Help for mother

lizb5505
lizb5505 Member Posts: 6
edited 18. Apr 2010, 04:09 in Living with Arthritis archive
Would anyone be able to advise me how I can help my 86 year old mother who is suffering pain and discomfort, particularly in her knees.
Her GP has prescribed paracetamol, however I don't think these are effective but she will not go back to her GP. She is very set in her ways and tells me there is 'nothing they can do' and she 'must put up with it'
I am really worried that she is suffering needlessly and I am sure there is more that could be done for her, but what can I do without being too controlling?

Comments

  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello :D

    There are other medications that one can take for OA of the knees - I presume she has OA and not another type of arthritis. It all depends on what other ailments she may have, as to whether stronger painkillers or anti inflammatories could be prescribed by her GP.

    If your mother is adamant about not going to visit her GP could you not write a letter to him, explaining the circumstances. I had to do this for my mum, in another scenario, at one point and good results did come out of it.

    Heated microwaveable wheatbags are very comforting to put over the knees. Ice works too, but that is not as nice as warmth, that is my personal opinion, but does numb the pain for a time.

    I cannot think of anything else at this time. Over the past two years I have had 2 Total Knee Replacements so I do understand the pain your mother is coping with on a daily basis and I am sorry to hear it.

    Best wishes
    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • dachshund
    dachshund Member Posts: 9,136
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz.
    i know you are worried about your mum being in pain.
    so could'nt you ring her docs and tell them you are worried about her.
    i hope some thing can be done for her she should not be left in pain.
    joan xx
    take care
    joan xx
  • valval
    valval Member Posts: 14,911
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    they start with paracetonal then when you go back give you something stronger you work your way through the meds till find what works for you . tell her you will go back with her.
    wheat bags help or ice if there is swelling
    val
  • lizb5505
    lizb5505 Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thank you all for your helpful advice.
    I have offered to go to the GP with her but she says she will get a friend to take her and will make an appointment when she goes for a liver function blood test next week.
    I am really annoyed that someone has told her it is dangerous to take 8 paracetamol tablets per day so she has cut down the dose that was prescribed by her GP. Presumably this is why she is having regular liver function tests?
    I feel so helpless if she is not listening to or seeking further medical advice.
    Thanks again.
    Liz
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,881
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz

    Mum's eh? :roll:

    She most probably comes from teh generation which puts up with things and thinks that what the doctor says is gospel.

    I am with elna about the wheatbags though that you stick in the microwave...they are a real help and it could be a gift from you.

    Hopefully she will let you come with her in time, but at the mo you can really do not much more than you are.

    So sad that her independance is making her suffer more than she needs to :(

    take care

    Love

    Toni xx
  • dolittle
    dolittle Member Posts: 240
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz,
    I got a Ma like that! Stubborn! Don't they wear you out?

    I'd go along with the wheatbags as well. Probably I'd tell mine that I had a pain in my hand a wrist - must have twisted it or something - so I've got this and, do you know, it hasn't half helped. She'd have to have a go at it!

    I wish people wouldn't put things into my mum's head as well. She stopped taking her blood pressure pills because of what someone said and she had some dreadful falls. I asked the doctor to tell lhe that they had put her on two tablets, half dose each, because they wanted to spread the medicine throughout the day. It worked and she went back to taking both pills. It's hard work keeping up with them, isn't it!

    Hope she gets some help from somewhere and that her liver tests are OK. The 'Our Mums' generation are anti-doctor you know.
    Do
  • lizb5505
    lizb5505 Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Stubborn's the word! Very frustrating.
    She has a wheat bag and has used it, but is now telling me symptoms are better when the weather's cooler so she won't use it! What can you do?!
    I am wondering if patches would be better for her than taking tablets, has anyone tried these.
    Thanks for your help
    Liz
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,881
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz

    there are so many different pain meds - it's hard to be sure.

    For some the patches are wonderful as they are on all the time and the pain hardly ever breaks through. For others though they can make them feel quite sicky... :oops:

    My Mum was just as bad so i do understand. She was on warfarin and reckoned she couldnt take ANYTHING while she was on them.

    In the end though she did give in and let me go with her to the docs. She also got one of those community alarms which you wear round you neck incase of accidents. A bath seat and board and eventually even a zimmer!

    I hope you can hang on in there and she will let you help her sooner rather than later.

    You have my sympathy.

