cant stop crying this week

theresa4

I went to physio as I keep falling over and my feet are so painful with RA I struggle to walk. After a mix up over appointment times I got a pair of crutches and a stair lesson on them. :!: :? I told her I wasnt sure they were suitable as I have very painful hands and wrists as well (i had expected gutter crutches but didnt want to second guess her job) she said many people with RA are fine with crutches and I should wear my wrist splints with them! glad Im an individual

I couldnt dress myself for 2 days after using them. They have sat in my cupboard since.
I havent had my monthly infusion its now 2 weeks over due as I have been ill AGAIN even though at present I am still waiting for it to work I keep getting ill so have to delay the treatment.
My husband is absolutely exhausted as he cant manage on his own seeing to the business we ran together and then household stuff. We dont seem to have a relationship anymore hes just a provider and carer! Hes great but I know its all wearing him down too Im worried hes going to get really ill he works 16 hrs a day 6-7 days a week and still cant get on top of it all.
My kids keep saying how unfair their lives are they are teenagers and up and have to help all the time. I just feel guilty. I am letting everyone down all the time . If im not in pain Im ill and in pain and sometimes ill then too. The drugs are not working and pain relief is a joke at the moment.
Sorry being miserable just needed to rant am off to GPs shortly to see what else they can do.

Theresa x

frogmorton

Oh Theresa
You are so right to feel so sad I would too.

Stupid woman giving you those crutches. It's only made things worse. Sure your GP will see this and be able to sort out the infusion for you if you are well enough now?

Kids - teenagers especially can be difficult as they are so wrapped up in their own needs. But you have to ask them for help sometimes.

Your poor hubby too. I hope the two of you do get a chance to at least talk sometimes so he can see how much you appreciate what he is doing. You obvioulsy do and are worried about him

I am so so sorry and hope the GP is sympathetic.

Love

Toni xx

sharmaine

Hi Theresa

I'm so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so down. You are right to go to your GP it sounds as if you need help.

Have you thought about trying to apply for DLA? Maybe the Social Services could advise you on where to go for help in the home. You mustn't feel guilty because you can't help everyone in your family as you used to. They have to understand that this condition is disabling and painful. Have you contacted your Occupational Therapist to have things adapted in your home to make it safe for you to get around in? You don't need a recommendation from your GP you can phone them directly.

I used to feel guilty about having to ask my OH to help but I don't anymore. When I think of the years I gave to looking after my family's needs (doing a job and looking after everything in the home and garden) I stop myself. I know what you mean about crying - I seem to do a lot of it myself. I blame it on the medication and it's only natural to get frustrated that you are unable to do the things you used to do. I can't even venture outside on my own anymore - I need help with a lot of things.

Try and make yourself easier by shopping online. Shopping online makes our life so much easier and it saves money too! We do venture out to get little bits and pieces but a big shop once a month means that we never run out of the essentials. I buy all my toilettries for a month; washing powder; stuff for the freezer etc. Once you get used to it it's easy.

It may help to prepare a timetable for when the beds need to be made; house vacuumed; dishes washed; clothes washed etc. My OH and I now have a routine - it took time to sort out but it works quite well. I said in an earlier post that you get others to listen if you ask nicely (sugar instead of vinegar) and start your sentences with "I". Never ask your child or partner "Why" as this gives them the opportunity to defend themselves and make excuses.

I do hope you start to feel a bit more optimistic soon. Give yourself a lift and go to the hairdressers. Get dressed up. Plan a nice evening in with the family; a meal out or a trip to the cinema.

Take care and many cyber hugs.

