The Bible in a nutshell

joanlawson
joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
edited 7. Apr 2010, 06:34 in Community Chit-chat archive
A child was asked to write a book report on the Bible. Here is some of what he wrote:

In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says,'' The Lord thy God is one'', but I think he must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said,'' Give me a light!'' and someone did. Then God made the world.

He split Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven out of the Garden of Eden. Not sure what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars. Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The New. He was born in Bethlehem in a barn.( I wish I had been born in a barn too, because my Mum is always saying to me,'' Close the door! Were you born in a barn?'' It would be nice to say, ''As a matter of fact, I was'' ) During his life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees and the Democrats.

Jesus also had twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.
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Comments

  • ninakang
    ninakang Member Posts: 1,367
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Joan

    Have you been talking to Jassie?!

    Nx :-)
  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,306
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Out of the mouths of babes eh Jan!.
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    this is good
    c045.gif
    val
  • annie_mial
    annie_mial Member Posts: 5,614
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Made me laugh out loud and brought hubby in to see what all the noise was about.........I especially liked Judas Asparagus!

    Annie
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Just brilliant. :!:

    so funny.....had me laughing too. :lol::lol::lol:

    thanks Joan!

    Iris x
  • trisher
    trisher Member Posts: 9,263
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Ahh

    That is so sweet. I hope the little boy got a gold star for this.

    Trish xx
  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,306
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Tell you what it made more sense than our local vicar!. now who was Sparticus again?
  • livinglegend
    livinglegend Member Posts: 1,425
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    mellman01 wrote:
    Tell you what it made more sense than our local vicar!. now who was Sparticus again?
    "I am Spartacus!"

    Spartacus 8)
    Josephm0310.gif
  • joanlawson
    joanlawson Member Posts: 8,681
    edited 7. Apr 2010, 06:45
    livinglegend wrote:
    mellman01 wrote:
    Tell you what it made more sense than our local vicar!. now who was Sparticus again?
    "I am Spartacus!"

    Spartacus 8)

    Hi Spartacus
    c1b3ebebbad638aa28ad5ab6d40cfe9c.gif
  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    have you ever tried to explain the Bible to a child? It comes out a bit like the above.
    Lucy has been asking me what comes first?The chicken or the egg?We decided the egg came first cos everybody needs to start as a baby and then grow up.

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein

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