Hi - this may take a while to explain so please bear with me!! I have been feeling very grumpy lately and am not sure why?? I am questioning myself again, about the 'arthur' - is it in my head? do I need the horrid methx injec every week, are the co-codomols necessary, are they the reason I am feeling so bad as have I become reliant on them???? Please can someone tell me if this is normal?? I have was diagnosed 3 years ago, so surely by now I should have accepted what is happening and not keep questioning myself about what I am feeling???? The last 2/3 weeks I can feel myself sinking into a dark hole! But its not as if I am in lots of pain - as I am better than I was last year - before I was put on the methx!!?? I cant go all day without pain killers - but is that because I am addicted to them?? I really dont know what is happening to me and not sure if I can talk to the doctor as I find it hard to put into words as well - which is why I am writing this!!! I wanted to write last week, but I kept telling myself to sort meself out and get on with things. I tell myself I should consider myself lucky, I am not suffering like a lot of you guys are, so why oh why do I feel so down?????? I have got underactive thyroid as well and they cut my medication down about 6 months ago - so I wonder if this has something to do with it - but they wouldnt put it up when I asked, as my blood results looked ok!!!!! I am sat here now on my bed, I am getting a little pain in my hands and knee on the odd ocassion, i struggle in the mornings, some mornings I just want to lie there and not move, I find it hard to get motivated to get up and do anything, incase 'arthur' doesnt like it!!!! We went out last night to the OH's sisters party, and i turned into a rude horrid grumpy woman!!! I find it hard to talk to people these days, I have to pretend that all is ok as I dont want to sit there and explain why I am not drinking or dancing or moving around, so I jsut ignore people and that is so rude!!!!!!!!! has the medication or 'arthur' changed my personality??????? even when i am with friends who know what is going on - i find i am constantly moaning!!!!! i am begining to hate myself and withdraw into my own world on my own - if that makes sense!!!! I am 46 yrs old, but feel a lot older!!! I have friends who are worst of than me, in all sorts of ways, but it feels that I am so sorry for myself that I cant listen to them or feel sympathatic to thier needs!!! What on earth is happening to me??!!
I feel really embarressed about all this - but I hope some one can help me - please - is this normal?? has anyone else felt like this?? what do I do?? :oops: :oops: :oops: