Thank you everyone for all your support.

maud48
maud48 Member Posts: 170
edited 6. Nov 2009, 15:19 in Living with Arthritis archive
Thank you everyone for all your support. I’m feeling really stupid for having such a meltdown. Basically my husband isn’t a bad person he’s just under an incredible amount of stress. I spoke to one of my daughters, not criticising him but just saying how he was, and she said how worried the whole family is about him. He’s like a bomb waiting to explode.
As well as grandson and job he’s also coping with our daughter, our grandson’s mother who lives locally. She has big problems with drugs and alcohol. It’s awful to see your daughter like that but I’ve had to come to the realisation that you can’t help someone who won’t be helped, in spite of countless attempts by the whole family. He though won’t accept that and takes all her problems on himself. That also causes problems between us as he thinks I’ve rejected her.
I wish I knew why she was like she is. We adopted her and her twin brother in Sudan and he’s a son to be proud of. All the rest of the children also and I can’t think of anything we did wrong in her upbringing. It wasn’t a Madonna type thing where we wanted some nice little black babies. We adopted them because otherwise they wouldn’t have survived as the country was in the middle of a war and there was no one else to look after them.
Anyway I’ve seen my GP who was very understanding and is arranging some counselling and has given me antidepressants. Not sure if I need them but thought they might help in the short term.
So now I’ve got to realise that I am the only one who can sort out this situation just now, not sure how but hopefully counselling will help me to see things bit more clearly.
Just wish I could stop feeling so tired, don’t know if it’s the antidepressants but am feeling totally knocked out which is so annoying.
This group has been a life saver to me and I thank you all so much,
Maudxxx

Comments

  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Dear Maud

    I am so relieved to hear that you have been to the gp and have some anti depressants to hand and also some counselling being organised for you. I never thought for a moment, your husband was unsupportive or similar from the postings that you have written. You both have a tremenduous amount on your plate to cope with and living where you do, there appears not to be that much help available as perhaps would be, if you lived somewhere else here.

    I believe it will do you good to talk to "someone looking in" and hopefully you will feel at ease with them and be able to sort some things out. If the counsellor you see, does not suit then you must ask to be referred to another one. You have to trust the person you are talking to for it all to be of benefit.

    It could well be the antidepressants making you tired but you lead a very full life, full of ups and downs and you have arthritis and all this without the meds would make you tired. Sometimes we are "tired" when we feel fed up and low too. Hopefully if the conselling helps you may well find some new energy.

    I wish you the very best, Maud and it is good to hear from you.

    Love
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • kathbee
    kathbee Member Posts: 934
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello Maud

    Glad you have posted to let everyone
    know how things are going for you.

    Also glad to hear you have some support
    from your GP, hopefully the medicine and the
    counselling will help a lot and turn out to be
    what you need to get you through.

    Thinking of you,
    take care
    Love Kath
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 6. Nov 2009, 08:47
    Hi Maud
    Really glad to hear from you.
    Counselling will be great and you will be able to offload.If you are anything like me you will keep your worst probs to yourself as you feel like you are being disloyal but its nice to offload to somebody confidentially. As for your daughter,Drugs are offered to everyone and anyone so those with needs, or curiosity,needing to fit in or be accepted will try them.Your daughter has now got caught up in that dependency spiral which affects all of your lives too.
    It is difficult to know what to do for the best.They make people behave irrationally and it difficult to see the real person underneath sometimes.
    Your husband does have a lot to deal with but so do you and you need a lot of support and understanding because of your health needs.We mums do tend to be at the bottom of the pile!
    Take care
    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • jaspercat
    jaspercat Member Posts: 1,238
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Maud, I hope the counselling goes well for you, I had some after my mum died and it helped me, it is just nice talking to someone who isn't close to you love Jaspercatxx
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,900
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Maud
    Sorry about your daughter :(
    I am familiar with the damage of ependancy on substances can do.
    I am so glad you have beeen to the doc and he has helped so much. Yes I would take the tabs they might pick you up a bit so you can carry on :)
    The counsellling is a great idea and will help you to see what issues are actually yours and which are other people's.
    To me you are helping your daughter and haven't abandoned her in any way as you are caring for her child as she isn't able.
    I really hope that this is the start of your life going up now :)
    Take care
    Love
    Toni x
  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Maud hello,

    I am so glad that you are finally getting some help. As a counsellor myself, I can promise you that, with the right therapist, and in a safe, non judgemental environment, you will be able to process all your emotions, and find the strength that you need.

    I believe that you are already part way there with the statement you made regarding not being able to help someone who doesn`t want to be helped. You`d be surprised how long it takes most people to reach that conclusion.

    Something that would be really beneficial, would be if you could persuade your husband to accompany you for couples counselling. I realise, though, with his present frame of mind, that this would be unlikely. He sounds as though he is blaming himself for so much, and that this guilt is wearing him down. My best wishes to both of you.

    Please let us know how you get on.........Ange.
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello, I'm glad you have the anti-depressants - though they may take a week or two to kick in. You do sound depressed and that is prefectly natural with all your problems, so you do need some help.

    I think you are feeling as if your daughters problems are in some way your fault, if you do feel like that, I'm sure you'r totally wrong. Look at the people who have dependancy problems, like your daughter and they will come from a wide selection of homes and backgrounds.

    I hope you and your husband can find a bit of peace, it sounds as if thats what you need. Good luck, love Sue
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Maud

    You did the right thing talking to your GP. Maybe it is the anti-depressants that are making you tired. Sometimes the emotional strain of family life can be really stressful. Being a parent is hard, isn't it.? I hope your daughter finds the strength to stop what she's doing. She is obviously asking for help - try and talk to her alone - woman to woman.

    I hope you have a restful weekend.

    Sharmaine
  • vonski
    vonski Member Posts: 1,292
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Maud

    Glad you are getting some help now. Hopefully the anti depressants will help you get some sleep. As well as counselling for you do you think your hubby would go to Relate with you so you can talk things through and hopefully get some help.

    Love
    Vonski x
  • ritwren
    ritwren Member Posts: 928
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Maud I'm really glad to hear your GP is taking you seriously and you are going to go ahead with Counselling. I hope it helps and also the anti depressants. It's good to hear from you as I did wonder how you were. You have so much going on it will take a good while to sort out but it's good you are hanging in there and getting some help.
    Do take good care.
    big gentle hugs rita