Ive had enough

theresa4

The last few weeks have been really bad and I dont think I can take any more, bnetween being in hospital for a large ovarian cyst that burst (although due to morphine, reg paracetemol and dihidrcodeine I was too dopey to feel pain) nopw I am just in agony and havent slept for 3 nights solid I am used to 2 or 3 hours a night and sort of cope on that but not this. I started on pregablin 75mg from hosiptal but that just made me dopy for 3/4 of the day my gp has put me on 25mg twice a day but I am still dopey on one time a day. Amitryptilene did the same to me. Im so sick odf it I cant function Im either in pain or doped up this isnt a life!
My mum who has mental health problems has just been told her 'osteo arthritis was actually rheumatoid only they couldnt diagnose her as she was difficult to understand (she talks incessantly about anything and everything and noone can get through) she now rings me 5 times a day crying she doesnt want it and asking me what they can do to cure it knwing I have been like this for 4 1/2 yrs with no reprieve. I feel awful but I have noting left for myself how can i even think to deal with her problems I have 4 kids to deal with as well. :oops:
Im sorry I just needed to get this all out
Theresa

bailey27

It is always more difficualt to deal with when you don't get any sleep isnt it. Especially when you are in pain and any energy you get is consumed my the pain bugs!

Although I cant offer you any advice I can sympathise with you and hope you feel better soon.

dorcas

Hi Theresa,

don't apologise for saying how you feel. I'm sure everyone here is just glad that you have posted and not tried to lock this all up inside and suffer with it all on your own. We care about you and even if we can't solve the problems we want to support you as best we can. so keep posting and we'll keep answering.

That ovarian cyst bursting must have been so painful and even though you were drugged up to the eye balls it would have been a traumatic experience and your body needs time to get over it. X

Having four children to take care of, having arther and not having enough sleep is a huge stress on body and mind. Added to that is your mum who for her own reasons is not able to appreciate all you are going through.
Does your mum have a CPN that you could talk to who could take over the burden of these phonecalls by offering your mum extra support just now? If you are mum's carer then you too would be entitled to CPN advice and support as your mum is not coping with her situation and a third party is needed for both your sakes.

The meds and how they are affecting you needs to be discussed with either your GP or rheummy....you cannot function with feeling 'dopey' but neither can you function with the level of pain and exhaustion. Please contact them for support, advice and alternative meds as soon as you can. :idea:

Lastly...are there no other extended family or friends who can help out just now? this is the time when you need to be the priority and if there is someone who can take over the organising of kids ..and mum, then that would be worth it's weight in gold.

I am so concerned for you Theresa...your post shows you have reached the end of your tether and need help.
Our helpline peeps would have been the ones to talk all this through with you but I don't think they have any weekend cover? (I've just phoned to check and it's Monday- Friday 10am-4pm)

Bottom line is that if there is anything you can do to get support today (friends/ other family) then please contact them.

And hard though this may sound...if your mum phones today...listen yes to what she has to say but then tell to her that you cannot deal with her problems as you are just too unwell yourself. Also tell her that you will be turning the phone off for the rest of the day so that you can try to get some rest. You are not being a 'bad 'daughter doing this Theresa but you cannot continue to be under this huge pressure from your mum at this time.

Love and a million (((HUGS)))

Iris x

deborahjane

im sorry you are not feeling well.having 4 kids to look after too.could you go to docs see if they can help you,you shouldnt have to put up with the pain,and not getting any sleep,have you got any one else who could come and help you even for a couple of hours,hope you get better soon,im sure you will get more replies you are not alone ,

speedalong

HI Theresa, you have really been through the mill recently and have so much to contend with. Being so poorly and having arther, caring for your children and supporting your Mum then on top of that you are having no sleep (which is akin to torture) and having to choose be doped up to the brain or in unbearable pain. No one else would be able to cope with all this easily either.

Follow Iris' advice. Make yourself the priority here - that is not selfish - you need to get you sorted so that you can do what you need to do.

We are here to listen and support - so use us. Don't bottle it up.

Take care. Things will improve - it just doesn't feel like it now.

Speedalong

sharmaine

Hi Theresa

You have had a rough time.. and not sleeping makes it seem harder.
I understand what you mean about amytriptiline - it does make you feel a bit lethargic first thing in the morning. I don't kwo what else to suggest re your meds - you'll need to see your GP about that.

I think there's something in the air as a lot of people have been complaining about being in pain this week....I wonder if it's the change of weather?

Sorry to hear about your mum - when they get older they look to their children for advice. Often we just need a shoulder to cry on - it's healthy to let it all out. You have your hands full with 4 children and I admire you. My mother (she has OA most of her life) had four children too and I have the utmost respect for the way she coped raising us, Dealing with arthur at the same time must have been jolly tough. Our mothers are always there for us no matter how bad things seem to get.