Sharmaine

theresa4 wrote:

I went to physio as I keep falling over and my feet are so painful with RA I struggle to walk. After a mix up over appointment times I got a pair of crutches and a stair lesson on them. :!: :? I told her I wasnt sure they were suitable as I have very painful hands and wrists as well (i had expected gutter crutches but didnt want to second guess her job) she said many people with RA are fine with crutches and I should wear my wrist splints with them! glad Im an individual

I couldnt dress myself for 2 days after using them. They have sat in my cupboard since.
I havent had my monthly infusion its now 2 weeks over due as I have been ill AGAIN even though at present I am still waiting for it to work I keep getting ill so have to delay the treatment.
My husband is absolutely exhausted as he cant manage on his own seeing to the business we ran together and then household stuff. We dont seem to have a relationship anymore hes just a provider and carer! Hes great but I know its all wearing him down too Im worried hes going to get really ill he works 16 hrs a day 6-7 days a week and still cant get on top of it all.
My kids keep saying how unfair their lives are they are teenagers and up and have to help all the time. I just feel guilty. I am letting everyone down all the time . If im not in pain Im ill and in pain and sometimes ill then too. The drugs are not working and pain relief is a joke at the moment.
Sorry being miserable just needed to rant am off to GPs shortly to see what else they can do.

Theresa x

woodbon

Hi,
I am sorry that things are so rotten at the moment. Life is like that sometimes, everything gets on top of you at once. The crutches sound awful, you must go back with them and tell them you can't manage. You never know, she may have made a mistake and given you the wrong ones! :shock:

As for teenagers, I think I was just horrible, always arguing and moaning and expecting everything to be done!

I hope that you feel better soon. Love Sue

dolittle

Hello Theresa,
So sorry you're feeling so down. I sooooo know the feeling - you feel as though the world is against you. Life it a bitch sometimes, and the guilt doesn't help. I agree with the 'I' bit - I don't think we do enough of it; we women do tend to let everyone take us for granted.
Hope you feel a bit better now it's later in the day. Keep your chin up (((hugs))))
Do little

theresa4

Thank you all
Went to see the GP but dont feel much better, I was told that my GP needed to sort my pain relief my GP feels she has exhausted all avenues and the rheumy now needs to tak eit on board. She is writing me a letter for physio to take next week to advise that I am practically housebound without a carer and very limited even then.

Felt like I was being shoved around, then my eldest daughter insisted her dad took me to Tescos which he protested as it takes longer with me. She felt I needed to get out and 'stretch my legs' :?: so I went even though my husband wanted to go alone as he still had loads to do. As he stated it took twice as long and I was in much pain and really struggled even leaning on the trolley.

Now I feel like a hindrance no one wants me cos I slow things down, and I cant do anything by myself or do anything for anyone. Im sure my kids think Im just being lazy cos all they see is me sat down laid down or limping or crawling around the house.
So far RA has made me postpone my final year of my degree, prevented me holding my baby nephew, drive my car, enjoy walking my dog, spending time doing things with my kids , work, the only thing Ive gained is weight!.
My eldest is pregnant and Im looking forward to my first grandchild (despite being only 38) but am worried I wont be able to help her and unfortunately she is going to be a single mum so will need support. what use will I be

feel so rubbish but I suppose this feeling will pass again. Thankyou all for being there today I have no one else to talk to about any of this. and Im sorry to burden you all
Much love ]Theresa x

sharmaine

Hi Theresa

A problem shared is a problem halved. I know what you mean about the shopping.... you should have got your OH to drop you in the pub and he could have done the shopping while you had a glass of wine.

Like you I feel housebound. OH takes me out to lunch on a Saturday to make up for my confinement. My son pops in to chat when he's not on nights and I make an effort to keep in touch with the rest of family and friends by phone etc. It's a very rare thing for me to go out in the evenings.

OH is taking me out for a meal on Saturday and I'm looking forward to getting dolled up. Sometimes I feel like life is passing me by.

I think we all go through days of feeling useless and a nuisance. My mother suffered with OA and she had four of us. I wish I was more understanding of her condition when I was a teenager. I'm ashamed to say I was too self absorbed in my own life. She said to me that I was the only one who really worried about her and i would rub her legs when she was in pain. I can't recall doing that I just thought I was a nightmare.

Take care and I do hope that it all passes and you can enjoy being a grandmother.

sharmaine




quote="theresa4"]Thank you all
Went to see the GP but dont feel much better, I was told that my GP needed to sort my pain relief my GP feels she has exhausted all avenues and the rheumy now needs to tak eit on board. She is writing me a letter for physio to take next week to advise that I am practically housebound without a carer and very limited even then.

