feeling very low and its getting worse

dippydoodah

i try to post on here when i can, i can only offer so much advice to people as im relatively new to all this myself and dont feel i have much advice to offer when it comes to medications and treatments as im still learning so firstly i apologise for only coming on now and then.

im getting worse everyday. nothing is improving and it feels like im deteriorating every week. despite being on anti-depressants im starting to feel really really low to the point where i dont see the point of doing anything. ive started to stop caring about things because the pains, aches and tiredness is too much to handle and it doesnt seem to be getting any better, only worse. everyday i feel pain somewhere else or another joint starts. its not just the oa now, im feeling pains in all my muscles too. my neck, shoulders, back, legs, arms, even pains inside my elbows (if that makes sense, not the bony bit, the inside bit where it bends, and behind the knees. add to all this, im so tired i can barely keep my eyes open. i struggle to get through the day, i feel weak and unbalanced. ive only been up an hour and half and my eyes are already feeling heavy and im seeing a blurred screen.

and im getting pains in my chest, on the breast bone and in my ribs. it started now and then but it seems to be getting more regular. it hurts when i press it. im keeping a note of everything so tell my rheumatologist on 14th for my review appointment. i was diagnosed with oa but since gotten so much worse since february and now showing signs of ra which is why my gp is referring me again. my gp is wonderful.

i cant do anything for myself anymore. ive got my 5 year old son opening bottles for me or opening cereal packets, i feel so useless. i try to put on a brave face to the outside world and only my husband sees me as i truly am but im starting to not care. im tired of putting on a brave face, saying im ok when im obviously not but i know people really dont want to hear how bad i am and theyre just being polite by asking.

i dont see an end to it. i just see myself getting worse as each day passes. my husband is a tower of strength. he took me shopping for some new clothes to try and cheer me up because since february, ive put on so much weight i was getting even more depressed. im eating so well my gp would be proud but it isnt coming off...ive never struggled to lose weight before the oa, 2 years ago i lost almost 3 stone by just eating right, no exercise so i know its not that. i can only presume its this illness

im sorry for such a long post but im feeling really sorry for myself. im tired of being strong, saying im ok and smiling.

i dont really need any advice i guess i just wanted to get all this off my chest. i know i can tell all this to my rheumatologist next week and hopefully he'll do some more tests to get to the bottom of it and my husband would listen without complaint but i dont want to bore him with all this, ive always been strong to him as ive been through so much already befoe oa even came along and he sees me as a fighter, i dont want to appear weak.

thanks for letting me vent a little
caroline x

stlucia

What an awful time you are having at the moment. I am so sorry that it hurts so much and it really isn't surprising you are feeling frustrated and upset by it all. I am glad that you have a supportive GP - can you go back and see them again to try and sort out medication to help you in the meantime before you see the consultant? Perhaps things to give you a better nights sleep, maybe if they fiddled around with what you are already on, they could come up with a better working combination of drugs?
Keep talking to your husband and us on here.
LOTS of hugs!!!!!!

mummyb

Hi Caroline, your post reminded so much of how I felt just a few months ago. I'm glad you are going back to see a rheumatologist as it does sound like RA. Last summer I had the same thing you are describing, the pain moving rapidly from one joint to another, the muscle aches and just feeling tired and useless. I had a long string of tests every one indicating OA but with a high Rheumatoid factor, in the end I went to see a Rheumatologist at a one off private appointment and within five minutes had a diagnosis of RA. A steroid jab in the behind and put on to mtx and things began to improve. I hope this happens for you when you go to your appointment. I have a follow up appointment soon at my rheumy's nhs clinic and am hoping for more info etc. My steroid has worn off now and all the aches, pain and joints hurting, stiffness etc is gradually creeping back but not as severe as last time.

Basically I guess I just want to say to you, hold on, your appointment is soon and hopefully they'll get you on the correct treatment plan and you'll start to feel better. Keep your chin up and hope all goes well at your appointment. I look forward to hearing all about it.

