to go or not to go

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valval
valval Member Posts: 14,911
edited 13. Feb 2010, 18:09 in Community Chit-chat archive
hi that is the question some days do not think on mt feel lol was asked to go out with the lasses from work so said yes of course with out thinking lol. well am feeling much better but can i sit still on chair for time it will take to eat meal??. i do not even eat curry it gives me migrain lol. and there r only four of us and do not get on well with one of them so why did i say yes. have not told them how bad arther has been only there few hours at a time so have managed not to let it show. i do not know what to do if do not go they will think i just being arkward ????????????????
val

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  • snowball
    snowball Member Posts: 3,465
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Valva i have lost count the times work friends have invited me out and i have said yes without thinking, i've got r/a so never know how i'm going to feel, you can't plan anything. Before i knew what i had got i went out with some friends for a meal but my hands flared up so much i couldn't use a knife or fork, just sat there and said i wasn't hungry.
    julie x
    ((((hugs)))) n xxxxx to ya all
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    why do we do it is it because we want to feel normal or do we just hate saying no i do not want to bet i end up going and not enjoying it gggggrrrrrrrrrrrrr would rather have gone pics at least they have good seats with head rest
    val
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,559
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Oh Val :(

    I would go and get it over with....

    I would however not take any of them in my car nor accept a lift from any of them.

    Also if you can get hubby to give you a lift there and back so you can time it right.

    Hoepfully you will manage the couple of hours???

    You will be glad you've gone if you can control for how long :)

    Oh and have omelette and chips :wink:

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    Love

    Toni xx
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    thanks it walking distance so ok on that front and think you right about food as well just hope mangae to stay ok for that long lol can always take pain meds do not drink these days as on that many tabs do not like to add that into the mix as well lol they think i am strange lol
    val
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,559
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Val

    I hope you survive it - but really control the ammount of time there - knickers to them and don't cause a migraine :wink: Not worth that!!

    I usually have a J20 theses days :wink:

    Love

    Toni xx
  • bellini
    bellini Member Posts: 42
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    valval wrote:
    hi that is the question some days do not think on mt feel lol was asked to go out with the lasses from work so said yes of course with out thinking lol. well am feeling much better but can i sit still on chair for time it will take to eat meal??. i do not even eat curry it gives me migrain lol. and there r only four of us and do not get on well with one of them so why did i say yes. have not told them how bad arther has been only there few hours at a time so have managed not to let it show. i do not know what to do if do not go they will think i just being arkward ????????????????

    Hi valval, I think you should let your friends be more aware of your discomfort due to your RA. If you had a broken arm in plaster, your friends would have sympathy for you. You can't see pain, so unless you give your friends some clue, they won't have a clue. Telling your friends may result in you joining them with a better understanding and who knows with a whole new support network. Hope it works out for you and you have a really nice time !!!

    bellini
  • chris7
    chris7 Bots Posts: 2,696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Val

    Sorry you not looking forward to it but hope you do find you enjoy it. Think perhaps it is time to be honest with them when out of work as to how much you may struggle and why.
    I try to hide things at work, but did go to the Christmas do this year for the first time and because of the smallish heels, my limp was worse than usual. Everyone was very kind and didn't all abandon me at once to go to the dance floor. Hope you can find something on the menu and if it helps take a cushion for the chair.
    Let us know how it goes, really hope you find it makes a nice change.

    Chris xx
  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,306
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Saying yes is a synaptic response from anyone who is genuinely thoughtful and caring, it’s a default program that’s all, you weren’t thinking of yourself but the others val how many on here have done the same quite a few I bet.
    Why don’t you either cancel saying you have a flare or if that’s not an option go but ignore the person who’s a bit prickly, I would also make a point of showing them how bad your RA is, don’t hide the fact as almost everyone does, be you and don’t take the bait if Mrs unsympathetic tries to get a response, either agree with her or if she tries to engage you or bait you into talking about work remind her your not at work now and don’t want to talk about it you just want to enjoy the evening with your mates.
  • livinglegend
    livinglegend Member Posts: 1,425
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    bellini wrote:
    Hi valval, I think you should let your friends be more aware of your discomfort due to your RA. If you had a broken arm in plaster, your friends would have sympathy for you. You can't see pain, so unless you give your friends some clue, they won't have a clue. Telling your friends may result in you joining them with a better understanding and who knows with a whole new support network. Hope it works out for you and you have a really nice time !!!
    bellini
    Really good advice in this reply, keeping your RA secret can become a habit. When that happens you can lose ALL of your friends. Go out and enjoy the evening, tell them what you are suffering from. As someone above said about a plaster cast, you should get plenty of sympathy, They will sometimes have a relative with RA and be understanding. When I have mentioned my RA to people I hardly know, they have often said, "Oh, my mother/sister has that, really painful. I wondered why you seemed so withdrawn. Now I understand".

    You can't like everyone you know so just be yourself. Two out of three ain't bad. Go, enjoy your evening out and let us know how you got on.

    Joseph 8)
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  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I used to be the world`s greatest people pleaser, now I don`t go anywhere unless I want to Val. Ask yourself if this is really about Arthur, or would you just rather be home with the family. If so, there`s nothing wrong with that.

    If it is Arthur, make your own rules regarding what you want to eat, how long you want to stay, and tell people why that is. Decent folk will respect you for it. The rest......**** `em.........Ange.
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    I agree completely with Ange........I get invited to all manner of staff events at work and turn down most of them. When they see me hobbling/staggering/wheezing around the office and then ask me if I would like a night in London around the clubs.......well, it's nice to be asked!

    Do you really WANT to go? I did struggle along to a few.....and then I realised that I just didn't want to turn out to them, so I now turn them down with a smile and a request to be told if anything else is planned.

    Annie
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    right it with in walking distance do like the others going will mention to them that if things r bad that night will go early oh will meet me but as it local do not worry about walking about on my own lol. there is quite a good selection on the english section so should be ok thanks for your imput do some times wonder if i am gettting more stubborn as i get older lol
    val
  • bertyboy
    bertyboy Member Posts: 1,860
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Right 1 dont be ashamed of having uncle arther in your life
    friends have to accept him as well
    if its not far go and enjoy eat english and have a vino if you need help ask for it xxxxxx yes you might be done for tomorrow but it might be worth it :D
    I know i am a lady ,all life is a journey xx MAY xx
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 8,989
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Val.
    you go and enjoy yourself.if you dont go you will only wonder what it was like.
    have a lovly time.
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Val

    Sometimes when you actually get to an occasion like this, you can be surprised as to how much you do enjoy it. It is just the worrying about it beforehand which can cause trouble.

    When I was in a lot of pain in my hip, I took a cushion around with me wherever I knew I would have to sit for any length of time. At first I felt a bit silly walking into a restaurant or theatre carrying a cushion, but after a while, I didn't bother about it. If it made the difference to being comfortable or not, it was worth a little embarrassment.

    Joan
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  • snowball
    snowball Member Posts: 3,465
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Joan its a good idea to take a cusion last time i was in pizza hut i couldn't get up to go when i had done had to phone my son and brother to come and get me, i was in agony and couldn't walk for days next time i will take a cushion.
    julie
    ((((hugs)))) n xxxxx to ya all
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Hi Julie

    I have even been known to take two cushions if I thought the seats were going to be hard. Comfort first, appearances second, as far as I am concerned :!: :lol:
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  • snowball
    snowball Member Posts: 3,465
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    :D Actually i would probably need 2 cushions as i have a wide rear end :shock:
    julie
    ((((hugs)))) n xxxxx to ya all
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
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    Just call it natural padding, Julie. I do :!: :lol:
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