Felt like I was being shoved around, then my eldest daughter insisted her dad took me to Tescos which he protested as it takes longer with me. She felt I needed to get out and 'stretch my legs' :?: so I went even though my husband wanted to go alone as he still had loads to do. As he stated it took twice as long and I was in much pain and really struggled even leaning on the trolley.

Now I feel like a hindrance no one wants me cos I slow things down, and I cant do anything by myself or do anything for anyone. Im sure my kids think Im just being lazy cos all they see is me sat down laid down or limping or crawling around the house.
So far RA has made me postpone my final year of my degree, prevented me holding my baby nephew, drive my car, enjoy walking my dog, spending time doing things with my kids , work, the only thing Ive gained is weight!.
My eldest is pregnant and Im looking forward to my first grandchild (despite being only 38) but am worried I wont be able to help her and unfortunately she is going to be a single mum so will need support. what use will I be

feel so rubbish but I suppose this feeling will pass again. Thankyou all for being there today I have no one else to talk to about any of this. and Im sorry to burden you all
Much love ]Theresa x [/quote]

chris7

Theresa

So sorry to see you are having such a hard time at the moment and not getting much support from anyone by the sound of things! I can't offer advise, but did want to pop in here and say do keep posting how you feel. We can certainly sympathise and understand some of this and it does sometimes help to get it down in writing.
I really hope things soon feel a bit brighter for you and send a hug, (((( )))) just to let you know you are not on your own with all this.
take care
Chris

skezier

Hi Theresa,

You are not letting anyone down.and I am sorry you feeling so rough just now. Its so wrong that she didn't think to give you the other kind of crutches and your gp or rumo must sort you out some decent pain relief soon. I can't offer much advice, I do know what its like to know things are not getting done. Just for now you must think what is best for you to do to feel better, I think your gp could help more. I just wish I knew the answer for you but hang in there and hopefully tomorrow will see a better day for you. ((((( ))))) Cris x

annie_mial

Oh, Theresa, so sorry you are feeling so beaten by it all! I do think your GP should have helped you more even on a temp basis until you could see the Rheumy..........and I do know how you feel.

I wish I could help, but can only offer cyber ((((((((hugs))))))))) and sympathy.

Annie

Wonkylegs

HI Theresa,
I am so sorry that things are so tough for you right now and that people in the helath service seem to be letting you down so badly.

I'm not sure if this has been suggested already but have you thought about ringing the AC helplines people (number at top of this page) as they might be able to suggest ways that you could get things moving and sorted. They are good at talking things through and helping with the wording of requests to GP's, consultants etc.

It might help you to be more assertive over your pain relief and the silly crutches situation.

hope that is a bit of help.

hang in there - and keep fighting for what you deserve.

hugs
wonky

dorcas

Hi Theresa,

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Don't have any words of wisdom to offer but echo all that has been said by other peeps who've already answered your post.

Just want to send you love and support and hope that things get better for you soon. Irisx

dolittle

Hi Theresa,
What's all this about being a burden? Burden .... never - you're a cyber-friend who needs support, a cuddle, a hug and a telling not to be s' daft! That's what we're here for. You know ... giving support is often just as comforting as getting it.

A grandma - great ... congratulations. Listen, you don't have to DO anything ... you're THERE, you're her mum ... you can still speak, I take it. You're there for her to TALK to, a hand to hold with all this new stuff she's going to have to cope with - with knowledge on HOW to do it, 'cos you've already done it. Don't beat yourself. My OH grumbles and complains when he can't get his own way .... do things HIS way - take no notice ..... do the 'I' bit, even if it's only in your head.
Hugs. Hope you're pecker's a bit further up in the morning!
Do little

jimshirley1

dorcas wrote:

Hi Theresa,

I'm so sorry you are having such a difficult time. Don't have any words of wisdom to offer but echo all that has been said by other peeps who've already answered your post.

