Babies

joanlawson

Hi

Yesterday, I held a little 3-month- old baby in my arms. I had made friends with his Mum and Gran in a cafe, and I was delighted when I was allowed to hold him for a little while. He was Italian, and his name was Santino. He had lots of black hair, and very dark, bright eyes. I fell in love with him instantly, he was so beautiful.

I haven't held such a small baby for ages, and it made me realise how much I love babies. I looked into little Santino's eyes, and I wondered what he was making of this strange world he had come into. With all the strange faces and noise and movement of the cafe, his senses must have been overloaded. But I could see the potential for a wonderful person in his eyes. He looked so intelligent, and he is without doubt going to be a very handsome Italian man.

It made me think that every little baby in the world deserves the best of everything we can give them, and all the love we can give them too. Then I feel so sad for all the babies who aren't loved or cared for properly. I have very strong maternal feelings, and I would like to love all those neglected and unloved babies. I suppose I did my best when I adopted my twins, but they had never been unwanted or unloved. In fact, it was because their mother loved them so much, that she entrusted them to me, because she was unable to care for them. Now we are great friends, and we care for "our" twins together.

Joan

joanlawson

rehab44 wrote:

Baibies! All poo and breadcrumbs

That aspect never bothers me in the slightest. It's a small inconvenience in comparison to all the love you get.

page35

oh joan
you are so right about too many neglected children. i used to work in a playgroup for social services and so many of the kids i wanted to bring home with me. there was one boy in particular that i used to cry over all the time, thankfully he got taken away from his mother and put in to a foster family with one of his sisters, 6 months on he was like a new child very happy and being looked after, i often think about him and hope he is being loved and taken care of where ever he is now.
page

joanlawson

Hi Page

I knew lots of children like that when I was teaching. It breaks your heart. As for those vile people like in the Baby P. case, that is one time when I really do think the death sentence should still be still available. As it is, they get a few years in prison at our expense, then released early and given a new identity. It really does make you feel sick. How could anyone be so cruel to a tiny baby?

Joan

joanlawson

skezier wrote:

Hi Joan,

I love kids of any age Having been on the receiving end of the hatred and abuse I have to say I think some people should ask why do I want this child......... I narrowly missed being adopted and my dreams as a very young child was that someone would come and get me away from the hatred! However........ Its helped shape me to who I now am and well maybe for me it was a good thing........ I am so unlike my loved and wanted siblings and I know I would hate to be like them. I was never able to carry full term but who knows, with such a 'wonderful' roll model would I have been better? x

Hi Page,

Its good the little lad has found his feet Bubbles and ((( ))) xx

Hi Cris

It is so sad that you were brought up with hatred and abuse. No child should have to experience that, or to feel that they need someone to come and rescue them. It has obviously formed you into a very strong person, but it still should never have happened.

When we were going through the adoption process, we had to have lots of interviews with a social worker, and had to answer lots of questions, both singly, and together. Then we had to get character references, and have medical examinations, and home visits to see our living accommodation. Eventually, all this information on us was put before a committee, who decided whether to accept us as adoptive parents. Luckily, we were accepted. Wouldn't it be a good idea if everyone who wanted a baby had to go through such a rigorous vetting process before they were allowed to reproduce :?:

Joan

joanlawson

pixyandfaries wrote:

awwwwwwwwwww how lovely for you , i wanna baby!!!!

Oh. so do I :!: :!: We'll have to start a Feeling Broody thread. :!: :!:

skezier

Hi Joan,

Sorry it was a bit too personal eh? :oops: Yeah I totally agree but my parents would have passed......... Thing is they were not in the situation that implies abuse or neglect, both terrible well spoken and in very good jobs. The best thing it taught me was I could reject them as well

You start your broody thread and I shall sit on my hands and not go get another lamb x

joanlawson

skezier wrote:

Hi Joan,

Sorry it was a bit too personal eh? :oops: Yeah I totally agree but my parents would have passed......... Thing is they were not in the situation that implies abuse or neglect, both terrible well spoken and in very good jobs. The best thing it taught me was I could reject them as well

You start your broody thread and I shall sit on my hands and not go get another lamb x

Hi Cris

No, it wasn't too personal at all. I'm a very open person, so there's no need to worry.

Child abuse and ill-treatment is not confined to any one level or class of society. It runs through the whole of society, unfortunately, and people who are educated and well-spoken are often more skilful at concealing it.

Oh, go on, one more lamb won't matter :!:

Joan

gickygawky

Hi Cris

No, it wasn't too personal at all. I'm a very open person, so there's no need to worry.

Child abuse and ill-treatment is not confined to any one level or class of society. It runs through the whole of society, unfortunately, and people who are educated and well-spoken are often more skilful at concealing it.

