesterday but am not looking after her again until monday and she is very good - she is only 14 months old. My heart goes out to you. There really does not seem to be an amicable solution at this time for you and your family.

Love
Elna x(())

frogmorton

Oh Maud
My heart goes out to you....
so glad you are going to the docs - I really hope he/she has some ideas to help you.
I wonder if your hubby really realises how much he is adding to your considerable stresses.
I wish I had the answer for you
Just please remember you are NOt alone here you have us and we will always be here for you to support you or listen if it helps.
Love
toni x

carol71

Sometimes I think others even our other halfs don't realise the pain we are in. If they only felt half the pain we do i'm sure they'd be more simpathetic. Look after yourself.

Carol xxx

Wonkylegs

the others have said it all I think, but just wanted to add my good wishes and send you a hug (((((((((((((()))))))))))))))))))))))))))

tkachev

I have found the only answer is to get better and not have to deal with other people.Everything was so frustrating and hardly anyone understood.The constant worry and dragging myself around after my son,making sure he was safe,it was endless....
The insensitive comments make you feel worse about life.I too wanted to up sticks but this is now my home,my childrens home and I didnt want to drag them to some pokey little run-down box on some estate.

Try to get some rest during the day(although of course there is always lots of housework to deal with).Then get up and have a walk around to prepare for his return from school.
There really should be some respite time for you provided by the council/social services.I can have two babysitters come to my house for an evening a week(not that I ever go out).My younger son goes out with his carer every Tuesday after school.I need this break.
I hope you are feeling better today and get that rest,
Elizabeth

sharmaine

Maud

I don't know what to suggest about your grandchild.... I thought about a parenting group? Do you think your GP may have any suggestions?

I hope someone comes up with something to help you here. What a shame that the Social Services were unable to suggest anything.
How old is your grandson? Is he old enough to go to school? Maybe the school could suggest something. It seems you're having a tough time all around.

I'll have a look on the internet for you - there must be something about.

Sharmaine

sharmaine

Hi Maud

I had a quick look at Direct Gov site under Children and Families. There may be something there for you - it depends where you live.
Have a look at it and even look at your local council's site.

I hope you find some help soon.

With regards

Sharmaine