Love and hugs, Brenda (((()))) xxxx

PS I know what you mean about trying to be well for others, it just puts more strain on you, sometimes we just have to give in to it for a while xxxxx

coco67

Hi caroline,
reading your post was like taking the words out of my own head, i was like you a couple of weeks ago, you will get through this i promise, as hard as it is now dont give up, go see your dr and see what they can do for you in the mean time then tell your rummy everything when you see them. in the mean time im sending lots of hugs and best wishes xxx

dreamdaisy

Don't be so hard on yourself. Your life has changed, unexpectedly and in the most foul way: one does not adjust overnight. It takes time to understand, accept and manage what you are dealing with, it doesn't happen in the blink of an eye. Be kind to yourself, give yourself time, and let others be kind to you. Keep in touch. DD

elnafinn

Dear Caroline

I am so very sorry to read your posting. Hang on, in there my lovely, until that appointment when you can say what you have said to us. Even print out your post and take it with you. Whether you call in here often or not, you are always most welcome and you can see that by the replies you have received already. You have a great husband and bless your dear son, helping you. Children do like to help at that age especially when it is for their mum. I understand what you mean about not wishing to talk about yourself to others as quite often, even though they listen it is a lot to take on board and they forget a lot of the facts. That is why this place is so good for us to be able to talk and say honestly how we are feeling and we understand and offer sympathy and help if we are able.

Perhaps you should talk to your gp about the anti depressants you are on, perhaps they could be upped or changed to something else.

Sending you gentle hugs and hope that you feel a little brighter soon. Please keep calling in as and when, you will always be most welcome.

Luv
Elna x

dorcas

Hi Caroline

you have been through so much flower it is no surprise you are feeling at a low ebb. :roll:

you are right..... this cannot go on. Your rheummy needs to know how bad it is, how much pain you are in and the impact on your daily life that having this illness is causing.

I know you are preparing for your appointment and will take a list of symptoms, meds etc..... but sometimes a daily diary can give a fuller picture of the pattern of pain, inflammation and fatigue, including both the physical and emotional effects day on day.

Don't put on your brave face for the rheummy.... be prepared not to say you're fine when he asks you that first question.. 'how are you today'. the start of the consultation is key to how it progresses.
I hope your hubby will be able to go with you and speak up on your behalf too... he sees your pain every day and has a huge contribution to make to the discussion with the consultant.

You are not at the end of your journey.... you're at the beginning! .....and with further investigations and accurate diagnosis, will come the right treatment. That is what to aim for Caroline.

keep posting.......we are right behind you.

Iris xxxx

woodbon

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through such a bad patch. Try and keep that in mind, it is bad, but its only a patch and you will, with help come out the other side, stronger.

Do you have someone to talk to, or a friendly GP/Nurse, that could help you a lot. You have a Rheummy appointment, so that might make a big difference to how you feel, when you start the right treatment.

If you need someone to talk to outside the situation, the samaritans are good also the helpline on here, they can help a lot. Take care and I hope things soon feel and look a lot better for you.
Love Sue xxxx

dippydoodah

thank you so much for your support, i really do appreciate it.
im going to take the advice and my husband is going to print a copy of my post out to take to the rheumatologist so he can see how its hurting me. he will be going with me thankfully, he's attended every gp/medical/dla appointment ive had, he is wonderful for support but i cant help wishes i was just his happy wife again, not his patient as it seems these days.

my gp is fantastic, he really listens and seems to do anything for me that needs doing. i saw him last week about my meds. as i was diagnosed with oa, i was just put on naproxen and paracetamol, altho he has give me the stomach protectors and anti-depressants too but said they weren't doing much so he's put me on cocodamol until i see the rheummy. he said very honestly he doesnt want to start with steroids or injections until ive been to the hospital and could i bear with it for just a couple of weeks. i can take up to 8 cocodamol a day with the naproxen. once ive seen the rheummy he will reassess whatever meds i need to help me. he really is a lovely gp.

im usually so strong. ive fought for most of my life. i went through a nasty divorce at 25 and had a year long custody battle for my son. my ex-husband was a possessive controlling man who slowly drove my friends away and kept constant supervision over my time and spending. he took my boy away from me when i finally decided to leave and i had to fight through the court to get access. thankfully i won and he resides with me and sees his dad at weekends. i almost lost my father when he had an aneurysm. im used to fighting, ive always been strong but this is one thing that is weakening me everyday and i cannot control it.

i shall write all my symptoms down and take a copy of my original post to the rheummy. i just hope i get some answers soon

thank you aain to everyone. it really does help just to write all this down and get it out in the open.

carola

Caroline

I am so sorry to hear how you are feeling just now.

