Attending a wedding blues

carola

Hello Everyone and hope you all having a decent day today.
Have been a bit down so not been on the forum for a few days.
Going to a wedding on saturday and another one in August and got myself into a right downer about what to wear and how I will cope. Normally I would get all glammed up with platform killer heels the lot but all I can wear is flip flops. My knees, ankles and feet all swollen (as everything else is).
So don't want to go as since March and diagnosis I never go out as I just don't feel like me.
I am full of advice for other people like me but cannot shake myself out of my mood for some reason.
I actually went out shopping the other day for an outfit and found one that is half decent but still not happy.
I think that stressing myself out like this has made my pain and swellings worse. Its a real glamorous crowd going to the wedding so will feel like a right hopalong frump.
Don't know why I am posting this message as I normally so positive and know I should take my own advice!
Hey ho!

valval

firstly we have all been through this as you will have read . rest for days before if you can so you are not exhausted before it starts if you have a room close to things if all day do so much the better as you can go lay down for bit if it all gets to much. secondly make sure you can leave when you have had enough nothing worse than being stuck miles from no where and having to wait for taxi ect. then remember to take cushion if need one and enjoy what you can of the day and the chance to catch up with people you have not seen for a while sending hugs to see you through and we will all sneek in hand bag if you need us so long as we get some wine to keep us going val

woodbon

Hi,
Its such a shame you can't enjoy the weddings. It sounds as if you might be depressed, which would't be strange at all. Have you been able to to anyone like your GP or a nurse about how low you feel, they may be able to help you. Theirs no shame at all in feeling depressed, and I find that I suffer from depression at times, in fact depression is always at the back of my mind, but I take anti depressants which help a bit and I talk to my GP, who is very good and long suffering!!! :oops:

I hope that you manage to get some enjoyment out of the weddings. I'm going to one at the end or August, its a big do in the cathedrial in Oxford and I'd love to wear high heels but I've got some nice flat ballet type shoes. I am wondering about a hat, I'd love one of those fasinators but at 55, I think it would be mutton dressed as lamb!! :oops:
Love Sue

carola

Hi Val and Sue

Thanks so much for your replies.

I think I am just giving myself a fright as since my diagnosis I have usually been really positive and determined to beat my Arthritis and Lupus which is all very well and good but meantime I feel so restricted and stunted.

I bought a pair of black ballet pumps with big jewels on the front so still got sparkle however my ankles and feet look like a 90year old's just now.
Although the wedding is in Edinburgh where I live, I have booked a hotel room so like you say I can bob in and out for rest when I need - good advice!
Thanks again Ladies, I am feeling a bit better just by posting my blues! Carol x

frogmorton

hi carol

Feel free to wallow occaisionally - you do have the right :?

What about tjhoise lovely floor length dresses which are so 'in' at the mo? Or a flaoty pair of trousers then flate shoes can eiother be hidden or even go for loud coloured ones??

You take care I do sympathise.

Love and hugs

Toni xx

kathbee

HI Carola

Sorry to hear you are so sad.
Not surprised with this horrid disease, but
hope you feel better today, well at least a bit better.

I love the idea of floppy trousers or a maxi dress, (from frogmorton),
def in fashion, how do I know? I have a 30 something
daughter who is out shopping for one for her holidays.

I also love the idea of the pumps with the bling on, perfect
I would say and that's what I would go for exactly as
I havent worn high heels since first diagnosed with RA
over 12 yrs ago now, and I have 'cankles', you know, where
the calves and ankles merge into one, :roll: so I always
wear trousers.

I think you will look lovely, never bother about being in
heels, and if you can smile through the stiffness and
pain at least for a while that will be amazing.

You go show 'em girl.

Have a lovely time
Kath x

Sue WOODBON
go for the fascinator, my sister
in law wore one at her neice's wedding 2 weeks ago
with a floaty dress and pashmina and she is 71 and er
let's just say quite a chubby bunny, so go
for it, you are never to old.

xxxx

tillytop

Hi Carola, sorry you are feeling so down at the moment - we have all been there so we do understand. And I think it's at times like these when it really hits home doesn't it? I think that if you can manage to go to the wedding(s) (in your half-decent outfit!) you will have overcome a big hurdle. I have had to talk very sternly to myself over recent months because, at times, I have just about got to the point where I feel I can't even face going outstide the front door and I know that would just be the start of a very slippery slope.
And I think that posting your message was just the right thing to do - rather than hiding away and stressing by yourself. You are right that you always come across as such a positive person, which and you always manage to be bright and cheerful for everyone else - but, it's ok to let your guard down and ask for support - if you can't do that here, where can you?
Thinking of you.

Love Tilly x

angel1

For my son`s wedding I wanted to really push the boat out. I chose a floaty suit in my favourite lilac, with silver accessories. The skirt was ankle length, AND I wore a pair of full silver shoes with tiny kitten heels. They were expensive, but incredibly comfortable. I wore them with silver hold-ups.

Oh, and Sue, I`m quite a few years older than you, but I wore a small silver fascinator. Go for it. Grow old disgracefully. I am!!...Ange.

tillytop

Good reply Babycham! I like it!
Thinking of you.

Love Tilly x

valval

we are so lucky that there so many flat shoes in fashion at moment so no one will wonder why we got them on will just think they part of out fit you can always wear heals for wedding its self and change after if you can get away with them for a bit.
but remember even the photos will not show shoes. so what ever you want goes same with hat those who do not like it do not have to look and while looking at great hat will not notice feet.

clairc

((hugs)) I have a similar problem. I'm going to an evening reception on Saturday. I bought a gorgeous black floral print dress and I have a killer pair of high heeled strappy sandals that look fantastic. I tried them on with my dress but after only 5 minutes of walking around my bedroom my feet and knees were killing me.

