Is it all in my mind?

woodbon
woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
edited 11. May 2010, 07:39 in Living with Arthritis archive
Hi,
I feel really unsure. I had a letter from the rheumy saying that the ultrasound report showed that I had minimal wear and tear changes in my hands. Luckily no signs of inflamitory arthritis, which I'm pleased about. The only thing is my hands are painful and stiff and sometimes swollen. I also have a lot of other joint pains, but I'm begining to think they are just in my imagination, as 'just wear and tear' is the only thing that comes up. I do have a couple of places in spine which have disc compressions, but if nothing much is showing then I must be OK, so the pain can't be real. Thats my thinking at the moment anyway.

I am supposed to go to a pain control seminar at the hospital tomorrow but, I feel its not worth it. Sorry, just feeling sorry for myself, I wish I had no pain and just could carry on. Maybe I could if I really try. Am I going round the bend? :shock:
Forgive the self pity. Love Sue :wink:

Comments

  • tkachev
    tkachev Member Posts: 8,332
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue,

    The pain is real I am sure but what causes it is the big mystery. Dont doubt yourself they have just got to look more carefully,

    Elizabeth
    Never be bullied into silence.
    Never allow yourself to be made a victim.
    Accept no ones definition of your life

    Define yourself........

    Harvey Fierstein
  • maud48
    maud48 Member Posts: 170
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue
    If you look at my recent thread about fybromalgia you will see that I've also been convinced that it was all in my mind.
    They kept saying with me 'just wear and tear arthritis' and like you I felt like I was going mad.
    I'm not suggesting for one minute you have fibro but if you have pain and swelling there's a reason.
    I just hope you can get an answer soon, it's worse not knowing,
    maudxx
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi,
    Its just that I feel embarresed to keep asking questions, I know these things are hard to diagnose but its just such a long time. :roll:
    Sue
  • speedalong
    speedalong Member Posts: 3,315
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue - if you have pain, stiffness and swelling then there must be a reason and it can't be imagined. I have read several articles/papers that have said X-rays showing wear and tear can be deceptive re how much/little pain someone is experiencing. Also, if you have trouble with your spine - trapped nerves etc could be the cause of pain elsewhere in the body. Do not even go down the am I imagining it road .... Going to the pain seminar is a good idea as you need to manage the pain until the medics manage to work out the cause.

    Keep asking the medics the questions and let's hope they come up with some answers soon.

    Speedalong
    I have had OA since mid twenties. It affects my hips and knees. I had a THR on the left aged 30 and now have a resurface-replacement on the right - done May 2010.
  • tjc123
    tjc123 Member Posts: 139
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue

    I had been going to see my reumy for a whole year before I was diagnosed with Ra & I felt the same way as you do.I realy feel for you ...your pain is not in your imagination.

    Take Care
    tjc x
  • theresa4
    theresa4 Member Posts: 696
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    HI Sue
    If you see one of my recent posts I spoke to my rheumy about the fact nothing showed on xrays but I had classic clinical RA although sero negative. I have horrendous stiffness and pain and swelling on the joints so much I had to give up work as I often cant dress myself , walk, etc..... :oops: The rheumy told me that it looks like I have a milder version of RA which does not cause as much damage if any but not necessarily less pain :roll: . It is aesthetically a milder form of the disease. Some poeple have the joint destruction but little pain like my gran did.

    Its not in your head stop doubting yourself otherwise I may have to start doubting myself too. :wink: 4 years for me and counting and its getting proggressively worse moving into new joints as the months go by.
    Hope you feel better soon

    Theresa x
    There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those. --Michael Nolan



    Theresa xxx
  • rosie123
    rosie123 Member Posts: 8
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    tjc123 wrote:
    Hi Sue

    I had been going to see my reumy for a whole year before I was diagnosed with Ra & I felt the same way as you do.I realy feel for you ...your pain is not in your imagination.

    Take Care
    tjc x

    No it's not your imagination, I think we all go through that actually to some degree or another, especially when they are looking at symptoms and trying to see what fits. It seems to take ages to get things bottomed out and a diagnosis of what is actually wrong with us. You begin to doubt yourself and try to do the old mind over matter thing,whilst staring at visibly swollen, red and very painful areas all over your body. Stick with it, and don't let them make you feel that your pain isn't real.
  • page35
    page35 Member Posts: 1,081
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue
    just wondering if they done an CCP blood test on you?
    not that i want to worry you, or that im saying you have it but the doctor told me i didnt have Arthritis cos nothing in my bloods but hospital done this test on me and it was very very high and this means i have RA or something similar.

    you know your not your normal self and dont give up trying to get help for the pain.
    hope things get better for you
    best wishes
    sharon
  • polly1985
    polly1985 Member Posts: 70
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    hiya, sorry u r feeling so low. i was told by doctors tht everythin was in my head for years. pain started when i was 20 and im now 25 and only past 2 week that i have been given diagnosis of arthritis. so dont loose heart u may get to the bottom of it.

    i did start thinkin everythin was in my head for while and thot i was crazy, but i kept going back 2 dr as my family were seeing the changes (at this point i had nerve problem and my foot was turning blue - later found out wat was causing it but at time a consultant told me it was bruising!! ive never seen a bruise come and go as quick as that lol)

    so keep ur spirits up and im sure everything will work out and get the help and treatment u need

    xxxxx
  • woodbon
    woodbon Member Posts: 4,969
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hello, Thank you everyone, it is good to know that other people have like you, understand. I don't really know why I was surprised as it was more or less what the consultant that did the test told me. I suppose, its just hoping to have some kind of idea whats going on with me.