Having such illnesses means you have to go through an almost grieving process .... denial, anger, acceptance, sadness, positivity etc.

We all go through it and are all at different stages - it doesn't matter how long we have been suffering, we keep going through the stages.

I'm glad you have such a good relationship with your GP and I hope your appointment on the 14th with your Rheumy helps you.

You did absolutely the right thing by posting your thoughts on this forum - I bet you felt even a little bit better having done so?

As I always say Caroline, cry when you need to and smile when you can. Things always get better - it just takes a bit of time, pain and frustration.

Thinking positive thoughts for you and keep posting.
Carol x

psyart

Hello and loads of (((hugs))) to help you just for now.
you have come to the right place - you will get loads of support on here. the words you have written are felt by so many of us - especially at the begining of this horrid time .

you have a good OH which does help - he sounds like he is your soul mate :?: . Let him take care of you just for now. And hopefully when you see the consultant you will start on treatment and begin to feel better. We all need help sometimes :!:

The best thing you could have done is write on here - that is a good start to voice your feelings. Hang in there and visit this site when ever you feel down or even when you dont - visit the chitchat forum :?:

Take care

Louise xxxx

dippydoodah

Thank you to all those who have offered support today, I really appreciate it and feel a little better this evening. My hubby cooked us a BBQ this afternoon and took me and the boys to the park with the promise I wouldn't have to do anything other than sit there and watch the boys play... so Ive had a lovely day really. Proper cheered me up.

We're just settling down to a nice cold bottle of wine and a film. These kind of days always cheer me up, even when Im in pain.

Thank you for your kind words x

barbara12

Hello Caroline
I am sorry you are in so much pain, being in pain like this changes the way we think. Sometimes you cant see light at the end of the tunnel, but there will be, you go prepared when you see the rheumy, and hopefully they will sought out your meds.
You have got a lovely OH, him helping you like he does will stop him feeling useless, has for you little boy, it wont do him any harm helping you, he will grow up to be a lovely young man.
You let us know how you get on, I hope you feel a bit better now you have got it off your chest.
Sending loads of hugs ((((((()))))
Love
Barbara xx

lavenderlady

so sorry your feeling so down Caroline people dont realise that chronic pain gets you down and depressed until you feel you wont ever feel normal again, I had 5 children all with no pain relief and 3 large ones of 9lb 8oz 9lb 7oz and 8lb 10oz I was told I had a very high pain thresehold BUT knowing we got to have a baby at the end of the pain was great, but with this type of pain its never ending I often wish my painful joints and muscles glowed so everyone could see how much and how often I was in pain, I tend to push my hubby away when he wants to help me ,I was a strong woman whos been brought to her knees by this thing called arthritis, check none of your medication is making you feel tired or down, and do what your body wants if in pain rest dont push yourself it will only aggravate your pain, I too have been down and on prozac which helped, when i came off it I found some of my defiant feelings come back refusing to let it get to me be strong but when your feeling down and weak allow your body to do whats needed if you need to see your Dr accept his help and dont feel your giving up

dorcas

Hello again Caroline,

I'm so glad you've had such a lovely day with your family and hope that you enjoy your glass of wine and film.

you've had a lot to deal with in the past as well as now having arther and you obviously have a great inner courage and determination.
that will still serve you well Caroline... your personal strength hasn't disappeared just been a bit overwhelmed of late.

Love and (((hugs))) to you and your family.

iris xx

woodbon

Hi, I'm glad you have had a lovely day today and I feel almost jelous, but can't complain as my husband does most of the cooking these days!

As you said at the beginning of the post it is early days for you and it will take a while for things to settle and you'll have the odd bad patch, thats life, with or without arthritis! :roll: In a while you'll read something on here and think, 'I remeber feeling like that and I did such and such which helped.' Then you'll find your fingers typing out the experience and the thing that helped you and you'll be helping others too, but don't worry about that for now, YOUR the one needing our support and you'll get it. One day you can support me. Thats life. Take care, lots of love Sue xx

angie1973

Caroline,

If there is one thing I've learned about having an illness like arthur, is that it has brought out the inner strength and reserves in people who through all the pain and suffering, still come out fighting.

