Chrisov's Chatterings

noeltone · 30. Apr 2010, 11:17

Election Time

My word, it is nearly that time again when the country can vote again in a general election and the debate about who will be the next prime minister is hotting up just like the weather is today. Similarly to the weather these politicians do tend to blow hot and cold. Just call him Dave has been confronted with a chicken and an egg, I hope he’s not too yolked off and he has cracked his policies. I wonder if Gordon (bigot) is Browned off yet with it all and has Cleggy the Liberal got a Clegg to stand on as far as his chances go.

Locally to the area I live in which is in deepest Norfolk the Green man reckons he stands a chance of ousting our MP the Labour man Charles ‘flobby’ (that’s his more polite nickname) Clarke. The Green man might be right with regards to his predictions as the Greens are second in command on the city council at this time of play. Clarke was the one who claimed for pizzas on his expenses and he works for three other companies as well as being a part time MP. He fell out with Gordon and got the sack from being the Home Secretary after he failed to keep tags on some illegal entries to the UK, so he has an excellent track record for being elected again. Our Green went to the local first school with my son and he often frequented my house to chew on his packed healthy lunches at dinner time when the school could not accommodate all the kids for their din dins. He was one who liked an argument even then and he liked to eat the other children’s lunches especially their chocolate cake as this food might have appeared more appetising then his bland salads. I should have known then he was destined to be a Green as he ate up all of his greens diligently. He was on News at Ten the other night as he is the Greens Deputy Leader.

I find a good way of keeping all of the politicians happy is to display all of their posters. This might baffle them and stop them from knocking you up just as you are comfy for the night with a cup of cocoa and you have settled down to watch another comical and entertaining death on East Enders or are transfixed as to who will be the next Dorothy. Or it might be they see through this ruse and they are determined to find out the truth about your voting intentions. If you do speak to them just ask them what they are going to do about a ridiculous topic like, paying no taxes at all, or you could ask them if they are elected are they planning to introduce transport to Mars. It should be at this point that they know you are a bit cranky and you are wasting their time. Failing that continue to be deaf to their knocking or you can answer the door and promptly shut it again and then turn up the pre-recorded tape with a pack of ferocious dogs barking on it as you scream ‘ keep back Rover you are not getting another politician tonight.’

Seriously I think it might be a good thing to have a hung parliament but not literally, even I would not be that extreme. Then there would be a mix of political colours running the country. If that happened then they may not be able to get through or pursue such radical policies. We might see a stop in such nauseas policies as persecuting those genuine people on benefits. Ten Downing Street might be an interesting place to live in. Just call him Dave could have the back bedroom, Gordon could be at the front and Cleggy could be in the middle somewhere and be ready to intervene when the other two start squabbling. Perhaps the wives could share the attic area and the kids could run amok in the cellar. If our local Green Man was summoned to the smoke to discuss more rural affairs then he could have a tent in the garden and he could eat as many greens as he desired from the garden which I have been told has a sunny position which induces the growing of some quite splendid vegetables. He would need a cycle rack of course and somewhere to hang his green cycle helmet.

mellman01 · 30. Apr 2010, 11:26

Oh I don't know hanging sounds like just the kind of treatment they should get the way they have been ripping us all off all these years, I don't trust any of them their all a bunch of shylocks only out for what they can get.