Give It A Rest

elainebadknee

Ive decided not to post for a bit, dont know how long.....I feel as if everything Ive done this year Ive had to fight for and right now I cant do that anymore.....In a way im proud of tiny thing such as beleiving that kneecap removal was wrong for me and fighting that decision and also I was right re the job, i suppose i got the inklibg last year that i wasnt one of the teachers pets, but I still feel that the line manager who encouraged me to apply gave me the wrong impression, I wouldnt have put myself through this if i hadnt had a sign that it was going to be welcomed........As was proven with other employer it seems the only thing they remember about me is the bad bits.....I also broke ties with a partner who was not confident but despite her knowing what i was going through me she still made me make all the decisions, try to talk about things when she wouldnt open up to me at all...I had to break if off as I cannot support someone like that 24/7 as well as me....
I didnt want to celebrate my birthday, dont even feel like celebrating christmas and that will sound silly but nothing has really happened aagain for me and I dont see the habit changing...Even if I get the op at Wigan im going to be on my own as only in for a few days so will feel completely isolated then too...
Im not going to elaborate about family but needless to say im the blacj sheep. no job, home, just a car and a beany frog.....And theyre right i wont cope when im on my own, i wont be a househlder, be able to pay bills or even draw a decent pension....
I just feel like a balloon that has been deflated, ive fought at time sthis year but im out of puff right now and i cant say when I will regain my bounce.... I even tried to talk to family how i was feeling and I got the same old about they just get on with thier pain and stating i was exaggerting things otherpeople had said. I cant win. Many thanks to all who have replied to me in past ...
Till then...Take care all...

Elainex

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lindalegs

Hi Elaine,

So sorry that you feel you have to leave us

You've had it tough, there's no doubt and I sincerely hope that you can turn a corner and climb out of this rut you feel you're in. I think you have to question whether it's so bad living with your parents whilst you're not well and I feel that they are supportive because of comments you've made in the past about your Dad being with you at hospital appointments etc.

Don't forget we're always here and maybe if some your family members don't support and understand we do.

Take care, it won't always be dark at six, as my dear friend used to say.

Luv Legs

valval

come back when you feel ready you will be missed but you must do what you feel is right for you .good luck hope you manage to find a more positive mind set soon hugs to take with you incase you need them val

angel1

Elaine, would it help to see a Counsellor, to work through all that is going on for you, at the moment?

I have been a Counsellor for many years, and can promise you that to be able to open up, in a safe environment, where complete confidentiality is guaranteed, can be very therapeutic. You would also find, as the process develops with a good therapist, that you learn things about yourself that maybe you haven`t known, or wanted to acknowledge. It may be worth a try.

Your GP will be able to refer you, if you feel this would be helpful......Ange.x.

dorcas

Elaine
I am so sorry you feel you have to leave us just now.

we were just getting to know you.... and you us, so it is like losing a friend. :roll:

life has been so difficult for you EBK of that there's no doubt... but there have been glimmers too of hope and change... your appointment with the consultant for one.

Ange has given some great advice... sometimes we need extra support when things just overwhelm us, and counselling may be helpful for you... think about it flower... please.

I hope that you won't be away long..... and if you feel like keeping contact by PM.... then please do that.

love and strength and ((((hugs))))

Iris x

dachshund

Hi Elaine.
i'm sorry you are leaving us.
please come back when you are ready we will be here waiting for you.
please take care.
joan xx

elnafinn

Hi Elaine

Ange has indeed given some good advice. Talking to someone who is on the outside of your life about what has/is going on, but trained, may be the best thing you could do. As said, you can be referred by your GP. If you find you do not feel at ease with the first referral, you can be referred to another person.

You will always be welcome on the forum, Elaine. That is what is so good about this place, you can call in as often or as little as the mood takes you. Remember the helpline is there for you too whenever you may need them.

I wish you well,

Chin up and look after yourself,

Elna x

dreamdaisy

I can only echo what the others have said. You have had a rough ride, and that does get one down from time to time. Be kind to yourself - and don't allow yourself to become too isolated. Keep in touch - we'll be here for the better times too! DD

nanasue

Hi Elaine,



Hi Elaine
Sorry to hear you are still feeling down. I really think you should take the advice about counselling, it could help and at least you would have tried, and it can't make things worse can it? Are you on anti-depressants? that could help as well, I had to go on them in April when my rib pain had got so bad I was being sick all the time and couldn't eat, I lost 2 stone. But after 2weeks I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If you are on them and they're not working you might need to up you dose or change to another one. I know all this won't make your problems go away but it makes you more able to deal with them. I hope things get better for you soon and you feel you can come back and talk to us and get some support and understanding.
Wishing you all the best
Love Sue x

barbara12

Elaine
Please dont leave us, you have inspired many of us to fight for what is our right.
You concentrate on getting your knee right, maybe you are pushing people away because you cant see through the pain.
Who knows when you get your knee done, then there will be know holding you back.
You take care of yourself
Sending you loads of hugs ((((((())))))
Love
Barbara xx

speedalong

Take care Elaine and pop back when you are ready, to give us all an update.

Speedy

mummyb

Hi Elaine, we've not really been acquainted, but I just wanted to wish you well. I felt so sad reading your post and hope things get better for you and you start to feel better about things soon. Love and hugs, Brenda xxx ((()))

skezier

Hi Elaine,

I was sorry to read your post. You have had a very rough time and following on from what Ange said I really can recommend counselling. I have had years of it on and off and it has enabled me to live in peace with the past and also helped to come to terms with the conditions I have.

