Can women have it all?

joanlawson

Hi

Jill Berry, President of the Girls' Schools Association has said that in her opinion, modern women can't have it all. She believes that it is not possible for them to succeed in their careers and as mothers without making huge sacrifices, She thinks that encouraging young women to aim for the top at the same time as raising a family is unrealistic and damaging.

I am quite surprised at her attitude, because I know plenty of women who have successfully combined their careers with a family. I myself "had it all" in that I worked full-time from when my children started school, right up to when they went on to university, and beyond. I was very careful to make sure that they didn't suffer in any way because of my work, and they benefitted from the extra money in the household.

I do agree with Jill Berry that mothers shouldn't feel that they have somehow failed if they stay at home with their children. Bringing up children is the hardest job in the world, but also the most satisfying. But most women these days need to contribute financially, and I don't think it is unrealistic to combine a career with a family, as long as it is sensibly organised.

Joan

pheebs

Hi Joan,

I agree with you that if it's sensibly done, e.g. care is properly organised, then women can work and bring up children. And women who stay at home should never feel they have failed because they haven't carried on working. I personally would have felt a failure if I'd had to go back to work and left my children. But maybe that's just me!!

We had to adjust our way of living to suit our cut in income, and we somehow managed. But I've been fortunate in that |'ve managed to get back in the workplace and now have a reasonably well paid job. Just as well cos I no longer have an OH!!

Anyway, hats of to those women who can juggle family and work. Don't know where they get the energy.

Pheebs x

annie_mial

I've always known that I was one of the luckier ones, I was able to juggle family, full time job and a return to college at the age of 35 as a mature student.
I'm no housekeeper; but the children always looked neat and tidy and never went hungry, and in those days cooking was from scratch.
Looking back on it now, I haven't a clue how I did it!

Annie

ninakang

I saw this on the news too - I had a lot of questions about it actually. Who defines what it "all" is? Men and women can have anything they want if they work hard enough, it's something we tell our children all the time.

As most people know, I work full time and have three young children. I love my children and my husband but having a career makes me whole, I think, it's part of who I am. I'm not saying that anyone who stays at home with their children isn't whole, this is a very personal choice and everyone's different.

I think men AND women (why do they always leave blokes out of the equation in these things?!) can have it all, it depends on their individual definition of what "it all" is. That could be bringing up their children and not working, bringing up their children AND working or not having children and having a career. Who said having children is a legal requirement anyway? I have friends who have no intention of having kids and don't see what the problem is.

Nx

valval

remember my place no way i am as good as those toffee nosed people oops mind u think i bit of working class snob but do feel if parent happy to bring up childeren then they r the best people to stay home as they have childs best interest at hart where as when u r paid to look after a child u r not going to have the same feelings for the child.

joanlawson

Pheebs

I took a 6-year gap from work for my children, and I really loved that time with them. We had very little money, but like you, cut our way of living to suit our income. But you never know what is round the corner, so I think women should try to be as independent financially as possible.

Annie

I don't know how I did it either, but you muddle through somehow, don't you? I don't think it did the kids any harm.

Rehab

People with money have always had the choice, because they employ nannies and then send their children off to boarding schools.

Affordable, good quality child care is the key for women who have aspirations to get on in their careers. Unfortunately, the cost is often prohibitive, so that does hold many women back. Other countries have got things better worked out than here, I think.

Val

I agree with you that a parent ( not necessarily the mother ) is the best person to bring up a child, and in an ideal society that is what should happen, at least in the formative years of 0--5. But things are not so clear-cut, and often parents both have to work, although this would not be their choice. Single parents don't get the choice either, unless they are prepared to live on benefits, which sadly, many are.

Joan

pheebs

Hi again Joan,

You're so right about not knowing what's round the corner.

I took back my superannuation when I left work to have my first baby - don't know if you can do this now. Anyway, I didn't start paying full contributions until 10 years ago, and as I'm now divorced I can't afford to retire at 60 because my pension wouldn't cover my monthly bills (and they're not huge!!) And I have to wait until I'm 64 before I get state pension.

I'm very fortunate in that I kept the house and he kept his rather large pension, but I'll have to consider downsizing once my younger son moves out. Maybe get a tent and spend the dosh!!

You think your future's secure, but it ain't always.

