Being too Well for Arther
woodbon
Member Posts: 4,969
Hi, I have OA, but I find that a lot of things, like travelling, even when I'm not driivng, make me feel tired for a few days. For me, I think it is the stress caused by a change of normal routine and trying too hard to be the 'old' me.
The silly thing is that I went to see some friends and faimily on Wednesday, and one of the people I haven't seen for over 20 years :shock: was talking to me about the disabled badge system. I don't have one, as I can manage so far, but this woman told me about her friend being refused. She said, of course, she is much worse than you and finds it hard to stand up sometimes. I felt really 'Put Down' I can walk without a limp sometimes indoors, but at the time she was talking to me I was in quite a bit of pain from my neck, which was causing my left shoulder to hurt and limits my arm movement.
I know that she didn't mean to upset me and I didn't show that it had hurt me, as it would have spoilt everyone's day, including mine. I think its the first time I've felt really personally questioned by my own group of people. If you try to carry on and not let pain and discomfort show, some people doubt its real, if you tell everyone and complain about how bad you feel then you can be classed as a moaner or 'Putting on a Show'. Of course, latter I thought of lots of good replies! :roll:
I wish I had a badge!!! :?
Love Sue
The silly thing is that I went to see some friends and faimily on Wednesday, and one of the people I haven't seen for over 20 years :shock: was talking to me about the disabled badge system. I don't have one, as I can manage so far, but this woman told me about her friend being refused. She said, of course, she is much worse than you and finds it hard to stand up sometimes. I felt really 'Put Down' I can walk without a limp sometimes indoors, but at the time she was talking to me I was in quite a bit of pain from my neck, which was causing my left shoulder to hurt and limits my arm movement.
I know that she didn't mean to upset me and I didn't show that it had hurt me, as it would have spoilt everyone's day, including mine. I think its the first time I've felt really personally questioned by my own group of people. If you try to carry on and not let pain and discomfort show, some people doubt its real, if you tell everyone and complain about how bad you feel then you can be classed as a moaner or 'Putting on a Show'. Of course, latter I thought of lots of good replies! :roll:
I wish I had a badge!!! :?
Love Sue
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Comments
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Hello Sue.
Oh how I agree with you. Car journeys are the worse for me at the moment. Every jolt and hole in the road shakes me to bits so that doesn't help my joints. I have started using my pachimo scarf doubled round my neck. quite tight so that it acts as a support and also keeps my neck warm.
My hips suffers a lot too. The left one is very swollen at the moment.
I'm finding the chiro appointments helping and she told me that OA responds best the chiro treatment. I initially felt a bit bruised, but I am finding my back getting a lot stronger and it doesn't hurt at the base. My neck is the worst though. She has told me that she is concerned about my back.
Unless we turn up to 'do' with slings, plaster casts etc. then no one can tell the difference can they? Do you use a proper OT stick? Mine is a godsend. Gives you a lot of support. That will make them take stock!
All the best Sue. Stiff upper lip and all that. Hope you had a good New Year.
Joy0 -
Hi, No, I didn't take my stick as I had Jerry to hold on to, but yes, it would have been a good idea!
I'm sorry that you are having probs with your back and left hip, my left is the worse. I'm having problems with my exercises from the physio, as they help one part, but make another worse! Typical! Still, I go back this week. Take care in this weather. It certainly dos't help! I know what you mean about the pot holes, each summer they fill them up with tarmac and each winter, the frosts break them open and they get bigger, that really jolts you up! Love Sue0 -
Hi
um, some people are pretty tactless and amazingly psychic in their diagnositic abilitiles arent they?...x ray vision!
We understand.
Happy New Year.0 -
Hi Sue.
I know what you mean.you can always find some
body who knows some one whose's worse than you.
i think no body can say untill they have arther then they will know what it's like.
doni worry Sue i think your good and you dont moan about it.
joan xxtake care
joan xx0 -
It's difficult is'nt it when people say things like that. Folk that should know better have recently asked me how I am with regard to my aches and pains. Totally dismissive. :roll:0
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woodbon wrote:Hi, I have OA, but I find that a lot of things, like travelling, even when I'm not driivng, make me feel tired for a few days. For me, I think it is the stress caused by a change of normal routine and trying too hard to be the 'old' me.
The silly thing is that I went to see some friends and faimily on Wednesday, and one of the people I haven't seen for over 20 years :shock: was talking to me about the disabled badge system. I don't have one, as I can manage so far, but this woman told me about her friend being refused. She said, of course, she is much worse than you and finds it hard to stand up sometimes. I felt really 'Put Down' I can walk without a limp sometimes indoors, but at the time she was talking to me I was in quite a bit of pain from my neck, which was causing my left shoulder to hurt and limits my arm movement.