I cannot offer you much help but you are right to voice your feelings rather than contain them. I hope you have some respite from the pain soon.

With regards and best wishes
Sharmaine

theresa4 wrote:

The last few weeks have been really bad and I dont think I can take any more, bnetween being in hospital for a large ovarian cyst that burst (although due to morphine, reg paracetemol and dihidrcodeine I was too dopey to feel pain) nopw I am just in agony and havent slept for 3 nights solid I am used to 2 or 3 hours a night and sort of cope on that but not this. I started on pregablin 75mg from hosiptal but that just made me dopy for 3/4 of the day my gp has put me on 25mg twice a day but I am still dopey on one time a day. Amitryptilene did the same to me. Im so sick odf it I cant function Im either in pain or doped up this isnt a life!
My mum who has mental health problems has just been told her 'osteo arthritis was actually rheumatoid only they couldnt diagnose her as she was difficult to understand (she talks incessantly about anything and everything and noone can get through) she now rings me 5 times a day crying she doesnt want it and asking me what they can do to cure it knwing I have been like this for 4 1/2 yrs with no reprieve. I feel awful but I have noting left for myself how can i even think to deal with her problems I have 4 kids to deal with as well. :oops:
Im sorry I just needed to get this all out
Theresa

theresa4

thankyou all for your replies Im so glad I have this site Ive taken a dihidrocodeine so please excuse if this stops making sense. I did consider just taking all of them right now ( and I know i need to tell my Gp this) Ive spent all morning crying.
My kids are 14, 16, 20 and 21 my eldest is pregnant (due in June) home , single. my younger 2 are doing gcse's so busy and my 20 yr old son helps when hes not working sleeping or partying you do the math not much!! so physically they are not demanding but I cant give them what they need in mental and emotiobnal support although i do try (i fail miserbaly really).

My Gp is at a loss as I either react to pain relief or it doesnt work, anti inflams were innaffective except diclofenac but even with high dose stomach protection it now makes my stomach blowe up so I cant take it anymore.
The rheumy appointment was so frustrating as I was not treated vewry well and didnt get the opportunity to ask anythig as my appointment was rushed and my doc seemd distracted. Although Im all better as i dont have ACTIVE inflamtion :shock: Despite the pain and swelling being worse in my fingers, toes, wrists, ankles, and knees. well what do I know. Im back there on the 6th may and hopefully this time my hubby can come with me so her can emphasise how bad i am. I need help getting dressed, I cant go out without a carer (i fall) he is so busy as the business we started together for the past 2 yesars he has had to run alone. He is exhausted and with the ecoonmy and building trade the way it is he has to work ridiculous hours to keep us afloat.
My insurance health disability form made me feel awful as I filled it in this weeek, and Im just waiting for my next esa review :roll: :roll: to really help with my self esteem!
My sister comes once a week to clean my house, she has taken over being my mums carer as well but she has anger issues so when my mum goes on and on she snaps a bit(alot) but tries really ahrd. my mum wants me to attend her CPA meeting as they sort of railtroad her and my ister gets angry which isnt constructive but I dont feel I have the energy, (her CPN isnt very good) her care has got worse since I got ill as I cant fight for her as I am not well ewnough.
everything id sucha mess
Thankyou all for listening I think I may try sleep now xx
:roll: :shock:

oneday

Hi Theresa
i really feel for you. The other peeps here will support you so come on here and tell us. I feel pretty useless trying to come up with something but the peeps above have said what i would like to say.
Can you ring the emergency doctor? Can you go to Gps tomorrow if not as i think you need to tell a professional how you are feeling?
take care..x

skezier

Hi Theresa,

You have been through such a hard time and its nothing is helped by not being able to sleep either. I wish I knew what to say that would make it all easier for you but just wanted to leave you a ((( ))) and a hope it all gets a lot easier for you soon and well offering support even though no words of wisdom. Hope you will be able to get a better night and some rest soon. Cris x

angel1

How brave you are Theresa, for facing up to, and admitting all your negative feelings.

The absolute most important factor in all of this, is YOU. You say that you have four children to care for, but, actually, you have four young adults. Quite old enough to be given a list of things to do, which won`t encroach too much on their "me" time, but would help you tremendously. The more practical stuff they do for you, the more time that gives you to sit with them, and listen to their various needs etc.,

The next thing has to be to see your GP,as often as needs be to get the right pain relief. It is your right, after all. Perhaps a different GP, at the Practice, might be an option.

Lastly, your poor Mum. Sad though it is, as long as you know that she is getting all the material help that she needs, I feel you have to accept that, given your own emotional state, you are the wrong person for her to be contacting at present. Once you are in a better frame of mind, I`m sure you will be the first to respond to her needs.