Oh, go on, one more lamb won't matter :!:

Joan[/quote]

Hi there,

Joan, that is certainly my experience while working in schools in London. Some of the schools I worked in had children from extremely privileged backgrounds and there were so many little ones suffering from all types of abuse/neglect. The parents were so crafty and difficult to deal with, people think money helps children but in my eyes it masks the things that are going on under the surface.

Cris - one more lamb won't hurt!

A x

carol101

Hi all. My husband has been married before and got 'doctored'. He has since had this reversed twice but both times it was unsucessful although we were given a 70% sucess rate. Our only option now is IVF which is very expensive. We have spoke about it loads of times and if we won the lottery we'd go for it now but funds are tight and although we are saving, it's a very slow uphill struggle. Also now with arthur in my spine i don't know if i would even be able to carry a baby. It breaks my heart when you see all these people having babies 'accidently' or 'just for the sake of it' and these children aren't loved and then there's people like us who would love to have a baby and although it was obviously my husbands choice, it's an uphill battle.

Carol X

joanlawson

carol101 wrote:

Hi all. My husband has been married before and got 'doctored'. He has since had this reversed twice but both times it was unsucessful although we were given a 70% sucess rate. Our only option now is IVF which is very expensive. We have spoke about it loads of times and if we won the lottery we'd go for it now but funds are tight and although we are saving, it's a very slow uphill struggle. Also now with arthur in my spine i don't know if i would even be able to carry a baby. It breaks my heart when you see all these people having babies 'accidently' or 'just for the sake of it' and these children aren't loved and then there's people like us who would love to have a baby and although it was obviously my husbands choice, it's an uphill battle.

Carol X

Hi Carol

My heart goes out to you because I know exactly how it feels to want a baby and it being so difficult. When I was going through all the mill of fertility treatments, it seemed as though my whole life revolved round that one thing, and I became very depressed when nothing they tried worked. It went on for 6 years before we decided to adopt, and that was the best thing we could have done.

I have never been pregnant, and even now, I feel that I have missed out on a wonderful experience in life. Could you have one IVF on the NHS? I thought everyone got one go at it on the NHS. I don't think your difficulties would be impossible to overcome, although it depends whether you would want to put yourself through it all.

Joan

carol101

Unfortunately not Joan. Because it was his choice to have the snip, we can't get IVF on NHS. Looking at IVF it does sound quite sucessful, most of the time it seems it's the 'mums' with the problem which i should imagine makes it more difficult. I have been tested and shouldn't have any problems. To put it bluntly, they just have to make an incision and manually get the 'tadpoles' :oops: as they've got noway of getting out on their own then it should basically be job done. The hard part is raising £6000 :shock:
Although we would love a baby ( my hubby has an 18yr daughter and 16yr son) we don't dwell on it. We have such a loving relationship that we can get by without, it would just be the icing on the cake. I'm not one of these women who would go and snatch a baby or 'cheat' on my husband because i'm that desperate. I couldn't even go through a sperm donor as i would feel i was cheating on hubby. What will be will be. Just horrible to see all these abused and unwanted children. We have thought about adoption but i really don't know if it's a route i want to go down.

Carol X

joanlawson

Hi Carol

Your situation is very different from mine, and I can understand why you wouldn't want to use a sperm donor.

I was very young, still in my 20s when I found out that I had fertility problems. It was a huge blow to me because i have always had very strong maternal instincts. IVF wasn't available then, but I tried absolutely everything I could, from major surgery to awful drug treatments that made me very ill. I always said that if the doctors had told me to stand on my head in a corner for 9 months, I would have done it if it had resulted in a baby :!:

And after all that, I got two for the price of one

trisher

Joan,

When I had my son, I was in hospital for observation. We were there for 10 days.

We came home, I did the night feeding. The next day I took him for a walk in his pram.

I came back and I could not breath, I had to go back into hospital. He could not go back with me. They do not allow babies back once they have left. He could not go in with me because of catching what they called sticky eye.

My mother said she would look after him with my hubby and my dad.
I was in there 3 months. I never saw him once because of catching s bug on a surgical ward.

Even now I miss that time, nothing not even the birth of my grandson could fill that space. It is a strange feeling, I cannot descibe properly, there is just an empty part missing.

I love my grandon with all my heart. He has his space filled, because my DIL allowed me to look after him for her a lot when he was newborn.

It is a very weird feeling though.

Trisher xx

joyful164

Hi all.