I know that she didn't mean to upset me and I didn't show that it had hurt me, as it would have spoilt everyone's day, including mine. I think its the first time I've felt really personally questioned by my own group of people. If you try to carry on and not let pain and discomfort show, some people doubt its real, if you tell everyone and complain about how bad you feel then you can be classed as a moaner or 'Putting on a Show'. Of course, latter I thought of lots of good replies! :roll:
I wish I had a badge!!! :?
Love Sue
Hi Sue, It's difficult when people don't understand. I know only too well! I went for a walk with some members of my family yesterday. They planned a 'short city walk' because of my arthritis. However, we spent ages hanging around waiting for people and talking about buildings and things in the freezing cold. I kept saying I was frozen and needed to speed up a bit, that I can't stand around for long but nobody either understood or really listened to what I was saying. My sister said she thought I couldn't walk very well yet I seemed to be walking quite quickly (it was 2 degrees outside so was trying to keep warm). I tried to explain that sometimes just being on my feet hurt my ankles and sometimes I can walk but can never be on my feet for that long. Also, if I was having a bad day I wouldn't have gone on the walk at all! They were all a bit surprised when I decided to go home before the end of it. When I got home my joints were really swollen especially my wrists. I felt guilty but also angry that they didn't understand and that no-one asked me what I could manage or planned the walk so I could manage it.
Friends often say to me 'oh but you look so well!' and it drives me nuts. Mostly because I know I don't look that well but I know they mean that I'm not bent over double in agony however, they tend not to see me when I'm really bad cos I stay home. Sorry to moan about myself but I think it is probably a commom problem. I know my mum (who had osteo, I have inflammatory) had to be really, really bad before people realised she couldn't do things. Even some of my sisters didn't understand and would organise outings she could barely manage and caused quite a lot of stress to her.
I don't know what the answer is but have decided to tell people what my difficulties are and if they don't get it that is their problem.
Sally0 -
Hi, Thanks for all the understanding, which I knew you'd all give. I am, in some ways, my own worst enemy, I like to give the impression of coping, even when I'm not but I wish people would think a bit before saying things. Its not often I've been faced with that kind of remark, still I've been very lucky. Love Sue xxx0
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woodbon wrote:Hi, Thanks for all the understanding, which I knew you'd all give. I am, in some ways, my own worst enemy, I like to give the impression of coping, even when I'm not but I wish people would think a bit before saying things. Its not often I've been faced with that kind of remark, still I've been very lucky. Love Sue xxx
Hi Sue,
You are not your own worst enemy- you are one of the 'lets get on with it' brigade -coping and living with a life changing condition. So many people nowadays think they have a right to comment on others ailments/ lifestyles and it really winds me up. You my Dear are an inspiration to your family and to many on here.
Keep up the good work!!
Love Kate xx0 -
Sooo with you here, Sue
Not much to add to others excellent posts except -why should we all feel we have whine & moan to get a tiny vestige of sympathy? We are coping with our pain & mobility but it is not right that people then do not understand how hard it is for us.
Tired now, couldn't sleep due to, guess what? PAIN!!
Love you all
Pennie X0 -
Hello Sue,
Yes its one of those catch 22 things your damned if you do and damned if you dont, the problem most of guys face is that our illness cant be seen, What do people want, if we where laying in bed with tubes and drips LOL How many times do people say you look great or you sound better when talking on the phone. people just really dont understand how we suffer and what we go through day to day. By the way Sue you shouds apply for your blue badge never know when your going to use it. Some times you can bring on the pain if you walk to far so parking closer can help. Take Care
Colin0 -
Quote
I wish I had a badge!!!
Love Sue #
Same for me Sue I'm not sick enough it would really help but my GP wont help me, also I can't do my old job now because of OA so that's gone west but I can't go forwards either, I'm just waiting to be made redundent,
As for getting upset don't take it to heart, I do all the time it's pain that does it to me, it makes my tolerance chip to stop working well that and my logic chip, I also like you get tired easily from OA.0 -
It really is a viscious circle, like you i tend to put on my 'i can cope with anything' head when im around people and they are forever telling me how i cant heve real athritis and they are sure the Dr's are just playing safe! Compared to my friends grandma's i manage to well - which isnt the case !
They just dont see the difficulties in getting out of bed in the morning or collapsing in a heap after a long day at work.
It really drives me mad with there x-ray vision!!
Sorry im ranting and my fingers aren't awake enough to type yet!0 -
The problem is they can't feel our pain for us, they just notice that we're a little slower somedays.
I got lots of empathy from strangers to friends and family when I had an operation on my hand and I had to wear a plastercast on my hand. People can relate to something like that 'cos they can see it.
There is no answer to this, I think, it's just something we have to grin and bear.
Luv LegsLove, Legs x
'Make a life out of what you have, not what you're missing'0 -
I`m with Legs here. I don`t think there is an answer either. Well, at least not until people experience it for themselves.