Just want to send you love and support and hope that things get better for you soon. Irisx

I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL I USED TO BE BIG STRONG MAN. BUT NOW CANT EVEN DRESS MYSELF PROPERLY (ITS SO DEPRESSING)
MY WIFE VERY GOOD BRILLIANT IN FACT.BUT CANT HELP FEELING I AM FAST BECOMING A BURDEN
DONT THINK I STAND IT MUCH MORE. AS THE LOOK ON HER FACE SAYS IT ALL (SHE SAYS ITS JUST MY IMAGINATION)
GOOD LUCK TO YOU AND TRY AND KEEP YOUR CHIN UP.SPRING COMING SOON HOPE THAT WILL PICK US AL UP
JIM

tkachev

I do think your teenagers should do more.My autistic son goes to a special school and I taught him to make me tea(using a Tefal kettle which is no boiling water)because there are times I cant get down the stairs.My other son has to help get things for tea for his brother and sister if I am having a bad day, or run baths.My little 6 year old loves to help.
My OH is more of carer too.No time or energy for relationships.But I do understand how you feel.You did it all in the past and it hits your self esteem not to be well enough to do the same things now.And nobody can do things as well as you.You have to concerntrate on getting better as this will allow you to do some things again.The cold weather isnt helping.I have missed a few recent appointments cos of the extra effort involved.
At the moment your R.A is very bad, your medication is still not sorted so everybody needs to rally round.Dont forget to get some outside help if you can...ironing,internet shopping etc.
If you live near London I will come and do your ironing for you!
Elizabeth

elnafinn

Dear Theresa

I am so sorry to read your messages. I can well understand why you are feeling so low and "unloved" and a burden because of what you used to be able to do and cannot at this time. You are not a burden and not "unloved" though. I am sure your family do not think that you are putting it all on. How can they? Why would you want to do that? They remember how you used to be, taking everything in your stride. It is very unfortunate that your OH is so busy with the business that you helped with and that must make you feel "useless" as you know how much work is involved in keeping it ticking over. I am sure you will be able to get back into helping with that in the future.

If any of your children live at home, they should perhaps be helping more, easier said than done, I know. :roll: Perhaps they should be reminded of all that you have done for them in the past although I am sure they have not forgotten and now it is their turn to repay back some of that to you. If they live away there are still things they can do, to make life easier for you.

They could call in with a meal prepared/do some ironing, bring in some shopping, make a cake or a meal you can freeze for a later date, push the hoover around.

If you really did not wish to go shopping although I can understand your daughter's thinking behind it all, bless her, perhaps you should have firmly but politely, said you would really prefer to stay home on this occasion and perhaps another time.

Dear Theresa, I do believe that your grandchild will be your saviour. I know it may be a little frustrating that at the moment, perhaps you are unable to help too much, but this precious gift will bring you such happiness and you will be able to do some things, for sure. I am having such a blissful journey with my first grand child, who is now 18 months and I love her so very, very much. She has brought such happiness into my life, I never dreamt possible. Just to hear her say my name "Gan" should be Gran makes my heart melt.

My, my, Theresa, doing a degree? I really take my hat off to you. That must take some guts!! So you have to postpone for a while, but you can always continue later, can't you? You clever girl.!!

Do keep calling in on here, Theresa, , you know you always have this "safe" place to visit as often as you wish and you will always be made welcome.

Chin up, clever clogs, who has nearly finished her degree!

Lots of love and hugs
Elna x(())

snowball

Theresa i too have r/a and i was given crutchers which i can't use as it affects my hands, my treatment isn't working well my 2 sons are a credit to me aged 18 and 21. They have to do a lot for me as i am single i hate the fact that i can not do things for myself my sons do get frustrated at times and i have to remember that it must be hard for them to see me in pain all the time and there is nothing they can do about it. once a month we sit at the table and have a open and honest chat . I also have a very understanding brother who helps out when he can, hope you're feeling better soon.

theresa4

Thankyou all so much for your kind words. I am feeling much better today still in pain and limping but a little more mobile today (i am still amazed at how a day can make such a difference one day good next day bad!! :roll: )

