feelin blue

caprica

Sorry I just need a rant.

It just feels like everything is falling apart in my life just now.

Apart from the arthritis diagnosis which is tearing me apart, all this other stuff is going wrong too and I just can't handle it all.

My great aunt's just been taken ill, my mum is under a lot of stress and told me the other day that she'd got lots of pain and swelling in her arms and hands so now I'm worried that she might have RA too (how in the world could that even happen, both of us getting it at the same time, I don't know if that is what it is but if so, then ..oh my god..)

Then at work I was meant to get a pay rise, I do soooo much more than my job description, but they aren't giving me one. Big disappointment, I don't know what I'm doing in this job now, do I have any prospects (if I try to put aside the scary RA-work related future issues).

Then also my mum and her partner are having big issues and they might be separating which means added stress and therefore money issues for the future. I might have to move home and live with my mother forever.

It's all just such a big mess. And just 4 months ago everything was wonderful. I know it will all probably turn around again at some point.. but there is just no light at the end of the tunnel right now. I can *almost* handle all the RA madness for myself when that was all I had to worry about, but having to worry about my mother's health and her money and future... and knowing that I might not be able to help and support her because of my own health.. it's just too much.

Ugh. Sorry, I just needed to have a moan.

valval

first off your mum will prob not have ra stress can cause all sorts of probs so she should see her gp. you do not need stress now as that makes things worse so try to keep all these other things in perspective do not trouble trouble till it troubles you . if your mums relation ship hits the rocks then she will cope i am sure she has before and will again . work well not many people getting pay rises this year just wait and see if others r and not you that a different kettle of fish good luck consentrate on you for the time being

angel1

Take a deep breath, and slow down Caprica. You are getting onto a merry-go-round that you will find impossible to get off, if you don`t. You CAN`T deal with all of this on your own.

First and foremost, whilst you want to be strong and supportive for your mum, I`m afraid that you absolutely have to think of yourself first. Otherwise, you will be unable to help anyone.

After your initial mention of your own health problems, everything else you mention is to do with her problems - the health ones haven`t even been diagnosed as yet. Your work related money worries seem to be all about mum. Regarding her relationship problems, only she can deal with those. Yes, you will support her, but you can`t carry her.

I think it`s lovely that you have such a wonderful rapport with your Mum, but she is responsible for her own life. I am sure that she would not want you to change yours. on her behalf.

As a Counsellor myself, I feel that you would benefit from some Counselling, and your GP should be able to arrange this for you.

Please look after yourself. I wish you all the love and luck in the world.........Ange.

caprica

Thanks for the replies..
I just feel so silly even reading all that back, I feel embarassed, I almost want to delete it. It's the same when I go to my GP, he'll ask how I am and he'll seem so reasonable and calm and say sensible things that I don't tell him what's really in my head. I'm too embarassed because in the rational part of my brain I know I should just calm down and that I'm driving myself batty with worry. And then of course there's days when I feel fine and happy and I think 'naah I don't need any help with this, I'm ok'.

I should maybe write it down and give it to him in writing cos I don't think I could actually say it out loud.

elnafinn

Hi Caprica

Please do not feel "silly" for writing it all down just now. It more than likely did you more good than you realise. Why not print that off to take along to your gp? That was how you truly felt when you wrote it. You may not feel like that all the time but you did then.

You are young and it is all a great load to take on board, first of all your RA and then seeing your mum and her problems and upset at this time.

Be there for your mum but you have your own life to lead and she has too.

Chin up, it will all be ok, it will pass.

Luv
Elna x

sharmaine

Hi
Sorry to hear that you are feeling so blue. Not only do you have your own health worries but you're worrying about your mum and step dad's relationship as well as your mum's health. All I can say is that it's lovely to hear that you're there for your mum. Things have a way of working out for the best. It may not seem so at the moment when everything is bearing down upon you like a huge weight.

The economy isn't great at the moment. Perhaps you should have a word with your supervisor and manager and explain that you have a big workload.

In the meantime.......take care.

Sharmaine

caprica wrote:

Sorry I just need a rant.

It just feels like everything is falling apart in my life just now.

Apart from the arthritis diagnosis which is tearing me apart, all this other stuff is going wrong too and I just can't handle it all.

My great aunt's just been taken ill, my mum is under a lot of stress and told me the other day that she'd got lots of pain and swelling in her arms and hands so now I'm worried that she might have RA too (how in the world could that even happen, both of us getting it at the same time, I don't know if that is what it is but if so, then ..oh my god..)

Then at work I was meant to get a pay rise, I do soooo much more than my job description, but they aren't giving me one. Big disappointment, I don't know what I'm doing in this job now, do I have any prospects (if I try to put aside the scary RA-work related future issues).

Then also my mum and her partner are having big issues and they might be separating which means added stress and therefore money issues for the future. I might have to move home and live with my mother forever.

It's all just such a big mess. And just 4 months ago everything was wonderful. I know it will all probably turn around again at some point.. but there is just no light at the end of the tunnel right now. I can *almost* handle all the RA madness for myself when that was all I had to worry about, but having to worry about my mother's health and her money and future... and knowing that I might not be able to help and support her because of my own health.. it's just too much.

Ugh. Sorry, I just needed to have a moan.

caprica

Thanks Elna and Sharmaine!
I'm feeling better now, having a chilled out evening with rubbish telly! I just get these 'moments' where things seem so colossal. But I will speak to the GP, because they do come every few days and I need to find some better coping strategies.
Thanks for the advice x

skezier

Hi Capricia,

Oh Flower we all have moments when it all comes flowing out so don't you go feeling embarrassed at all! Just sending you a ((((( ))))) and a hope tomorrow will be a better day for you. Cris x

frogmorton

Hi Caprica

Hi. So sorry I misssed you yesterday and am glad your final post makes you soiunds so much more positive.

Sometimes writing it down to people who understand helps so much doesn't it?

You have had so much to contend with recently that I am not suprised it all gets on top of you at times - it would anyone I think.

I do hope your Mum is ok - my heart goes out to her and you and the lASt thing she needs is relationship problems too. Maybe things will sort out for her - maybe not. Eotehr way you will be there for her to support her I know. How old is she may I ask?? She may want to downsize accomodation wise anyway if she splits and you might not have to move in.

My Mum did ok when my Dad died and she was 64, but I supported a lot - most days That may be enough.

I do wish you well and hope it all satrts to come together for you

Love

Toni xx

caprica

Chris I love how you call everyone flower, it's dead lovely.

Toni, my mum's 55, almost 56. She's a strong lady, she'll just have to keep on going. But I just want her to be happy, and not be alone especially as she's getting older, you know? But if her partner's not treating her right then being alone would be better. I hope your mum's doing better these days?

It's the weekend and I'm going home to cheer her up a bit so hopefully we'll have a nice calm few days!

Hope you all have a good one x