Feeling A Bit Fed Up

annebr

I'm not sure if it the black hole that is looking but I am feeling a bit down. I am a bit apprehensive about going back to work full time, not the work but whether I will cope, i just feel so tired all the time.

Also, peoples perceptions on how I am feeling. My Mum seems to think that burying her head in the sand will make it go away. She does phone and ask how I am and I say ok and she says good. But, I feel that I can't say I don't feel right. I also have someone who has made a few comments about hypochondria which is quite hurtful. The company I am going to work for is within walking distance will take me a bit longer than normal and I will have to use my stick, the same person then asked why i would be using my stick and did I really need it.

Sorry for the moan but it is good to get it out, My OH is great but, even he is starting to get annoyed with some of the comments.

Anne

pheebs

Hi Anne,

I've just been moaning on the Chit Chat forum - it's good to get it out, isn't it??

It's only natural for you to feel apprehensive - full-time work is exhausting. Just take your time when you start back and don't set yourself any unrealistic targets. I'm sure you'll be fine, but I know that's easy for me to say.

I have never been able to confide in my mum - she's never been sympathetic. So I tend never to tell her anything.

You must let us know how you get on.

Pheebs x

Wonkylegs

Hi Anne,

it is tough trying to convince some people that we use aids because we NEED to and not because we necessarily WANT to ........ but it is those who need to constantly question our use that really get to me too!

If only we could get them into a suit that made them feel like we do, even for an hour, then they would soon understand.

Have you thought of getting some of the leaflets from Arthritis Care and giving them to your mum to read? I think parents never stop worrying about their children however old we are (well that's what my dad tells me ) and they think they should be able to make everything better. Pity they can't eh? :roll:

love and hugs
Wonky

skezier

Hi Anne,

Sorry you are feeling a bit down but thats quite a lot of things to take in for you at the mo. Going back to work is bound to be a bit scary but hopefully you will find it ok again in no time.

Oh the people understanding problem..... I think the idea of giving them leaflets might help but sadly they only really understand when it happens to them. I don't bother to mention it now a days to friends or family so might keep an eye out to see what other suggestions you get on that one cus it does make you feel a bit isolated. Anyway I hope things will be a lot easier for you soon. Cris x

elnafinn

Dear Anne

I am sorry to read that you are feeling down. I am not sure how long you have been off work but even after a weeks holiday when one feels ok, it always feels rather strange to go back to work. In your case there will be more to it than that. There are probably a lot of things whizzing around in your mind at the moment.

Why not take little steps and not worry so much about whether you will cope as that is an unknown until you are there. See how you go on. You may surprise yourself. You can only do your best, no one can ask any more from you. You will be more tired at the end of the first day and probably all that week. That is to be expected. The next week will be easier.

As long as there is someone, Anne, that you can talk to about how you are feeling then it is not so important if you do not wish to discuss it with your mum.

You don't say who the person is, who is upsetting you but it is not really their business to question why you are using a stick , is it?

You look after yourself and let the others think what they like. If they are talking about you, they are leaving everyone else alone!!

Chin up, I hope you begin to feel better very soon.

Love
Elna x

dorcas

Hi Anne,
sorry you've been feeing low! It is daunting going back to work but also good for your moral if you do! Important to pace yourself so that you don't exhaust yourself though so look after yourself and let your employer know how you are feeling. It's really supportive to have a good OH who can advise or intervene if necessary.

From the sounds of it your mum is struggling to cope with you having arther and just wants to be able to 'kiss it all better'.......it's in all mums job description after all to be able to make their children's problems disappear!
I can understand too why you have gotten into the habit of always saying you're fine when your mum calls... that's your way of protecting both her and you (I did the same with my mum too) but it can become a bit of a catch 22 with neither of you actually saying how you feel? I might be completely wrong so forgive me making assumptions...

why not give the helpline a call to talk this through and see if they have some suggestions?

When it comes to the public generally there is a lot of ignorance out there about arther......and what can't be seen is even harder for people to understand. I've found that giving info leaflets about arther doesn't unfortunately always change attitudes.

I really do hope you feel a bit better tomorrow. keep your chin up! Iris x

valval

hi anne i do feel for you i only do 4 hours(1-5) and have to have a nap before that some days. give it your best if you can not cope see doc. i would have thought they would have started you back part time just to ease you back into it. things hard enough when you been on holiday . so when you get home rest you can not do everything and work will be enough to start with your oh will have to help more so you can rest as much as possible. you might feel the benifit of returning to work as the same feeling can also come from depression not saying yours is but know from experiance it does. at least you will be able to say you gave it a go good luck
val

miss_l

Hi,
I had 8 months off work due to crumbling bones and having a THR and can remember starting back to work feeling the exact same way you do!
I had one person who was intent on making my life difficult as apparently im too young to have OA and RA and a THR and therefore must be making the condition up and exagerating a small pain. He even tried to kick my stick from under me whilst walking to prove i didnt need it - which ended up with me on the floor.

Now i've been back since November and whilst its hard it does get easier i promise! It took me a few months to fully adjust and some days i go into work when i know i should be resting (luckily the pain is all over my face and my boss tries to make it easier for me).
I'm a teacher and the reaction of the teenagers i teach has made the difference for me - they dont take advantage and one of the louder 16 year olds told me they dont see my stick or disability they just see me as the same teachers i was beore, the biggest compliment there is.
I hope everything goes well for you
x

annebr

Thanks everyone. what a few of you have said about my Mum is true she doesn't want to see her wee girl with anything wrong. As for the other person they have weird sense of humour??