My kids do try to help but my youngest 2 are doing their GCSE's at the minute and are very determined to get good grades so have little time and are frustrated with them never mind me and although I know this when I am down I just get upset at not being able to make their tea and washing and ironing. On the plus side they will be very self sufficient.
My older 2 are 20 and 21, and my 20 yr old son is having his teenage blow out a the minute just a few years late!! so he isnt much help as he is stroppy and lazy. and as I said my 21 year old is pregnant and has to take it easy as she had a few complications early on. What a house full! My son I could strangle if my hands on;y worked

had a lovely day today though my husband took me to my friends house on his way to site she is housebound as she has broken her foot he feels it would be better to sit with her than be alone at home which is so sweet it took him an extra hour round trip but so thoughtful of him. then he picked me up in time to go with my daughter for her 20 week scan which was lovely I cant believe how good the scan machines are now! I could see all 4 chambers of the baby's heart. Wow!
so today is not so bad its had some very happy moments in it wish I could bottle this feeling for the bad days x thankyou all for being there no doubt I will have another bad day again soon but for now its ok x

MUch lOve to all
Theresa x

snowball

Glad to hear you are feeling a bit better, it's nice to have somewhere to chat take care xx

elnafinn

Dear Theresa

So relieved to read a more positive posting from you. Days do go like that, believe me! Don't even think about the next bad day that may come along, revel in today's happiness. How exciting for you to be present at the 20 week scan. As you say, things have come on a long way from when we were expecting. Has your daughter chosen to know if she will be having a baby boy or girl, or not? What a lovely thought of your husband to take you to see your friend to keep each other company. That was a pleasant change for you and no doubt you were able to have a good old natter and your friend would have been so pleased to see you too.

Wow, so you have 4 children. That is a lovely big family. I did not carry too well, so stopped at two.

I hope the rest of the day continues to be good for you, you deserve it to be.

Lots of love
Elna x(())

sharmaine

Hi Theresa

You certainly sound chirpier today. Apologies if I went on and on. The forum has been my saviour this week as my joints have been playing me up. The worse affected knee has swollen up and is jolly uncomfortable. I get bored with the tv and I've been saving my next book for the hospital next week.

Your children sound wonderful. My OH has been in domestic training for the past 4/5 months so he should be manage for a couple of weeks whilst I recover from my op. Like you say it's good training for them looking after you. I'm sure they adore you.

Regards
Sharmaine

theresa4 wrote:

Thankyou all so much for your kind words. I am feeling much better today still in pain and limping but a little more mobile today (i am still amazed at how a day can make such a difference one day good next day bad!! :roll: )

My kids do try to help but my youngest 2 are doing their GCSE's at the minute and are very determined to get good grades so have little time and are frustrated with them never mind me and although I know this when I am down I just get upset at not being able to make their tea and washing and ironing. On the plus side they will be very self sufficient.
My older 2 are 20 and 21, and my 20 yr old son is having his teenage blow out a the minute just a few years late!! so he isnt much help as he is stroppy and lazy. and as I said my 21 year old is pregnant and has to take it easy as she had a few complications early on. What a house full! My son I could strangle if my hands on;y worked

had a lovely day today though my husband took me to my friends house on his way to site she is housebound as she has broken her foot he feels it would be better to sit with her than be alone at home which is so sweet it took him an extra hour round trip but so thoughtful of him. then he picked me up in time to go with my daughter for her 20 week scan which was lovely I cant believe how good the scan machines are now! I could see all 4 chambers of the baby's heart. Wow!
so today is not so bad its had some very happy moments in it wish I could bottle this feeling for the bad days x thankyou all for being there no doubt I will have another bad day again soon but for now its ok x

MUch lOve to all
Theresa x

frogmorton

Theresa

so very glad to hear ou feeling so much better

As you say whta a difference a day makes :!:

You have got a housefull haven't you.

Lots of lovely times to look forawrd to witha grandbaby on the way Scans are brilliant aren't they? I hope your daughter is keping well now.

As for the son - well 20 year olds still have their times I guess and it sounds as though your husband at least understands a bit.

You take care

Love

Toni x

elnafinn

Dear Theresa

I do hope today is going ok for you. I so hope you can have a few good days in a row. It is not much to ask is it, really?

Lots of love
Elna x(())