There is no way I could wear them all evening, especially not running around after my 3 young kids, so today I went out and bought a pair of black patent pumps. They are flat and comfy but still look glam. I wish I could wear my heels but it's not worth the pain. If I wore them I'd only end up being grumpy all evening and I wouldn't enjoy it so I'll wear the pumps and just smile at everyone else struggling in their killer heels

Clair

angel1

A good tip for glamming up flatties is to clip a pair of blingy - silver, gold, diamante, whatever - clip-on earrings to the front of the shoe in the centre........Ange.

marion1952

HI Carola

Your shoes sound lovely..
I bet quite a few people change from high heels to flat shoes after an hour or so - that's what happened at the last wedding I went to!
One girl had a lovely black and white dress on and black high heeled shoes in the church,but when I saw her in the meal she had changd into glittery black flip flops!!

BW

Marion

jaspercat

Hi, we have a family wedding in september, having swollen ankles and knees, I have decided that I am going to wear a trouser suit, the only problem is the reception, I would want to get up dancing and know that I can't, so we have taken the option of not attending the reception at all, hope you have a lovely time love Jaspercatxx

carola

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou to you all.

I really appreciate all your messages and they have cheered me up no end

Going to the hairdresser tomorrow morning to get my natural platinum blonde roots done - natural? haha! And once I have slapped the face on and red lippie I am sure I will feel more of my normal self.

Please believe me when I say that you are all absolute angels for your positive thoughts and when I lift my glass of bubbly if you lean in close you will hear me whisper my toast to my Arthritis Gang - you are fab.

Hope you all have a decent weekend and thank you again.
Keep smiling, Carol xx

valval

thinking of you hope all goes well enjoy we will be waiting to hear all about it val

tkachev

i sympathise as have 2 weddings to attend in a fortnight and worrying about clothes, shoes, toilets and supervising the children. The worry is spoiling things for me too.

Elizabeth

pols090607

carola wrote:

Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou to you all.

I really appreciate all your messages and they have cheered me up no end

Going to the hairdresser tomorrow morning to get my natural platinum blonde roots done - natural? haha! And once I have slapped the face on and red lippie I am sure I will feel more of my normal self.

Please believe me when I say that you are all absolute angels for your positive thoughts and when I lift my glass of bubbly if you lean in close you will hear me whisper my toast to my Arthritis Gang - you are fab.

Hope you all have a decent weekend and thank you again.
Keep smiling, Carol xx

Hi Carol,

Once your hair and make up are done you will feel fab. As the others mention, most people end up removing their shoes at wedding's anyway, so please try not to worry.

Get yourself glammed up, your shoes sound fab and I'm sure after a little glass or two of bubbly you'll feel a million time better and so glad you went along.

Take Care and Hugs xxxxx

woodbon

Hi A long dress does help, I've got one for the Wedding I'm going to wear it with flat shoes that have a pretty flower on the side. i love those long dresses, they can also make me look thinner!

I hope you have a nice time and try not to worry too much.

Love Sue

dorcas

Hi Carola,
I'm coming in a bit late on your thread....but wanted to wish you all the very best for tomorrow and hope you have a great time!

You're well prepared and will look fabulous I'm sure. Relax and be yourself.........and enjoy.

You have arther...but arther doesn't have you... and you are still the same person you were before the diagnosis. It just takes time to make the adjustments but you'll get there....

Edinburgh is just so lovely (was there on Tuesday) and a perfect venue for a wedding!

let us know how you get on please.

Iris x

ps..I remember you sent me positive vibes when I first came out of hospital and some very encouraging good wishes when I needed them...thanks carola. am sending some of mine to you. xxx

frogmorton

Aah Carol!!

You are lovely

I hope you have a lovely lovely day

Toni xxxx

tillytop

Hi Carola

You are so amazing to have "pulled yourself up by your bootstraps" and come out fighting again! Sure you will look absolutely fab and hopefully you will be able to enjoy the day despite everything.
Please do post with an update to tell us how it went.
Love Tilly x

carola

Hello Everyone! 8)

Hope you are all feeling good today?

Just a wee message to thank you all again for your support when I was having a moment to myself about attending a wedding with Arthur as my plus one!!

I had a great time and booking a room at the venue even although I only live 2 miles from the venue was a great idea as I chilled out a bit more.

I lasted until Midnight-ish and totally overdid it! I got up during the night for a toilet stop and woke up my poor boyfriend by crying in sheer frustration as I couldn't move. He had to take me to the toilet as hands, feet, ankles, knees etc had all ballooned up. Aside from the sheer anger at having to suffer with this blasted Arthritis and SLE the silver lining (there is ALWAYS a silver lining if you look for it!) was reminding me just how lucky I am to have such a patient and caring boyfriend as well as family and friends.

So thankyou again my Friends and Sue? ..... I was sitting next to a lady with a fascinator thing and she was almost 70yrs and looked great so get wearing yours!

Keep smiling friends and thank you again.
Carol
PS: I have another wedding in 2 weeks then another end of August however I am sure I won't have to post a moan again ha ha x

marion1952

Hi Carola

Glad to hear you enjoyed the wedding.. it WAS a good idea to book into the hotel.. I hope the swelling goes down soon ..

Marion

valval

so glad went well next time pace your self bit more less break dancing more resting good for you val

dorcas

am so glad you enjoyed the wedding.

midnight-ish....you did well there carola....and it sounds as though you have a lovely man looking out for you. ...lucky girl!

....another two weddings to go? there'll be no stopping you now.

hope your feet and legs have recovered from all that dancing before then.


Iris x