grumpy old woman or personality change??

psyart Member Posts: 600
edited 28. Feb 2010, 14:08 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi - this may take a while to explain so please bear with me!! I have been feeling very grumpy lately and am not sure why?? I am questioning myself again, about the 'arthur' - is it in my head? do I need the horrid methx injec every week, are the co-codomols necessary, are they the reason I am feeling so bad as have I become reliant on them???? Please can someone tell me if this is normal?? I have was diagnosed 3 years ago, so surely by now I should have accepted what is happening and not keep questioning myself about what I am feeling???? The last 2/3 weeks I can feel myself sinking into a dark hole! But its not as if I am in lots of pain - as I am better than I was last year - before I was put on the methx!!?? I cant go all day without pain killers - but is that because I am addicted to them?? I really dont know what is happening to me and not sure if I can talk to the doctor as I find it hard to put into words as well - which is why I am writing this!!! I wanted to write last week, but I kept telling myself to sort meself out and get on with things. I tell myself I should consider myself lucky, I am not suffering like a lot of you guys are, so why oh why do I feel so down?????? I have got underactive thyroid as well and they cut my medication down about 6 months ago - so I wonder if this has something to do with it - but they wouldnt put it up when I asked, as my blood results looked ok!!!!! I am sat here now on my bed, I am getting a little pain in my hands and knee on the odd ocassion, i struggle in the mornings, some mornings I just want to lie there and not move, I find it hard to get motivated to get up and do anything, incase 'arthur' doesnt like it!!!! We went out last night to the OH's sisters party, and i turned into a rude horrid grumpy woman!!! I find it hard to talk to people these days, I have to pretend that all is ok as I dont want to sit there and explain why I am not drinking or dancing or moving around, so I jsut ignore people and that is so rude!!!!!!!!! has the medication or 'arthur' changed my personality??????? even when i am with friends who know what is going on - i find i am constantly moaning!!!!! i am begining to hate myself and withdraw into my own world on my own - if that makes sense!!!! I am 46 yrs old, but feel a lot older!!! I have friends who are worst of than me, in all sorts of ways, but it feels that I am so sorry for myself that I cant listen to them or feel sympathatic to thier needs!!! What on earth is happening to me??!!

I feel really embarressed about all this - but I hope some one can help me - please - is this normal?? has anyone else felt like this?? what do I do?? :oops: :oops: :oops: :cry::cry::cry:


  • angel1
    angel1 Bots Posts: 1,464
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You know Louise, whilst we know what a vicious **** Arthur is, I do wonder if, sometimes, we blame him for too much.

    I have a feeling that you are suffering from some form of depression, and that you really would benefit from a talk with your GP.

    Strangely enough, I was talking to a friend just yesterday, who has been diagnosed with underactive thyroid, and she described a lot of the same feelings that you do.

    Have a chat with your GP, and maybe he can prescribe something to help with how you are feeling......I wish you well........Ange.
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It does sound to me, like a form of depression. It can effect you in many different ways sometimes all in 1 day! I'm the sort of person that gets depression easily, and sometimes I just can't stop crying. My husband tends to get the worst deal, because hes the one most often here and I feel ashamed of it. I snap and nag and produce a list of things hes done wrong.

    You'r not alone in feeling like this, by a long, long way. I think you should go to the doctors for your sake, you may need medication or councilling to get onto the right road. One thing which helps me is to remember that, however bad I'm feeling, it dosn't last for ever. :wink:

    If you find talking hard, why not write down how you feel and ask the doctor to read it. Its also a good way of remembering all the things you want to say.

    Love Sue
  • page35
    page35 Member Posts: 1,081
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Psyart
    your not alone, ive been feeling like you too, on and off now since xmas. i was diagnosed nearly a year ago with RA and i havent got my head round it yet and i dont think i want to except it and maybe im better of if i dont.
    i havent been to my Gp yet as i do get days when i feel brighter and my RA has been worse so it makes sence to feel down, if you know what i mean. but i think if you have been feeling this way for more than a few weeks and it isnt lifting then a trip to your GP could help.
    i have sufferd with depression before arthur and had counciling and tabs and i did get better :D
    You cant help how you feel and if you are depressed it too is and illness in its self so dont feel bad for feeling this way.
    Best wishes
    Page x
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    You are not alone
    I was diagnosed 4yrs ago and am still not ready to accept how much my life has changed. I can be awfully grumpy and bad tempered and 'lose it' with my kids sometimes for things that wouldnt have raised an eyebrow a few years ago. I keep waiting for my meds to work so I can go out on my own but no joy so far. I have a friend with sarcoidosis in her brain and it is 15 years since she was diagnosed she still has her moments now about her limitations and can be grumpy too.

