Good Day/Bad Day

gickygawky

I hope you all don't mind but I really have the urge to tell someone about my day.

Today I got a call from a woman in Australia (where I am from) to say my mother has been committed

I have been trying to deal with my mothers behaviour for years and have seen problems dramatically escalate over the past few months and have been trying to get her help from over here. No one would listen and said she needs to go to a GP voluntarily to seek help. Like that was ever going to happen.

She and my dad are divorced and she does not have any friends anymore to look out for her.She is disabled (good ole arthur!), lives on her own and I am her only child and the only person she is in contact with.

Anyway, without boring you with the details I am glad she is now in a safe place receiving the helps she needs (I hope) but it has been an awful thing to hear about my own mother. I am sad that it has got to such a stage (the details truly are extraordinary) because somewhere in there I know she is a wonderful person and she will be very upset by what is happening to her.

I wish I could help her but I have not been able to speak to her as I am a part of the problem so I am relying on the staff at the hospital to relay my sentiments to her.

I want to go over there to be there for her but when things were bad for her last Christmas I went back to Australia to be with her and she refused to see me.

Anyway, it feels good just to write down what is going on, hubby isn't home and friends are busy and it has been really playing on my mind.

Onwards and upwards so they say...

A x

trisher

HI A

It must be a difficult situation you are in, no wonder you are upset too.

You can tell us and lean on us and we will support you, everyone will.

Writing problems down, can be helpful to you. It does give you a release for it to come out and not hidden, which is worse.
It might make you feel a bit better too.

They can do such wonderful treatments these days, given time she may feel different about you too.

I don't know what else to say to you A, but I'm sending you these

((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))) to let you know, we care about you and if we can help in any way, we will.

Trisher xxx

skezier

Hi Ali,

Oh flower you have my whole hearted sympathy. Mine was the same. She had 3 major breakdowns and was heading for the forth when she died. Its not you fault, you are not part of the problem and don't ever think you are. Mine made me her problem but I was a kid so didn't do anything to make her, except breath really.

Your mum is being looked after and I promise you I tried endlessly to get them to give my mother help and was told over and over again she had to ask for it but she was beyond that one. She was eventually sectioned but not till she had destroyed verbally everyone she knew. I carry the scars and I rally want you to know you mustn't.

I really hope they can get your mum sorted and she will soon be back on an even keel. You take care. Luv and a (((( )))) Cris x

frogmorton

Oh Gicks!
What a day :shock:
I really don't know what to say - you msut feel so helpless here so far away, but to know going all that way would be futile.
You are probably not really 'part of the problem' it will be her mental health that makes her think that.
Then of course you must be releived that she is safe now and being looked after.
My heart goes out to you
Love
Toni x

annie_mial

Arna, lovey, I'm so sorry.

Such problems are difficult enough to deal with at close hand, but when they are on the other side of the world to deal with them at long distance must be near impossible! Frustrating and so worrying.

I quite firmly believe that these problems are not anyone's
fault, and for you to feel guilty or responsible for them is not going to help.

Responsible for the person, yes - and you know now that she is in a place where she will get care and the medical help she needs.

Please keep us updated, I'm sure everyone needs a shoulder to cry on at times, but as Trish said, just writing it down is often so helpful.

Love and (((((()))))))
Annie

joanlawson

Hello Arna

I feel such a lot of sympathy for you. It is horrible enough when a parent is ill in this way when living nearby, but for your mother to be so far away only adds to the torment.

My father developed dementia, and at the beginning, we didn't realise and just thought he was being awkward. His behaviour became completely irrational, causing my mother a great deal of distress. I was in the middle, not knowing what to do, until eventually, we realised that it was an illness, not anything he was doing on purpose.

I think it is the same thing with your mother's behaviour. It is the illness which is at fault, not her, and you are in no way responsible. As you say, at least she is being cared for now.

Joan

joyful164

Hello Ali.
Oh how you must have worried. It's sad that there is this rift between your mother and you, but you must not blame yourself. You have tried. I can understand how you must be feeling though, the urge to go and see your mother, just hoping that this time it will be ok. but sometimes it just isn't practical. At least she is in a safe place. You need not worry anymore.

joy

minky67

Hi Arna, Im so sorry to hear that.
I cant really add much to what has already been said.
Mental health is such a difficult illness to deal with.As you have said you have tried to help your mum & you have done all you can for now.
take care & try not to worry to much.
luv n hugs (((()))) debs

tkachev

Hi Arna,
Just wanted to send you best wishes. I know you are worried about her. It is not an easy situation to deal with but hopefully she will get some care now. There are people close by to look out for her now.
Take care
Elizabeth

gickygawky

Thank you to everyone who replied to my recent thread and my apologies for not replying before today. I greatly appreciate your kind words and your responses have helped make things clearer for me. xxx

As I am sure you have guessed it has been a tricky week being so far away from home. My mother (unbelievably) is out of the acute psychaitric ward and is being cared for by people within the community. I have since spoken to her and she thinks it's all a big game manipulating circumstances to allow her early discharge but at least they have adjusted her medication and will be following her more closely.

Hubby and I have been weighing up the idea of going to Oz but on Thursday arthur reminded me how close he is to the surface so we have decided not to push our luck and monitor things from afar.

This year has been full of trials and tribulations and I am looking forward to welcoming in 2010 as being a year of stability and happiness.

Thanks again to you lovely people, I hope one day I can return the favour.

Arna xxx