    Love

    Toni xx
  • lizb5505
    lizb5505 Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Thanks Toni
    I am going to see her later and have printed some details about patches for her to take to the doctor. Just hope she listens!
    Liz
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz :D

    It is frustrating, worrying and maddening too when our 'older' mums start veering off on some tangent of their own regarding taking/ not taking meds or support.... that makes no sense to us! :roll:

    My darling mum (bless her, she is no longer with me now) suddenly began to imagine she had every symptom listed as a side effect in all of the advice leaflets of her meds....it was so difficult to help her when she entered that 'phase' especially as she refused to take some of the important meds; even the doc was left scratching his head. :?

    When however mum was referred to a 'new' hospital doc...there was a complete change as she liked the one she was then seeing; then everything that doc said was treated as gospel. :roll:

    You can only support as much or as little as your mum allows...as for the rest try not to worry too much as I found it really doesn't do you any good and frustration and worry just complicates things even more; it is not worth you running the risk of spoiling your relationship...leave it to the doc to work out or ask the district nurse to call to talk it all over with your mum :roll:

    keep your chin up...at least you are not alone. :wink:

    Iris x
  • frogmorton
    frogmorton Member Posts: 29,881
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Good luck with her Liz

    Wiull cross my toes for you :wink:

    Iris is right - you are not alone.

    Love

    Toni xx
  • elnafinn
    elnafinn Member Posts: 7,412
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    When my mum "veered off on one" I started to call her surgery but got no luck there, so wrote a letter to her GP. This he took note of and gave her a call and said that he had not seen her for some time and would like her to make an appointment. She told me about this saying how nice of the doctor and I stayed stum. When she got there he said that he had received a letter from me and she said yes, she does worry about me. He could see what I was making noises about arranged an urgent referral to a mental day unit etc after being interviewed by a phsychologist. I was kept informed by letter and phone. All ended well in the end and I got my mum back. She is on medication now.

    We do have to intervene sometimes, if we can see something very wrong/not going well but live far away and cannot get through to our dear mums. I could not live with the fact that I knew she needed medical attendion .....fast! I know this is not the same scenario as you are going through with your mum, but we cannot help worrying and I got round it that way.

    Elna x
    The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything.

    If you can lay down at night knowing in your heart that you made someone's day just a little bit better, you know you had a good day.
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz, hope you get your Mum sorted. Nothing really to add to the posts here except - would she try cabbage leaves??!! My friends Mum (also elderly, passed away a few years ago as very poorly) used to swear by cabbage leaves strapped to her knees. My friend advised I tried it - and it really helped!! There is a thread called "cabbage" might be more her era?!

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • lizb5505
    lizb5505 Member Posts: 6
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi all
    Gave her the info on patches yesterday which she said she would read after I'd left.
    As Iris says you can only do so much but she won't ask the GP any questions.
    Elna, she would never forgive me if she found out I had written to the doctor.
    Loved the cabbage idea but can't see her going for it. She would feel embarrassed even if no-one could see her! She gets very self-conscious if we take her round the town in a wheelchair, thinks everyone is looking at her.
    I have done my best, now have to hope that she will make the appointment.
    Liz x
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz - as you say you have done your best - and that is all you can do. Now it is up to her.

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • dorcas
    dorcas Member Posts: 3,516
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi again Liz,

    You know ....you are a kind and caring daughter and are doing all you can to help your dear mum..
    that is all any of us can do.x

    take her flowers, tell her you love her, and just enjoy being with her.x

    Despite the fact that you feel that her pain could be better addressed your mum is making the choices that suit her best.... sometimes we are the ones that have to let go.
    Your mum will have heard all you've said and who knows once given time she may surprise you and ask the doc about the meds. :wink:

    let us know please how your mum and you are. Iris x
  • sharmaine
    sharmaine Member Posts: 1,638
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Liz

    The pain and discomfort by OA is not pleasant. It is good of you to come on here to seek advice. As a fellow sufferer of osteo arthritis of the knees I know how bad this can be and I'm 54 it must be awful for your mum.

    I totally agree with Elna's advice your mum needs to go back to her GP - there are medications out there that can help relieve some of the discomfort. Write your GP and explain your dilemma. GPs sometimes get in wrong I was sent off with a diagnosis of sciatica and 7 years later found that I had full blown OA that was 3 years ago since then I've had one total knee replacement and will have reqiuire another one on the other leg.

    I wish you every success to get your mum the treatment she needs.
    Like Elna I find heatpads a godsend.

    With regards
    Sharmaine

    lizb5505 wrote:
    Would anyone be able to advise me how I can help my 86 year old mother who is suffering pain and discomfort, particularly in her knees.
    Her GP has prescribed paracetamol, however I don't think these are effective but she will not go back to her GP. She is very set in her ways and tells me there is 'nothing they can do' and she 'must put up with it'
    I am really worried that she is suffering needlessly and I am sure there is more that could be done for her, but what can I do without being too controlling?