    On the up side when I have a steroid depo I feel great and can go out and do things for a few weeks and my kids say the difference in my attitude is so amazing. Its frustration give yourself time to adapt to your new self. Dont give yourself such a hard time its not easy to adapt to this. Your family need to understand (a cliche I know as mine get annoyed with me too) its only recently that even my dad has realised how bad things are for me and to a degree my husband is learning just now that I am in a lot of pain on a daily basis regardless of whether I am limping, falling or crying!.

    The only thing I am learning is not to beat myself up and I apologise if I knoww I did or said something wrong if thats not good enough then who cares, we all make mistakes and I have a good reason for being miserable.

    Sending much hugs((()))

    Theresa x
  • dolittle
    dolittle Member Posts: 240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Louise(?),
    I feel like this from time to time. I know I'm not the person I used to be. I get cross and irritable with my OH but I ALWAYS go and say I know how I've been and I'm sorry.

    It's a mixture of frustration, anger that I've got arthur, anger with drs who I think could be kinder and do more but, when I read all the leaflets, I think some of the meds we take cause depression. Remember also that pain pulls you down and there is only so much of it we can stand without 'snapping'. Then there is the 'Why me' issue. We know we get crabby and we know it's not right and that makes us unhappy inside. It's a vicious circle. It IS normal - for us. I thiink as long as we can say 'sorry, I know I'm being off. Didn't mean to hurt you.' those around us who matter will understand. The rest - well .... do they matter?

    Keep your chin up .... tomorrow's a better day. Here's some (((( )))) for you.
  • snowball
    snowball Member Posts: 3,465
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there i was diagnosed with r/a 5 years ago and i too feel down a lot of the time the pain drains you, i struggle to sleep. I was on co-codomal for a long time but i have just changed them and now i am on tramadol which are better for me. All the things you are feeling are normal but it might be a good idea to speak or write down what you are feeling to your gp so he can get you some help for your depression. My mum has a uderactive thyroid which seems to bring her down and makes her very tired. I know what you mean about going out and not being able to drink and dance, if i go out now its just for meal or to the pics. Hope you are feeling a bit better soon julie xx
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi there

    I am sorry you are feeling like you are. First of all you can get your thyroxine levels checked out twice a year, that is not OTT. Make sure they are testing for T3 ands T4 levels too. My T4 levels were not checked for some time, which caused a blip for me.

    I think that perhaps some counselling may help you. I can understand why you do not wish to talk to your gp about your problems, worries and concerns but possibly knowing that you have a few appointments with a counsellor who is "on the outside, looking in" may well help sort some things out for you. Your gp can refer you.

    I hope you feel better in yourself soon,

    Elna x
  • psyart
    psyart Member Posts: 600
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    big thanks to everyone who replied to my rather long moan!!! reading comments from everyone does help me - it makes me know that I am not alone and that the feelings I have are not silly!! I know I need to talk to the doctor, but find it really hard to try and talk to them sometimes, especially if I cant get into see my nice doctor!!!! I have had a quiet day to day, slept this pm and this has helped me! I also know I have to make appologies to certain peolpe from the party last night - whether they accept or not is up to them - but at the end of the day I didnt need to be so rude!!!! OH is pretty good, but again I find it hard to explain to him how I am feeling, as I start to cry and this makes it worst!!!!! I think it is a mixture of both - 'arthur' and thyroid, but I wonder if the Rhummy nurse can help?? I have not seen her yet, never had the need but have her phone number?? There arent any help groups in Cornwall as far as I know, which is a shame, as sometimes I know this could help! I was off sick last year for 3 months with stress and really bad flare ups, but now have changed jobs, so have very little stress!!
    Again thank you very much for comments, they have helped me! I am sending you all hugs and hope you accept them - I know we all need hugs sometimes! (((((((((((big hugs)))))))))))))))

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