The trouble with girls

joanlawson

Hi

A new survey by The Children's Society has shown that girls are generally less happy than boys. Even though girls now outperform boys on every academic measure, they still often lack confidence, and this anxiety can hold them back.

More than one in five girls is unhappy with their appearance ( 21%) compared to 12% of their male peers. Their sense of well-being and happiness diminishes with age, with more than a quarter of 14 to 15 year-old girls feeling unhappy with the way they look. This is twice the proportion of boys who were unhappy with this aspect of their lives.

I wonder whether this is a result of pressure from the media, plus peer pressure, but it seems a sad state of affairs to me.

Joan

annie_mial

I'm positive it is, Joan. Apart from the usual fads and fancies I didn't really feel this kind of pressure in spite of beehive hairdos and Mary Quant.
Pretty sure my daughters didn't either; but my eldest granddaughter is another matter, although I would think she's possibly not as badly off as she might be for peer/media pressure living where she does. She's really only got the sheep and pigs to comment but when she starts secondary school next year (or the NZ equivalent) I can see trouble ahead.

Ho hum

Annie

joanlawson

Hi Annie

I have already noticed a change in my grand-daughter since she started secondary school in September. She has just had her 12th birthday, and asked for the money to have her hair highlighted as her present from me. I thought her hair was beautiful in its natural state, but gave her the money anyway. She seems to be growing up much too fast, and I think it is all part of the pressure which girls feel these days.

trisher

Joan

It is these days. Girls are under tremedious pressures these days. All these mags they buy.

They see that a nice dress being advertised has to be worn by having a stick insect body.

That is where a lot of girls are brainwashed into thinking this by adverts.

Then they may be friends whose parents are well off, they see how they dress, have their hair done and want to be like them.

It is a shame though, they should not have this pressure in the first place.

Trish xx

joanlawson

Hi Trisher

I think you are right about pressure from the media. There is so much attention to the celebrity culture these days, and all the women are size 0, but they all have surgically enhanced breasts, so girls think that is the shape they should be, instead of the shape nature intended.

I have a friend whose 13 year-old grand-daughter is being treated for anorexia at present. She has had to be hospitalised a few times because she had stopped eating. It is a horrible condition for any teenager to experience, and the family are going through hell because of it.

suzster

this is a scary topic.
my eldest is nearly 11 and already the girls are talking about boyfriends, flirting and how they should look.
i was 14 before i even thought about boyfriends, they do grow up way to fast these days.
sue

joyful164

Hello Joan

Do you remember the sleep overs? We seem to be having one every other week. Once they all get together, start talking. It was just magazines.
In my daughter's case there were no mobile phones, laptops etc in her day. Everything was so simple

I think it is really frightening these days, the things they watch on TV in the magazines. Girls are just so bitchy, turning on one another all the time. Then being friendly again when their other friends before they ditch them. All chasing after the same boy perhaps. No I don't think girls are lacking in anything.

Now boys, they are so uncomplicated are they not?

Joy

joanlawson

suzster wrote:

this is a scary topic.
my eldest is nearly 11 and already the girls are talking about boyfriends, flirting and how they should look.
i was 14 before i even thought about boyfriends, they do grow up way to fast these days.
sue

Hi Sue

What has happened to childhood, I wonder :?: At age 11, I thought boys were noisy, horrid, and best avoided.

By 14, it was a different story :!:

joyful164

I remember when I was fifteen, my mother didn't let me wear stockings. No tights then.
This boy from college asked me to the pictures. It couldn't be in the evening. It had to be in the afternoon and when my mother said she was coming with me to see what the boy was like, I could have died. But he took it well. My mother didn't come to the pictures but picked me up afterwards to take me home. 15. All my other friends were so much left to do what they liked. I was mortified.

Joy

joanlawson

joyful164 wrote:

I remember when I was fifteen, my mother didn't let me wear stockings. No tights then.
This boy from college asked me to the pictures. It couldn't be in the evening. It had to be in the afternoon and when my mother said she was coming with me to see what the boy was like, I could have died. But he took it well. My mother didn't come to the pictures but picked me up afterwards to take me home. 15. All my other friends were so much left to do what they liked. I was mortified.

Joy

Hi Joy

I also had to wear long socks at school until I was nearly 16. We were only allowed to wear stockings in the fifth year, and the uniform was very strict, even in the 6th form.

Your mother was obviously very keen to protect your innocence, Joy. Not a bad thing, although embarrassing for you at the time.

A 14 year-old girl who lives across the road from me has recently had a baby, and she seems no more than a child herself. I think young girls often feel under pressure to start sexual relationships much too young these days, and that might be another reason why so many of them feel unhappy.

angel1

delboy wrote:

My daughter went through a period of self harm because of the bullying she experienced from other girls, something she kept from us unfortunately.

When it all came out it transpired that the bullying was because she was intelligent and well spoken and she thought it was her fault. We felt some pangs of guilt as that was the way we had brought her up but soon realised it was not our fault or the school but the parents of the bullying children who had not imposed any morals on them.

Thankfully she overcame the self harm and is now a volunteer for childline and doing a degree in counselling so that she may help others. (It's her second degree too, smart ****. )

This story, sadly, is very typical Del. I have been a Counsellor for many years, and your daughter sounds as if she will be a great asset to the profession. Wish her luck from me........Ange.

joanlawson

Hi Del

This kind of bullying is going on all the time, and it is so difficult to deal with because the victims often keep it secret.

What kind of a world is it when a well brought- up, polite, and clever girl is victimised in this way :?: Some parents have a lot to answer for if their child is bullying others. They have obviously not been taught any respect for anyone.

As a teacher, I have seen so many parents who don't give a damn about the way their children behave. I was once the victim of a physical assault by a parent too, so what hope have we got for the children of such people :?:

I am so glad that your daughter has overcome the bullies in the way she has.

Joan

tkachev

My girl was bullied for being clever.I removed her from the school( yes Joan from that quaint, little village in Bucks).Luckily I could afford to send her private but if I couldnt I would have educated her myself.She is doing fine now that is all that matters.
Elizabeth

joanlawson

Hi Elizabeth

Sadly, there are bullies everywhere, even in quaint little villages in Bucks. I'm glad your daughter escaped them.

Even the teachers get bullied sometimes too :!: I asked a boy to remove his baseball cap in class, and his response was to pick up a metal chair and throw it at me with some force, narrowly missing my face. He was suspended from school for a couple of days, but he was never made to apologise to me ( probably against his human rights to be made to do so :!: :roll: )

tkachev

It is awful that many childrenare not required to apologies for their behaviour.They usually grow into intolerant,agressive adults.I cant see what harm there is in making them responsible for their actions.At my sons school they have introduced a detension system where even forgetting books,shirt untucked,not walking nicely in the corridor is punished.So they are all on their toes throughout the day and too busy tucking in their shirts to be naughty!
Elizabeth