Not Looking Forward To One Year Older

elainebadknee

Hi

This will probably sound a silly post and when you read it will think "what's she going on about"?
Im a year older soon but dont even want to celebrate it. Im more excited about my hospital app in 10 days time than my bd. I dont feel anyone is taking me seriously, i get told i am a big strong girl but my leg is restricting so much i feel anything but. I know also i live at home and my folks are more active than me but i cant change that at moment....I think everyone thinks ive got a bad leg but not that bad, doctors and DWP included.....I put in a job app last week and as closing date aint till 6th Sept it feels like an age.....
Im kinda wishing this bd would bypass me...Who says life starts at 40...It never did for me...

Elainex

dreamdaisy

Invent a time machine! I think that's the only answer. I have now hit 51.5 and I care not one jot. I can't change it, I can't alter it, the passage of time is as relentless as the tides and my arthritis. I am now cloaked in the invisibility of middle age. Time passes, ebk, that's what it does. No matter how much we want to speed it up or slow it down, we can't. Life begins at birth, then it all goes horribly wrong! DD

lululu

Someone remind me what did Oscar Wilde say about ladies staying at 37 for years? You will just have to patient for now Elaine and hope that things will get better and people will start to listen to what you say. Good luck with your job application.

speedalong

Elaine it is only a number!!

Dream up a list of things to do to pass the time until you hear from the job and have your hospital appointment - don't put your life on hold ...

Speedy

elainebadknee

Hi Lulu

Not heard that one.....
I know will have to be patient but you know if you could bypass it you would? I would....

Elainex

tkachev

I am sorry Elaine.You should be enjoying life,independent and full health but sadly for many that isnot the case.My 40th year was the most painful and depressing ever- even with a new born daughter-but Elaine it has got better so now I try to make up for lost time.Maybe I d have been an old has-been by now if I hadnt had arthritis but now I just enjoy the small pleasures in life.

Elizabeth

elainebadknee

Speedy

Well I try to do stuff to make time go in quick but am restricted too.....Life is kinda on hold anyway for now...

Elainexx

elainebadknee

Well if i were Dr Who I would!!
Different people see it in different ways and yours is good but i dont feel as if ive achieved much (well i know i havent)....Its just how i feel, sorry....

Elainex

dreamdaisy

We all have down days, elaine, and the arrival of birthdays is often a trigger. when one is in the middle of a situation one cannot clearly see what is of value, and what isn't. I wouldn't mind betting you've achieved more than you realise. DD

elainebadknee

Hi Elizabeth

Gosh that sounds awful for you at the time, maybe you had PN depression did you (please correct if im wrong).
I know im being really negative but wish had something to show for my age but no job, no home to call my own, just a second hand car....Maybe once i get blasted bd out of way will be better...

Elainex

elainebadknee

Well i wish i had but i havent...Im not financially independent, have no bills, no home to call my own, no job.....
I have achieved things ive been proud of in the past but they seem outdated such as diploma in IT and undertkaing all RSA exams in 2002-2004....
Id love something to swing in my favour just once...
Elainexxx

cebeem

babycham wrote:

Dear Elaine I have never been sad life at any age is wonderfull and 40 is the new 20 if you like friends abound sun shines joints dont always work but the spirit is still there lets have fun anyway come to my house if you want you can stay and get drunk and burn food but you cant smoke in the house ......sorry darling Cris play loud music are you sad because of living with parents it must be hard for you so sorry if I Sound rubbish and simplisticxxxLoveBabycham

So is that "Party At Babychams?"..I'm on my way with a Karaoke list!!
Elaine get your glad rags on!...we will all help cheer you up!
*CB*

tkachev

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi Elizabeth

Gosh that sounds awful for you at the time, maybe you had PN depression did you (please correct if im wrong).
I know im being really negative but wish had something to show for my age but no job, no home to call my own, just a second hand car....Maybe once i get blasted bd out of way will be better...

Elainex

Hi Elaine,
It was the awful pain I'm afraid and not being able to look after the baby like most people take for granted.No home, no job you can have these things and lose them as happened to me when I got divorced(worked with my ex, lost my beautiful home). I just want you to know that it can get better, although I expect it doesnt feel like it at the moment.

Come and celebrate your birthday on chit chat-we will make it really special for you.
Elizabeth

lululu

Try to turn your negative thoughts to more positive Elaine I know it is not easy - Your IT skills are not redundant they are all relevant today maybe try a short course at collage to update or something like that. It would at least get you out to meet people for a few hours each week, something like that may put a new slant on things. All the new courses start in September you should not lose the skills you have worked hard for but you can build on them for the future when you are feeling better.

cebeem

tkachev wrote:

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi Elizabeth

Gosh that sounds awful for you at the time, maybe you had PN depression did you (please correct if im wrong).
I know im being really negative but wish had something to show for my age but no job, no home to call my own, just a second hand car....Maybe once i get blasted bd out of way will be better...

Elainex

Hi Elaine,
It was the awful pain I'm afraid and not being able to look after the baby like most people take for granted.No home, no job you can have these things and lose them as happened to me when I got divorced(worked with my ex, lost my beautiful home). I just want you to know that it can get better, although I expect it doesnt feel like it at the moment.

