people who should know?

tjenny54321

I have recently felt as though people are questioning how much my arthritis affects me. Asking stupid questions (G.P, attached to my surgery) Do I have any physical signs which indicate I have arthritis.
Occupational Therapist, only bumped into her in street and she said I looked remarkably well after I mentioned having to come off methotrexate last Tuesday being last injection. Did she expect me to be in a wheelchair by Wednesday or Thursday. Do they not learn even a little bit about this stuff. This one also had a lot of experience, retiring soon in fact. Then I bumped into Consultant who also said I looked well, by this time I was getting annoyed so I wished her a Merry Christmas and got on with my Christmas preparations. They may have all been polite and friendly but it did annoy me.
It's bad enough having to put up with general assumptions and ignorance with the general population but I think they should know. Am I over reacting?


Thanks for all your replies. I can see what you are saying about thinking positively. I just feel as though they are expecting me to justify my DLA and home care input. Anyway 3 in one day was what really started to make annoyed. The O.T also asked about my home situation, as if she knew I have been having difficulties with my 19 year old son. How exactly does one reply standing in a queue waiting on a bus. Anyway next time I will be more aware about what to say.

markc1

tjenny54321 wrote:

I have recently felt as though people are questioning how much my arthritis affects me. Asking stupid questions (G.P, attached to my surgery) Do I have any physical signs which indicate I have arthritis.
Occupational Therapist, only bumped into her in street and she said I looked remarkably well after I mentioned having to come off methotrexate last Tuesday being last injection. Did she expect me to be in a wheelchair by Wednesday or Thursday. Do they not learn even a little bit about this stuff. This one also had a lot of experience, retiring soon in fact. Then I bumped into Consultant who also said I looked well, by this time I was getting annoyed so I wished her a Merry Christmas and got on with my Christmas preparations. They may have all been polite and friendly but it did annoy me.
It's bad enough having to put up with general assumptions and ignorance with the general population but I think they should know. Am I over reacting?

No your not over reacting and i think we all understand you.Its because there is nothing to see thats obviously wrong with you...i think we go into defensive mode when we see people that we feel obliged to keep saying theres something wrong.
Carry on as normal as you can,they are just being polite i would rather people say i look well than say i look really bad.Its the time of year as well.

elnafinn

I think they were being polite and wished to speak positively. Whether it was true or not, it is much more pleasant to be told you look well than, you look awful.They wished to say more on meeting you than hello. It was the personal touch and I would have been pleased they recognised me and perhaps only a little ruffled as to whether they were just saying it or not, depending how I actually felt at the time of meeting them.

Luv
Elna x

frogmorton

Hi Tienny
Me too Like Delboy - I loook fine
You respponded ok and hopefully they were just being nice as Elna suggested.
I am glad you are doing well and hope you got your christmas preopps done ok
Take care
Toni x

woodbon

Hi, It's the same story for me although, sometimes, when I have a slight limp, which throws me off balance, and although I have a few knobbles on my hands, its OA and nothing you'd notice really.

When someone tells me I look well, I fell a bit defensive and sometimes start to justify myself, even to people who know me! :roll: I think its just a comment people make, especially if you have been unwell and is often meant kindly, but it can make you feel 'oh no! They all think I'm making up the pain and problems! So really, unless its said in an unpleasant context, ie 'You look fine, why do you bother the to see the doctors so much' or whatever. Thats not nice, and will hurt most of us!
I think, sometimes we have to learn to take a compliment! :oops: Love Sue

Starburst

I think people just try to make you feel better and don't always mean any harm. That said, I hate it when people say I look well when I feel horrible. It's just one of many things we have to deal with when we have an invisible illness.

x

mellman01

delboy wrote:

I'm with Mark on this.

With my RA in particular I don't have any knobbly joints or anything obvious so look like a fine specimen of manhood.

You have to grow a thick skin and ignore comments about your physical appearance as you know how you feel, not them.

delboy's right on this, I'm the same look ok but am not,god the remarks and general negative attitudes p*&s me right off. :x

jordan7j

I feel the same, it sgood to know you dont look as bad as you feel, but it also makes you feel that you are exaggerating!! A friend of mine is currently having chemo for breast cancer, and is fed up with everyone telling her how well she looks. So its not just us lot!!

tkachev

It is frustating isnt it.I get told how well I am looking nowadays and how I used to look ill and drawn although they never said that to me at the time.
The lady who filled out my first DLA claim once told me I was looking very well in a hard voice and gave me that look!I was on a new medication which was working well.So when I phoned for help on my next claim I told the office I didnt want her to help because of what she said and how angry it made me feel.I have spoken to her since and I think they must have told her what Isaid because she looks all embarressed!She must know the nature of R.A!
Best wishes
Elizabeth

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livinglegend

Telling people they look well, etc., is called a 'positive pat'. They are not being mean, it IS supposed to make you feel better and happier.

It's all to do with positive affirmation, positive thinking and wellbeing. Saying to someone that they look well or good or beautiful is supposed to create positive feelings, (so the theory goes). Positive affirmations can help you manage stress and maintain an optimistic attitude.

Don't be too hard on them, they were just trying to cheer you up and help you feel more positive about yourself.

Have a smiley:


Joseph 8)

miss_l

I agree - i constantly have to justify myself, especially at work! People have the opinion im too young for arthritis and everytime i see people they tell me i look well and as a result i feel like i have to argue back!

I think its the same for all of us - anotherthing we just have to cope with!

elnafinn

I could not agree more, Joseph!

I hope your day is going well.

Luv
Elna x

janie68

Yes I agree totally with this thread.

But it also annoys me when poeople say ooh its the weather that makes it bad.

Well yes to a certain extent but it isnt what makes arthritis do what it does and makes us feel so ill. Its as though the weather causes arthritis.

I just let them ramble on and nod in the right places!

C'est la vie

Janie

ritwren

You know I've often said to people that I know are unwell that they're looking well and only ever ment it in a kind way and only if they were. In truth it was never ment in any way to dismiss what they're going through or have gone through but when some folk say it to me that's what it somehow does. Why is that? It's as if because I'm looking well then I can't be in so much pain or discomfort.
I do try to take these things as I hope they're ment and not as snide comments but sometimes I wish people would also acknowledge that so often what folk see is not how I feel. Paradoxically if someone says you're looking tired I deny it and say no no I'm fine. There's no pleasing me sometimes
:roll:
rita

hileena111

Yes its this invisible illness again.......but they were probably only being positive and trying to make you feel better.
Its when the general public dont recognise it and think "oh she has a little twinge or something like that" that makes me mad and they expect you to do a lot more than you can do.

Love
hileena

woodbon

One of the worst things for me is when I'm feeling fine and someone comes up to me and says how bad I look or how pale I am. I immediatly start feeling ill! But its often when I'm not wearing any make-up as I am naturally quite pale, blusher & the right shade of lipstick can work a treat!!! :shock: Sue