How can I get my head round it?
jenzie06
Member Posts: 708
I'm trying to organise help from the council for myself and the baby when it turns up.
Although I need the help, I having trouble getting my head round 'needing' it. As I can't work, I always thought of my 'job' as looking after the house, sorting the bill, doing the housework etc but if someone comes in to do the housework - what am I meant to do?
I'm worried its going to leave me feeling a bit redundant and useless.
Anyone got any suggestion to help get my head round it or do I just need to pull myself together?
(Also I'm getting very hacked off with friends who moan about their job/life but don't realise how lucky they are - think it may be pregnancy hormones but I'm close to saying something I may regret!)
Although I need the help, I having trouble getting my head round 'needing' it. As I can't work, I always thought of my 'job' as looking after the house, sorting the bill, doing the housework etc but if someone comes in to do the housework - what am I meant to do?
I'm worried its going to leave me feeling a bit redundant and useless.
Anyone got any suggestion to help get my head round it or do I just need to pull myself together?
(Also I'm getting very hacked off with friends who moan about their job/life but don't realise how lucky they are - think it may be pregnancy hormones but I'm close to saying something I may regret!)
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Comments
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Funny how we think of ourselves as individuals, we are in as much as we can express ourselves but otherwise we aren't, we are part of a very large team and you need help to remain as part of that team, you are bearing part of our future.
8) Its a grin, honest!0 -
Hi Jenzie,
What kind of help are you looking from the council?
Have you spoken to your midwife or obstetric consultant regarding your concerns when the baby comes? Your midwife may be able to arrange extra help or perhaps they can put you in contact with an organisation - just a thought as I haven't had any dealings in that area. My babies are in 20's now.
Do you have an OT that could perhaps enquire into extra help?
I want to say congratulations on pregnancy hun xxxxx wow Im getting excited and Im not even the one having the baby but love babies.
Good luck!
Eve xxx0 -
Hi Jen,
I understand completely! Six months ago I had to give in a have someone to clean the house. I am gradually getting used to it, though it's been very hard i) not to be critical that their efforts are not quite as good as mine and ii) that I feel so lazy when they are slaving away and feel like a spare part. Initially I felt I should climb up on a shelf and pretend to be a vase or something - it's an awful feeling ... but I assure you it will pass. I also feel very guilty when I see my OH washing up and preparing a meal and have to tell myself over and over "your hands won't do it".
Do it, Jen .... put up with the feelings you'll have, they will lessen. The one thing that you WILL feel when they've done the house and leave is ... a funny sort of peace and contentment. The house is spick and span and there is nothing I need to do. You can then devote your time to the little one .... that's a far more important function than shoving a vacuum around.
Yes, other people's complaints about their 'lot' annoy me too .... if only they knew. Ignore 'em ducks .... you're going to have ten little fingers and ten little toes and a pair of bright gleaming little eyes that are going to need your attention. To hell with work! Just imagine, when he/she begins to walk and talk and do all sorts of things, you'll know it's you who taught him/her. Other people don't have the time to ponder about things like that.
Luv
Do0 -
Hi Jen,
Flower needing help is true of everyone, with or without conditions to contend with, if you think about it. You have done well to get to knowing you need it and there will soon be the little un to take all your waking time so you wont be redundant at all.
People are often immersed in their own problems and well if they are able to talk to you about it its sort of a back handed compliment...... That's what I keep telling my self cus like you at times I have had to really bite my tongue over things 3d people say to me, especially since I tend to be invisible to them :roll: Its always better though than having something to regret I guess. Its not long to go now is it? I hope its all going well? Luv and a ((( ))) Cris x0 -
jenzie06 wrote:I'm trying to organise help from the council for myself and the baby when it turns up.
Although I need the help, I having trouble getting my head round 'needing' it. As I can't work, I always thought of my 'job' as looking after the house, sorting the bill, doing the housework etc but if someone comes in to do the housework - what am I meant to do?
I'm worried its going to leave me feeling a bit redundant and useless.
Anyone got any suggestion to help get my head round it or do I just need to pull myself together?
(Also I'm getting very hacked off with friends who moan about their job/life but don't realise how lucky they are - think it may be pregnancy hormones but I'm close to saying something I may regret!)
HI Jenzie,
I so know what you mean about needing the help but not wanting it either!!
I saw the OT last week and she is going to do all sorts to help me take more care of my wrists and hands. I felt so positive when I came home from the appointment, but since then I too have been thinking that if I need all this then what is the point of me any more. It doesn't do anything to help us feeling like this but it is normal and natural cos we are grieving for what is lost I suppose.
However, I know that if I can accept the help then I will be able to use the energy that I do have doing things for me rather than wasting the energy on doing things that I don't enjoy. SO I suppose I am saying what most of the others are saying .... look at what you will need your energy for and accept what help you are offered so that you keep your energy for your little one!
hope all goes well.
hugs
wonky
PS - what others think is none of our business really, but it really does get use down sometimes eh? fiddlesticks to them I say!0 -
Hello, I hav'nt got a cleaner yet, but I can see that in time it may have to come. I'm sure that I'll feel the same as you, but with time you'll get used to it and wonder how you managed! After all, running round in circles, trying to do everything isn't what you need is it? You'll still find lots to do, I'm sure!!!