    When things go on for a long time, it does leave room to begin to doubt yourself. But I do know that things are wrong when I think of the things I did a while back. I am going to the seminar and I'm hoping I'll learn some things from it.

    I think I've just been a bit down today just short on energy and stuff and my neck has been hurting a bit!!! :roll:

    Anyway, a big thank you as I know that you all have problems and understand, thats why this site is so good, it allows me to rant on!!! :oops:

    Let you know how what the Seminar is like. This is the first part, the next one is in 2 weeks time.

    Love Sue
  • ironic
    ironic Member Posts: 2,361
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue,
    Please dont doubt yourself. I kept a daily record of my problems as I found on good days or hours I thought I was just blowing things out of proportion. Just look back at your own records. I know things are slow for you but just hang in there. Good luck and best wishes from, Ix
  • chrissie691
    chrissie691 Member Posts: 50
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    No, it's not in your mind.

    I started to think that when the Doctor looked at my feet (I was in agony) and she said 'well they don't look swollen'. I said 'well I can assure you they are very painful'.

    Then the rheumatoid factor came back as 1 in 120? - think that's right and she said it should be much higher. So I had a false sense that nothing was wrong.

    Then wham out of the blue the Rheumatologist last Wed said their blood tests came up positive for RA.

    Don't doubt yourself and persist with the GP and Rheumatologist. Not saying it's RA but whatever it is they need to treat it.

    Best wishes
    Luv Chrissie xxx
  • rosebud
    rosebud Member Posts: 52
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Hi Sue

    My x-ray on my right hand also shows up 'mild wear and tear'. When I talk to the Doc about shooting pains and dropping things she just looks at me blankly. When i mention that the pain is now in my left wrist and hand as well (never been x-rayed) and my fingers sometimes swell and get really stiff and painful she again just looks at me blankly.

    I'm supposed to be getting refered somewhere for a steroid injection in my right wrist. apparently this will solve all my probs! Can't see what good it will do my left hand! If all my probs will be solved then why has she now put Co-drydomol on my repeat? I think she is maybe sick of the sight of me! I'm a bit sick of feeling like a fraud :(
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    Steroid jabs are good at relieving inflammation and pain in joints. They are supposed to last for up to three months but with me three days was the limit.

    I daresay that there are those who like to think they are in pain all the time, just to get sympathy and extra attention but I don't think that anyone on these forums would fall into that category. We are not Hypochondriacs Anonymous here. I suppose I am fortunate in that my joints swell and become very hot, so at least people can see there's a problem. On the humira, however, my knees in particular have been much smaller and stone cold. Only the fact that I still can't walk without crutches due to pain and instablility has shown that the pain is still there. It is frustrating. Be reassured, however, that it is not imagined. Dreamdaisy
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben
  • mellman01
    mellman01 Member Posts: 5,306
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    sympathise completely, I use to and still do a bit really beat myself up when my OA is good, I go around feeling like a right fraud and then it flares and it's bloody awful and it drags me down faster than a drowning man wearing concrete boots!, but even then when it's in full swing I still question myself, could I not be stronger?, is it a bad as it feels?, should I just ignore it and push on?, answer is no , it's not in the head it's in my knees, and it doesn't make any difference what anyone else thinks it flippin well hurts, but the biggy no one who hasn't got this illness can ever understand is it's not like tooth ache or a broken bone, it's on far more channels and is far more corrosive, but trying to convince someone is a waste of time, the thing is they put seeds of doubt in your head ever time they question your symptoms.
    I have given up trying to get over what it's like I just keep out of peoples way and don't really try to discus it these day's, I find it just pisses me off if I try.
    It's the only pain I know that effects me strongly on a physiological level as or even more so than on a purely physical one, I guess this is because when a flare kicks in I know what I will have to suffer before it gets better again, OK so Pavlov's dogs might be around just as it starts up but that plays no part in how I feel when it's in full flow, try telling that to anyone who has never been down the same road l have, it's like trying to explaining sight to a blind person, flippin pointless.
  • dreamdaisy
    dreamdaisy Member Posts: 31,520
    edited 30. Nov -1, 00:00
    I know I'm not a fraud. I have what are laughingly called 'good days' and I try to make the most of them. I have bad days too (a whole bunch at the moment) and I have learned the hard way not to try and battle on. That just prolongs the misery. I listen to my body and I do what it tells me. If I'm tired I sleep. If I hurt, I take pills, do my exercises. If I feel ok I get in my little blue car, stick on Kruder and Dorfmeister and off I go for a drive. I take no notice of anyone now. I cancel lessons at the drop of a hat, I won't see children who have colds or bugs as I have no immune system and I get by. We're not pretending, we're not faking, we have no need to feel guilt. We're better than the healthy ones. We rise to challenges on a daily basis and we succeed. DD
    Have you got the despatches? No, I always walk like this. Eddie Braben