I am self employed so going back to work I didn't have the option of part time. I know it is going to be tiring, think because I haven't worked for a year it is just nerves.

Thanks for listening and your advice.

Anne

woodbon

Hello, I can understand how you feel about going back to work - its hard after a long absense. I had quite a few months of last year, felt better, went back to work and within 6 months, I felt worse than I did before! Sorry, that not what you want to hear is it?

On the plus side it did show me my limits, I thought as I felt better, I'd be fine at work, but as a care assistant, the work is heavy and loads of walking plus seven hours on my feet! :shock: My manager was good and helped me to fazing my return to work, and not expecting me to do extra hours and cut back on my ours by dropping a shift. Also, I was worried about how the other girls would be with me, but apart from some slight digs from certain people I expected, almost all the people I worked with were helpful and kind about it.

Anyway Good Luck, I'm sure, once you've been back a week or so, you'll be fine with the others. Just take care of your health, I kept refusing help, wanted to show everyone how well I could cope, but it didn't work! Love Sue xxxx

angel1

I really feel for you Anne. Returning to work after a year is bound to be very stressful. I remember you saying that your husband was being made redundant, and all the extra worry that was causing. If this is the case, the pressure of becoming the main breadwinner will be a huge responsibility for you, and will add to your fears. I feel that you need to be firm about the fact that you will do your very best, but that, at the end of the day, your health will dictate your ability to work.

With regard to the "dance" that you and your mum perfom, that is quite normal. Not wanting to burden each other. I imagine that she is fully aware of your suffering, but letting you deal with it in your own way. Perhaps, you could be totally honest with her, and let her be there for her "wee" girl..........Ange.

annebr

I have always been the main bread winner and obsessed with having emergency savings which has been a god send as I haven't worked for a year and Allan losing his job at Christmas. We don't get any benefits or help so I do need to go back to work. One part of me is looking forward to getting back in the saddle the other is worried about coping.

As for Mum I have tried to explain and she doesn't listen/want to know, I am resigned to that now. A few weeks ago when she asked how I was I told her not very well instead of the usual ok and she said why what's wrong with you? The other person I mentioned is a close relative, I was seeing them today and I was going to bring it up but I couldn't face the confrontation.

Thanks again for listening, maybe if I wasn't so tired I could be more rational.

Anne

skezier

Hi Anne,

I think its something that comes and goes with us a bit. Its just your brain trying to process everything I guess? What I try and remember is my Nan always said worrying is like being in a rocking chair.... It gives you something to do but doesn't get you any where..... I think I was born in a rocking chair sometimes

I tell you what did help me though, apart from the mind blowing base thing, I saw a councillor and she helped me to come to terms with it all and well when people can't cope they block it and your Mum may just be in her rocking chair as well. I really think worry is out worst enemy actually....... Hey this is not going to be much use to you but the sentiments there A ((( ))) and you will be fine one you know your back at work. Like you I am self employed and well its a whole different ball game..... hey get out that chair.....Cus I want it Cris xx

chile168

Hi Anne,

Just wanted to say good luck for when you return to work and hope all goes well because it is hard.

1. like delboy said you can educate them with your stick
2. If they don't believe offer them a swap, your illness your worst day for their health - then see if they don't believe.

When people look at me funny see my blue badge and don't believe I say, Ill give you my badge but you have to take illnesses with it and I have your Health - they soon say NO THANK YOU. It works

Take care xxxx Eve

annebr

Thanks again everyone, sometimes it's good to talk.

Cris, your description of the rocking chair is true. Sometimes I worry that I don't have anything to worry about. Depression and the 'Black Hole' seem to go hand in hand with the arthritis and the PA.

I don't want to let anyone down and I still find it frustrating that I can't do everything that I used to do. Plus the fatigue I seem to wake up tired. My best times are between 9-12pm, if only I could work then. Sometimes I feel 99 not 39.

I am going to Mums tomorrow and I think I will try and talk to her but not sure how much use it will be?

As for Del's suggestion about educating people with the stick well I have a confession. Do you know the people who have very busy lives and barge into you on the street without an apology or an excuse me. I have perfected clipping them on the anke with my stick. Makes me feel better expecially if they have just about knocked me into next year.

skezier

Hi Annie,

Flower I lit a fire and heaved a couple of rocking chairs on it so if you got one feel free to burn it too Mine self replicate but you know worrying ain’t no good for us and circles just make us dizzy.

I remember being your age and I felt the same (now feel well over a 100 ) and I really thought my world had ended...... Anne it didn't and it hasn't and well you will get there and if you go in to the hole we will all throw in some ladders and get you back out. Luv and a hope it goes well with your mum and well tomorrow is never as bad as you think it might be. Cris ((( ))) xx

Wonkylegs

annebr wrote:

As for Del's suggestion about educating people with the stick well I have a confession. Do you know the people who have very busy lives and barge into you on the street without an apology or an excuse me. I have perfected clipping them on the anke with my stick. Makes me feel better expecially if they have just about knocked me into next year.

I know I shouldn't but this really did make me