Love Sue0 -
Hi Jenzie
With a little one around there will be more than enough for you to do without doing the cleaning. That is what goes out of the window when you are looking after your baby under normal circumstances until you get more organised etc. You are being very sensible to get it sorted now. You will still have plenty to do in the home - cleaning is only part of it. You are still in charge All you are doing is organising some help for you and your family.
We all moan about our life/job/circumstances from time to time. The grass is always greener on the other side.
You keep thinking of that beautiful, precious little babe you will be producing. You have a very worthwhile job ahead of you, my lovely and you will be a proud mum.
Luv
Elna xThe happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.
If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.0 -
Hi Jenzie, please dont feel guilty, or useless or anything else thats negative!!! You are doing an amazing thing, becoming a mother, and under circumstances that others would never think of doing. I was lucky enough to have my 4 children when I was helathy, but I know if I wasnt then I would certainly need help. Even now, my sister comes and helps with ironing and floors etc. Thats also due to me working with the babies though.
I am usually too exhausted to do anything other than take care of the babies!!
Enjoy your little one, make the most of the time you get to do the lovely things, and not worry about the boring ones!!! Jay x0 -
I don't know how to help you with the cleaning thing, I live in a post-student flat where cleaning is low on our priorities lol Maybe you should look at it that way too. It IS a low priority, your baby and your health are sooo much more important. Just imagine you're a student again, who hates cleaning!!
BUT, I totally sympathise with the other thing about friends moaning. A boy at my work twisted his neck at the gym last week and every day everyone's been fussing over him, askin if he's ok. No one asks me anything unless i look rough and when people say 'how was your night?' and I say 'I couldn't sleep' and they just look puzzled and go '...why?' lol ack well.0 -
Thanks for the replies. Lovely words.
I'm asking for an assessment for assistance under the adult care section of social services. They send out a social worker who decides if you are eligible and determines how many hours you get.
If you get some hours then you can get direct payments so you are the 'employer' of someone to be your 'personal assistant' (hate the word carer!). You can employ anyone just not a partner or relative if you live with them.
Keep your fingers crossed that they think I'm eligible (And they can organise themselves before the baby arrives!!).
Take care everyone.0 -
Thats really good advise Jezie,
Direct Payments are amazing and the social Workers in the adults teams are fab.
Hey when I was pregnant without the RA, others were helping so please don't feel you are a burden or you have to take it easy for a bit.
Have you got your Sure start Maternity grant done too??
Hope the hormones arent giving you 2 much Gip. I cried all the way through my pregnancy with Beth and was so so sooooooooooo angry with my pregnancy with Reuben!!! Male and female hu ha aha.
Hope you are feeling a little better. Take it easy and well wishes your way.
xxxxxx :P0 -
jenzie06 wrote:I'm trying to organise help from the council for myself and the baby when it turns up.
Although I need the help, I having trouble getting my head round 'needing' it. As I can't work, I always thought of my 'job' as looking after the house, sorting the bill, doing the housework etc but if someone comes in to do the housework - what am I meant to do?
I'm worried its going to leave me feeling a bit redundant and useless.
Anyone got any suggestion to help get my head round it or do I just need to pull myself together?
(Also I'm getting very hacked off with friends who moan about their job/life but don't realise how lucky they are - think it may be pregnancy hormones but I'm close to saying something I may regret!)
Hi Jenzie
Just make the most of all the time you will be able to spend with your lovely new baby when he/she comes and let someone else worry about the housework. I wish I had been able to. B x0 -
Everyone else has already given you great advice.... but I just wanted to add that your "job" will be staring for hours and hours at your little one and contemplating how amazing they are!!!!!!
As you know, my munchkin is 3 months old and I am ashamed to admit that, unless it's urgent, most of my housework rarely gets done as I'd much rather watch him!!! :oops: :oops: :oops:
Funnily enough I have found it easier to ask for help since my son was born.... not sure if this will make sense but for some reason I feel more comfortable saying I need help because I am a new Mum rather than saying I need help because I have arthritis..... not sure why?! :? :?
Hope you and bump are well!!
Poppy x0 -
It is always a big change in your life as we tend to be work orientated. Then all of a sudden you have to stop. even if you don't want to. It really requires a shift of the mental gears to accept the situation and will take time. It took me about 3 years and a lot of pain and illness before I could accept the inevitable.
We all like to think of ourselves as independent and able to cope, while needing and asking for assistance is against our nature. It is doubly hard with your condition as well. If you need help ask for it! I worked for volunteer groups for many years and we always had problems because people would rather struggle.
So, remember, when times are hard, there are people always waiting to help you. It is not worth it when assistance is so close at hand. There is nothing wrong in reaching out and accepting what is there for you. You would feel much better for having the chance to make your life, and those around you easier.
Joseph 8)Joseph0
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