You are human, and you are going to have off days, or even weeks, but I know when you get the right support and love, and get things settled and managed well, it makes the world if difference.

It sounds like you have an amazing husband who is really supportive and your kids obviously adore you, and hopefully your appointment will help get a firmer hold on what you have so you can get the right treatments sorted and get things settled.

One thing that was said is right though, there are days when you need the support, and others where you give it. It's why groups like this exist, and thank goodness they do!

Sending gentle hugs your way.
Ange..xx

dreamdaisy

Morning dippydoodah (I love that name! Is 'dippy' for short OK?) I hope you had some quality rest last night and are feeling a little brighter this morning. DD

dippydoodah

thank you again folks, its been a tough time lately but im getting there. being around my family helps, they're fab at making me laugh and forget things for a while. im very lucky in that respect.

and dd, i did wake up feeling alot better thank you (i actually slept through pretty much, only woke once to turn my pillow over and went back to sleep til morning :shock: ) although the day turned pretty quickly when my hubby was on the school run and i tried to get my own meds, ended up dropping the plastic cup of water all over my weekly pill box and they all ended up as mush, water everywhere and i ended up sobbing my heart out to my hubby when he came home. thankfully he cleaned it up for me and made me a brew
the day did get better tho, i visited an old work friend i havent seen for 8 years and we got on brilliantly, our kids are the same age and we have vowed to keep in touch, so thats cheered me up.

i could've done without twisting my wrist trying to pick up the grill pan though while i was making the boys their tea :oops: ahh well, hubby says he'll cook ours

thank you everyone, it really does help being on here x

pols090607

Just wanted to say ((((hugs)))) Caroline. I think sometimes things get on top of most of us, for me my lowest point was around apr-jul this year.

i have two young girls (6&2) and life is so much harder as sometimes you just haven't got time to put yourself first, some days i just sit and cry with it all. then bounce back up and try and think of people much worse off than myself ?

we're all here - thankfully this site is a life saver for getting it all off your chest xxx

dippydoodah

pols090607 wrote:

Just wanted to say ((((hugs)))) Caroline. I think sometimes things get on top of most of us, for me my lowest point was around apr-jul this year.

i have two young girls (6&2) and life is so much harder as sometimes you just haven't got time to put yourself first, some days i just sit and cry with it all. then bounce back up and try and think of people much worse off than myself ?

we're all here - thankfully this site is a life saver for getting it all off your chest xxx

Totally agree, dont know where Id be without this site to be honest. Ive learnt so much (learnt? learned? :oops: ) lol

I understand about not putting yourself first. My kids always come first but thankfully they do help. I often just put up with things in order to be there for them most of the time. Its ok doctors saying rest when I can but when I have 3 young boys to look after it is hard... My hubby helps alot which I am very grateful for.

I have my down days (more often than good days at the moment) but I do bounce back as you say until the next setback...

Im like a yoyo with my moods these days :shock: :oops:

ironic

Hello Caroline,

Sorry I'm a bit late but wanted to wish you luck with your Appointment next week.
Fingers crossed that you can get some answers and you have the treatment sorted asap.

Hang on in there I'm sure with the lovely family behind you, you will get through this tough time.

Lv, Ix

dippydoodah

ironic wrote:

Hello Caroline,

Sorry I'm a bit late but wanted to wish you luck with your Appointment next week.
Fingers crossed that you can get some answers and you have the treatment sorted asap.

Hang on in there I'm sure with the lovely family behind you, you will get through this tough time.

Lv, Ix

Thank you, everyone has been really supportive and helpful. Will let you all know how I get on xx

dreamdaisy

Morning dippydoodah, I hope you had another good night - keep the lid of your pill box closed today as you manoeuvre water over it! DD

coco67

morning dippydodah

i hope today is kinder to you, [hugs]]


coco xx

dippydoodah

DD that made me chuckle!

Hubby very kindly brought me my pills this morning while I rested on the sofa watching Daybreak.

And thanks coco, I had another good night I dont remember waking too often and its my little boys first day of school so Im feeling bright

xx