I hope you do keep in touch with the forum though, its often good to have a place where you can let off steam and we do all understand. Sending a ((( ))) and so many hopes . Cris x

nikscat33

Hi Elaine

Sorry to hear your having such a tough time at the moment.... I understand as most of the people on here do that there is a lot of fighting to do to get what you want and need... but please don't give up it will be worth it in the end. As for being the black sheep of the family and not getting the support you want... well i can defo understand.... myself being a 33yr old lesbian with a 8yr old son living in a council flat was not what i think my mum had in mind for me but...... i'm happy as a pig in poo and i think no matter who you are and what you do as long as you are happy thats what counts and you have to do what makes you happy... and accept what help you can along the way and look at all the possibilities....... personally i wouldnt leave this forum just now while your feeling so down as we are all her to chat to... ask us for help, advice or friendship.... I am newish to the forum so i don't know the ins and outs of everyones stories.....but i do know anything is possible if you just hang in there.....

Keep your chin up hun you will get there

Big hugs

Cat xx

barbara12

Well said Cat
I am so worried about Elaine, bless her she has so much going on, like you say happiness is what counts, life can be so short, I know with the amount of family I have lost to illness when they where quite young.
Cat you enjoy what you have, a lovely son and a lovely partner.
Love
Barbara x

frogmorton

Oh No Elaine!!

Please please don't disapear. This is the wrong thing to do - we all care about you. If you think you have been on here too much or anything then you are wrong - we genuinely do care.

You have every right in my opinion to feel so sad at the moment - a lot has gone wrong for you.

Are you maybe exhausted from the kneecap battle - which you won - are you worn out and in need of some time out?

Families typecast each other and take on roles - it is hard to break out of those roles and they can become self-fulfilling prohpesies. They dont have to you CAN have your op - feel better and get work (the right job is there for you just maybe) - or a home of your own and lives alone.

Why shouldnt you? If the families stereotype upsets you I think you can do something about it. You would be classed as a vulnerable adult at teh mo and eligable for housing for instance.

You are obvioulsy a kind and caring person (I hear how you talk about your Dad and remember you buying your Mum's birthday present) and intelligent and determined and funny tooo.

I wonder whether you might be a bit too down to manage on your own at the moment Elaine? If you think you are then you must contact someone for help - this helpline or your Gp.

I honestly hope that you will take some time rethink and gather your energies once more and fight back.

Come on Elaine - you can do it -

Sol - give her a beany hug for me please

Love

Toni xx

penfactor

Hello Elaine
I see you joined the forum at about the same time I was in what I call "a very dark place" so I don't think we've met before but I just want to give you a great big virtual (((hug))) & hope that you don't leave for too long. Many of the others here know, I "went missing" for the summer from the forum as I felt just like you do now.
I read lindas quote "It doesn't stay dark at six forever" and know that is so true. I came out the other side eventually. What a great saying! Just want to wish you well & hope that even if you don't feel like posting, you peep in from time to time & take strength from the wonderful people here. I did this & read stories of others & then the supportive comments they received & it helped me too whilst staying silent.
love Pennie X

nikscat33

Sorry i just wanted to add....

Sometimes you have to put the past behind you, wipe the slate clean and start a new day....... take each day as it comes, tick one job off the list at a time..... take a little time out either in your bedroom or for a drive in the car (somewhere on your own) whack on your fave bounciest music loud and sing your chops off, clear the cobwebs and get back to your things to do list with a clear head........

Cat xx

julie47

Hi Elainebadknee

I have been away for a few days and just catching up reading some posts.

I am so sorry that you have decided you need to take some time out and can only wish you well, as I don't really know what else to say.
Take care and I really hope things improve for you soon

Juliepf x

carola

Hi Elaine

I understand a bit about you not wanting to post for a wee while as sometimes we all just want to stay away, try to get our head around all the rubbish things happening to us.

At the same time, don't feel isolated. Pop on this forum from time to time. Reading other people's problems and then lending support as you always do can sometimes actually help YOU come up with some answers for yourself.

Before I was hit with all this ill health of mine, a close friend went through health issues similar to me and although I tried to support her, I just plain didn't appreciate the emotions she must have had having her life turned upside down. It is only now that I understand as I am going through similar situation. Obviously I do not know all the ins and outs of your experiences with the partner, family, friends and the work colleagues however they just will never fully know the mind feck all this gives you.
Focus on yourself Elaine and what you need to do practical wise and mind wise to get your life to where you want it.
From your messages on this forum you come across as being able to help others with advice and humour and not everyone can do that.
You keep smiling Girl and keep in touch.
Carol x

tonesp

Take care Elaine and don't talk to any strange men unless it'sme :P

Wonkylegs

HI elaine

sending you hugs (((()))) (the WOnky 'Special reserve' ones) and hoping that you can find your way to someone who can be there for you, be that friend, family, forum or counsellor.

please know that there will be people here to support you when you want to come back.

lots of hugs ((())))
WOnky

woodbon

Hi, I really hope that you come back here in a short time. Just a day or so! You may feel different tomorrow and if you do, then just slip back in. Love Suexxx