whats on my mind

only49
only49 Member Posts: 1,207
edited 31. Mar 2010, 16:01 in Community Chit-chat archive
hello i got something on my mind thats off topic regarding arthritis but never the less i feel i need to chat about this, i hope you all dont mind, :) today i had a phone call from my son's social worker as my son is autistic and these kids are very vunerable and easily pressuried into doing what other people want them to do, and i belive it should be about what the child wants not what they want, and i feel this really heaps the stress on our family which we could do without, and as any good perent should do is listen to your kids and advice them the best way you can.

i spoke to my son about this earlier today and explained evrything to him so he fully aware of what the socail worker was talking to him about, and to cut along story short he says he dont want to have sleep overs without mum and dad, and we have seen this is true because when away from home he never settles and is stressed out becaue he cant get to grips with it all, we understand him and he ok with us there but as he has said not without us not being there, i just hope he not going to be awake tonight worrying about this as i know he does, why cant people just listen to us perents it so frustrating.

Comments

  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Social workers and other agencies never seem to get the balance right, do they?

    I can only sympathise, I don't have any advice to offer. Hopefully someone will be along soon who knows what they're talking about

    Nx
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    ninakang wrote:
    Social workers and other agencies never seem to get the balance right, do they?

    I can only sympathise, I don't have any advice to offer. Hopefully someone will be along soon who knows what they're talking about

    Nx
    hell i can really live quite happly with out them as if i not got enough to put up with lol got broad shoulders and getting broader by the day lol
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    well,you totley confused me but i get the idea ya need a hug so heres a hug :wink:[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[huggys]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]
    sorry i did not mean to do that i really didnt i just know i have some really lovely friends here that dont judge and understand where i coming from and that makes a world of differance so thanks
  • annebr
    annebr Member Posts: 730
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    So does the social worker want your on to go on a sleepover on his own? Is this some kind of respite? Sorry for being nosy.

    If your son isn't happy and you don't want him to go away for the night. I agree they shouldn't try to pressurise you. That only adds to the stress on you and your son and that doen't help anyone.

    Sorry if I was too nosy.

    Anne x
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    annebr wrote:
    So does the social worker want your on to go on a sleepover on his own? om Is this se kind of respite? Sorry for being nosy.

    If your son isn't happy and you don't want him to go away for the night. I agree they shouldn't try to pressurise you. That only adds to the stress on you and your son and that doen't help anyone.

    Sorry if I was too nosy.

    Anne x
    hi anne no your not, after all if you dont ask you not know and so far i dont think anyone would be in this forum, after all we all trying to help each other in some small way, and thats the important thing.

    to answer your question yes it is some kind of respite, he getting that already, but we know he dont want this.

    its all about what they think good for him and we know what he wants and they dont,
    :(:(

    do you know if stress you suffering can have a negitive effect on how youre feeling just wondered thats all.

    sylvia
  • annebr
    annebr Member Posts: 730
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Sylvia,

    I think you should explain to the social worker that you have explained to your son about the overnight stays and he doesn't want to go without his parents. Stress that if he is forced it will upset him. Maybe there is some sort of compromise?

    As for stress I do believe that it makes you feel worse and can contribute to flares etc.

    I hope this helps. it's not always easy to stand up for what you feel is best.

    anne
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    It sounds like the social worker has no idea about Autism. I used to look after adults with this. They dont like any change in there routine. Any changes upset them. you carnt force them they like to feel safe and secure.
    I am sure your son feels more secure at home and he should not be forced to do anything he dont feel right. No
    matter what this social worker said. you stick to your guns.
  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,303
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    That's Profesionals for you, not invented here brigade, we get them here, they come in all fresh faced with a nice new degree and know feck all about coal fired power stations yet they try and tell us how it should work, just because they have qualifications doesn't mean they know what's best.
    What I use to do is take them out on plant on some really dirty jobs for 12 hours, that took the wind out of their sails, sadly you can't do that so you need to get some kind of coping strategy. Buzz words profesonals love buzz words, try and throw a few of them at them, they might just start to talk to you like a human being for once.
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    only49 wrote:
    hello i got something on my mind thats off topic regarding arthritis but never the less i feel i need to chat about this, i hope you all dont mind, :) today i had a phone call from my son's social worker as my son is autistic and these kids are very vunerable and easily pressuried into doing what other people want them to do, and i belive it should be about what the child wants not what they want, and i feel this really heaps the stress on our family which we could do without, and as any good perent should do is listen to your kids and advice them the best way you can.

    i spoke to my son about this earlier today and explained evrything to him so he fully aware of what the socail worker was talking to him about, and to cut along story short he says he dont want to have sleep overs without mum and dad, and we have seen this is true because when away from home he never settles and is stressed out becaue he cant get to grips with it all, we understand him and he ok with us there but as he has said not without us not being there, i just hope he not going to be awake tonight worrying about this as i know he does, why cant people just listen to us perents it so frustrating.

    Hi Sylvia,
    I know where you are coming on.Life is very confusing for our kids and we understand their needs whereas many peeps dont.My sons are the same.They went to spain last year and dont think their Granddad understands Jack at all so now Jack dislikes him.It is a language, communication problem so Jack appears to be rude or not listening whereas he just doesnt understand the subtleties of language.He is also niaive.
    Dont do anything you are not comfortable with.Let your son know you are on his side as I am certain you do.
    Elizabeth
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    delboy wrote:
    Don't get me started on Social Services, I came very close to physically harming a whole team of them 20 years ago.

    Me too DEl !

    Elizabeth
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    annebr wrote:
    Sylvia,

    I think you should explain to the social worker that you have explained to your son about the overnight stays and he doesn't want to go without his parents. Stress that if he is forced it will upset him.
    Maybe there is some sort of compromise?

    As for stress I do believe that it makes you feel worse and can contribute to flares etc.

    I hope this helps. it's not always easy to stand up for what you feel is best.

    anne
    Maybe there is some sort of compromise?
    i dont think with the social workers that they understand that word its a case of they want there way abit like a big kid spitting there dummy out, they want to grow up i think.
    [/quote]
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    tkachev wrote:
    delboy wrote:
    Don't get me started on Social Services, I came very close to physically harming a whole team of them 20 years ago.

    Me too DEl !

    Elizabeth
    they dont show themselfs in a good light do they
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    delboy wrote:
    Don't get me started on Social Services, I came very close to physically harming a whole team of them 20 years ago.
    dont they make you feel like they think they think they know it all :x :x :x :x :x
  • only49
    only49 Member Posts: 1,207
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    suncatcher wrote:
    It sounds like the social worker has no idea about Autism. I used to look after adults with this. They dont like any change in there routine. Any changes upset them. you carnt force them they like to feel safe and secure.
    I am sure your son feels more secure at home and he should not be forced to do anything he dont feel right. No
    matter what this social worker said. you stick to your guns.
    so good to know you understand there need to be more people like us and less of the people that simply havent got a clue
  • suncatcher
    suncatcher Member Posts: 2,174
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    only49 wrote:
    suncatcher wrote:
    It sounds like the social worker has no idea about Autism. I used to look after adults with this. They dont like any change in there routine. Any changes upset them. you carnt force them they like to feel safe and secure.
    I am sure your son feels more secure at home and he should not be forced to do anything he dont feel right. No
    matter what this social worker said. you stick to your guns.
    so good to know you understand there need to be more people like us and less of the people that simply havent got a clue


    They think they know it all. Parents know the child better than them. I read the other post and i glad you got this sorted. best wishes joanne

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