Introductions

fayrose

Twice today, in the course of my work I have been introduced to new people. Now, I'm old school and so were they, so the natural thing to do is shake hands.

OK folks, you know what I'm going to say :roll: . As a RA sufferer I have very painful and distorted hands. HOW do I deal with this?

I don't want to refuse and try to explain why because that would just make me look like a 'typical late middle aged health obsessed old bat'. I grinned and put up with it but boy have I had problems since.

Anyone got a solution? I have to work, I'm not ill enough to give up and claim DLA or any other benefits and long may that continue. I do however suffer considerable pain in my hands and crikey .... what to do?


Any ideas gratefully received. Thanks :? ..... Should this be in the work forum as well?

lindalegs

Hi Fay,

I always say I don't shake I kiss and show them my hands and they understand.

Luv Legs

frogmorton

Hi Fay

ooh tricky one this one isn't it?

I reckon you should get those introducing you to tell them you have 'bad hands'????

Oh yes and you have to try Working forum too - they are lovely on there.

All I can say is you can't suffer like that

Love

Toni xx

dreamdaisy

Firstly fayrose, DLA is not based on earnings - you are able to apply even if working. (I can't remember the proper term, I'm sure livinglegend will oblige!) You are entitled to it, tho you may well have to fight for it now, but nothing chanced, nothing gained.

Secondly, don't be afraid to give a short explanation of why you cannot (not will not) shake hands. People are generally very understanding and will happily accept a different form of greeting: in a business situation kissing is probably out, but there must be an alternative. Can't think what tho! Mork and Mindy spring to mind - 'Nanoo, nanoo!' or Star Trek's Vulcan peace sign, the one with the split middle/ring finger effort (which I can only do left-handed). This needs deliberation, but my fish fingers and chips are beckoning. Dreamdaisy

dorcas

Hi Fay!

before my hands got too bad...but handshaking was painful... I used to reach out first with both hands and hold the other persons hand top and bottom (if you know what I mean. ) they then didn't grip tight and I was in control of the handshake. :!:
it worked really well for quite a while...

... with the hands getting worse I do much the same as Legs and just put my hand up and say sorry can't shake hands but nice to meet you anyway!! if you make light of it others don't get embarrassed and you save yourself avoidable pain.

Iris xx

ps. as DD says...DLA is not means tested and you can apply whether or not you are working...x

tillytop

Oh boy, I understand just how you feel on this one. I worked for an American company and when I saw those hearty Americans coming my way I wanted to run away and hide! At least with the Europeans just wanted to kiss which I, personally, find very embarrassing,but at least it didn't hurt!!!!!

Think the only thing you can do is to do as the others say and tell people that your hands are sore and you can't shake. Difficult I know but I would think that new people are unlikely to ask what's wrong so any short-term embarrassment will pass quickly.

Love Tilly x

tkachev

I have problems with hand shaking, mostly because I have warts and feel awful shaking peoples hands. I once tried to shake hands with my sons teacher and led with my left hand and twisted it backwards and felt so embarressed I muttered how it was my R.A and hurts.
Anyone remember the Red dwarf sketch where they do a funny handshake, hopping on one leg etc. Might try that one one day.


Elizabeth

marion1952

Hi Fay

This is a going point ..

I tend to wear either day-time splints or the isotoner pressure gloves at work anyway, so when new people look at them I just explain I have 'sore hands'...

I;m amazed at the number of people I see wearing hand splints actually - I have seen people behind the counter in Building Societies wearing them and also people behind the counters in M & S wearing them.. it doesn't bother me at all ..

Marion

dorcas

tkachev wrote:

Anyone remember the Red dwarf sketch where they do a funny handshake, hopping on one leg etc. Might try that one one day.
Elizabeth

love the idea Elizabeth... you could start a new 'fashion' in handshakes.....think of the CCTV footage!



Iris xx

elnafinn

I did some googling and came up with:

I have a bad cold so I won’t shake your hand. It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Whenever possible touch the person's fingers, avoiding their end joints and palm of hand.

Keep hands behind your back, smile and say something like my hands are full of arthritis, so please excuse me, but I'm so pleased to meet you.` or similar.

Keep hand behind your back, hold the person's gaze, nod and say something like, I'm pleased to meet you but I do not shake hands. There is no need to explain if you do not wish to do so.

In a business setting a female can probably get away with offering two or three fingers with palm down which hopefully makes the other person reach under with a weaker grip.

None are ideal but better than a crushed hand and pain which lasts for days.

Elna x

Wonkylegs

Iris said what I was going to say ..........

a friend of mine never shakes hands at church, just smiles at people instead and no-one seems to mind.

I do the two-hand shake if I can, but I must say that when I ahve my splints on I tend not to get asked to shake hands

fayrose

Thanks for all your replies, I'm glad I'm not the only one and as you all say, it does make you feel a bit daft sometimes.

I like the idea of the two-handed shake because you can then - hopefully - better control the strength of the other person's grip. I remember as a child hearing adults saying that a feeble hand-shake meant a feeble character and I wonder how many of us older folks have subconciously adopted a 'firm' grip as a consequence.

I may also make strtegic use of my hand splints as well when I know I'm going into a situation where I am meeting new people.


Elizabeth - I'm sorry about your hand problems, its not something I've ever thought about but I can imagine how embarassing that must be. Hopefully they will clear soon.

Thanks again all
xx

wibberley

The most painful handshake I had recently was from my Rheumatologist!

He shook my hand on greeting me....and then again when I left. I was soooo close to slapping him, only thing that stopped me was the pain from my wrist!

You'd really have thought he'd know better having just done the DAS test! I'm my own worst enemy and would rather stay quiet about the pain, than make someone feel guilty about having inflicted pain.

Lois x

dreamdaisy

Oooooh wibberly, you would think he would remember! It shows just how ingrained these social niceties are. I hate the DAS tests, I hurt for hours after! DD

woodbon

Hi, My GP had a student with her a while back and he was very polite and at the end of the consultation, he stood up and shook my hand, ohhhhh how to keep smiling :shock: I caught my GPs eye and could see she was having a job not giggling: we had just spent 10 mins or so talking about the pains in my hands!!!

Poor boy, I didn't like to say anything as he was soooo polite.

Love Sue

elnafinn

Bumped up for Scozzie

Elna x

elnafinn

Thread bumped up for SorePaw

Elna x