Have just about come up to scratch on this one. My hates
2) Seeing all the 12/13 & 14 year olds filling the buses up on a Monday to pick their benefits up at our local town centre. You can't move for push chairs.
3) Hearing them all talk to one another, then talking to their children, don't go there.
4) You can almost imagine what goes on behind closed doors.
5) The young mothers know no respect, their children don't know any respect.
6) Then, waiting for the bus to come home, there they are, all drinking, smoking with, one hopes, the fathers.
I suppose our town centre is like any other,
You can understand how a 'baby P' situation starts.
This government has done nothing to face this situation and like everything else, just put their heads in the sand. I would be interested to hear what everyone elses's opinion as to how it all started.


I have really kicked off a good one here.
Joy

tkachev

It is very sad.They dont seem to realise that you need to comfort the child,amuse them,communicate to them.I often see little children left looking,uncomfortable,cold and bored nothing to play with while their parent ignores them,talk on their mobiles.If I ever see a child covered in chocolate I think I will clean it off just to see if it is hiding bruises.
Elizabeth

joanlawson

trisher wrote:

Joan,

When I had my son, I was in hospital for observation. We were there for 10 days.

We came home, I did the night feeding. The next day I took him for a walk in his pram.

I came back and I could not breath, I had to go back into hospital. He could not go back with me. They do not allow babies back once they have left. He could not go in with me because of catching what they called sticky eye.

My mother said she would look after him with my hubby and my dad.
I was in there 3 months. I never saw him once because of catching s bug on a surgical ward.

Even now I miss that time, nothing not even the birth of my grandson could fill that space. It is a strange feeling, I cannot descibe properly, there is just an empty part missing.

I love my grandon with all my heart. He has his space filled, because my DIL allowed me to look after him for her a lot when he was newborn.

It is a very weird feeling though.

Trisher xx

Hi Trisher

I understand very well that "missing time" feeling. My twins were fostered for 8 weeks when they were born, before we adopted them. That was to give their mother time to reach a decision about whether to keep them or not.

The foster mother was marvellous, and they couldn't have had a nicer person looking after them, but I feel the same as you about those 8 weeks. I've got photos of that time, but I wish I could have had them from birth. But If I feel like that, imagine how their mother must have felt, not knowing anything about them for 35 years, until they finally contacted her a couple of years ago.

Joan

joanlawson

joyful164 wrote:

Hi all.

Have just about come up to scratch on this one. My hates
2) Seeing all the 12/13 & 14 year olds filling the buses up on a Monday to pick their benefits up at our local town centre. You can't move for push chairs.
3) Hearing them all talk to one another, then talking to their children, don't go there.
4) You can almost imagine what goes on behind closed doors.
5) The young mothers know no respect, their children don't know any respect.
6) Then, waiting for the bus to come home, there they are, all drinking, smoking with, one hopes, the fathers.
I suppose our town centre is like any other,
You can understand how a 'baby P' situation starts.
This government has done nothing to face this situation and like everything else, just put their heads in the sand. I would be interested to hear what everyone elses's opinion as to how it all started.


I have really kicked off a good one here.
Joy

Hi Joy

You have kicked off a good one here, and I'm going to start a new thread about it.

Joan

chris7

joanlawson wrote:

Hi

Yesterday, I held a little 3-month- old baby in my arms. I had made friends with his Mum and Gran in a cafe, and I was delighted when I was allowed to hold him for a little while. He was Italian, and his name was Santino. He had lots of black hair, and very dark, bright eyes. I fell in love with him instantly, he was so beautiful.

I haven't held such a small baby for ages, and it made me realise how much I love babies. I looked into little Santino's eyes, and I wondered what he was making of this strange world he had come into. With all the strange faces and noise and movement of the cafe, his senses must have been overloaded. But I could see the potential for a wonderful person in his eyes. He looked so intelligent, and he is without doubt going to be a very handsome Italian man.

It made me think that every little baby in the world deserves the best of everything we can give them, and all the love we can give them too. Then I feel so sad for all the babies who aren't loved or cared for properly. I have very strong maternal feelings, and I would like to love all those neglected and unloved babies. I suppose I did my best when I adopted my twins, but they had never been unwanted or unloved. In fact, it was because their mother loved them so much, that she entrusted them to me, because she was unable to care for them. Now we are great friends, and we care for "our" twins together.

Joan

Joan how I envy you that cuddle.
Would have loved children myself too, but sadly missed out. My partner for 12 years was 20 years older than me and with 3 grown up children when we met. He too had, as Carol puts it 'been doctored' we took a bank loan to have it reversed but sadly it wasn't to be. When his daughter gave him a grandchild, I couldn't bear to see her and I this was one of the reasons we eventually parted. I think I would have made a good mum, but have so enjoyed watching my nieces grow up and pinched as many cuddles as possible. They are now 21, 19, and 13(today) but never too old for hugs
Chris