Come and celebrate your birthday on chit chat-we will make it really special for you.
Elizabeth

Elaine theres a song in the Karaoke Bar for you!!!! *CB* :P

hileena111

Hi Elaine pet....as someone {think it was speedy} said...its only a number.....You are only a youngster compared to me LOL....we all have bad days ....
Just think of what you can do not what you cant.....I bet if you sat down and made a list you would find you can do more things than you think you can....Your IT skills arent redundant. I live at the bottom of a hill which leads into our village...its years since i walked up there. But I tend to think OK I cant walk up that hill but I'm blessed that I have my little car that will get me up there.
Love
Hileena

elainebadknee

Thanks Cebeem...

Had a look but I cant use youtube on this computer, the software see it as bad sites with virus protection...

Elainex

elainebadknee

Hi Hileena

I suppose it is a number, guess its more about how I feel and it certainly is more like 60 than 40 odd.
When you go for jobs now they want a ECDL which i havent got as it costs money even though my diploma is same but not as recognised. My job app must be on my mind too as was dreaming last night that others had been invited for interview and i had not before closing date...Mind on overdrive....
I do love my car, its only a Fabia and a Y reg but i love it...Its just normal and unassuming like its owner...!

Elainex

julie47

Hi elainesbadknee

Sorry to hear that you are feeling so low. And hope that this afternoons sunshine has made you feel a little better 8)

Try not to think of your birthday as a whole year older afterall
I think some one said it previous you are really only a day older than the day before.

Hope you feel happier soon

juliepf x

sharmaine

Hi Elaine

Have a lovely birthday. My family teased me for years about my walk and called it my 'shuffle'. Then my OH and son started calling me "Nana Moon" because I had to rest a lot. Mind you that was about 7 years ago and I steadily deteriorated from then on. They were very apologetic when they saw my x rays and realised that my pain was indeed 'very real'. I think it really hit home when I was in a wheelchair and my son got really upset and emotional about it. He tried to hide it and he said mum I can't bear to see you like this. He's over the moon about my progress and that I don't need my crutches or the wheelchair anymore. Having my TKR has given me a new lease of life - I know it's not permanent but if I have ten years use out of my TKR I will be happy. I've got to have another one.

I've found that people don't understand what they can't see. I've got told that I was also strong and able too - people think you need a shake up they don't understand that you're in pain.

Good luck with your hospital appointment. After waiting nearly four months I've got one to see the shoulder specialist. I'm hoping it's not OA but it feels like it but my appointment isn't until 26 October!
I wanted my shoulder sorted out before my next TKR but I don't know if it'll work out like that.

Take care. I wish I was 40 again!! You're still a spring chicken. Wait until you're 54 like me!

Regards
Sharmaine

elainebadknee wrote:

Hi

This will probably sound a silly post and when you read it will think "what's she going on about"?
Im a year older soon but dont even want to celebrate it. Im more excited about my hospital app in 10 days time than my bd. I dont feel anyone is taking me seriously, i get told i am a big strong girl but my leg is restricting so much i feel anything but. I know also i live at home and my folks are more active than me but i cant change that at moment....I think everyone thinks ive got a bad leg but not that bad, doctors and DWP included.....I put in a job app last week and as closing date aint till 6th Sept it feels like an age.....
Im kinda wishing this bd would bypass me...Who says life starts at 40...It never did for me...

Elainex

katieduk

Elaine

Age should never worry you.
Anyway - you are not filling some us with great enthusiasm... those of us who still have a number of yeards still to go until we hit 40! :shock:
Be glad for loving parents who look out for you.. and be glad you dont have to worry about paying a mortgage :roll: etc... sounds corny but - whats meant for you wont pass ya by....
Chin up old bean - Im looking forward to popping in and listening to this karioke!

elainebadknee

Hi Julie

I know im just a female version of the Victor Meldrew! The sun is nice but its making it just so uncomfortable for me walking as i get soo hot...

Elainex

elainebadknee

Hi Sharmaine

Well from your message I can see how bad things got for you and then you got your TKR and like you say its never a replacement for the old one its a good substitute. I guess im just in those wilderness years of havving the pain and discomfort but nobody seems to give a damn....Its like when i was in town today had to sit down before meeting dad, and saw a bench but an older lady saw it too and was quicker....I suppose cos she sees me as young then she thinks im not so bad even with stick and stupid limp but I probably am not that far off on mobility terms with her...
I hope your shoulder is not OA too and its a shame youve got to wait till Oct 26...thats the worst thing aint it...waiting?

Thanks for words of encouragement...

Elainexx

elainebadknee

I know katieduk....

I should see positives but its not happening for me....God am like that character in charlie brown with cloud overhead....I know people are worse off...
All i can say is wait till you hit 40 it may take you by surprise too....

Elainex

katieduk

elainebadknee wrote:

I know katieduk....

I should see positives but its not happening for me....God am like that character in charlie brown with cloud overhead....I know people are worse off...
All i can say is wait till you hit 40 it may take you by surprise too....

Elainex

I dont want to sound like one of these 'annoyingly positive' people - Im all for some self pity sometimes.. closely matched with lots of icecream or maltesers!!
As for the 40 creeping up behind me? Nah.... I have it sighted.. it's trying to hide behind my already 44 year old husband.. but I can see it.. creeping all so slowly! :P

lululu

Elaine if you want to do IT work but need ECDL then you may be able to do a course at your local collage with concesionary fees (maybe free). I did just that and now I have a good job a brand new car, nice home and a totally different lifestyle. I know it is difficult but you need to do something to work towards your future when youe will be feeling better.

One step at a time Elaine