Do we NEED to have it all?

ninakang

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1299808/Emma-Thompson-says--whos-got-career-AND-happy-family.html

Every time I see an interesting article, I immediately want to know what you all think, so here is the article for today Basically, the article is saying we can't be perfect mothers and excellent workers at the same time as both need so much time and attention.

Do I want to be a "perfect" mother? What is that anyway? I think making mistakes makes me look more human, a person my children can identify with. I gave up long ago keeping the house neat as a pin, it's really not worth the effort and those aren't the kinds of things kids remember about you when they grow up anyway.

I have a career too, I embarked on this two years after my youngest was born because I always wanted children young. I have a good job and opportunity to progress but I don't work looooooong stupid hours and leave my work at the office unless I have a tight deadline and want to do something with my kids at the same time.

What does having it all mean, anyway? Surely it's different for everyone? I totally respect parents who choose to stay at home with their kids and work part time or not at all. Or people who choose not to have kids at all. I don't understand where this concept came from?

Nina X

frogmorton

Tell you what Nina

I think it's extremes at fault - it's when people take things work or whatever to extremes.

It's not working or not working which produces happy kids is it?

Its caring parents who are doing their very best and thinking about their kids welfare.

That's definetly YOU!!

I dont judge people for working/ not working/ having kids or not having them and hope they dont judge me either

You are doing ok there Nina

Love

Toni xx

PS very releived that you have been 'saved' from the ironing - addiction which threatend the health and well-being of both you and your children

ninakang

Thanks Toni and yes, I've seen the light and error of my ways

I still don't think the proceeds of selling our irons should go to buy a steam press though!

Nx

joanlawson

Hi Nina

Being cynical, I suppose it's OK for Emma Thompson to say that women can't have it all, because she and her husband are wealthy people; she is in the position of being able to choose whether to work or not. Many women, particulary those in one-parent families or on low incomes, don't have that choice. For them, it is a case of having to have it all, like it or not.

Nor do I believe that Emma Thompson has no help in the house. Do you really think she does all the cleaning, washing, ironing, cooking, shopping etc etc? I doubt it very much. Maybe she has managed without a nanny, but that is probably all.

I took 6 years off work when my children were small, and I loved being a full-time Mum, but once they went to school, I don't think I would have been happy at home all the time. I think many women need the stimulus and challenges of a career as well as a family. It is hard work to fulfil both roles successfully, and compromises have to be made, but it can be done. Men manage to do it all the time, after all.

However, I do think that women often do more than their fair share around the house when they have a career as well. One thing I do agree with is, to quote Emma,'' Why have we lost contact with the possibility of saying, 'Do you know what? I can't do that. Sorry, I can't manage that as well.''

frogmorton

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I ,'' Why have we lost contact with the possibility of saying, 'Do you know what? I can't do that. Sorry, I can't manage that as well.''
[/quote]

Now that IS a god quote Joan

Guilt guilt and guilt

That's what we women can do too well if we are not careful. Well certainly speaking for myself anyway

Love

Toni xx

dreamdaisy

I don't think that women can have it all, it just isn't possible. A friend of mine bleated for ages because she didn't instantly fall pregnant. Then she did and bleated for nine months because it wasn't how she thought it would be (?) She then bleated 'cos she was 'stuck' at home with a small child (it's sooooo boring!) and then she bleated when she went back to work as she 'missed' said child that previously she had found so dull.

I suppose that growing a baby and then giving birth is the most astonishing thing that a female can do. Surely it is then incumbent upon said female to spend a few years of her life caring for that child, not just in the physical sense but also in giving them their time and attention. Children thrive on time and attention, that is the secret to good parenting.

I have never felt any type of maternal urge and knew from a very early age that I did not want children. I find working with them interesting and satisfying but I knew I did not want the day-to-day tedium (as I see it) of childcare. Although the female gender is good at multi-tasking I think this is one area where it can go badly wrong: working full time and child rearing are not natural bedfellows. DD

frogmorton

I do get some of that DD

I always said I would only have kids IF I got that 'urge' and I did in the end

I have a very good friend who is still greiving her childlessness so I also feel how it hurts those who want them so very very much

I think these days 'we' want so much for ourselves and kids (material stuff as well as big house - whatever happened to the av'ge 3 bed semi? over here is at least 4 bed detached with conservatory)that we are 'forced' to go to work quicker than we might want.

Having said that some of us are also forced back to work by unintentional single-parenthood and the need to earn money for food and to set a good example to our children.


Love

Toni xx

ninakang

Some interesting views, thanks ladies. But I still don't get what "they" mean by having it all? Surely having everything I want is personal to me?

Nx

frogmorton

I hope you have all you want Nina

and that you keep it too

I've got everything I want and a wee bit more (arthur :roll: )

Love

Toni xx

joanlawson

I don't think that women can have it all, it just isn't possible. Quote DD

I think it depends on what is meant by ''all''. In one sense, no-one can ever have everything, and life is a lot about compromise, according to individual circumstances.

Part of the problem is that women have felt under pressure in recent years to be the perfect wife, mother, carer, domestic goddess,wage-earner etc. and still have time to go to the gym, stay slim, and look fantastic. Much of this pressure comes from the media and advertising, as well as from women themselves. When women set themselves these impossible standards, they are bound to feel guilty and inadequate when they fail.

It IS possible to combine a career and motherhood, although I think that babies and very young children do need their mothers. My mother worked full-time from when I was 5, so she provided me with a wonderful role model. I continued this tradition, so in a way, I did have it all, but only because I didn't set myself impossible standards, and I was prepared to compromise.

ninakang

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/woman/3080531/Should-new-mums-go-back-to-work.html

I keep seeing articles like this now! Some interesting case studies on this one. I thought twice about posting it because Rehab takes the mickey out of me for reading The Sun, but he's not here so hopefully won't notice

Some extra good points made on this subject today. I remember when I first went back to work after having Jassie (who is now 6) in 2006, I struggled with working and being a mum because everything had to be perfect. I had to cook meals from scratch every day, the house had to be spotless, and my kids shiny and clean.

Then I just decided to drop my standards and we're now all much happier! The house isn't always clean, and neither are my children, we often eat takeaways and pre-frozen food, but because I'm less stressed, so is my family.

I've said it before and I'll say it again - this is my top tip for new mothers - your children will NEVER grow up remembering that you kept a sparkling house and forced them to eat healthily all the time

Nx