I have a headache, a permanent one - her name is Samantha, she is my 25 year old daughter and does nothing but cause trouble, she moved to Spain early this year, without telling me, I found her on another web site and began conversation keeping it light and not confrontational at all.
Anyway because of all the trouble she has caused my husband will not have her in the house, her father and his new wife will not have her in their house and she turned up last night after conning her father out of the money for a flight home. (She eventually stayed at a friends house) This is very complicated and I do not want to bore all of you to death with my family problems but I am very sad, I have tried everything over the last few years to sort out this problem and nothing works with her.
Sorry to moan but I just need to get it out of my system
Linda

Comments
I'm sorry to hear about your problems with your daughter. It must be very distressing for you.
I think you are doing the right thing by keeping open the lines of communication with her, and she obviously needs you, despite everything, because otherwise, why would she have come back from Spain?
Our love for our children is unconditional, I think, and all you can do is let her know that you love her, no matter what.
Joan
We may not be able to solve you problems........but we can certainly listen, and sympathise.......
I have a 31 years old Samantha..............and I've always thought of her as a 'little snot'.......
Seems like I've gotten off lightly..........Maybe the 3 wonderful grandchildren she has produced has tempered her.........
'fraid all you can do is 'hang on in there'.......
Luv and hugs.........seems like you need them right now........Rob x
Thank you Joan, the kindness of your words means a lot and I always tell her I love her,but unfortunately I cannot give her what she wants - and that is money!
But I will keep talking if she wants to, the problem is she turns nasty if I don't give her what she wants.
Oh well, all these things are sent to try us!
Thank you again Joan
I'm hanging on but only just!
Linda
Still does to a point..........
She used to ring up from afar (HELL NOT SPAIN THOUGH)....
No money.....no way of getting home.............'dad can you lend'
Not much we can do other than 'be there' for them..
But hang on......by you're finger tips if you have to....
Rob x
I give her and her sister the same financial helpso cannot be accused of favouritism,which can cause resentment for years,but they know not to expect help.They have to learn to stand on their own two feet as early as possible.They have been told they are welcome home anytime without asking, if things go wrong with relationships.
How awful is your daughter that no family members welcome her into their home?I think you have been great to keep light-hearted communication with her,not pressurising or questioning her.But can your husband give her a chance again and welcome her home for the New Year or would she cause problems?She might be questioning her behaviour now she is 25.You never know!
Best wishes
Elizabeth
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life
Define yourself........
Harvey Fierstein
Hi Elizabeth,
I have a 30 year old daughter as well and she asks for nothing, they are both treated the same, given the same, and spoken to in the same manner.
And yes she most certainly gets nasty if she cannot have money - which she can't. So you are quite right I am being bullied, but she is so subtle about it, it comes in from the blind side. If you know what I mean.
Linda
I edited my post cos I felt your concerns were not just money orientated
Elizabeth
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life
Define yourself........
Harvey Fierstein
Yes Elizabeth you are quite right they are not all money oriented, and no her father will not accept her back into his home, and neither will my husband.
There are only so many times you can forgive, - even your own children.
Linda
When I was first training to be a Counsellor, the issue of Nature, or Nurture was constantly being discussed. I personally have always been on the Nature side, and I have been proved right many times during my work. The fact that you have two daughters, both of whom have had the same loving upbringing, and yet have
turned out so differently, proves my point I feel.
I wonder why Samantha is so unhappy? Is it possible for you to ask her? You say that you have been non confrontational, and whilst that can sometimes be the best way, it doesn`t really solve the problem
In the meantime, just love her, and be there for her, and be kind to yourself.........Ange.
My eldest daughter seems to understand everything and the youngest understands nothing!!!
To all who have written on this thread a big thank you it really does help to talk
Linda
From what you say without going into any detail as such, there appears to be a lot going on with your 25 year old. The 5 years difference between both daughters may hold the key to something that may have affected your younger daughter more at any one time, than the other. Children can often be quite different even when brought up the same, they develop different characteristics from their parents. Do you think your younger daughter is a little jealous of her sister?
All you can do is be there for her which you are doing. I believe we all have moments when we really worry about our children and what they are doing or not doing but usually they brush up well in the end, some much later than others. Do not chastise yourself, it sounds like you have done your very best with both your girls and that is all one can do.
I do hope things improve for you - I am sure they will.
Love
Elna x
If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
I cannot say anymore than has been said.
I do sympathise with you and send you some gentle (((((hugs))))) to you.
luv Trish xxx
I have a similar situation with my cousin who doesnt want to see his daughter(and his new granddaughter),But someone has to give or else these situations go on for ever.And she had a tough start in life and I feel she needs understanding and compassion although she could throw it all in our faces!That is still likely.When do we know when they need help or are taking advantage?
Elizabeth
Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
Accept no ones definition of your life
Define yourself........
Harvey Fierstein