I wish you better days ahead.........Ange.

frogmorton

Oh Theresa

you poor poor thing

I would feel like you I'm sure if I had all that to contend with as well as your Mum to contend with. You sound like a sponge who has had all the life sucked out of it

You do have to see your GP or even ring the samaritans if you feel you might take the lot of your tablets. I know you know that and are sensible and responsible - maybe too responsible.

I wish I could come up and take your Mum off you for a while.

you know you have just come out of hospital and had a huge health scare, you are totally tired, you have a lot of worry with the kids and feeling a failure to them (this is so not true, but when I feel as bad as you I beleive it of me too) and on top of that you have your Mum needing you.

You need a rest and some help for YOU!!

Please keep talking - keep posting and get yourself some support via the GP tomorrow.

Wish I could do more

Love

Toni xx

c4thyg

Theresa,
I'm, sending you lots of ((((hugs)))).

I don't think there's a lot more i can add. Iris and Angel have said most of it. I agree that your children are old enough to be able to support you a bit. Even if each one offers a small amount of time it will help you no end. Please see your Dr again. If you can't wait until Monday call NHS direct and speak to the out of hours Dr near you. If nothing else, they can help you get an urgent appointment with your GP tomorrow.

I have to reiterate what others have said, you must put yourself first. If you don't then you won't be able to carry on supporting any one else. It's not easy but there are times when you must be selfish. This is one of them.

I hope that you find the support that you need and please keep us updated. There are lots of wonderful ppl here who really want to help. I'll be thinking of you. xx

weesabetty

Sending you a gentle hug and wishing I lived nearer and could come round,I had a very large ovarian cyst which burst 23 years ago when my children were small,I know what the pain is like,can you get a home help in from social services for an hour or two a day to help you out for a couple of weeks,best wishes, Jan

woodbon

Hello, Just sending you my very best good wishes. My suggestion that you talk to your GP and put him up to date with the things you have to cope with. He may suggest a support group for you and your Mum. Also, I feel that YOU need some help. Someone on here said that its not selfish and I agree, sometimes we all have to try and stand back a bit.

I'm glad that you've come on line here as if nothing else, it gives you an outlet for your feelings, and you can see how many people would love to help you. You might find the Help line at the top a good place to ring, as they have lots of information and are very sympathetic, with ideas that you may not have thought of.

Lots of love Sue xxx

dolittle

Hello Teresa,
I've just had a couple more 'duvet' days, so I've only just seen your post.

I'm sending you some (((( ))))s as well, 'cos I know just how you must feel. Although I've got my problems, they ain't half of what you seem to have. Believe it ... I don't think I could cope - so I admire the way you seem to be battling with it all.

The folk here are unbelievable, aren't they. Even though it's not possible for 'hands on' help, the fact that they let you know they care is a great encouragement, and just to know they would if only they could seems to help no end.

Hopefully, today, you'll get some real support from your GP or one of the rheumy people. I'll hope like hell for you that someone will get to your aid, fast ....... and be NICE about it!

That comment 'The dark arts of rheumatology deserve a Hogwarts course of their own!' made me howl with laughter ... how true is that. I think I'll have a teeshirt printed with that on it. Tell you the truth, I think half of mine trained there.
With every good wish,
Dolittle

c4thyg

Theresa, I'm checking in to see if you're ok before I go on holidays. There is lots of great advice here and you're in good hands with these peeps. I know. I want you to know that I'll be thinking of you and I'll check in again when I get home. Take care of yourself. xx

frogmorton

Cathy

Hope you have a happy holiday You derserve it.

Theresa

Hope things feel better today and you will be able to take some action.

Do let us know how you are

Love

Toni xx

tkachev

Hello Teresa,
Who is helping you? It sounds like you are worrying about everbody elses problems but nobody is listening to you.You are very unwell and need support.Your sister sounds like a diamond.Her anger may stem from stress but it sounds like she cares.
I have said before the children need to help a little bit more but are at that age when they feel they have the world on their shoulders and expect so much from you.I guess they have always been like this so are unlikely to change overnight.
When my mum used to phone upset about things I just used to agree and sympathise with her.I think she needed someone to talk too and not tell her what to do(like other members of my family were doing).She always sounded relieved to get it off her chest and not be judged.I dont think she was looking for answers just to share.
I so wish the GP and rheumatologists could get your pain under control.That would make a big difference to how you feel and hopefully would restore some normality to your life.It sounds like you are a very efficient,hard working mother when you are well
and you must feel so frustrated with everything that is happening.
Best wishes
Elizabeth

dorcas

Hi Theresa,

been thinking about you since yesterday. please let us know how you are.