What I do think though is, that I personally, would probably feel a lot worse if people were constantly telling me how bad I seemed, or looked. So, maybe it`s the lesser of the two evils........Ange.0 -
I have had enough of people and their xray vision and decided to do something about it at Christmas.
My mother in law is lovely. She is also a sensitive soul and likes to gossip. Rather than tell her all about my health, my hubby and I decided to let her know I had arthur and was having treatment and leave it at that. We assumed that when I gave up work and said it was due to arthur she would respect our decisions and understand it was a necessary evil and not some crazy idea that us youngin's had come up with.
Anyway since I gave up work all I have heard from her is how well I look, how I dont limp as much etc. and why don't I take a night job teaching again etc etc. She also compares my arthur to that of her sisters when in fact it is very very different. This is all fine to hear but there has always been an undercurrent in her words that has left me feeling like she is being passive aggresive.
At Christmas I was approached by not one but two aunties who have obviously been busy discussing my lack of a job and no signs of ill health. They sat me down when hubby was out of the house and quizzed me about my health, work and future plans. I was absolutely livid as I knew it had come from my mother in law.
I decided enough was enough and with hubby at my side I sat her down and told her exactly what was going on without sparing the details. I told her all about what type of arthur I had, the extent of it, my drugs, side effects and the awful choices hubby and I have had to make about having a family in the future etc. I felt bad about telling her as I knew she would be upset but I am glad to have done it as now I hope i will only be judged according to what is happening in reality and not what people assume is going on.
A x0 -
Blimey!
A!!
Well done YOU!!
That should be that lot sorted then.
I hope so I really do!
You and your hubby sound to be very supportive of one another - I am glad for both of you.
Love
Toni xx0 -
gickygawky wrote:I have had enough of people and their xray vision and decided to do something about it at Christmas.
My mother in law is lovely. She is also a sensitive soul and likes to gossip. Rather than tell her all about my health, my hubby and I decided to let her know I had arthur and was having treatment and leave it at that. We assumed that when I gave up work and said it was due to arthur she would respect our decisions and understand it was a necessary evil and not some crazy idea that us youngin's had come up with.
Anyway since I gave up work all I have heard from her is how well I look, how I dont limp as much etc. and why don't I take a night job teaching again etc etc. She also compares my arthur to that of her sisters when in fact it is very very different. This is all fine to hear but there has always been an undercurrent in her words that has left me feeling like she is being passive aggresive.
At Christmas I was approached by not one but two aunties who have obviously been busy discussing my lack of a job and no signs of ill health. They sat me down when hubby was out of the house and quizzed me about my health, work and future plans. I was absolutely livid as I knew it had come from my mother in law.
I decided enough was enough and with hubby at my side I sat her down and told her exactly what was going on without sparing the details. I told her all about what type of arthur I had, the extent of it, my drugs, side effects and the awful choices hubby and I have had to make about having a family in the future etc. I felt bad about telling her as I knew she would be upset but I am glad to have done it as now I hope i will only be judged according to what is happening in reality and not what people assume is going on.
A x
Well done! Hopefully she will be more supportive in the future.
Sally0 -
Agree! Well done, Arna!
The only minor problems I have encountered have been at work, I just tell them to google what I have (they're sitting front of computers, anyway). Don't know if any of them actually have, but I haven't heard a thing for months now!
No close family now who might choose to be difficult, so I'm one of the lucky ones!
Annie0 -
annie_mial wrote:Agree! Well done, Arna!
The only minor problems I have encountered have been at work, I just tell them to google what I have (they're sitting front of computers, anyway). Don't know if any of them actually have, but I haven't heard a thing for months now!
No close family now who might choose to be difficult, so I'm one of the lucky ones!
Annie
Hi Annie! My family haven't quite got it yet though I think they are trying! My dad keeps saying things like 'what do you mean, swollen wrists?' I tried to put it in terms of being catapaulted forward by 30 years in age suddenly and finding yourself riddled with arthritis. I think he got that, though expect him to ask why I'm taking all those meds again! Mind you, I don't tell him too much as don't want him to worry him too much after losing Mum recently.
I did what you did with my sister, Annie, told her to google it. Haven't heard anything yet but it's a good strategy!
Sally xx0 -
Hi everyone, I know that I shouldn't take any notice of things that people say, as most of the time thay arn't really thinking about the effect they may have. Angi I'm so glad that you've told your Mother-in-Law the whole story, it must have been hard, but I think it is the best thing to do. Most to the time I can smile and take no notice, but just sometimes, it does hit a sore spot, and make you feel as if you should justify yourself. Still, at least here, people understand what you mean and why you need to have a bit of a moan sometimes!!! Keep warm and safe, Love Sue0
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