Pheebs x

annie_mial

Joan, muddle was my key word..............hubby always said I did it to annoy his mother and he was quite pleased about it - he didn't get on with her any more than I did! Less, in fact.
My own family was much more laid-back and approving and helped out as much as possible - I couldn't have done it without their help and hubby's of course.

Because I was fulfilling my potential I think I was far more relaxed around the girls than I ever would have been as a stay-at-home mum. That just wasn't me. I spent five years at home till the youngest one started school and went stir-crazy. My sister is totally different and chose to stay at home and is now in the process of bringing up two orphaned grandchildren. I certainly couldn't have taken on that in my 50's and I take my hat off to her!

Each to their own, I guess.

Annie

joanlawson

pheebs wrote:

Hi again Joan,

You're so right about not knowing what's round the corner.

I took back my superannuation when I left work to have my first baby - don't know if you can do this now. Anyway, I didn't start paying full contributions until 10 years ago, and as I'm now divorced I can't afford to retire at 60 because my pension wouldn't cover my monthly bills (and they're not huge!!) And I have to wait until I'm 64 before I get state pension.

I'm very fortunate in that I kept the house and he kept his rather large pension, but I'll have to consider downsizing once my younger son moves out. Maybe get a tent and spend the dosh!!

You think your future's secure, but it ain't always.

Pheebs x

Hi Pheebs

I don't think anyone ever imagines that they will one day be on their own, and in the past I don't think women really knew about protecting their pensions. I'm sorry that you can't retire when you would like to. At least you have got the house.

Joan

oneday

i believe the answer is No....
i think the press push this from a government stand point pushing women into work
i also think women shouldnt work full time with children. I know this is contraverisal to say and will annoy people. From experience women who i have worked with who work full time dont need the money. They are normally women at higher levels and high earners who also have husbands working on good salaries. I am not one of these women and work part time. I decided that being there for the kids was more important than material things........i am typing as i find here. I used savings to extend my maternity leave as i thought it wrong to go back to work and leave a 3 month baby and when i had to go to work for the money i cried.

page35

Hi
i agree with Nina in that it is personal choice.
i went back to work when my son was 5 and in full time school and i got a job that fitted in school hours so i could take him and pick him up.
i now work part time only 9 hrs a wk and my daughter comes with me .
i dont like the way some people now look down on mothers or fathers that chose to stay home to look after there own children, as if they should be working as well.
looking after your kids is a very important job.

joanlawson

oneday wrote:

i believe the answer is No....
i think the press push this from a government stand point pushing women into work
i also think women shouldnt work full time with children. I know this is contraverisal to say and will annoy people. From experience women who i have worked with who work full time dont need the money. They are normally women at higher levels and high earners who also have husbands working on good salaries. I am not one of these women and work part time. I decided that being there for the kids was more important than material things........i am typing as i find here. I used savings to extend my maternity leave as i thought it wrong to go back to work and leave a 3 month baby and when i had to go to work for the money i cried.

I don't think it is always about the money when women return to work. For some, being at home full-time with young children is not sufficiently fulfilling. My niece had a high powered job with the BBC, as a news producer, and she would not have been happy to stay at home full-time when she had children, I don't think. Also, in that kind of job, it is more difficult for women to get to the top anyway, so having got there, she didn't want to give it up. We wouldn't expect a man to give up a job he really loved, would we? I suppose some would say that if we choose a successful career, maybe we shouldn't have kids, but it is usually women, not men, who have to make that choice.

I'm with you on staying at home for at least the first 5 years, until they start school, because those are the formative years, but I recognise that for some women that would be almost impossible.

joanlawson

page35 wrote:

Hi
i agree with Nina in that it is personal choice.
i went back to work when my son was 5 and in full time school and i got a job that fitted in school hours so i could take him and pick him up.
i now work part time only 9 hrs a wk and my daughter comes with me .
i dont like the way some people now look down on mothers or fathers that chose to stay home to look after there own children, as if they should be working as well.
looking after your kids is a very important job.

Hi Page

Part-time work is probably what most women would choose, because then you get the best of both worlds. My daughter went one better and got a teaching job at the school where her children are pupils. So far, she has avoided teaching her own children!

In an ideal world, I think men and women should be able to choose to work part-time, and then they can share the child-care too. I think some couples manage to do that already, but not very many.

Joan