Iris x

theresa4

Thankyou all for your kind and helpful words. I am feeling a little less sensitive todat although still some pain and reduced mobility it is definately improving as using less pain relief again (dont like codeine based if I can help it).
I had felt extremely suicidal over the weekend but you guys on here helped me negotiate around those feelings (not that I would carry it through as I couldnt do that to my family).
My gynae pain has finally gone so thats one less thing to worry about
Can I ask does anyone else find themselves feeling very self conscious and vulnerable with RA. I seem to feel very vulnerable and overwhelmed in silly situations like my kids arguing or confrontations outside. Maybe its just me. I never used to be like that in fact i used to enjoy a good showdown whne people were rude I had no problem in standing up fir myself now I quiver in a corner and cry. :oops:

Anyway all that aside just a big thanks toeveryone who has left me a message.

Love
Theresa

efleure

Just to say Theresa,don't have any pearls of wisdom, but to say try to grab sleep wherever and whenever, and hope something gets better for you soon, and try to be proud of yourself for coping with all this on your shoulders....best wishes to you and your family, Liz x

barbara12

Hi Theresa
I am so sorry I have only just seen this thread, you must never apologise for being ill, you have taken the first steps by talking about it , we are always here when you need to talk.
You go back to your gp till you get the pain relief that works,
And like ange said, you are your priority, when you are feeling well then you can help your mum, and your family, you take care of yourself you will get there.
Lots of hugs((((((())))) wish I could give them for real
Love
Barbara x

dorcas

Hi Theresa,

I am so glad to hear that your arther and mobility are a little better today.
You have been in a very difficult 'place' physically and emotionally these past days and have shown great strength of character in dealing with the feelings of self harm. Please, if you can, discuss how you feel with your GP, counsellor or a trustworthy friend so that you have someone to speak to who can offer you one to one advice or just some immediate support.
If we peeps on the forum can help in any way then please post and we will do our best to listen and support you. Please remember too our great helpline peeps!!!

I think dealing with the pain and fatigue of arther does get to us and makes us feel 'vulnerable' and exposed from time to time and I have noticed that I can be very quickly moved to tears for the most unexpected reasons...... :oops:
But.... it can sometimes be a sign that we are under just too much pressure? when you look at all that has happened to you recently..the cyst operation, arther, pain, lack of sleep and worry about your mum, it's perhaps not hard to understand that you would be feeling 'fragile'.

I hope your hubby and children are able to see what you are dealing with and giving you some practical and emotional support?

Take care Theresa.....post often.... and try to give yourself some time to recover from your op and rest when you can.

Lots of love and (((hugs)))

Iris xxx

abfab1963

Hi T

I really hope you are feeling a bit better that you did over the weekend.

You really do sound as if you have had enough.....I am sure ALL of us have been there at some point! I think its very important that you recognised that fact, its like you KNOW when things are getting too much for you. perhaps a chat with your GP wouldnt be a bad idea, as you seem under a lot of stress...trust me..stress is NOT good chick. x

You need to start taking a little step back and slowing down a bit....give yourself some time to deal with everything that has happened in the last week or so.

I dont know the age of your kids but are they old enough to help you in the house a bit maybe? Even just washing dishes, making you a cup of tea, allowing you 10 minutes peace in the day to chill out.

Hugs
xx

angel1

I hope you are feeling a little better Theresa, but don`t feel that you must say that, especially not on here. Denial is never good at times like this.

All the emotions you describe, sadly, go hand in hand with depression, brought on by endless pain, and stress. That feeling of worthlessness, the sense of vulnerability, and the chronic fatigue are all part and parcel of the disease.

One of the things I truly believe is that learning to live with a life changing illness, is a form of bereavement. The old, active, fun loving person has gone. There has to then be a period of grieving, before acceptance of the new person can take place. In time, and with the help of good pain relief, a new, often happier person can emerge. It all takes time though, so be very, very kind to yourself, and keep asking for, and accepting,help.

I wish you all the luck in the world........Ange.

vikki30

Hi Theresa

I know how you feel, im suffering with inflammatory arthritis which at the mo cant take painkillers for because they all make me sick and make me feel like i got a hangover, i recently had to move my mum back from leicester the day after she had hip op, then run her about to various app she now has a dvt so for past couple of weeks been taking her to hospital everyday for injections plus variuos visits to a&e cause of different reactions to the warfrin, as well as looking after my 4 and 6 yr old girls on my own, the only thing that keeps me going are my girls just watching them sleep at night makes me feel better and when they make me laugh with their cheeky ways, i feel awfull on them though because i know i get short tempered and snappy when im in pain. Just have to keep going for their sakes though.

i just think that theirs always someone worse off than me , and i should be lucky i dont have something worse though, i know its hard to feel like that when the pains really bad.

hope you feel better soon, take care vikki xx